Do No Harm

by Christina McDonald

  “Josh is having a nap,” Moira said, looking like she needed one too.

  “Where’s Emma?”

  “Working late.”

  Nate turned away to hide his scowl.

  “I got a call from your dad’s nursing home today. He has pneumonia again.”

  Nate sat next to his mom and grasped her hand. “Oh no.”

  Fear ripened in his belly. Pneumonia was dangerous for stroke victims, and his dad had suffered far too many bouts lately.

  “You need to go see him. I know it isn’t easy, but it’s time.”

  Nate scrubbed a hand over his jaw. It had been a few days since he’d shaved. There had been no time. He only had a few weeks to crack this case, maybe less if Kia put together the pieces and zeroed in on Emma’s clinic.

  “Sure, Ma. I’ll go soon.”

  Nate moved to stand, but Moira put a firm hand on his knee. “Nate. Sit down.”

  Nate sat back, surprised. Moira wasn’t the type to be pushy or dogmatic. She’d always given her opinions and let him choose his own course, raising him with a strong sense of justice, of right and wrong, good and bad.

  Tears glittered on Moira’s eyelashes. “I think it’s time you knew the truth about your father.”

  Nate stared at his mother. “What do you mean?”

  “You’ve built him up to be this god, and he just isn’t. He was a loving father, a wonderful husband, a pillar of the community. But he did things—unforgivable things.…” She faltered and looked at her hands.

  “What’d he do, Ma?”

  When Moira lifted her eyes, Nate could see red spiderwebbed across the white. “He used his job to protect drug dealers and took kickbacks for it.”

  “What? No way.” Nate stood abruptly. Moira stood too, facing him.

  “I’m sorry, but it’s true. I found a stash of money after the stroke, and I spoke to one of the dealers when he called the house.”

  “Jesus Christ,” Nate swore, even though he knew his mother didn’t like it.

  “We are all capable of great and terrible things. Your dad did some terrible things, and you need to know that. You refuse to see flaws in the people you love. You need to see your dad as he really was, not as you wish he was. That way you can say good-bye properly.”

  Nate flashed back to seeing his father coming out of that motel parking lot. He’d been so naïve. What had Matt been doing in Seattle when his jurisdiction was Skamania? He should have known something was wrong.

  He shook his head and pulled his mother into his arms, resting his chin on her head. She seemed so small lately, small and brittle.

  “I’ll go soon, Ma, I promise.”

  * * *

  EMMA GOT home as Nate was starting dinner.

  He’d washed the four naked game hens in cold water and lined them up on a piece of parchment paper and was roasting coriander, cumin, and fennel in a dry pan when she came in.

  “Mmm, smells good,” Emma said as she walked into the kitchen. “I saw your mom leaving when I pulled up.”

  “She had to get to the nursing home to see Dad.”

  Emma kissed his cheek and knelt to scratch Charlie’s ears. “You’re home early.”

  “And you’re home late. Must’ve been a busy day at work,” he said.

  “Yeah. It was pretty hectic.”

  A sick, furious spasm twinged in his belly at her lie. He yanked the mortar and pestle down from the cupboard and dumped in the toasted herbs, bashing the pestle aggressively.

  “You okay?”

  He didn’t answer for a minute. When he spoke, it was quietly, still not looking at his wife. “Where were you today, really?”

  “I was at the—”

  “Don’t lie to me, Emma.” He slammed the pestle down, and Emma jumped. “I called you at the clinic and they said you’d called in sick. Where have you been? Are you…” Bile rose in his throat. “Are you having an affair?”

  Emma’s mouth dropped open, but almost instantly her face hardened as she retreated behind a cold, perfect veneer. The switch was fast and unnerving.

  “I can’t believe you would even ask me that,” she whispered, her face pale. For a second Nate actually doubted himself: the receipt that clearly showed coffee with another person, the midnight texts, the lies about being at work. “You and Josh are my world. How could you think that? Everything I’ve ever done has been for you!”

  He tipped the crushed herbs into a bowl of Greek yogurt and spooned the marinade over the game hens.

  “Then tell me where you were today.”

