Timber

by Frankie Love

  I need to make her understand that, yeah, this started as a one-night stand. And yeah, I don’t want to be a father right now. But I am, and I can be more. I need to show her that.

  A nurse walks past me—a nurse I know I screwed in the bathroom at Mo’s Bar downtown. Twice. Of course I have to see that shit at the same time I’m pacing the halls alongside Harper’s father.

  Did I mention her entire family is here? And yeah. They are pissed.

  But, honestly, I fucking get it.

  Their oldest daughter ran away a month ago, not telling them shit besides she was off screwing some guy in the woods.

  I’m glad her father never showed up to try and chew me out, but, shit—I know he has a few choice words for me. He’s been stewing for hours, his wife looking at me from head to fucking toe. Probably judging me on all the ways this situation is messed up.

  Her siblings, all nine of them, are sitting quietly with heads bowed, whispering. Not one is running around or arguing or fighting. Her family may be leaning toward the crazy side, but they’re sure as hell well-behaved.

  I need to man up and go talk to her parents. Because the last thing I want is to get in a room with them—with Harper—and fight. Harper doesn’t need that, and neither do the babies.

  I run my hand through my hair, over my beard. Nervous tics that are boyish bullshit. I need to be a fucking man.

  I pull back my shoulders, swallow hard. Crack my neck. I can go over there and introduce myself. This isn’t fucking rocket science.

  “Hey,” I say to her father. “I’m Jaxon.”

  He nods his head stoically. “I’m Reverend Robert. This is my wife, Shelly.” He pauses, then offers me his hand. The handshake is weak, but at least it’s a fucking handshake. An olive branch or whatever religious bullshit this guy is gunning for. Whatever. I’ll take it.

  For Harper, I’ll take anything.

  I should have fucking told her that back at my cabin, or in the doctor’s office. In my car. I should have stopped being such a pig-headed fool, and never let her run away from me. She’s here right now in a hospital bed because I was an ass. A real man would never have let it come to this. Sure, she’s having my kids, but she’s also the only woman I ever fucking want.

  She’s soft in the ways I’m hard, and curious in the ways I’m cold. She’s resilient in the ways I run, and I’m strong in the ways she’s scared. We fucking belong together. And I need her to know that.

  “Good to meet you both.” I cough as a way to pause, wanting to make sure I get it right. “Obviously, Harper has been at my place all month. I assume you got the letter from Dean?”

  Robert nods again. “Dean came by a month ago, yes. Seemed like a nice fellow.”

  “And the letter? He gave you that?”

  “He did. Did you read it first?”

  “No, sir,” I answer, suddenly a fucking diplomat. Since when did I fucking care about being polite?

  Oh, right—about the time Harper was admitted in the Emergency Room. About the time I nearly lost everything.

  That fall in her parents’ front yard could have been so much worse. She could have landed face down. She could have lost all the babies. Instead, everyone survived.

  She calls this pregnancy a fucking miracle?

  I call her a miracle. And I call her mine.

  “She wrote some pretty disappointing things, Jaxon. Questioned her entire faith, her values. Her moral integrity. She questioned them, and—at the same time, apparently—hid a pregnancy from us.”

  “I thought you knew,” I tell them.

  “We didn’t.”

  Robert looks at Shelly, whose eyes are rimmed in tears. I hope—shit, I’m not a praying man, but I pray he redeems himself right about now, for Harper’s sake. She ran from the car today hoping this family of hers would give her what she needed, something familiar and something safe.

  I pray they can fucking deliver.

  Robert speaks again, “This afternoon has been shocking. Losing our daughter to the sins of the world, to a man like you, is one thing. But to know she is bringing life into a life of sin? It’s unbearable to accept that she would choose such a deplorable future for her offspring. That she would choose a man of this world over eternity with her family.”

  “That is fucking bullshit, sir,” I tell him, not able to hold back. “You think Harper is a sinner? A fucking disgrace? She’s a fucking angel. So don’t stand here and talk about her like she’s dirty. Because she’s not. She’s as pure as a doe. She is nothing to be ashamed of. And to say that here, when she’s in the hospital, is goddamned crazy.”

