Love Disregarded

by Rachel Blaufeld

  “Work and more work. It’s always work-work-work with him.”

  I gulped down my coffee, although with the way this conversation was going, I didn’t need any waking up. I’d be better off with a sedative.

  “He was working for you, Mill, and the kids. He never wanted you to do without. I’m sure you knew that somewhere deep inside. You couldn’t live the way you were doing without him working.”

  “No. He was working for him.”

  I shook my head. Knowing better than to try to convince Milly otherwise, I said, “Okay, but you need to move forward. You’re ending whatever side thing you have?”

  “Sadly.”

  I didn’t like her answer, but again, I knew better than to argue. “Good. Then make it right with your husband. All the way right, Mill. You have a family. Don’t destroy it.”

  “Why? Because you’re gonna make a go with your baby daddy and we’ll all be friends? It can be like a redo of one of those rom-coms you love so much.”

  “Listen, you’re one of my oldest friends, but I don’t deserve this. I’m not sure when you became so jaded, but you need to snap out of it. I really appreciate you sending Mike to help me the other night, but you need to go focus on you right now. Not me.”

  “Don’t be that way.”

  “Look, let’s talk next week.”

  Another horn blared, and she said, “I gotta go.”

  “’Bye, Mill. Be careful.”

  Blowing out a long breath, I poured a second cup of joe and thought about what Milly said. I think somewhere deep inside, I knew it would never work out with Aston. Maybe that was why I let him go so easily? Let him off the hook when it came to Piper?

  Mike was a good guy. A great one. He didn’t deserve what was happening to him. No one did. In a way, I understood how Seth must have felt. I wasn’t physically cheating on him, but my heart betrayed him.

  Life was certainly messy, and I had no idea how to fix it.

  Part of me wished I could go back a year or two in time. It would be so great to wake up, unaware of the problems Aston was having, no intuitions or sneaky suspicions about my ex, only my simple life I’d crafted around me.

  To make my life even messier, Aston didn’t want to give me the space he’d promised. He texted and begged, but I forced the issue.

  I worked more, picking up an extra day a week. I busied myself with grocery shopping, lunch packing, and cooking new and exciting dinners.

  When I could, I sent Piper to have dinner with Aston, Mara, and Little A. Aston didn’t like me sending her by herself, but he took what I gave him. When it came to Piper, he was desperate to make up for lost time, maybe even more so than with me.

  He was always gracious—even genuine—and invited Tyler. At first, Tyler was in his own way, usually wanting alone time with Seth. I didn’t realize it at that point, but it was the beginning of an end for Tyler and his dad. Now they seemed to chat a little on the phone, go to dinner once in a while, but Tyler started spending fewer whole weekends at Seth’s and wanting less and less contact with him.

  When I wasn’t working or cooking, I was either cleaning or organizing closets or going to Piper’s soccer games. Aston was always there, but between my warning looks and not wanting to upset Piper, he kept his distance, cheering for her and her team.

  “Mom, you need to be nice to my dad,” Piper said one night while helping me make a Greek salad.

  “Which one?”

  “Don’t be stupid. Seriously, Mom,” she said while raising an eyebrow at me. “I’ll always be close with Seth, but he’s not my dad-dad, and you know it. Seth and I talked, and we want to be tight, but he knows I need to get to know Aston. Plus, he’s dating someone seriously, and she has a son and he needs to get to know him. Quid pro quo, or whatever he called it.”

  “Wait. That’s a lot of information to unpack. He said that? Back up.” Setting down my knife, I grabbed a glass of wine, figuring it was needed, and told Piper to sit on the stool next to me. “Okay, slow down and tell me when all this happened . . . who said what, and all that.”

  “You’ve been busy. I get it. You needed time to yourself, or whatever. That’s what Dad said. By Dad, I mean Aston. I’m calling him Dad now. We’re close. Texting all the time.”

  “Wait,” I said, pulling my hair off my neck where I was starting to sweat. “Texting? How?”

