Love Disregarded

by Rachel Blaufeld

  Taking a deep breath, I decided to use the dagger I knew would mortally wound him. It was more about self-preservation, having the last word and getting away from him.

  “He already knows. Guess he played you too, old man.”

  Standing, I decided it was time for my coffee. The asshole stood too, staring at me with his mouth hanging open, speechless in a way I’d never seen.

  What? He didn’t think anyone would ever play him?

  Stepping around him, I went to the counter and decided a cookie was in order too.

  Aston

  “Do you get what I’m saying? This isn’t a punishment for you. It’s actually something special, okay, guys?”

  During my regular business day, I closed million-dollar deals, but when it came to parenting, I was way out of my comfort zone. All I knew was I grew up with bitterly divorced parents, and I didn’t want the same for my kids. They also didn’t deserve a broken lush of a mother, so they’d have to settle for divorced parents who did their best not to be bitter.

  Aston Junior nodded, and Mara asked, “Will you be able to braid my hair in the morning?”

  “No, but Denise will do it before you go to school. I promise. What’s important is that both of you know Denise will be in charge. Your mom’s not feeling well, and so you’ll stay with me all the time, until she gets better. But now I have to go to work.”

  “You mean, when she’s not drunk, we get to see her again.” Little Aston spoke of his mother’s problems so matter-of-factly, like no child should ever have to do.

  A shudder ran through me. To say I’d fucked myself royally wasn’t harsh enough. “Don’t worry about that, okay, buddy? Just worry about having fun and being seven.”

  We were sitting in my car outside the kids’ school after I’d picked them up, both of them in the back seat, and me twisting around to see them from the front seat. We could have had this conversation once we got home, but I wanted to get it over with. I had too many things to tick off my to-do list, but this was the most pressing.

  “Most days I won’t be able to pick you up, so Denise will come in this car. You don’t ride with anyone else, especially Mommy. You get in this car with Denise.”

  “Because she could be drunk. Mommy,” Mara said. She was six going on twenty-five. “That’s what Denise told us one time. To have a teacher call you if Mommy was drunk, or acting funny, when she picked us up.”

  “Right. It’s bad to drink and drive. Denise is right. But now you don’t have to worry about it.”

  “You drink coffee and drive,” Mara said.

  “That’s right, baby. Coffee doesn’t have alcohol. I mean a drink like wine or beer, a special-occasion drink. Those don’t mix with driving.”

  This discussion was way above my pay grade. I fumbled with my words and needed to get this conversation over, and I still had to get in touch with Bexley and my lawyers.

  “Oh.” Mara tilted her head as she considered what I’d said, setting her braids swinging.

  “What if you’re drinking?” Little A asked, eyeing me from the back. “Mom said you drink, and you know, the other kids at school said their parents are talking about you. Is it because you drink?”

  Facing the front to collect my thoughts, I took in a few deep breaths before turning back to the kids. Of course, Aidan had warned me about all this before I pulled this power move. It didn’t take more than threatening Cass with her access to funds for her to convince the kids that they might lose both of us. I’d reminded him that it was his job to keep me free, and not behind bars.

  “Don’t listen to them. They’re gossiping, and gossip is for old ladies in church and people on the golf course. You’re both future CEOs or lawyers or doctors, so you don’t need to gossip. You hear me?” I said, and they both nodded. “Let’s roll.”

  Of course, they picked that moment to go in for the kill.

  “Can we get ice cream? We’re hungry,” Little A said on a moan, and Mara chimed in. “We are.”

  “Ice cream it is, but don’t pull this with Denise, kids. Got me?” I said it knowing they would do this exact thing several times a week, and she wouldn’t say no to them. But there was nothing else I could do. I needed Denise so she could help me keep my kids safe.

  Steering the SUV into traffic, I decided to go to the ice cream shop in the shopping plaza in case they needed anything else, although I’d sent Denise to pack their stuff today while they were at school.

  She’d move into my pool house tomorrow. Her husband, Hank, ran a training base for the Army, and was only home a few months here and there. They’d never been able to have their own kids, and he liked that she was close with mine. It made me feel a little better knowing that my needing her wasn’t interfering with her own family.