  Emma’s lips folded into a thin line. He huffed angrily and began chopping crusty bread into small squares to make stuffing.

  Emma sighed. “Fine, you want to know where I was?”

  He faced her. “Yes!”

  “I was with my brother.”

  “Ben?” Nate had not been expecting that.

  She nodded.

  “Why?”

  “When you mentioned Josh needing a bone marrow transplant or a kidney, it got me thinking. What if Josh does need any of those things and we can’t help him? I messaged him. We met up for lunch today.”

  Nate narrowed his eyes. “You went to lunch?

  “Yes.”

  “Where’d you go?”

  Emma looked pissed, but could she blame him for asking? “McDonald’s. Here. You want proof?” She grabbed her purse off the counter and rummaged in it, then pulled out a crumpled receipt and thrust it at him. The date was today’s.

  Nate knew he should be relieved, but instead he felt furious. She’d once again excluded him from a major part of her life, just like with her parents, just like with Dr. Palmer.

  “I told you to stay away from him. And to let me know if you heard from him!”

  Emma stiffened. “Maybe it hasn’t occurred to you, Nate, but I don’t have to do everything you tell me.”

  She whipped out of the kitchen, Charlie at her heels, leaving him to work in silence as anger gnawed at his belly.

  The lingering scents of chopped onion and sage made him feel queasy; the heat rising from the oven suffocated him. He shoved the stuffing into the birds, sparking a sudden memory of coming home after baseball practice one day and finding his dad in the office stuffing a load of cash into an envelope.

  “I’m saving up to buy your mom something special for her birthday.” He’d winked at Nate and shoved the envelope into the back of the filing cabinet. “It’ll be our little secret, right, son?”

  Nate stared at the birds. His brain felt like someone had taken it and shaken it up, a snow globe full of garbage.

  Stuffing an envelope. A filing cabinet. The briefcase.

  The thought came so unexpectedly, he almost dropped the knife. He took the stairs to his bedroom two at a time. He found Emma’s briefcase nestled under her clothes and lifted it onto the bed, his mind flashing to the numbers on the scrap of paper at Martinez’s house.

  323 454

  Downstairs, he could hear Emma calling for him.

  “Nate? Where are you?”

  And then the sound of her feet on the stairs.

  Nate turned the numbers on both combinations. The briefcase clicked open, the sound loud and metallic.

  A sense of unrest churned in his stomach. Nate lifted the lid as Emma entered the bedroom.

  Baggies of white powder. Cash. An old cell phone. And pills.

  Lots and lots of pills.

  CHAPTER 32

  “WHAT THE HELL IS THIS!” Nate’s voice cracked with shock.

  Violeta’s briefcase was open on our bed in front of him, an old Nokia cell phone in his hand. I felt the blood drain from my face. A wash of cold swept over me, like I’d stepped into a shadow.

  He dropped the cell phone and picked up a baggie filled with white powder.

  “Don’t touch it!” I lunged across the room and grabbed the baggie out of his hand.

  Nate looked at me like I’d lost my mind. I pressed a shaky hand to the bed and dropped the baggie
back into the briefcase. How had Nate found out the combination?

  “We don’t know what that is.” I tried to explain my panic. “It could be anthrax, for all we know!”

  “What the hell is going on, Emma?”

  I squeezed my eyes shut. I’d known all along there would be a time when I’d have to lie directly to Nate. Now that time had come.

  I’d been very careful to let Ben do the bulk of the work, in order to keep my hands clean. And if he ever tried to point at me, well, his history with drugs was incriminating. Nate already knew I’d turned Ben in for drugs before. It would look an awful lot like revenge if Ben tried to blame me without any proof.

  “It’s Ben’s.”

  Nate stared at me, speechless.

  “I told you I met up with him today, but it wasn’t the first time. A few weeks ago, he asked me to hold this.”

  “Just out of the blue?”

  “Yes. I mean, with Ben it’s always out of the blue. He pops in and out of my life. I’m just happy he isn’t dead somewhere.”

  “You didn’t think to ask what was in it?”

