Amazon Companion

by Roseau, Robin

  "I should have known that was why she was to be punished," Parlomith said. "She won't shirk under my tutelage, I promise you that."

  "Ah, yes," Malora said. "We shall discuss that shortly. How are you doing, Bea?"

  "Almost done," she said. "Do we have a towel?"

  Nori had one waiting and pressed it into Bea's hands. Bea used water to rinse out my hair, then began drying it. She helped me sit up.

  "Nice and pink," she said. "You look cute."

  I winked at her then shifted around on the table to face the Amazons. Bea dropped the towel, exposing my pink hair to much laughter. Parlomith looked amused and disgusted at the same time, and her companion only looked perplexed. Bea fluffed out my hair so it settled about my shoulders, and I could only imagine how shocking it must look.

  "Thank you, Bea," I said quietly.

  She took her seat, but then I saw Ralla pull her to the back of the crowd. She already had Neela, Aura, Vorine and Omie there.

  "Well," said Malora, "My companion, you again have pink hair. Do you know why your hair is again bright pink?"

  "Yes, Queen Malora," I said. "I disobeyed a very clear, direct order."

  "I do not normally apply the same punishment twice. Do you know why I do so this time?"

  "Because this is what my hair would have looked like the day we encountered the bandits, and I disobeyed your orders for the fight."

  There was a gasp.

  "I knew she was worthless," Parlomith said. "Queen Malora, this is why you need me." She glanced at Nori. "Your current training is not working."

  Malora narrowed her eyes at Parlomith. "Perhaps, Parlomith, you should use more wisdom in whom you call worthless. The first duty of a companion is to ease the soul of her warrior. My companion eases not only my soul, but that of the other companionless warriors in this village."

  "She ran during a fight," Parlomith said. "She has more duties than to soothe your soul."

  "I never said she ran," Malora said. "Perhaps you should hold your tongue until we have told the entire tale."

  "Of course, Queen Malora," Parlomith said. "I look forward to understanding how your companion has dishonored you."

  "I bet you do," Malora said. And I knew Parlomith was lucky to remain alive. She turned to me. "I believe I decided we would act this out. We will not do so with too much realism."

  "Of course not," I replied.

  "Good. I would not want to mend broken bones afterwards. Well, this is your punishment, Maya, so I believe you should tell it."

  I hopped down from the table. "The day we were attacked was a good day," I said. "My most amazing warrior had spent the day pandering to a request from her companion."

  "I wouldn't use that word," she said.

  "We visited a village on the plains," I announced. "My warrior bought gifts for me, great gifts, although she made me perform for the villagers in payment."

  "We paid the villagers in coin," Malora said.

  "And my entertainment," I replied. "My warrior required me to fight with her with staff, and she proceeded to beat me senseless." I paused. "Oh, wait, those bruises I carried were not from my warrior. Instead, she was able to demonstrate my mistakes while remaining gentle." I closed the distance to Malora and kissed her hand. "Thank you, Queen Malora, for the lesson."

  "You are welcome, Maya."

  "We won't demonstrate the fight," I said, "as you can all imagine how comical it was, and I believe I am comical enough as I stand."

  There was laughter at that.

  "She performed well," Malora said, "and I was proud of her."

  We exchanged smiles.

  "The villagers fed us, and then we resumed our journey, heading back towards the land of the Amazons." Malora and I mimed riding our horses, and I acted up, earning more laughter. I rubbed my bottom, simulating saddle sores. Malora looked over at me, appearing to be bored.

  "We approached a deep ravine," I said, "and we stepped into the ravine. We had been in the ravine for a short while when my warrior asked me-"

  "Are you up for a gallop?"

  "Are you crazy, Queen Malora?" I asked. "I have fallen from my horse four times today. I do not believe I wish to make it a fifth before dinner."

  The women chuckled nervously, unsure whether I was kidding.

  "She hadn't fallen even once," Malora said. "She has never fallen from her horse."