  As I parked the SUV, the kids talked excitedly about how much they loved this place.

  “There’s an arcade next door too. Can we go?” Aston Junior asked. Of course he knew there was an arcade.

  “Let’s eat the ice cream and see. Do you have homework?”

  “Dad! I’m in first grade,” Mara said, rolling her eyes.

  “I do,” Aston Junior said. “But I promise I’ll do it if I can play a few games . . . please?”

  “You’re going to go cross-eyed with all the video games your mom lets you play,” I said without thinking, immediately wishing I could take it back. Shit.

  My son shrugged. “Well, you weren’t there, so she said I could.”

  Fuckup number ninety-nine by me.

  “I know, I know,” I said with a sigh. “Okay, ice cream, video games, then home for homework and dinner.”

  Who was I to say they couldn’t be a little hedonistic?

  The bell rang over the door as we walked into the shop, and Mara ran straight to the cooler, running her finger along the names of the flavors. Little A looked up at the chalk-covered boards on the wall, and I took a moment to check my phone.

  I was supposed to be working. After all, someone had to pay for all this shit. Two houses, multiple cars, country club memberships, private school tuition, vacations, and fucking alimony. It took a lot of money to keep the Prescott machine running.

  “Dad! Can I get bubble gum? I promise I won’t swallow the gum!” Mara shrieked from the other end of the store, causing me to look up.

  I caught a glimpse of Mara’s braids swinging in the air, and three other pairs of eyes on me, one of them the same blue as mine.

  I’d never seen her other than in pictures.

  I knew she was mine—learned too late—but I’d never been brave enough to get close. The thought of losing her now, when I’d never really had her, scared me more than meeting her.

  A few feet away, Bexley’s mouth open and closed. She looked like a fish—a stunning one—with no sound coming out. Seated between the two females was a gangly boy, all limbs and curly strawberry-blond hair, his eyes the same green as Bexley’s. There was no chance he was mine, but then again, he was all Bexley, and therefore held a piece of my heart.

  As I approached, trepidation and anxiety coursed through my veins in equal measure. I noticed Bexley give me a small shake of her head. I didn’t know if she meant for me not to approach or not to say anything. I wouldn’t do the latter, but there was no way I wasn’t saying hello to her.

  Or meeting my daughter.

  Mara saw me and ran over, swinging from my arm like a monkey, distracting me. “Daddy, did you pick?”

  Thank God for little things.

  “Hey, baby,” I said, squeezing her hand. “I see a friend of mine, and then I will. Let me say hello and introduce you.”

  Mara had been raised in a country club, so there was no argument from my little girl. Glancing back for a second, I saw Aston Junior was busy trying out different flavors.

  Swiftly approaching before she could run, I said, “Hi, Bexley.”

  “Hi,” she said, keeping her eyes lowered.

  “Aston Prescott,” I said, this time extending my hand to her son
. This got Bexley’s eyes on me. “I’m an old friend of your mom’s,” I said when he stuck his hand in mine, and gave it a gentle shake.

  “Tyler.”

  “I’m Mara,” my daughter—my younger daughter—said politely.

  “Hi, Mara,” Bexley said, meeting Mara’s eyes.

  Piper remained in her seat, watching the whole scene unfold with thoughtful eyes. Eyes that were exact replicas of my own.

  “Aston.” I repeated my name, offering her my hand.

  She stood and slipped her small hand in mine, holding my gaze. “Piper.”

  “Nice to meet you.” I tried to say more, but I couldn’t find the words. I had to actually force myself to let go of her hand.

  This girl was my daughter. She was beautiful, the image of her mother, except for having my eyes. She stole my breath away.

  “You’re so pretty,” Mara half whispered to Piper, interrupting the moment. “Do you play princess?”

  Piper looked down at Mara and smiled. “I used to, but not anymore. Now I have a lot of homework and school stuff, and I play soccer.”