  “Uh, he got me a phone.” Her cheeks reddened. “He told me to keep it secret and to only use it to text him, and I listened. Honestly, I’m not doing any apps. But I want to be able to talk with my dad. And you’re always listening or rushing around lately.”

  “He can’t buy you, Piper.”

  “Mom! Don’t you know me? Jeez—”

  I pulled her in for a hug. “I’m sorry, baby. You’re right. I’m being unfair. So, where were we? Aston got you a phone, and you text and you call him Dad. You could have told me. And when did you talk with Seth?”

  I rambled, mentally berating myself for being so preoccupied and self-centered these last few weeks.

  “Mom, look how you’re freaking out. That’s why I didn’t say a word about Dad . . . I mean, Aston.”

  I rolled my eyes. “Seriously, I’m not freaking out.”

  “You are. Anyway, when I went to dinner with Seth and Tyler, Tyler didn’t want to go alone because Cherry—that’s his girlfriend—was bringing her son. His name is Chad, and he’s super cute. He really likes Seth. His dad died. Isn’t that horrible?”

  “Yes, just awful. I wouldn’t wish that for anyone,” I said.

  “Sometimes Tyler is sort of jealous of him, and honestly, other times, I think he likes his time with Little A better. Aston Junior looks up to him and wants to do everything he does. Anyway, when Seth drove us home, Tyler popped his headphones in and watched something on his iPad, and I mentioned how lucky I was to have two dads and Chad has none. I told Seth I’d be okay with giving him to Chad.”

  “Piper, that’s not necessary.”

  “Seriously, Mom, you have to stop interrupting me. Look, Seth knew what I meant. I’m taking time to get to know my dad-dad, and he’s making a life with Cherry and Chad.”

  “Jesus Christ, I don’t know when things got so complicated. Pardon my French.”

  Inside, I was torn up for Tyler. This couldn’t be easy for him, and I decided to schedule a mom-son date to discuss it this week. As soon as I finished this chat with Piper.

  “Christ, sorry,” I said, repeated myself.

  “It’s fine,” she said, her hair springing free from a messy bun. “Dad swears a lot too. He also said not to tell you that, but I knew you wouldn’t care. Look, I’m sorry about the phone. I can show you. I only use it to text Dad, and there are no apps. Maybe I can get some now that you know?”

  She smiled at me, and I couldn’t help but giggle.

  “You’re just like him, you know? Always have been. Equal parts stubborn, a heart too big for its own good, and the drive to do everything you want. It used to keep me awake at night, thinking about nature versus nurture. Do you know what that means?”

  She shook her head.

  “It’s the debate between your personality being crafted from your genetic makeup, who your parents are, or from the environment where you were raised. I’d think over and over in my head that you were a prime example of nature. Not only your eye color, but everything about you.”

  “Oh. Dad did say I have a lot of him in me.”

  “You do,” I said, laughing again.

  “Which is why you have to give him a chance.”

  “Did he put you up to this?” I eyed my daughter.

  “No. All he said was he wanted a chance. And I agreed.”

  “Piper—”

  “He may have encouraged me to talk with you. To mention this.”

  “I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to be in the middle, baby,” I said, brushing some hair off her face.

  “I’m not. I swear. I asked Dad if he’s going to marry you when he fir
st came by a few weeks ago. I know he wants to . . . is all I’m saying.”

  “Piper.” I blew out a deep breath before continuing. “Look, this can be confusing, I’m sure. You’re reunited with your dad, and I’m glad, but that doesn’t mean this is some fairy tale where he whisks me away. We have to think about Tyler. And me. And Aston’s kids. And maybe he doesn’t want to marry me . . .”

  I rambled until there was a knock at the door. Based on the guilty look on Piper’s face, I realized my thirteen-year-old daughter was running the show.

  “Shoot,” she mumbled.

  “What now? Please, God, don’t say what I think you’re going to say,” I said, looking down at my worn denim shirt and jean cutoffs I’d changed into after work.

  “I kind of forgot to mention that I invited Dad to eat. Mara and Little A were going with Denise to see their mom, and he was all alone,” she said, giving me puppy-dog eyes before she ran to the door.

