by Toni Aleo
“Realize that I’m overreacting?”
She shrugs, a forgiving smile on her face. “Just a tad bit.”
“Yeah, but it’s such a sore spot for me.”
“I understand that.”
“He didn’t even try to comfort me as I was spilling my soul to him. I saw it in his eyes. All he cared about was that my dad could ruin him.”
“Well, Avery, he’s been working years to get to the NHL. You can’t really blame him. When you want something so badly and something threatens that, you really don’t think straight,” she says. I don’t want to get mad at her, but I’m pretty sure she’s taking Jace’s side. “I mean, look. He put a hole in our door because you wanted to remove yourself from the equation of you two. He freaked. Is that right? No, he could have done it a different way. But he was still honest with you. Like you would want any other time.”
Okay, maybe she’s right in that respect, but what does that mean? Do I call and tell him I made a mistake? Do I apologize? Shaking my head, I get up and go to my closet. “I need time to think.”
“Yeah, you do,” she agrees and I look back at her.
I go to say more, but then I notice her eyes are bloodshot, her cheeks covered in dried tears. Raising my brows, I ask, “You weren’t crying over all this? This is my problem.”
She shakes her head. “Nope, just like you, today has sucked for me too.”
Coming to the bed, I lean my hip against my bedpost, wiping my face free of the tears that are drying to my face. “What happened?”
She sucks in a breath and soon tears are spilling over her cheeks. Surprised, I fall onto the bed, taking her hand with mine as she waves me off with the other. “It’s dumb.”
“No, it can’t be if you’re crying. What happened?”
She bites into her lip and lets out a breath. “Markus and I were seeing each other, right?”
Oh shit, she said, “were.” Damn it, I thought things were good for them, but obviously, I was wrong. Just like I was with Jace, I guess. But, no, even I know that isn’t true. Ignoring my own issues, I say, “Yeah.”
“Well, Tuesday night we went out and he put the moves on me. I told him I wasn’t ready to do that because I wanted to get to know him better. You know, I’m not that kind of girl—but I’m not saying you are,” she says quickly and my lips curve. Not into a smile, because believe me, I will probably never smile again, but a smirk, nonetheless. “Anyway, he was cool with it, or so I thought, because he just texted me this morning and said he was really sorry, he couldn’t see me anymore. I asked why. And he said, ‘Because I slept with your sister last night.’”
My jaw drops. “What?”
“Yeah.”
“No, what? Markus slept with your sister?”
Bubbling with a sob, she nods. “Yeah, and when I asked Skylar about it, she said it was a mistake, they were drunk. But it really doesn’t matter ’cause we weren’t together anyway.” The hole in my chest widens as I wrap my arms around her. “It doesn’t matter that we weren’t together, I love him. I’ve always loved him.”
Her sobs shake her body against mine and I just hold her, my own tears rushing down my face again and into her hair. “I’m so sorry.”
Shaking her head, she cuddles into me. “But unlike Jace, neither Markus nor Skylar are trying to tear my door down to apologize or make things better. Instead, I’ve been in this room crying all day. So make sure you think that over. Realize that not everyone has a Jace chasing them. And yeah, he may choose his words wrong, but his actions speak louder. And there is nothing more important than you where his love is concerned.”
Her words rock my soul as I gather her tighter into my arms. I feel horrible for her, and I, of course, wish Markus to the fiery depths of hell, but I also feel horrible for Jace.
This whole time I was worried he’d break my heart. But really, I’m pretty darn sure I broke his instead.
The irony of it is suffocating.
But what a great melody it could become… Because as much as I think I walked away and let him go, I know our love song isn’t over.
It can’t be.
I didn’t sleep well last night.
Mainly because I kept replaying our conversation over and over again. I dissected each word. The way he looked at me. The way his body was so taut. He was nervous, scared. And I understand that, but I ripped myself open, letting him see everything. And it wasn’t enough. I see the conversation between him and Caleb, and the pain is just overwhelming.
Especially since he hasn’t texted me since he left my door.