  "Well, perhaps not, but I do not believe I am ready for a gallop."

  "A situation we will remedy," Malora said. "We digress. So I told you-"

  And I interrupted, putting on a voice to resemble hers, "-You are an incompetent warrior and prone to misbehaving, but you will do exactly what I say or I will dye your entire body pink for the rest of the year."

  Malora laughed. "I do not believe those were my exact words."

  "It covers the gist," I said.

  "I ordered her from her horse; we would walk for a time."

  We mimed dismounting, walking our horses. "She told me to hold my staff," I said. Ralla was waiting, and she rushed forth with a practice staff for me and a practice sword for Malora. Looking around, I saw more practice swords.

  "Then, from every direction, an army of disgusting men appeared."

  "There were only fourteen," Malora explained, "and four remained in hiding."

  Ralla stepped to the front, her back to the fire. "I am their leader," she said. She gestured, and my friends took additional places, with Bea, Vorine, Aura and Neela taking the places of the bandits I had dispatched. "We will need to simulate other bandits."

  "We were surrounded," Malora said.

  "The stench was horrible," I said. "I began to swoon from the acrid scent."

  "You didn't swoon until later," Malora said. "Don't get the story out of order."

  "Well, they did smell bad," I said. "They clearly were unaware of the existence of soap."

  "They were men," Malora replied. "What do you expect from men?"

  That earned some chuckles.

  "The leader said-"

  "Amazons!" Ralla said. She hid her eyes. "Why does that one have such bright hair?"

  "That's not what he said!" I protested. "He said, Amazon Queen, give us your horses and your stunning companion, and we shall allow you to pass, but we're keeping the beautiful one for ourselves."

  "Clearly, he thought Maya was the queen with her crown of pink hair," Malora said, turning my joke on itself. Even I had to laugh.

  "So my warrior said quietly to me-"

  "You take the leader, but leave the rest for me."

  Everyone grew still, and Malora looked around. "Yes," she said. "I sent my companion after the leader, demanding she leave the other nine, and later two more, to me."

  I stepped up to Ralla, carrying my staff. She had a practice sword out.

  "I was scared, of course," I said. "He was big and ugly, so very ugly, and filled with swagger."

  "Hold!" Malora said. "Clearly, we are having fun with the story, but I believe we should play the rest of this absolutely straight. Maya, no embellishments. But quarter speed."

  "You're no fun, Queen Malora. All right. No embellishments."

  I turned back to Ralla, then I slowly spun the bottom of the staff between her legs. She acted it out, doubling over and dropping the practice sword, and then also slowly, I swung the staff overhead and brought it down very gently to the back of her skull. She dropped to the ground.

  "Hold. That is exactly what happened so far," Malora said. She looked at the other actors. "But what do men do when they see another man take a blow like that?"

  The women all clutched at their groins, earning some laugher.

  "Exactly," Malora said. "To greater or lesser degree, every man there reacted to my companion's first strike on their leader. As soon as I saw Maya's staff begin to move, I burst into action."

  I turned around to watch as Malora mimed taking sword swings at various imagined warriors.

  "I watched for only a moment," I said, "before I disobeyed
my warrior. She had told me to take the leader and leave the rest for her."

  I turned to Aura, the first of my next victims. I spun slowly at her, and she tried to swing her sword at me, but I batted it out of the way, miming the actions I had taken with my second bandit. Then, still in slow motion, I "dispatched" Neela. They both went down in a crumple.

  "While Maya was busy violating my orders, I encountered my only challenge."

  Nori stepped forward, wielding a practice sword.

  "It was just a bandit," Malora explained. "But he had greater skill than the others."

  Nori mimed picking her nose with her sword.

  "Well, he knew which was the sharp end," Malora said. Then the two of them mimed several swings. "But he delayed me before I finished him off." She mimed killing Nori then turned to me. "By the time I was done, Maya had clearly disobeyed direct orders, and she was about to engage the last two bandits that were still standing."

