My Melody (Downtown Book 3)

by West, TJ

  We finished up a couple of new songs at the studio that we have been working on. We have a new album out, but we’re always ready to get back into the studio for new tracks. It’s how we are. The band never stops playing or creating new sounds. We love it too much.

  “That’s a wrap guys. Great job. You fucking nailed those two songs,” Gary says, through the sound room. He comes out from the small quarters, clapping his hands. “Who’s up for a drink at M. Suites?” We all agree, then pack up and head over to the hotel.

  “You played fucking awesome dude, considering Melody never came home with you. You guys totally over or what?” Slim asks, while he is driving us over to the hotel.

  I hadn’t really wanted to discuss what happened, but I’m not one to keep things in for very long. I need to get shit off my chest. “Went over to her place. She was packing up, going to Vegas. Told her about the abortion with Scarlett.” Slim was my right hand man when that crap occurred. He knows what I went through and how much it cut me.

  He whistles. “That’s heavy stuff. Deep history.”

  “Wanted her to know I wasn’t going anywhere and that she shouldn’t be afraid of being happy. Thought I got through to her. We had sex. Woke up. She was fucking gone.”

  “Shit, dude. I’m sorry.”

  “What can I say?” I shrug. “Guess she’s not the one for me after all.”

  “You really believe that?”

  “Better than chasing her down and forcing her to love me. Won’t do it. She doesn’t want me - her choice.” Even if it fucking kills me, I won’t chase her down. She obviously didn’t think much of what we could have had. She’s going to torture herself by being scared for the rest of her life. I can’t help her. “Ready for that drink,” I say, as we walk toward the back entry of the hotel.

  After getting settled at a big table in the bar, I go retrieve one of the pitchers of beer at the counter.

  Danny comes walking up to me. “You’ve been ignoring me all day. What gives?” He looks annoyed.

  I knew this was going to happen. When Slim and I arrived at the studio I didn’t even glance at Danny. Last night was still too fresh. He saw how I treated Harmony at the BBQ, and knew Melody was important to me. I didn’t want to get into it with him “Didn’t want to get into any heated shit with ya, man.”

  He crosses his arms and scowls. “What’s going on with you and Melody is not my business.”

  “Yeah, but with Harmony it is. Sure didn’t feel like hearing any bullshit about how I treated her last night.

  “I wasn’t going to give you any,” he retorts. “I saw my woman on the verge of crying and I had to step in.”

  “Would’ve done the same. Couldn’t stick around though.”

  “I know you would’ve done the same thing, but you’re not hearing me out.” This is a new side to my bro. In the past he’d want to start a fight, but with having all the shit finally thrown out of his life for good, he’s a happier dude. “I didn’t like seeing Harmony cry, but I sure as hell didn’t agree with what went down. She had no right to interfere. She knows what happens when someone does.”

  He’s implying how I was a stupid asshole who jumped in the fire before thinking. I should never have involved myself between Danny and Harmony. “Still really sorry about that, bro.”

  “And it’s over with. We’re good.” We start walking back over to the table. “Harmony has stuff to deal with. She cares for you like a sister and was only looking out for you, but she definitely understands she crossed those boundaries. Hell, she’s feeling extremely fucked up about Melody leaving town. She really hates herself right now.”

  “Don’t want her hating herself. I’ll talk with her later.” I put the pitcher on the table, then nudge Danny in the arm. “Thanks for not…you know…being a douche hothead and all.”

  He laughs. “Whatever. Come on, let’s have some beer.”

  I am all up for that.

  I TOOK OFF. I LEFT Wayne in my bed looking freshly fucked, and oh so gorgeous. I left him assuming I gave in. To be honest, I almost decided to go for it, to give the relationship a try.