  “Piper,” I said through gritted teeth, and then plastered a smile on my face.

  Her dad walked through the door like he owned the place. Holding out his hand to me, he smiled and said, “Aston Prescott. Nice to meet you.”

  I was a goner.

  “Hi, Aston.” I pulled my shit together. “Good to see you.”

  “Not as great as it is to see you.”

  I never understood the expression “he drank me in” until this moment. That was exactly what he was doing . . . I felt myself pour into his body.

  “Piper invited me, so I couldn’t say no.”

  I nodded. “And the phone? You couldn’t say no to that either?”

  “Let me explain,” Aston said, coming close.

  “You don’t have to. No worries, seriously. Plus, I need to finish this salad.”

  The closer he got to me, the more I felt myself caving. I wanted him to hold me. I needed him to tell me everything was fine. Better than fine. Good or great.

  My heart beat furiously at the idea of the two of us really being together.

  “Are you starving, Pipe?” he asked.

  “Piper,” I said, correcting him.

  “Pipe’s okay, Mom.”

  When did I lose control?

  “Um, I have homework. ’Bye,” she said, slipping out of the kitchen.

  I turned toward Aston and gave him an accusing look. “You two are in collusion.”

  “We are. Why? Because my daughter is smart, and she knows what’s best. I want to be with her mother, and she wants that too.”

  “Aston,” I said, unable to come up with a better response.

  “Don’t. I’ve given you space, and now it’s time to let me back in,” he said while his finger traced its way up my arm, stopping to tap over my heart. “In here.”

  “You’ve always been there. You never left,” I said, having a weak moment.

  “I know. We were meant to be together, and now we are. We will be.”

  “What about your dad?”

  “Fuck him. I’m done with him.”

  “You can’t just say that. You did whatever he wanted for years.”

  “I did. My mom told me to, and I jumped. It was wrong of me. I should’ve made you the priority.”

  “Whatever. I can’t have this same discussion again. It happened.”

  “Know this, Peter’s out of our lives. We’ll keep in touch with Nan, though, if that’s okay?”

  “Don’t be ridiculous. She just saved your behind. Of course.”

  “Exactly, and here I am. I want to start over, but with all these feelings. Let them grow.”

  “Well, there are a lot of kids between us . . .”

  “Pretty sure Mara and Little A are happy about us getting together. They love your kids, and they’re down to one visit per month with Cass. It’s all she wanted, and it hurts them a lot.”

  “What?” I felt the blood drain out of my face. “What kind of mother does that?”

  “Cass. And Tyler is part of the gang. He’s dealing with Seth moving on, so we’re an island for him.”

  “Does everyone know about that but me?” I asked.

  “You’ve kind of been off doing your own thing. Taking space and all, babe.”

  I shrugged. “I needed it.”

  “I get it.” He tugged me into his embrace and placed his lips on mine. “I want you, all of you. You, your kids, my kids, and maybe a pet,” he mumbled into my mouth.

  Rather than answering, I kissed him back.

  We stayed like that for a while . . . kissing, taking our time exploring, our feelings growing, just like he said.

  Finally breaking away from the kiss, I said, “Um, but we’re still going to discuss the phone.”

  “Bex, I have a lot of money—”

  “It’s about parenting together, Aston.”

  “But you weren’t talking to me.”

  I sighed. He had a point.

  “Still, you should have waited until we could discuss it.”

  “Again, I’m sorry. But I have the money to do it, and they’re my kids to spoil, and I will. I’m going to spoil you too. Seriously, you need to get over this. I know you work, and I’m proud of you, but I can do what I want.”

  “Oh God, stop, and let me go make this salad.” I couldn’t get into this debate with him at this moment. He’d go right for my work, its safety, et cetera.

  “Go right ahead, but know this. I’m smoking a cigar after we eat, and then I’m spending the night.” His hand brushed my wrist, and he pulled it up to kiss it. “Got that?”

  “Maybe,” I said.

  He shook his head and winked, signaling he didn’t fall for my hard candy-coated exterior.