  Omie and Vorine both came after me.

  "I saw my companion readily had the situation in hand, and I stood to watch," Malora explained.

  I mimed the fight against Omie and Vorine, including the swing that would have broken two hands. There was a gasp at that.

  "Brilliant," Nori said from in back.

  I finished them off, and they fell to the ground.

  "I then turned to see how Malora was doing and saw her watching me."

  "You disobedient companion!" she said. "I told you to leave them for me."

  I shrugged. "You were busy and you know how easily I get bored."

  The women were holding their breath, waiting for the rest.

  "We looked around," Malora said.

  "I looked around at all the bodies. Are they dead, Malora?"

  "Well done, Maya," she said. "Yes, they're dead, or soon will be."

  I mimed looking at them and making faces.

  "Is that when the stench hit me?" I asked.

  "I believe that is when the enormity of what had just happened hit you," Malora explained.

  "I. Um. Swooned." And I collapsed in a heap.

  "Dropping her staff, I might point out," Malora explained. Everyone was quiet. Malora continued. "And this is why my companion again wears pink hair."

  The various 'victims' began to rise, but I stayed where I was.

  "Why, Queen Malora?"

  "She violated orders. I told her to see to the leader, but leave the rest for me. She clearly did not do so."

  Nori stepped forward. "Battles rarely go according to plan."

  Ralla stood up. "A good Amazon evaluates the situation and keeps her orders in mind, but she then uses her judgment."

  "My companion's judgment was sound," Malora said. "And her execution flawless."

  "Not true," I said from the ground. "You told me later my form was flawed."

  She laughed. "Your results speak for themselves," she said. "Someone pick her up."

  Nori and Ralla stepped up to me and lifted me to my feet. They turned me to face my queen, who closed the distance and looked at me, then pulled me into a hug. "I am so proud of you, Maya."

  The women cheered.

  She turned to Omie. "I am sorry you must share your celebration with my companion."

  "I am honored to share my celebration with Maya," Omie said. She stepped forward and hugged me. "I knew you could do it."

  "Only because all of you kept working with me," I said.

  "Maya does not fight to Amazon standards," Malora said. "And she may never do so. But that is not the duty of every companion. The day with the bandits, she fought far better than the bandits, and I am proud."

  I pulled away from the hugs I was receiving. "I must thank my trainers." I caressed Nori and Malora first, then Omie and Vorine.

  "We didn't work with staff with you," Vorine said.

  "No, but you gave me confidence, which is what I needed the most."

  Then I turned to Parlomith, but before I could say anything, Malora spoke up. "When we left Queen's Town, Maya could easily have handled the leader, although she did not perhaps have all the instincts required."

  Parlomith stood up. "And then I trained her."

  "Yes," I said. "And I thank you, Parlomith. Without your lesson, I may not have swung my staff as firmly as I did. I may not have taken the leader down so readily. I may not have taken the next four as readily, either."

  "She would, however, have followed orders," Malora said. "She would have kept the leader engaged, and she may have dispatched him. She may not have. I may have had to finish it, but with him busy, I would have finished the rest."

  "You don't know that."

  "Fights like this are uncertain," Malora said. "But do you question my judgment on this?"

  Parlomith thought about it. "No. But this is why you need me here."

  "About that," Malora said. "I have made my decision. Everyone else sit down, please."

  We all took our seats.

  "Parlomith, you are far too valuable a warrior to be tied to training the beginners," Malora said. "I wish you to depart Queen's Town at your convenience. I believe you should be fighting demons, not spending your time training our youth. Queen's Town is full, perhaps overfull, so I recommend you return to Northglen, or if you are not welcome there, perhaps another understaffed village could use a fine warrior such as yourself."

  "But-" said Parlomith, vexed. "I get results."