I thought at the time I was making the right decision. I’m so tired of being second best, of being the afterthought. But now, maybe I’m going about this all wrong. He was visibly upset, and now that I’ve spent most of the night thinking about it, I know he was trying to talk to me. Trying to figure out where to go from where we were. And instead of moving with him, I just shut down. I assumed the worst, with good reason, and called it off.
He needed reassurance, not me freaking the fuck out, but all I saw was him leaving me.
And that can’t happen.
Even though it kind of has.
Will he even talk to me?
I don’t know, but I feel like I’m dying and I haven’t even hurt myself. Nor do I want to. Which is huge for me. What I want is to know the truth, I want to have the facts, and the only way I can have those is by confronting my father, my brothers. I’m not sure what is going to happen and that scares me, but before I even try to apologize to Jace, reassure him that we are good, I need to get home and talk to my family.
But when I get home, no one is there.
“Welcome home, Ms. Haverbrooke,” our butler—if that’s even what they are called now—says.
I roll my eyes, waving Julian off. He’s worked for my family since my dad became the commissioner. It’s a little ostentatious in my opinion, but my dad loves him. So, whatever. “I’ve asked you for years not to call me that. It’s Avery.”
He smiles as he takes my bags. “Nonetheless, welcome home.”
“Where is my mom? Dad?”
He grimaces as I walk beside him through our massive house. I hate this house. It’s too big, too empty, but Dad wanted the best of the best. It’s never felt like a home—hell, the first time I even felt like I was home was when Jace wrapped his arms around me. “They are out to dinner with your brothers.”
“Couldn’t wait for me, I guess,” I mutter and his arm comes over my shoulders as we enter the kitchen. Laying my bag down, he pats my back.
“No worries. I made you your favorite, rice and beans.”
Which is a hell of a lot better than dinner with people who don’t care to wait for me.
As I eat, I try to sound happy, raving about my life in Nashville. But I know it rings a little false. While, yes, things are going great, I miss Jace. I know that Julian notices me checking my phone every second on the second. I just wish Jace would text me, but then, why don’t I text him? I’m the one who lost my shit; I’m the one who needs to apologize.
“Waiting on a call?” Julian asks and I shrug at his grin.
“I wish,” I say, checking it once more. “But I’m not.”
“No special man?” He grins, waggling his big, bushy black eyebrows at me and I shrug because, should I even say I do? Do I? Blah, I need to just text him. I’m worried about him, his knee, and also, I want to know if he’s playing tonight. I need to swallow my pride and text him. I’m going crazy without him. I don’t like how it ended, and I sure as hell can’t shake the look of desperation he gave me.
Before I can answer Julian, though, the back door opens and in spills my family.
“Avery! You’re here!” Mom squeals, coming toward me, wrapping me up in a tight hug. “I thought your plane didn’t get in till late?”
Of course you didn’t, I think. But instead, I say, “No, I got in at five.”
“Oh, how did you get home?”
“I called Reed
.”
“Oh, good. So he won’t get you later,” she giggles, kissing my temple. “You okay? You look a little sick.”
She moves her hand along my cheek, and I shrug. “Yeah, I’m fine.”
She grins, kissing my nose once more before my dad’s booming voice fills the kitchen. “It’s so good to have everyone home.”
Yeah. I bet.
When Mom moves out of my line of sight, I see my three older brothers standing side by side, on their phones. They are all the same height, huge, with big shoulders, Laurence the littlest one out of all of them. Like me, they all have dark hair and the same eyes, but that’s all we share. Which is pathetic. I grew up with these three, and they might as well be strangers.
When Seth looks up, his gaze meeting mine, I glare. “You asshole.”
My mom gasps as my dad’s brows pull together, and I slowly stand. I have been going through what I am going to say to him all day. I’m ready to pounce, but he catches me off guard when he laughs. “Guessing your little boyfriend didn’t know?”
“Know what?” Mom asks.
“Boyfriend? You’re dating someone? Is that smart?” Dad asks as Matty glares.
“Yeah, Dad. She’s dating Jace Sinclair.”