  “Of course I did! He said it was paperwork to get custody of his son. That he and his girlfriend were splitting up. He didn’t want her to find out.” I swallowed hard and glanced at the briefcase. Baggies filled with white powder. Stacks of cash. At least a dozen prescription bottles filled with pills. The cell phone. And there, peeking up from under the baggies of powder, were the prescriptions I’d signed.

  “How’d you open it?” I had to keep Nate’s attention on me. “Ben didn’t give me the combination.”

  “The combination was on the refrigerator of the murder victim I’m investigating.”

  “Santiago Martinez?”

  He nodded.

  My brain spun slowly over this information. Nate’s murder victim was linked to Violeta; Violeta was linked to Ben. “You think Ben was involved?”

  He opened his mouth to answer, but snapped it shut.

  “That’s impossible,” I said. “Ben’s been in rehab.”

  “Did he say that?”

  “Yes.”

  “We’ll check if that’s true. We’ll dust for fingerprints as well.” Nate rubbed an angry hand through his hair. “Shit, Emma. Do you have any idea how bad this looks? My wife was covering for her brother who has a briefcase of drugs and may be connected to a murder investigation. I could get taken off this case, and then what happens to paying for Josh’s treatments? Have you thought about that?”

  “I didn’t know there were drugs in there,” I snapped. “I wanted to help my brother! You don’t understand what it’s like, Nate. Your family’s normal. You’ve never lost anybody!”

  He gave me a withering look. I shook my head, trying not to look at the prescriptions. How the hell was I going to get those before Nate saw them?

  “I know your dad had a stroke, but it’s not the same.”

  “This isn’t a pissing contest, Emma,” he growled. “Who’s suffered the most, who’s lost the most.”

  “No, because I would win!” Tears—angry, grief-stricken tears—pricked my eyes. I blinked furiously, determined not to cry. Tears didn’t help. They didn’t change a damn thing. “I’ve lost everything Everybody! I’ve had to get my own brother thrown in jail just to keep him alive. Do you know how hard that’s been? I betrayed him.”

  “I know you just want to help him. You’re a good person, Emma. A good mother. A good doctor. But you aren’t responsible for your brother. He is a parasite. A fucking drain on society. He’s using you. You can’t save him. Only he can save himself.”

  “Mommy? Daddy?” Josh’s voice came from our bedroom doorway, Charlie trailing behind, like a sentinel guarding something precious.

  Josh was clutching a teddy bear in one arm and dragging his red-and-white Star Wars blanket behind him, his middle and pointer fingers in his mouth. His bald head shone in the overhead light. He looked fragile and vulnerable, like an overgrown baby. My heart squeezed with pity.

  Nate pushed past me to kneel next to Josh. “Hey, buddy. How you feeling?”

  Josh rubbed his eyes. “Okay. I dreamed that we found a black dog and we keeped him so Charlie had a friend.”

  “Kept,” I automatically corrected him.

  Nate’s phone rang, and he stood. “I’ve gotta get this.” He angled his body slightly away as he answered. I took the opportunity to take a tiny step closer to the briefcase.

  “We got the budget?… Good. Get a man over to Williams’s house tonight. If he shows up… Yeah… Yeah. Okay, bye.” Nate hung up and turned to me. “I have to take this briefcase in to the station to document the evidence. I’ll tell Lieutenant Dyson you were holding it for Ben and you didn’t know what was in it. You’re going to have to come in for questioning, though. Do you know where Ben is now? We’ll need to question him too.”

  I snorted. “Haven’t you been listening to me? Of course I don’t know where he is! Ben never tells me where he is.”

  Nate snapped the briefcase shut. “I’ve gotta go.”

  “Where are you going, Daddy?” Josh asked.

  “I just have to go back to work for a little bit, but I’ll be home soon, okay?”

  “ ’S okay. You gotta catch the bad guys.”

  He thought his dad being a cop was cool, like Zootopia or something: catch the bad guys, keep us safe. But who was the bad guy now? Who was really keeping who safe?

  Nate squeezed his shoulder. “That’s right.”

  He moved to kiss me, but I sidestepped him, dropping to my knees and pulling Josh in for a hug. I saw hurt spark in Nate’s blue eyes, and guilt rushed in. Guilt and a little bit of anger. Anger that he could ever think I was having an affair, and anger that I couldn’t tell him the truth: that we were on very different teams right now.

