by Toni Aleo
Nineteen years. Nineteen years have passed and I haven’t met anyone who had me wanting more. Even with Delanie, it was nothing more than really great sex. I didn’t get awestruck in her presence or want to gobble her up and never let go. Just lying next to Avery has me wanting to morph my body into hers so I’ll never be away from her. Insane, right? A little creepy? I know! So why? What the hell happened to me? Why is this happening?
“Do you have any more condoms?” When I open my eyes, her heated gaze is staring into mine. “Figured one more time for the road.”
I have no clue what is going on, but I do know I can’t get enough. I don’t even answer her. I reach up, grabbing a condom out of the drawer as her hand trails up the length of me. Her hands are like soft velvet along my skin. Every spot she touches, white heat appears and then gooseflesh rises. She does something to my body no one has ever done before, and it’s the most amazing thing I’ve ever experienced. As my cock stands at attention, her fingers run circles around the base of me, her gaze holding mine.
“Only if you want to, that is,” she whispers and I can’t answer her. My heart is in my throat. My body is so tight, I swear it’s about to snap as she takes the condom from me. Wrapping her hair around my hand, I pull her to me, kissing her long and hard as she grips my cock in her small, delicate hand. When her tongue pushes into my mouth, I’m breathless from the taste of her. She tears her mouth from mine and I think it’s to put the condom on, but then her mouth is on me…and, yeah, I’m dead.
“Oh fuck,” I gasp as she sucks me to the back of her throat, her fingers dancing along the base of my cock. Arching into her mouth, I watch as her eyes close. Her face flushes as her hair drapes along my thighs, and man, she’s gorgeous. Her shoulders are thin, and her skin is blotchy with red marks. I hate them. Her skin is too soft, too beautiful to have those hard spots from our lovemaking.
Oh Jesus, did I say lovemaking?
Fuck me.
But before I can dwell on that for long, she moves her mouth up and down me in a rhythm that has my toes curling and my back arching off the trampoline, wanting to go as deep as I can inside her hot mouth. Slipping my fingers into her hair, I love how long it is, how softly and perfectly it wraps around my fingers. As she increases her rhythm, I can’t help it, I thrust into her mouth, unable to get enough. When she gags, though, I pause.
“Sorry,” I find myself saying like a damn pussy.
Shit, I’m exactly what she said. A wannabe player. How sad. But she doesn’t seem to mind and continues her mindless assault on me. My body tenses and I know I’m almost there. I want to blow my load to the back of her throat, I do, but I don’t think she’s that kind of girl. And plus, I have to be in her one more time. Pulling her head back, she looks up at me, her lips swollen, her eyes watering, and I swear, could she be any more exquisite? Bringing her to me, I take her mouth with mine as she melts against me, her body molding into mine.
“You were almost done,” she whispers against my lips as I roll her over, covering her body with mine. The trampoline is so small, it’s really only supposed to be used to jump on to get to the top bunk. Some stupid thing Jude came up with, and I really didn’t think it through when I laid her down on it. As I bring her leg up, a spring digs into my knee. But I have one thing on my mind, and it sure as hell isn’t the pain I’m feeling in my knee. Or the fact that I’m going to be sore. It was the first place I could get her to that was comfortable, and I have every intention of continuing to make it work.
Remembering her words, I say, “Yeah, I know, but I want to be inside you when I come.”
My voice is rough as I tear the condom open, sheathing myself as she watches. Directing myself into her hot, tight body, I close my eyes and thrust into her until I completely disappear. The fit is tight, so fucking tight, and I love it. Fucking love it. I look down at her and her mouth is parted. She’s gasping for breath and she looks so small beneath me. The room isn’t lit completely yet, but the warm glow makes her body sparkle and I’m spellbound by her.
She’s like a little pixie.
My little pixie.