“Sinclair, Sinclair, I know that name. The brothers, first-round picks, Jude and…Hayden?”
“Jayden,” I correct and he nods.
“That’s right, and then Jace, the youngest, he was supposed to go in with Laurence,” he says, pointing to my brother, who only raises his hand, completely bored with this conversation. “You’re dating the youngest? When did this happen?”
“About a month ago,” I bite out, hating that no one knows me around here. I post picture upon picture of Jace and me, hoping for some kind of reaction from someone in this damn house, but no one cares. It’s such bullshit.
“Hm, okay,” he says slowly, looking back at my mom. “Make sure you tell the doctor.”
“I’m fine,” I yell, and everyone’s gaze is on me.
“You don’t look fine,” Seth says. “You look sick.”
I glare as Matty says, “What, did he break up with you? You suicidal again?”
“Matthew Robert!” my mom shrieks and I just glare, staring into the face that is the male version of my own.
“Matthew, that is not okay,” my dad barks at him, but Matty doesn’t care. He grins, his arms crossing over his chest.
“For your information, I’m fine.”
“Yep, don’t care.”
I want to hit him. So damn badly. Tearing my gaze from him, I look at Seth and say, “But you couldn’t let it be. You had to tell his brother what I did, paint me out to be crazy, and then tell him that dad will ruin his career like he did Caleb’s? Which turns me into a liar ’cause that never happened!”
“Yes, it did,” Seth says, and he shrugs. “I told nothing but the truth. No need for you to ruin another guy’s life ’cause you’re not stable.”
“I am stable,” I yell, my blood boiling and the hair on my arms standing at attention.
“Eh, I wouldn’t go that far,” Seth says simply. “It isn’t normal to want to kill yourself over a guy.”
That has Matty and Laurence laughing while my mom’s face twists in horror. My dad is glaring, but he doesn’t say anything as Matty goes, “Shit, let her. Maybe then I won’t have any competition in the draft.”
“Yeah, really,” Laurence says, shaking his head. “’Cause you aren’t going first with that kid in.”
“You guys are sick and pathetic and liars. Because Dad did not mess up Caleb’s career. Did you, Dad?” I ask, turning to him, and he shakes his head.
“Why would I? It isn’t his fault you did what you did.”
“Yeah, Avery. It’s no one’s fault but yours,” Matty retorts, and tears start to sting my eyes.
Looking over at him, I nod. “No, Caleb didn’t tell me to do it or anything. He didn’t write whore across my locker or even taunt me to the point of a mental breakdown. Nope, that wasn’t him, huh?”
Matty shrugs as my parents both look lost. Even Seth and Laurence are confused. “Guess not.”
“Guess it wasn’t you who stood by and watched him ruin my life, beg me to leave this world because I was nothing, huh?”
His lips curve into a grin and he shrugs again. “Nope, guess not.”
“Matty, is that true?” my mom asks, her eyes wide.
“She’s insane, Mom. I don’t know. You might want to up her meds.”
“Fuck you,” I scream, taking a step toward him. “You are a worthless piece of shit who will never amount to anything ’cause you take pride in hurting other people.”
He scoffs. “You are the only one I don’t care about, Avery. I mean, how could I? When all you do is beg for attention instead of shutting your fucking mouth.”
Turning to my parents, I hold my hand out to my brothers. “Do you see this? Do you see how they treat me, and yet you do nothing,” I yell and Matty laughs.
“Why would they? All you do is bitch and moan. ‘No one loves me.’ ‘All you care about is hockey.’ Me, me, me. All you care about is yourself. You’re the selfish, poor excuse for a human.”
I glare, my heart pounding in my ears. I swear to God, I have no clue who this person is. Family isn’t supposed to do this to you. Especially the person you shared a womb with. “Why do you even talk to me, Matty?”
“Believe me, I don’t want to.”
“Then I’m gone. All of you, I’m gone. You’ll never ever have to deal with me again,” I sneer as I back away, looking at each of the faces of the people who are my so-called family.