  Aston

  We ate dinner as a foursome that evening, but Little Aston and Mara’s absence weighed heavily on me. They should have been there, enjoying this with us, instead of worrying about their mom. I might have tons of money and all the things that come with it, but they hadn’t been dealt a good hand when it came to unconditional love. Cass was a bitch, and they knew it.

  “Hey, Tyler, want to go four-wheeling with Little A and me this weekend?” I asked over dessert.

  “Me? Really? You want me?”

  I knew Aston Junior needed it, and Tyler deserved some extra attention. That prick, Seth, had done a number on his own kid, and I wasn’t going to stand for it.

  I also knew better than to argue with Bexley about it. It was time for me to take matters into my own hands. She would pussyfoot around how we had to be nice to Seth. Everyone might think he was a good guy, but he wasn’t. Plus, this made me feel a bit better about my other kids missing this dinner.

  “Yeah, you,” I told Tyler. “We like to get in a ride or four and then grab pizza. Sound good?”

  “Yes!” The kid practically shot out of his seat and through the roof. “Mom, can I? Please?”

  Bexley looked straight at me, and all I did was smile. I had her.

  “Of course, baby,” she said to Tyler, who scowled at that.

  “I’m not a baby.”

  “I know.” Bexley smiled at him, her eyes crinkling a tiny bit.

  I loved the way she adored her children. Our children.

  “Aston?” Piper said to me. “I mean, Dad?”

  “What’s up?” I said casually, not wanting to admit how it cut me like a knife when she called me by my first name, and how it made my heart pound when she called me Dad.

  “Do you think Mara could hang with us? I mean, if you have Denise set up, maybe she can take a day off?”

  “Would that be okay with you?” I asked Bexley.

  “Of course,” she said with that same comforting smile she reserved for the kids.

  I grinned at Piper. “Of course, then.”

  “Fun! Mom, can we go to the nail place? I want to get my soccer team colors, and Mar would love that. Please?”

  Bexley turned to me. “Is that okay?”

  I held up my hands. “Look, let’s stop with all the is it okays. If it’s okay for your kids, then i
t’s okay for mine. Let’s be honest . . . they’re all my kids.”

  Tyler’s hopeful gaze landed on me.

  “You too, bud,” I said to him, then looked at Bexley. “You get the nails taken care of, and I’ll pay. Done. Is it time to clean up?”

  Bexley glanced around the table. “Everyone full?”

  They all nodded, and we started clearing dishes.

  “See? That was great,” I said to Bexley, who had a glass of wine in her right hand, and her left hand in mine. The kids were both in their rooms, tucked safely in bed, and we were sitting in the kitchen.

  “I didn’t like that Aston and Mara weren’t here,” she said, and I fell for her for the millionth time.

  “Yeah, that sucked. But when I planned to come over, I wasn’t sure what would happen, and so I had Denise take them to see Cass.”

  Sipping her wine, Bexley looked at me, her brow furrowed, and I could tell she wanted to say something.

  “What?” I asked.

  “I shouldn’t say it, but I think they would have been happier being turned away from here than going to see Cass.”

  “You can say whatever you want to me, and you’re not wrong. They would’ve been happier here.”

  Her fingers ran over mine, drawing small shapes. “So, from now on, we’ll all be together?”

  “Yes, if that’s what you want.”

  She nodded, a small tear forming in the corner of her eye. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you during these last few weeks.”

  Gathering her close, I encouraged her to set her wineglass on the counter. My lips found her forehead, and I spoke quietly. “I deserved you shutting me out, but I told you I was going to fight for you. Now I did, and I want you back. All of you. Tyler and Piper and my kids as one.”

  Her lips found mine. Our mouths lingered together as she said, “It’s always been you, Aston. Always.” She didn’t give me a chance to answer, kissing me harder, opening her mouth to me.

  “Slow down,” I told her, bringing our foreheads together.

  “Why? Did I do something wrong?”

  “No, absolutely not. I just need to slow for a minute to tell you it’s always been you for me too. Always.” I repeated her words to her, but it was the truth. “I love you. I know it was my fault that we were cheated out of many years, but we’re here now, together, and I want this. More than anything.”