Pulling out, I thrust back in, my name falling from her lips in such a way that has me slamming back into her. I love the way she feels, the way her body fits mine and sucks me in. I have no clue where she has been all my life, but it’s like I’m seeing beauty for the first time. Like, have I ever really seen that color brown in someone’s hair before? It’s almost a whiskey color, a little red in there too. Her eyes…I’ve never seen such turquoise depths that capture me the way her eyes do. Her lips, so full and soft, but have I ever actually seen a real Cupid’s bow mouth? I don’t think so. I’ve never been graced by such beauty, and I really don’t know how I’m supposed to walk away from her with my heart still in my chest.
Soon, my thrusts become more urgent, more needful, and I’m pounding into her like there is no tomorrow. Each thrust stealing her breath and mine. As her eyes roll to the back of her head and she squeezes me tighter, I’m lost. It just isn’t fair. When I come, I come hard, her body clenching around mine. Lights go off behind my eyes as her nails dig into my back, and soon, I’m jerking into her. I groan hard and my heart is pounding as her nails continue to dig into my skin. When I fall on top of her, she welcomes me, her arms coming around me to hold me. Rolling to the side, I cuddle her into my arms, still inside her, before kissing her forehead. My breath is harsh, my body still shaking against hers as her leg hooks across my hip.
Nothing is said for a very long time, and I still don’t know what is going on.
Am I fucking?
Or am I making love?
That’s a question that needs to be answered. But when her eyes meet mine, I don’t know how to ask without sound like a pussy-whipped sap. Thankfully, she speaks first.
“Why is it so good?” Her eyes are wide and it’s obvious she didn’t mean to say that out loud.
All I can do is shrug as I swallow loudly. “I’m sure you don’t want some line for that.”
“I don’t. I want the truth.”
“If I had it, I’d give it to you.”
“It’s odd. Like mind-blowing, great sex doesn’t come along like this.”
“I know,” I agree, my heart still pounding in cadence with hers.
“What’s your dream, Jace?”
I’m confused by the out-of-left-field kind of question, but I don’t hesitate. “To be in the NHL, to be the best damn scorer in the league.”
“Yeah, I figured.”
“What do you mean?” I ask, confused.
“Nothing, just had to remind myself of something.” She then moves away, pulling my cock out of her with ease. Reaching down, I pull off the condom, throwing it in the trash can, and when I look back, she’s reaching down for her pants.
“Which is?”
She looks back at me as she untangles her panties from her jeans. “Nothing.”
“No, it’s something, and why are you leaving?”
“’Cause I need to,” she says with a smile.
She probably does. “Okay, but what’s the something?”
She shakes her head. “Simple. That we are both on two different paths.”
I have no clue what she is talking about. “What path are you on?”
“The one to the top.”
“Me too.”
“Two different tops, though,” she says simply before standing up and pulling her jeans up faster than ever. For someone who said seconds ago she didn’t want to leave, she sure did get dressed quickly. “We don’t have the same end goal.”
“Sorry, I have no clue what is going on here.”
She smiles as she reaches for her bra before sitting back on the side of the trampoline. “It’s just that we are both so set on our dreams, we don’t need something getting in the way. This could get in the way if we let it.”
I hold her gaze as she puts her bra on and then her shirt. I get what she is saying and I agree, but is it fair to just shut this down? I don’t think so,
but I know I should. Unsure how I feel about any of this or even how I should feel, I stand up, getting dressed quickly.
“You don’t have to walk me home.”
“I want to.” When I look up, her lip is quirked at one side as she watches me slide on some shoes before pulling on a Bullies teal pullover. Reaching for the beanie that I think was Jayden’s, I put that on my head before walking toward the door.
“Let’s go,” I say, opening the door for her. When Markus falls into the room, we both look at each other before dissolving into laughter.
“Asshole, I told you I was tired,” he complains as he crawls toward his bed.
Shaking my head, I say, “Sweet dreams, sweet pea.”
His answer is to flip me the bird as I take Avery’s hand and lead her up the stairs and out of the house. It’s overcast and cold when we end up outside, which is why I grabbed my pullover.
“Jeez, it’s freezing,” she says as she shivers.