  Robert clenches his jaw, disgust written on his face.

  “Don’t speak such vile words to me,” he says, his lips pursed in hate. “Don’t say such filth in front of my children and wife. Harper has chosen to live the life of a whore. She has chosen a man like you, with a reputation like you have, over a pious life in the church.”

  “My words are vile? You’re the one calling your daughter names—a woman who is brave and strong. You’re the one calling a woman who is fucking beautiful something dirty. Fuck you—fuck all of you,” I shout.

  I want to punch him. To bruise him. I want to hurt him, because he’s a fucking pig. A man I never want to see again. A man I never want my children near. I need Harper. And I need her now. I need her to know the truth. That I’m not going anywhere.

  Not now, not ever.

  “Excuse me, everyone.” Doctor Vance materializes as I’m neck-to-neck with Robert.

  I step back, trying to calm the fuck down. But, damn, it’s hard. I want to punch that asshole until he spins.

  Doctor Vance speaks again, “Harper is ready to see you all. I think, at this time, it would probably be best if you go in two separate groups. I know you’re all anxious to see her, but she and I have just spoken and made a tentative plan. She needs to speak with everyone separately, and then hopefully everyone together.”

  I step forward. “Can I go in now?”

  “Actually, Harper has requested to speak with her parent first,” Doctor Vance says. “How about you go get some food from the cafeteria and come back in, say, an hour?”

  I want to scream, fight, say no. But I need to let Harper be the woman she is, speak with who she needs to speak with. It’s not like her fucking father’s true feelings are going to be masked.

  I’ll be here when she’s ready.

  If she needs an hour, fine. I know exactly how I’m going to spend it.

  I leave the hospital, leave her parents, because I want nothing to do with them. And I pray Harper doesn’t either.

  Chapter 23

  HARPER

  I wait in silence, knowing that, as soon as the door opens and my parents walk in, everything will either fall into place or fall apart. This is the moment I’ve been dreading, ever since I confirmed this pregnancy. The moment I know will define my future and the future of my children. My sons.

  “Harper.” My father enters the room, my mother trailing behind him.

  His eyes cast a shadow over the room. They’re heavy with pain, with sorrow. I know this look. I’ve seen him lift up the needs of his congregation, carry their burdens, help them walk toward salvation and toward light. But while those congregants end their journeys with a new sense of peace and righteousness, they always start on their knees, broken.

  I need my parents to see that while I detoured from their plan for me—from God’s will—I ended up on their doorstep for a reason.

  “I’m sorry for leaving,” I say, my eyes on my stomach, not able to bear looking at them. I’ve felt their condemnation before. Right now, I just need their love—but I’m scared it won’t be offered.

  “What else are you sorry for?” my father asks, standing at the end of the hospital bed. My mother is beside him; she covers her mouth with her hand, clearly in shock to see me like this.

  “You want me to apologize right now?” I ask, caught off guard. My eyebrows furrow.

  “
Yes. You are a sinner,” Father says, “and if you want to return to the fold, we need to know you intend on walking the straight and narrow path the Lord requires.”

  I open my mouth to speak, but then snap it shut. What am I supposed to say?

  “Have you nothing more to say for your depravity?”

  “Did the doctor tell you about the babies, then?”

  “Babies?” my mom asks. “There are more than one?”

  “The doctor only told us that you were well, and that the pregnancy was intact,” my father says.

  “I’m having triplets,” I tell them. “Three sons.”

  My parents gasp at this information—and, considering they walked in here demanding my repentance, it’s nice to see them grappling for words.

  “Can I be a single mother in your congregation?” I ask my father. “Because I wonder how I can be both? A follower of the God you preach and also a mother raising a family on her own.”

  “I’m so disappointed in you,” he answers, without offering anything concrete. “Your brothers and sisters are here praying for your repentance, your healing—and here you are, questioning our faith.”