  After hearing him reveal his story about the abortion, I started to cry. It must have been extremely hard for him to tell me about it. I cried for him. I cried for his girlfriend and for their baby. The whole thing was heartbreaking. Yet he figured out how to move on, live happily. For me to accept death, loss, and how to move on is much harder. My head and heart are not in the same place. They feel detached from each other, still I had to get away from the man I have fallen in love with. It devastated me to walk out that door, without saying goodbye, but if I hadn’t? I would’ve kept hurting him by pushing him away. It wasn’t fair to either of us. Yes, I am a total fucker for leaving the hottest, most amazing guy on earth. I hate myself for doing it. Hell, I am going to pay for it when I see him with a new girl on his arm. I’ll be sick, and will kick my own ass for giving him up.

  However, I need to figure my life out first, before I ever have a relationship with a man. Call me a crazy lunatic, call me a bitch, call me all kinds of nasty names, it won’t change anything. I made my bed, and now…I now have to find my path without the one person who gave me a future. In just a short amount of time we had together, he taught me that my musical career is still possible. I am going to continue practicing the guitar and possibly start singing again. Plus I’ve put aside my fears, finally and am ready to find another job. I’ll get another bartending job for now and see what happens next.

  My sister. I had to leave Harmony as well. I texted her, knowing I was leaving for good. She called me and pleaded with me to come back. I told her no. My leaving was not her fault. I made sure she understood that. It’s exactly what needed to be done, even if it meant I left the two most important people in my life. Now, she could move in with Danny like I know they’ve talked about. I want that for her and it’s a good time to do it. She won’t need to take care of me anymore. I’ll be fine on my own.

  Two months later -

  I put myself out there. After years of not working I finally got myself another job. It felt damn good to start making my own shit again and to be on my own two feet. One step at a time.

  I moved to Las Vegas after my last night with Wayne. I got on my bike and never looked back. Once the shock of actually doing it wore off, I asked my sister to ship me my clothes and other belongings. I found a job off the strip called Shazzy’s Lounge, as a bartender. The classy, 1940’s feel of the place caught my eye. It wasn’t a strip club and there were no dancers in peacock feathers, fluttering themselves on stage. The interior was eccentric and gorgeous. It had a grand half moon stage, a piano in the background, black walls, high royal blue ceilings with bright yellow painted stars, blue and white lights peering down on the shiny black stage; round, elegant tables with black table cloths, and thick white candles placed on top. The guests were dressed formal and ready for an exotic evening out. The atmosphere was calming and the entertainment of singers and artists were incredible. Every night a new undiscovered musician, or singer would entertain the audience. I fell in love with the lounge the second I entered it and immediately applied.

  I couldn’t have done this back in San Diego, I had to be honest with myself - the memories were there. Wayne was there. My parents died there. A light flickered inside me when I arrived in sin city. There was no one here who I was in love with, or who died here. It was a chance to find myself again. I was used to running off without a care in the world, exploring new places, so this was not scary to me.

  The lounge owner, Shazzy - who goes just by Shaz - hired me right away and set me up with a nice little apartment above the lounge. He had a recent vacancy and offered it to me. I couldn’t have landed a better deal.

  My hair is now down in the middle of my back. I straightened it and the dark curls are now sleek and smooth. I recently got it re-dyed black and lightly layered; parted in the middle, which allows the front layers to cup around my face. I love it. I apply my makeup, get dr
essed in my leather pants, vest, boots and go downstairs for the night shift. I’m a night owl, so I chose to work during the witching hours. It suits me.

  I’ve been working for a couple hours. The crowd is now coming in and the entertainer is talking to them as they take their seats. “Two Cadillacs, one Appletini and one regular Margarita, no salt,” I say to the cocktail waitress, Emily. She doesn’t say thank you or has ever tried to talk to me. She’s got something up her ass, big time. Have no idea what she has against me. I stay out of people’s business, I’m an awesome bartender and great with the customers. Anyways, I don’t have time for her shit. I come in, do my job and get a lot of respect from Shaz. He fucking loves me.

  The entertainer begins his gig on the baby grand piano. I get goosebumps almost every time someone gets the guts to play up there. I lean against the bar and get sucked into the song. It’s dramatic, slow and hauntingly beautiful. If only I had the guts to -

  “When are you going to get your crazy ass up on that stage, Girl?” Shaz startles me.