“Not from these parts?” I ask as I pull off my pullover and hand it to her. She takes it willingly.
“No, but it was hot last night.”
“Yeah, welcome to fall in Tennessee. Freezing in the morning, Satan’s asshole in the afternoon.” She giggles at that before taking my hand. “So where are you from?”
“Princeton, New Jersey.”
“Cool, what brought you here?”
“Music.”
I nod and it becomes a little clearer. “So the dream you were speaking of involves you in lights, millions screaming your name?”
She grins. “Something like that.”
“Cool, you’ve got talent.”
“I’ve heard you do too,” she says, deflecting my compliment, and I grin.
“You’ll have to come see for yourself.”
“Maybe,” she says, but I can tell it’s not a promise. Soon, we fall into an easy conversation about classes and campus. When I find out her schedule, which involves a whole lot of music stuff, I realize why I haven’t seen her before. If I hadn’t left my car where I had, I probably never would have met her.
Now, that’s a depressing thought.
“So which do you want more? To be the singer or the songwriter?”
“Either. I love writing, but I love singing too. I want to sing for people. I want to hear my music on the radio. I want to change lives, better people, and all that jazz.”
“You can do it.”
“Thanks.”
When she tucks our hands into the front of my pullover, I smile. But then she stops. “Well, here we are.”
Shit, already? I was so caught up in everything she was saying I hadn’t realized we were already across campus. Sullenly, I nod, turning to face her. Her face is flushed, her little nose red and so freaking cute. Grinning up at me, she looks shy. “Thanks for walking me. I hadn’t realized it was such a long walk.”
“My pleasure.”
Her eyes darken before she takes a step forward. She goes onto her toes as I take her face in my hands, but I don’t kiss her. I can’t let this be the last time I see her. I have to know more. I need to know her.
Holding her gaze, I say, “Let’s go out.”
Her brow rises. “Go out?”
“Yeah, a date.”
“Ugh, labels. I don’t like those, and also, I don’t date,” she reminds me, her hands coming up onto mine.
“Yeah, I know, but give me a bye on that.”
She bites her lips, her eyes searching mine. I feel I’ve got her, but she shakes her head. “I said I wouldn’t date anyone when I came here.”
“That was before you met me,” I say with a wink and she grins.
She’s still working that lip, and I am sure I can sway her, but then she says, “No, Jace, sorry.”
I don’t let her go, though, even when she tries to turn out of my grip. I hold her. “Fine, friends with benefits. I can’t let you go, Avery. I’m nowhere near full from what you gave me.”
Her cheeks redden as she gives me a cheeky grin. “Friends with benefits means we have to be friends.”
“So, be my friend,” I say simply.
“I don’t know you.”
“So, get to know me.”
“Like dating?”
“Wow, who’s labeling what now? I’m just trying to get to know you, be friends.”
Her expression is challenging as she rolls her eyes. “I don’t know.”
“You know you want to.”
Her lips curve as she shrugs. “I don’t want that, though.”
“You don’t want a friend? I find that hard to believe,” I supply and she laughs.
“You know what I mean.”
“No, I don’t. Now, what are you doing tonight?”
Her brows come together as her eyes narrow. She’s on to me, but I don’t care. I refuse to let this girl go without the reassurance of more. “I can’t do anything. I have a gig at Get Coffee.”
“Who said anything about doing anything? I’m just saying I might show up.”
“Show up?”
“Yeah, maybe we can get some coffee afterward, and I’ll take you outside and do you against the wall.”
That has her giggling, but she doesn’t shoot me down as her lips touch mine. Wrapping my arms around her ribs, I hold her tightly as I kiss her long and hard, hoping to make her realize she can’t walk away from this. Because doesn’t she feel how our lips just fit so perfectly? That it’s hard to stop kissing her. Why stop something so perfect? It seems almost wrong.
But soon, she’s the one pulling away, kissing my lips one last time before breaking free of my arms.