  "You get results, all right," Malora said, her eyes narrowing. "But I have selected two Amazons already living in Queen's Town to train the newest companions. Vorine and Omie get results. They get excellent results, and with Nori's blessing, I have asked them to take this responsibility. They have accepted."

  "Yes!" said Bea, jumping to her feet. She pulled Omie and Vorine into hugs. "Yes!"

  "This will free Nori to more directly oversee the training at the other villages," Malora said. "It was not your training that brought this reluctant Amazon to treat the bandits with such skill, it was Nori's."

  "But-" said Parlomith. "They are just girls, one of them still a companion, and the other barely able to handle the voice of one demon."

  "They get results," Malora said. "They get results that please me greatly. If you doubt my word, we would be happy to provide a demonstration of their results tomorrow. But I am chief of this village, and I am queen of all Amazons, and this decision is mine!" Malora thundered the last words. "It was not yours. I had not given you my answer when I left Northglen, and when I saw your 'results' on my companion's body, the only reason you're still alive is because she begged me for your life."

  "She was slacking and needed a good beating to learn her place," Parlomith said.

  "Neela! What is the primary responsibility of an Amazon companion?"

  "To soothe the soul of our warrior," she answered immediately.

  "Aura, what does that require?"

  "Um. My warrior touches me. A lot."

  "Mine holds me," Bea said. "Closely. When the voices are bad, she nearly squeezes the stuffing from me."

  "You beat my companion so badly she couldn't stand to be held," Malora said. "You did this in one day of training. I examined her body, and it was nearly impossible to touch her without causing her additional discomfort. And it does not soothe my soul when my companion winces under my touch. If she were a lesser companion, I would have been without her touch for a week, after leaving her in your care for a single day. Are these the results you talk about, Parlomith?" Malora said.

  "Of course not," Parlomith said. "But-"

  "But!" Malora said, "I am queen! And unless you are here to challenge me, you will depart. You may depart before a demonstration of the results my newest trainers achieve, or after. Frankly, I am hoping for after, but it is up to you."

  Parlomith smiled. "Oh, I can't wait to see this demonstration," she said. "I will be sure to share it widely."

  "And you will leave afterwards," Malora said. "You will never be a trainer as long as I am queen, not here and not anywhere else. You
are a fine warrior and an asset to the Amazons, and I hope you graciously accept my decree."

  Parlomith studied Malora for some time, and I was filled with dread she would challenge my queen. Then she stepped back. "As you say," Parlomith said. "You are queen, and I am not here to challenge you. Where will you send me?"

  And that was when I knew she wasn't welcome in Northglen anymore, either. "I will not send you anywhere," Malora said. "You may go to any village that will have you, but I forbid you to train the companions. Parlomith, you are a valuable warrior. Accept that and your sisters will accept you."

  She nodded and sat down.

  Malora looked around. "I believe there is one more issue to be discussed, and then I require music." She grinned. "I have heard there is a story to tell about rabbit snares. I believe I wish to hear it."

  She sat down and my friends stood up. "There isn't a story," Bea said. "Not really. But." She paused. "We placed more snares."

  "Twelve more," Aura said, "in places between here and Backbend Gulch."

  "They don't take too much extra time to check," Bea explained. "Lidi took us out and helped us find places for them."

  "She taught us to camp and make a fire," Neela said.

  "So, not much of a story," Bea said. "But we thought you would want to know. We want to continue to go with you when you check your snares."

  "And we thought we should share all the snares," Aura said. "And we'll all help check all of them."

  "Our warriors agreed this was a good solution, as it only takes two of us to check each day, but there are four of us, so we can share the duty," explained Bea.

  I stood up. "Actually, there are three, at least most days. I have accepted new duties here, and I was going to give you my snares. But I will happily go with you on some days, if I am invited."

  Omie and Vorine stood up. "Queen Malora, we believe the companions should not always practice in the training grounds here. We believe some days they should train in other locations. It is good to learn to fight in a variety of places."

  Malora laughed and agreed.

  And so, we had a new plan.

  Patrol