  “When I feel confident enough, Shaz,” I sigh.

  “I hear you every night playin’ your heart out. You’re ready.”

  “It’s been a fucking long time since I hit the small stage. I’m scared as hell.”

  He puts his arm around my shoulders. “Trust me, Sugar Cube, once you get up there, the nerves will be gone. You belong up there and you know it.”

  I lean into him. “You are too sweet. Give me a few days to get myself prepared.”

  “That’s more like it.” He gives me a kiss on the cheek and heads back out onto the floor.

  I feel like I have known Shaz forever. He looks just like the guy from the show, True Blood - Lafayatte - but without the makeup. He wears fucking crazy suits and hats, more like a pimp style, but he wears them well. Nobody messes with Shazzy. He owns the club and everyone knows it, so they stay on his good side. Thankfully, I didn’t have to work hard to get on his good side. He liked me from the start.

  I start to get busy, doing refill after refill and getting hit on by a ton of hot guys. Not saying it doesn’t feel good, but there is only one guy that will stay embedded in my heart. I’ve chosen not to be that woman I was before Wayne. Having sex with just anyone doesn’t feel right anymore. Wayne completed my body and my soul. That being said, I now have my “boy toy” in my nightstand. It may not be a man or Wayne, but it gets the job done.

  I finish filling a few orders, then make my way to another customer. “Hi. What can - hey aren’t you…?” I ask, curiously.

  “Phillip Caffrey. June’s boyfriend.”

  “Wow,” I laugh and place my hands on my hips. “This is definitely the last place I thought I’d run into anyone I know.

  He laughs too. “I was thinking the same thing. You’re Harmony’s sister, correct?”

  “Yeah, Melody. Nice to see you again.”

  “Nice to see you too.”

  Phillip and I have never really talked before. We’ve met a couple times during small gatherings, but other than that he’s kind of a stranger to me. I have to admit, it’s nice to see a familiar face. He’s extremely good looking; tall, muscular, sandy blonde hair, green eyes, full lips, chiseled jaw - yeah, he’s hot. June is one lucky bitch. Never would have pictured them together. She’s so out there with her tattoos, rocker chick persona, and Phillip is an all suit and a tie kind of guy. Somehow, though, those two fucking work.

  “What can I get you?”

  “Bourbon.”

  Phillip rolls up his long sleeved yellow shirt and loosens up his tie as I hand over his drink.

  I lean my hip against the bar and ask, “So what brings you to Vegas?”

  He takes a small sip. “Business. An architect convention.”

  “Oh,” I chuckle. “Sounds thrilling.”

  Phillip chuckles too. “Not really.” He continues to explain the boring day inside a stuffy room, with a bunch of snobs who have nothing better to do than show off their luxurious plans for their new buildings, and upcoming projects. We then start talking about life in general.

  “How’s June doing?”

  “She’s doing great. Busy as ever.”

  “I miss her,” I sigh. “She was so nice to me, so genuine.”

  “She misses you too. She was pretty upset you left.”

  I totally agree. What a crappy thing I did to everyone. The guilt is never going to go away. “I feel really bad I didn’t say goodbye. It was a spontaneous decision. I’ve been so busy these past two months, I keep forgetting to touch base with her. I’ll give her a buzz this week.”

  “She would really like that. She knows how it gets, not having time to reconnect. We barely spend two nights together without work getting in the way.” He takes another drink of his bourbon.

  I cross my arms, concerned. “You guys doing okay?”

  “Oh yeah. We’re perfect. We understand each other’s schedules. That’s why we take a couple days out of each month to spend it together. It keeps us both sane from the crazy shit we go through every day.”

  “Well, that’s good.” A new set of people walk up to the bar, so I have to cut our conversation short. “It was really nice to see you, Phillip. How long will be you be in town?”

  “Till Monday.”

  “Oh, cool.”

  “I’ll come by again, tomorrow night. Will you be working?”

  “Yep. I’ll be here.”

  “See you then.”