  “See, Daddy? She has homework and still goes for ice cream after school. He said we couldn’t come if we had homework, and Little A . . . my brother . . . his name is also Aston, but it’s too confusing with my dad. Anyway, he wants to go to the arcade, and we can’t because Daddy has work,” Mara rambled, ratting me out.

  Piper laughed, and all of a sudden, the air didn’t feel as heavy.

  “Well, my brother,” Piper said, pointing at Tyler, “has karate near here, and we usually don’t go for ice cream. But my mom had a rough day.”

  The minute the words were out, I snapped my head toward Bexley. Another swift shake of her head forced me to school my expression, which I’m certain wasn’t a happy one.

  “Well, ice cream fixes everything. What flavor did you get?” Trying to lighten the mood, I turned to Tyler first.

  “Chocolate and caramel swirl. Two scoops in a sugar cone.”

  “Mango sorbet,” Piper said.

  “That’s what Daddy always gets,” Mara said, and I was pretty sure Bexley turned a little green. “It’s his favorite.”

  “Mine too,” Piper said with a big smile.

  I laid my hand on Mara’s head. “You know what, baby, let’s go order. If not, we’ll never get to dinner.”

  “Yay! Come on, Daddy.”

  She grabbed my hand, and if it weren’t for that, I might have never walked away. I had so many questions. My palm itched to run to touch Piper’s face, her hair, to know that our blood was the same.

  Not now, I told myself. I’d waited this long, so a little longer would be okay.

  While Mara ordered a sugar cone with bubblegum ice cream, I couldn’t worry about her having too much sugar. I was too busy tapping out a text to Bexley.

  aston: Text me as soon as you’re free and tell me what happened.

  She didn’t reply.

  Little Aston ordered a waffle cone with two scoops of chocolate peanut butter, and I decided an hour at the arcade was in order. Mostly so I could clear my head.

  Bexley

  Back then

  Seth was a nice enough guy. Sweet when he wanted to be, and fun (sort of). He’d put himself through college because his parents insisted. With no resentment, he worked hard, chipping away at his college loans and making a living. We weren’t from the same side of the tracks, but a whole heck of a lot closer than Aston and me. We were a better fit.

  Except when it came to Mike and Milly. From the first time I introduced them, Seth decided they couldn’t get along. “He’s too rich for my blood,” Seth would say about Mike.

  As I’d sucked down drink number three at Milly’s engagement party, I admitted to myself that Seth had never wanted to come. He’d said yes, but then he caught a cold. Here I was solo, Aston staring me down from across the room, and I needed a human shield. Like a magic potion, his eyes drew me into his bed every time I saw them. I couldn’t go there tonight. Wouldn’t go there.

  I liked Seth all right. He was nice enough, and he liked me for me.

  “Aston Prescott.”

  I’d been so deep in thought, convincing myself Seth was the one, I hadn’t noticed Aston making his way toward me. Now he stood before me, giving me his campaign-worthy greeting, and my panties were exploding.

  “Hi, Aston,” I said, trying to sound calm. All of a sudden, I was burning hot in my little black dress. I tried to touch my cheek without him noticing, to see if it was warm to the touch, and wondered if it was pink.

  “Looking good, Bex,” he said, putting his arm around my back and drawing me close for a soft kiss on the same cheek I’d just checked. If it wasn’t red before, it absolutely was now.

  “Thanks.” I maneuvered out of his light grasp for my own sanity. Being in Aston’s arms brought back too many memories, most of them good, but too hurtful to think about.

  “Having fun?” he asked, never taking his eyes off me, even while signaling something to the bartender. A fresh Scotch, I presumed.

  “Oh, you know how much I love this club.”

  Milly just had to have the party at the club where she met Mike. Never mind it was the same place that marked both the beginning and end of my love life.

  I have Seth now rattled in my brain.

  “I know, it’s bittersweet. We had a lot of good times here. But I’m running Federal now, and I think my dad may trust me soon to really take over.”

  “So, you want me to wait? Wait for your dad to decide I’m good enough for you?”