  “I’m not questioning you,” I say, shaking my head. “I’m trying to understand. Can I believe in your God, and also be grateful that I have these babies? Because I am. I was coming to your home earlier to tell you how much I need your support, your love. Because I can’t do this on my own.”

  “You want our help now? After you’ve spent a month living in sin with that despicable man? I don’t even know who you are, Harper. No daughter of mine would act this way.”

  “I am your daughter. These babies don’t change that.”

  “These children change everything,” my mother says. “You are no longer pure or chaste.”

  “Do you hear yourselves?” I ask, incredulous. “I stayed at Jaxon’s because I was terrified of your response. And I was right in running. You aren’t being a safe haven; you’re not allowing God to be a beacon, a refuge. You’re only offering condemnation and hate.”

  “That is what sinners say, when they don’t want to look in the mirror.”

  “No,” I say. My eyes close as I determine the precise words I need to use here. “I can look in the mirror and accept the woman I am, the woman I became when I got pregnant, and the woman I want to be as a mother. It doesn’t seem like you’re interested in a relationship with me unless it’s exactly on your terms.”

  “Not my terms, Harper,” my father yells. “The terms the Lord has laid out. Repent, and return to the fold. To your family. Your sons will be bastards in this world, but they can still be children of God.”

  “Go.” My teeth grind on the fuel their words have given me. “Leave and don’t come back. Not for me. I am done with your hate message. I am done with your hypocrisy. I wanted to give you a chance to love me and my children, but you aren’t capable of that sort of love. The kind of love I have for Jaxon. Love that sees beyond differences and accepts the other person for who they are. You can’t do that. But I can. I’m glad I’m not like you, because if I were, I wouldn’t see so clearly how much I love the man who is the father of my sons.”

  “The man who just stormed out of the hospital?” my father asks, sneering at me in disgust.

  “He left?”

  “Yes. And we are, too.”

  “Mother, is this how you want things to end with me?” I ask. “Don’t you want to know your grandsons? Know me?”

  My mother, with her long braid and plain clothes and flat expression, looks at me. “I don’t want to know you if you can’t repent, Harper. I’d rather pretend you never existed than to acknowledge I’m a mother to someone like you.”

  They leave and don’t look back. No hugs or well wishes, no how-can-we-help. Nothing. It’s as if I’m not their daughter.

  And, after they go, I wonder if I ever was. Because how could anyone turn their back on their child like they just did to me?

  I will never turn my back on my sons.

  My chin quivers as I’m left alone in the sterile hospital room. Jaxon left without saying good-bye, and my heart is shattered, but I am also not surprised. I told him to go. I’m the one who left first. I deserve to be alone now.

  But I don’t want to be alone. I wish I never asked him to return to my parent’s home. Going there forced us apart.

  And all I want now is for us to be together.

  JAX

  I meet up with Dean downtown at The King’s Diamond jewelry store. I park my truck outside, and I’m leaning against it with my hands in my pockets when he pulls up next to me.

  “Now, this is a sight I never thought I’d fucking see,” Dean says, jumping out of his truck. “You really feel like you need to do this?”

  “I don’t need to. I want to.”

  “Shit.” Dean claps me on my back. “Then you need go get your woman a ring.”

  “I’ve got an hour. And I need you to tell me about the business—and I have a proposition for you, too.”

  We walk into the shop, and immediately I lower my head. “Fuck, see that woman over there?” I ask Dean. “We need to stay clear of her.”

  “Someone you never called back?”

  “Exactly.” Coming back to town, seeing the familiar nurse and now this jeweler, I’m reminded more than ever why I live in the woods. And why I need to stay there.

  I wonder what Harper will think of that?

  Fuck. I sure don’t know everything I should about the woman I’m proposing to. I just hope she says yes, that she believes me when I tell her I want this ... not because of duty, but because of belief. Belief in what we can be, together.

  “What about this one?” Dean asks, pointing to a gaudy ring that is nothing like Harper. It’s an enormous solitaire on a silver band.