  And anyway, I couldn’t risk Nate feeling the gun strapped to my ankle, or the two phones in my pocket, or the prescriptions I’d swiped from the briefcase when his back was turned. I just wished that the physical distance didn’t instantly result in an emotional one.

  I suddenly remembered our first date, how he’d come with me to the hospital when one of my patients had died.

  “I’m here for you,” he’d said, squeezing my hand as we strode through the revolving doors together. And I knew right then what a good man he was. Deep and loyal and true.

  At the time, I was working up to a hundred hours a week, my head throbbing, my eyes gritty. I downed energy drinks and drank coffee like it was water. I’d get to my car and fall asleep before I could even drive home and crawl in bed. I’d hesitated to go on our first date because of that, but those words—I’m here for you—were a grand gesture more romantic than any of the meals he could’ve made. I knew in that moment he was the one for me.

  I wanted to reach out and touch him now. To let him fold me in his arms and tell me everything would be okay. I’d spent so much of my life feeling lonely, wanting to belong. Finally I had it, and I was pushing Nate away. He didn’t deserve this.

  “You know, we missed date night,” he said sadly.

  I floundered for a reply. Once a month, Moira babysat so we could go be husband and wife, not just mom and dad. He was right, we’d missed it this month. Worse, it hadn’t even occurred to me.

  “I’m sorry,” I finally said.

  He stared at me. “Yeah, that makes two of us.”

  My eyes burned, but I held his gaze. After a second, Nate took a step back. He drew an X over his heart and pointed at me. I love you. Then he turned and left the room.

  A few seconds later, I heard the front door slam shut.

  Nate was gone.

  CHAPTER 33

  AS SOON AS NATE LEFT, I texted Ben.

  Nate’s getting someone to sit on Violeta’s house. I think they’re waiting for you. Stay away.

  He didn’t reply, but I could see he’d read my message. After I’d finished preparing the dinner Nate had started, I thought about Gabe’s earlier text.

 
Ben’s using again.

  Okay, so I’d thrown Ben under the bus a little, but only out of necessity. It wasn’t like I wanted Ben to go to prison again, but maybe he needed to go.

  Like last time.

  I texted Ben again. Maybe you should stay at the warehouse.

  He didn’t reply, and this time he didn’t read the message. I found myself increasingly agitated as the evening wore on, even as I sat down with Josh while he watched How the Grinch Stole Christmas.

  My phone rang. It was Cass Robbins.

  “Hey, I’m not sure if you’ve heard, but Julia’s in the ER right now,” she said. “She was brought in a few hours ago.”

  “Oh my God!” Wanting to tune out the lyrics of “You’re a Mean One, Mr. Grinch,” I stood and moved into the kitchen. “What happened?”

  “It looks like she overdosed on some oxy. One of the paramedics who brought her in said she was ranting about birdhouse pills.”

  “Birdhouse pills?” I echoed weakly.

  You’re a monster, Mr. Grinch. Your heart’s an empty hole.

  “Yeah. It doesn’t make any sense. Maybe that was the logo on the pill. Do you think drug dealers have started naming oxy pills like they did ecstasy?”

  I shook my head even though Cass couldn’t see me.

  Your heart is full of unwashed socks, your soul is full of gunk, Mr. Grinch.

  “How’s she doing?” I asked faintly.

  “The paramedics gave her naloxone, but there’s a lot of swelling in her brain. We’ve put her in a medically induced coma to give the swelling a chance to reduce. Check in tomorrow, and we’ll see how she’s doing. I’m sure she’ll want to see a friendly face when she wakes up.”

  If she wakes up.

  We both heard the words, even though neither of us said them out loud.

  “Look, I’ve gotta get back to my shift,” Cass said. “I just thought you’d want to know.”

  I thanked her and hung up, returning to the living room to sit next to Josh. Charlie jumped up onto the couch and curled into my side. I stroked one hand down his silky ears. After the movie had finished, I took Josh upstairs and tucked him into bed.