“Now, Avery, calm down. There is no reason to act like this,” my dad says, but I shake my head.
“Are you coming to my showcase in March?”
He pauses and looks to my mom for help, but she shrugs. “Now, Avery, you know that I can’t get away easily…”
“So that’s a no.”
“Well, let me see what I can do—”
“But you got time off for Matty’s and Laurence’s first games. For Seth’s game in Jersey. But you can’t get off for something that’s in five months? Can’t move your schedule around?”
“Avery, that’s different. I have to know the talent coming up.”
“No, it’s ’cause I don’t matter to anyone in this house. I’m just a fucking problem. Someone who is always in the way.”
“That’s not true,” my mom says, taking a step toward me. “Honey, we love you.”
“Yeah, maybe you love me, but you sure as hell don’t care about me. That’s fine. I’m done with this family.”
With that, I turn to walk away, just as Matty says, “Oh, there she goes, attention-seeking Avery throwing a fit ’cause no one is up her ass.”
Turning around, I bite out, “Fuck off.”
“Don’t you see why you are treated the way you are? Because you’re pathetic. No one cares. Hell, half of us don’t even love you.”
“Matthew,” my parents exclaim, but Matty doesn’t care, he just glares.
“So please, don’t lie to us. Keep your promise.”
“Why don’t you just shut the fuck up?”
“Make me.”
I really don’t know what gets into me. I don’t even know what is happening, but then I’m across the room, slamming my fist into his chest. But he’s so much bigger than me and he just swats me away. Hard. I lose my footing, slamming my face into the counter. Then I’m on the floor, and his laughter is filling the room as my mom rushes to me.
“Honey!”
Smacking her hands away, I sit up, the tears burning my eyes, pain throbbing along my nose, and blood dripping down my lips. Narrowing my eyes at Matty, I say, “I hate you.”
“Same here, sweetheart,” he says with a wink.
My body is shaking with anger as I get up slowly, ignoring the help my mother is trying to give me. I refuse to be weak. I refuse to let him know he hurt me. So I hold my head high, covering
my injured nose as I walk out of the kitchen.
And no one stops me.
Because I don’t fucking matter.
Reaching my room, I push the door open and go straight to my bathroom to clean up. Holding on to the sink, I suck in a sob as my blood drips into my sink. The last time blood was on this sink, I caused it. I sat here and dragged the knife so far into my skin that my wrists still burn to this day. I can still see the blood pouring from them and the feeling of weakness spilling from my body. I can’t do this anymore. I can’t be around these people.
They only hurt me.
When a towel appears in front of my face, I look up to see Julian. Taking it from him, I sniff before holding it to my face. “Don’t cry, Avery,” he says, cupping my shoulder. “They aren’t worth your tears.” My head jerks in a nod as he smiles. “Anything you need?”
Jace. I need Jace.
Shaking my head, my voice is muffled as I say, “No, I’m fine. I’m just gonna go to bed.”
“Okay, call for me if you do.”
“Thank you,” I say as he turns and leaves the room, shutting my door in the process. Closing my eyes, I lean back into the sink and then slide down it, welcoming the pain of the knobs digging into my back. When my butt hits the floor, I shake my head, unsure why this is the family God chose for me. Why couldn’t I get a supportive, loving family like Jace? Yeah, it’s a little damaged, but aren’t we all? I know I am.
That shouldn’t matter. My mom should love me—they all should—but yet no one hasn’t even come to check on me. Nope. Nothing. I just don’t understand, but it’s starting to make me realize that maybe it wasn’t me who wasn’t enough. Maybe it was they who weren’t enough for me. Maybe I’m not the problem, or it isn’t even hockey that’s the problem.
It’s them.
Because Jace wouldn’t ever let that happen, neither would his momma. Hell, his whole family. They would never speak to each other like that. They would be there for each other, lifting each other up. Hell, they do the same for me, and they don’t even know me. Yeah, they may wrestle and be silly, but they would never push someone with the intent to hurt them. No, only the people who are my blood do this to me. What did I ever do to deserve this?