  Harper needs something modest, delicate, and timeless. She wouldn’t want anything else.

  A woman that I haven’t slept with helps me choose one that is perfect for Harper. It’s a simple gold band, but the diamonds are rich with meaning.

  “Man, you’ve become a fucking romantic sap, out in the woods,” Dean jokes as we leave the shop. “I thought you were supposed to get all burly and tough.”

  “I know, right?” I shake my head. “Harper is everything I never knew I needed.”

  “Well, I’m happy for you. Now you wanna talk business?”

  We stand at our trucks, and I know I need to get a better sense of where things are with D&J Hauling.

  “Yeah. You moving forward with the custom houses?”

  “Yeah, no orders yet, but I need to figure out marketing for it. My buddy keeps saying to use Facebook ads or some shit and I want to punch him for that suggestion. Got any better ideas?”

  “I have one idea for a potential client.”

  “I’m all ears.”

  When I walk back into the cold, antiseptic hospital corridor, I’m already itching to return to the cabin, to the smell of the wood stove and my dog. Buck kept him for the night, and he’ll be well taken care of, but I want to be home with my dog and my woman.

  I see Doctor Vance at the nurse’s station, and I check in there before walking into Harper’s room.

  “Is it all clear for me to see her?”

  “Oh, good, you’re back. Her family left about half an hour ago, so I’m sure she’ll be pleased to see you.” Doctor Vance smiles kindly, which is nice considering the nurse beside her has furrowed brows and crossed arm. Ouch. Okay, just gotta keep walking forward.

  I knock gently on the door to Harper’s room before walking in. A curtain hangs between the entrance and her bed.

  “Harper, is it okay for me to come in?”

  “Jaxon?” she asks. “Of course, come in.”

  I pull back the curtain and see a tear-stained face. Harper’s innocence is gone. She doesn’t look naïve anymore. She looks like a wounded deer, and I want to kill whoever did this to her.

  “What happened?” I ask, rushing over to her, sitting on her bed.
My hands instinctively move to her beautiful, swollen belly.

  “My parents....” She sobs into her hands. “They acted just like I thought they would. They left and said I wasn’t their daughter. That my babies and I were a disgrace.”

  “Oh, honey.” I shush her, wanting her tears to stop flowing. I want to protect her and take her far away, somewhere safe, I need to make sure no one can ever hurt her again.

  My chest tightens, then expands in a way it never has before. This is love, right here: wanting to fight, defend, protect another person. And I’ll fucking make it my life’s mission to make sure no one ever fucks with Harper again.

  “I know they’re wrong. I know I have nothing to be ashamed of. I’m growing people inside of me, and that’s a miracle. That they would shame me, when I’m being brave, hurts in a way I didn’t think was possible. And then ... the worst part was ... I thought....” She dissolves in a puddle of tears again, and I reach for her hand.

  She squeezes it tight.

  “I thought you were gone, Jaxon. They said you left the hospital, and I thought it meant you’d left me, just like my parents left.”

  “I’ll never fucking leave you, Harper.”

  “Don’t say things you don’t mean, Jaxon. My heart can’t bear any more pain.”

  “I do mean it. I mean more. I mean forever.”

  Harper shakes her head, not understanding.

  Knowing what I came here prepared to do, I drop to one knee and look up at Harper in her hospital gown, with her swollen eyes and broken heart. Look at the woman heavy with my children. Look at the woman who rocked my world, who changed the course of my life for the better. All I want is to look at her forever.

  “Oh, Jaxon,” she says, gasping, as I pull a ring from my pocket, holding it before her.

  “There’s a lot I don’t know about you,” I tell her. “But the details don’t matter. Not when the truth is simple. I love you and want to spend the rest of my life with you. The triplets are the fucking cake—the part we don’t deserve, the thing that brought us back together. And I would get you pregnant all over again if it meant I didn’t lose you. Tell me I didn’t lose you. Tell me you still love me. Tell me you will marry me—because, Harper, I want you to be my wife, so fucking hard.”