“See you later,” she says, walking away in my pullover, and I let her go. Gives me a reason to find her later if she blows me off tonight. Though, I doubt she will. She wants me.
And I want her.
“Tonight,” I promise, and when she grins back at me, I know that’s one promise I refuse to break.
And no matter how big of a loser it makes me appear…
I’ll be front row, cheering her on.
Closing the door behind me, I lean against it and suck in a deep breath and then let it back out.
My heart hasn’t slowed since I walked away from him.
From Jace.
Oh God, why does my heart race just at the thought of his name?
Pressing a hand to my chest, I let out another breath as butterflies, or better yet, June bugs go crazy in my belly. Holy shit, what happened in that little room downstairs? I wanted crazy, fun, one-night stand sex, but that’s not what I got. I got a night full of feelings of completion, oneness—but most of all, sexcapades of awesomeness that lasted well into the morning. The bad part is, I want more. So much more. And he wants it too. I could see it in his eyes, I could feel it in the way he touched me, and I don’t know what to do about it.
Do I give in and say screw it, have some fun, or do I stay on my track? I had one plan: take my dreams by the horns and ride them into the sunset. I want to do demos, perform as much as possible, and fucking live. Live the life I want, the one I am proud of, the one that has me in the spotlight for once over my brothers. I want to show people that I’m special. That I’m fucking important! As sad as it sounds, I want to make my parents proud.
I don’t know why, and I really can’t explain it… No, wait, I can. I want them to see me for once. To see that I can be successful. That my dreams are important. That, hell, I’m just as vital as my brothers. That there is more to life than fucking hockey. Ugh, why am I about to cry?
Because I just want to be seen.
And Jace, he sees me.
But, hell, he’s a damn hockey player. He’s one of those who thinks life revolves around the damn sport. And I like him? I want him? What the hell is wrong with me? Knowing my luck, he’ll be just like my family, and I’ll be back on the back burner. He is everything I don’t want in my life. He’s basically my brothers… No, I’m wrong or I’m trying to make him into something he isn’t because I’m scared of what I
’m feeling.
Jace isn’t my family. He’s kind, I’m attracted to him, and above all, he sees me. Shit, is that why I’m hung up on him? What, the first guy who pays attention to me, I fall to my knees and suck off?
God, I’m fucking pathetic.
I promised myself I wouldn’t let this happen. I wouldn’t get caught up in the first guy I saw, and now, I’ve done just that. I’m completely caught up in Jace Sinclair, and I don’t know if I can fight it. Should I? Should I fight something that feels so right? What if I never feel like this ever again? What if this is it?
But hadn’t I thought that about Caleb?
I had, but I was a younger. He was the first guy who told me I was pretty. The first one to kiss me, and he ultimately took my virginity. I thought he was everything, the one, but I was so wrong. So fucking wrong. Usually, girls are at that age. Unlike other girls, I didn’t get over it the way I should have. Instead, our relationship ended so badly and so horribly that, to this day, I still feel the effects of it. It’s hard to shake those kinds of feelings. Especially when you have a constant reminder that you loved with your whole heart before, staring back at you every time you’re naked.
Jace didn’t see those marks, though, and I’m thankful for that. I have become a ninja at hiding them. I don’t want to share that part of myself with anyone. I want to forget what happened, and I’m sure no one would ever be able to comprehend how it all went down, or even what I did. No, that’s something that needs to stay locked down inside me.
But I already know that, and reiterating that doesn’t fix what is going on with Jace. Doesn’t help me figure out what I’m going to do. Do I just ride it out? Have fun? Friends with benefits, like he said? Can I do that? I just don’t know, because the way I feel right now is unbelievable. It’s like my heart is singing for him.
Like he’s my song.
I have to write.
Sitting down, even though I really need to shower, I reach for my guitar leaning against my desk. Glancing at the bed, I see that Mekena isn’t there. I wonder where she is and why I’m just now noticing she isn’t here. I am thinking entirely too hard about Jace, and I wish that made me stop.