  He downs his last drink of the Bourbon, lays down a few dollars on the counter, and walks off. In the meantime, I get slammed and have no more time to talk with anyone until my shift is over.

  Show me

  By Melody Kruse

  Show me, show me, show me. Show me the way, baby.

  So many paths to follow, show me the way, baby.

  I don’t trust myself, to go that way, afraid I’ll mess things up

  My heart and head are in the wrong direction, too hard to choose.

  I want you, baby, I need you, maybe. It should be so simple to take your path.

  It would be easier than where I am heading. The path without you.

  My love is on fire

  My body is lonely

  Show me the way

  My bed is empty

  My heart is aching

  My soul is crying

  Show me, show me, show me the way.

  I can’t recall any nights without dreaming of you, baby

  I hurt you in all possible ways, I left without a whisper

  Did I make the right choice, did I choose the wrong path, it’s so dark without you.

  Wishing you weren’t on that screen, screaming girls and headlines overflowing with you

  I’m jealous as hell, I hate myself for leaving you, you didn’t deserve the pain,

  But I deserve the pain.

  My love is on fire

  My body is lonely

  Show me the way

  My bed is empty

  My heart is aching

  My soul is crying

  Show me, show me, show me the way

  Baby.

  As I finish playing and singing the song, I wipe a tear off my cheek and gather my thoughts. I can’t fucking cry every single time I play this shit. How will I ever sing up on that stage if I can’t hold it together? Unless there is another song I can perform to? But there isn’t. All my other songs are from decades ago. Since living in Vegas I’ve started writing again. I have filled half a spiral notebook full of unfinished songs. “Show me” is about Wayne - about us. The only song I have completed. It’s deep, heartfelt and dying to be heard. It’s so fucking good, I want Wayne to hear it. Wonder what he would think, knowing I am finally using my left hand on my guitar, as I was with my right? One lesson with him, I remembered everything and used his lefty tips every day until I got it perfect. I’ll never expect him to hear it anyways, it’s not like we will ever see one another again.

  Since leaving, I missed Helene and Gary’s wedding. I felt te
rrible about not going; I heard it was amazing. I did call Helene before the wedding. She understood my reasons for not attending. She’s been like a mom to me and Harmony, so she means a lot to me. They’ve been on their honeymoon, sailing around the world. Sounds like heaven.

  I am done playing for the time being, so I lean my guitar against the arm of my couch and grab another cup of coffee. After filling my mug I sit on the couch and turn on the TV. I flip through the channels, not seeing anything too exciting, until suddenly I see JINKS on the screen. Holy crap, Wayne is getting interviewed by some bimbo, blonde chick! I can’t seem to breathe anymore. It’s been so long since I’ve laid eyes on him. He’s got a new haircut - holy shit! So gorgeous. It’s short on the sides with a wave in the front that slicks back on top of his head, showing off his forehead. Oh my, and that tight white t-shirt, I can see his protruding muscles. It’s really hard to look at him without thinking about our intimate moments together. Like a dumbass, I had to go and ruin it all.

  Even though I don’t want to torture myself, I turn up the volume to get a catch of what he is saying.

  “What are you most looking forward to on this tour, Wayne?” the blonde reporter asks.

  She holds the microphone up to Wayne’s face. He dips his lips close to the mic, smirks, then says in a deep, sultry voice, “The women.”

  “Oh,” the blondie giggles. “Did you hear that ladies? Wayne is coming just for you. I’m sure you’ve made their day.”

  He dips in again. “It’s what I do,” he winks at the screen. He continues, “On a serious note though, I love tours. Love the excitement, the energy it brings. Performing all around the country…there’s nothing like it. The fans are what makes touring so damn fun. They keep us on our toes. Looking forward to it again.”

  This fucking reporter doesn’t give a rats ass what Wayne had just said. She goes right in and asks the next stupid question. “Now, I’m sure you get asked this all the time, but do you have someone keeping you warm at night, Wayne?” ICK. I hate she asked that. I want to strangle the bitch.