  Looking at him in his dark slacks, his white shirt open at the collar and its sleeves rolled up, I decided I could. Wait, that is.

  “I know it’s a lot, but I want to be able to support us, you know? I need the business to do that.”

  It was always the business. “You know, Aston, I’ve told you a million times—and not that it matters now—but that door is closed. Slammed shut. But I never cared about the business, or you supporting the two of us in the way you grew up. I cared about you. I’m sure anything you did would be successful, and if there were bumps, there’d be bumps. We’d survive.”

  He gathered me close again, and I silently cursed Seth for not being here. To protect me. To protect himself from what I knew would happen with Aston. My heart and body were unable to resist him. A few more minutes in Aston’s arms, and I’d be his.

  “I appreciate that,” he said, “more than you can know. But my dad ruined my mom’s life and their marriage over this business. It’s my cherry on top, and my mom wants—no needs—me to have it. I have to do this for her.”

  “I get it, you’re still a pawn in their game. Your dad pulls and your mom pushes you. You’re going to have to grow up sometime, and I can’t say I’ll be here when you do.” They were my words, but I was only brave enough to share them courtesy of the alcohol.

  Aston’s eyes squeezed closed. He looked hurt, as though I’d physically struck him, and I couldn’t deny how that wrecked me. And that empathy for him would be my downfall.

  “I’m sure it looks that way, Bex, but I have to see this through. Let’s not let it ruin this night for Mike and Milly . . . or us.”

  His lips brushed my cheek again, this time lingering, his warm breath cascading over my skin, his invisible grip holding tightly to my heart.

  “Another?” he whispered into my ear.

  I didn’t know if he meant a kiss or a drink. Either way, I nodded, wanting to whisper yes, both please, but I bit my tongue. We’d been down this road before, and it didn’t matter if we were older or wiser.

  We ended up avoiding any further serious conversation, and danced and laughed the rest of the night.

  All the way up until we landed between the sheets . . . my legs twisted with Aston’s, his lips hard on mine, his tongue working its way inside my mouth. Our hearts beat a furious rhythm, in sync, like our hips as we moved together as one.

  Later, when Aston snored softly into the pillow, I left.
Ran with my tail tucked between my legs, back home to a hot shower and a sleepless night.

  We hadn’t used protection. He must have assumed I was still on the pill, but I wasn’t. I’d had some weird hormonal surge recently, and my doctor had told me to take a break. Mostly, I was panicked over catching a disease. I was sure Aston had been sleeping around, and I didn’t need that kind of complication. I had a boyfriend.

  After a few weeks of worrying, I went to the doctor for a round of STD tests and a checkup. I was ecstatic when the nurse called to say the results were clean, and I almost hung up as she was saying, “One more thing, though . . .”

  It had been the same day Seth had asked me to move in with him, and I thought, I have two things to celebrate. Until I heard, “Good news, you’re pregnant.”

  That’s when I committed my biggest sin and told Seth we were having a baby.

  Being a nice guy back then, Seth asked me to marry him, and I said yes. He hadn’t been ready for kids. Or taking on a woman in love with someone else.

  He tried, though.

  Bexley

  Present day

  “Mom, who was that man we saw today? Aston?” Piper asked later when we were alone in the kitchen.

  Good thing I was wearing long sleeves, despite the Nevada heat, because goose bumps broke out all over my arms, and probably red blotches too.

  “I knew him when Milly and I worked at the country club. He lived on the golf course. Remember I told you I worked in the snack shack? We made a lot of money that summer.”

  “Oh. He looked kind of familiar . . .”

  Like every time you look in the mirror?

  “I don’t know why. I haven’t seen him in a long time. Since Milly got married,” I said, trying as usual to be as honest as possible when it came to my kids.

  “Hmm? Maybe at the club when we’ve gone with Aunt Milly?”

  “Maybe that’s it.”

  I tried to avoid going to the club, and on the few occasions Milly dragged me, she assured me Aston wouldn’t be there. Now that I knew he knew about Piper, I wasn’t so sure he hadn’t been lurking somewhere in the corner. If it were me, I would have been.