by Blair Grey
“Fishing,” Holly said immediately, without spending even a moment thinking about it. She shook her head. “Montana’s just beautiful. Gorgeous, really. And I know it’s beautiful down here as well, but it’s just different. I had this place that I'd go to in Montana, up in the mountains, and the scenery was just breathtaking. And the fish were always biting. You could take a canoe out on the lake and spend the whole day drinking in the surroundings. You felt small, you know? Like there was a great big world out there, and you were lucky enough to be a part of it.”
She laughed, looking embarrassed. “Sorry, I’m babbling. I just miss it.”
I shook my head. “Don’t apologize,” I told her. But in my head, I was already formulating a plan, even before she said her next words.
“It’s just so dry around here. I can’t help thinking that it’s all so dead looking. Dusty and dirty. I knew that it was going to be dry before I moved down here, but I didn’t really realize how that would affect me. I thought I’d appreciate having a little more sun and warmth in my life. But I don’t know.”
“Put your fork down,” I said, getting up.
Holly gave me a startled look. “But—”
“No,” I interrupted. “Come on, put your fork down.” I grinned crookedly at her. “Trust me.”
“Okay,” Holly said, shaking her head with a grin on her face. “What are you planning?”
“It’s a surprise,” I told her, taking her hand and leading her toward the door.
“Wait.” Holly giggled. “I still have to pay my bill.”
I rolled my eyes fondly at her and tossed some money on the table. “That should cover it,” I said. “Now come on.” We went out the front door, and I led her over to my motorcycle, pulling the second helmet out. “You’re going to need this.”
Holly’s eyes widened. “I don’t know,” she said.
“You don’t strike me as the kind of girl to be scared of riding a motorcycle,” I said.
“I’m not!” Holly said, and I could hear a touch of indignation to her voice.
I laughed. “Then come on!” I told her, swinging atop the motorcycle and waiting for her to swing on behind me. She put her hands on my waist, and I could tell how uncertain she was, but when I looked back, she was grinning eagerly. Oh, she was game.
She was the first woman I’d ever had on the back of my bike, but it felt right. And besides, this was the quickest way to get her to the place I wanted to show her. I kicked the bike into gear, and we roared out of town, following the dusty highway for a little while before turning off onto a smaller road. It was about a forty-five-minute drive, and I hoped that was okay with her. But she didn’t seem like she wanted to complain about it.
Gradually, her arms relaxed around me, and I could tell that she was actually just enjoying the ride. I tried to remember how I had felt my first time on a motorbike. The wind in my hair, that power thrumming between my legs. It was a heady feeling.
“Where even are we?” Holly asked as I finally pulled into the parking lot and shut off the bike.
“You’ll see,” I told her. “Come on.”
“You didn’t bring me out here to murder me, did you?” Holly asked jokingly.
I laughed. “No, I didn’t bring you out here to murder you,” I told her. “What happened to trusting me?” I led her up the short path through the brush to a place overlooking the entire town.
“Oh wow,” Holly said as she emerged beside me. I had been here dozens of times before, but I tried to look at it through new eyes. We were up on a bluff above Las Cruces, with what seemed to be the entire state spread out in front of us.
“I know you think it’s dry here. And it is,” I told her. “But I guess I just wanted to show you that this can be beautiful as well. Different, but beautiful.” Now that I said it in so many words, it seemed kind of silly. I didn’t know what I’d been thinking, bringing her here. I was sure that this didn’t even come close to comparing to how things were in Montana.
Holly grinned as she shook her head, though. “This is incredible,” she said. She must have seen my look of disbelief because she laughed. “No really. Like I said, I’m from up in the mountains in Montana, and there, you never get views quite like this. All the way out to the horizon. There’s always another stinking mountain in the way.”
I chuckled. “Well, maybe you should give Las Cruces more of a chance then. I know it’s different, and I doubt that it’s incredible compared to where you’re from. But there’s some extraordinary places around here. Places that no guidebook is ever going to tell you about.”
Holly raised an eyebrow at me. “Places that you’re going to take me to?” she asked hopefully.
“Maybe,” I said. Again, I could hear those warning bells in my head, reminding me that I really couldn’t get involved with her. There was just too much other stuff going on in my life at the moment. I just couldn’t risk getting her into danger.
But to be honest, I liked her. She looked at the world in a different way from me, and I wanted her to open my eyes to that. I wanted to see Las Cruces as more than just places that Red Eyes owned versus places where I could forget about MC business. Besides, it wasn’t as though I was leader of Red Eyes already. Ray was still alive. He hadn’t handed the reins over to me. Yet.
If I didn’t let myself get too attached to her, this didn’t have to be a problem. And if I didn’t let her get too attached to me. I glanced over at her. Was I being an asshole, leading her on, knowing that we could never actually be together? But she didn’t seem like she was trying too hard to be with me either. Maybe this was okay.
I had to hope that this was okay. Because as selfish as it might be, I wanted her. And I wasn’t sure that I could deny myself.
14
Holly
Grant was full of surprises. I knew that he wasn’t just some thug. I had known that since before I met him at the diner this time. No, there was something more to him. Something that made me question whether Ryan had his eyes set on the right target.
The clue had to be in what Ryan said to me when he assigned me this specific part of the case. It had to be that Grant just wasn’t like the other guys. That he wasn’t fully on board with his position in the MC, and that he was a sweeter sort of guy. The kind of guy who had a heart.
Maybe the rest of the guys in the MC were terrible. But Grant wasn’t. He just wasn’t.
Or at least, that wasn’t the kind of guy that he was toward me.
I felt like I was racing against the clock, trying to piece together his real identity. Trying to prove that he wasn’t guilty. Because there was no way that he could be. He was as innocent as it got. I had told him some lie about how Montana was just so beautiful and how I was having a hard time fitting in here. And now, he had shown me this beautiful place overlooking Las Cruces. The kind of place that I had never known existed.
How could I have lived here for my whole life and not found this beautiful overlook? Grant must have been looking at the world differently all along. He must have been seeking out the most perfect spots, while I’d just been existing day to day. His motorcycle might make him part of the club, might make him part of the most dangerous MC in New Mexico, but that didn’t mean he really fit in with them. Because to him, I could see that his motorcycle meant nothing more than freedom.
Not only that, but I had a stupid reaction to the fact that he had automatically pulled out a helmet for me. If this guy didn’t care about humanity, if he was a stone-cold murderer, why would he want me to be safe riding on the back of his bike? It might be a stupid gut reaction, but it was one I couldn’t seem to shake.
There was something more to him. I was sure of it. He just wasn’t the criminal that everyone had made him out to be.
And to be honest, that just made me want to learn even more about him. But not for Ryan’s sake. Not for the sake of the mission. But for my own sake. Who was this guy? I wanted to know. I ached to know.
“How did you even find this
place?” I asked curiously, glancing over at the man. He looked just as surprised by the view as I was, but I knew that this was exactly where he planned on taking me. I had been able to tell, by the way that he confidently steered the bike, that he was heading for a specific point. Here. And that made me even more curious.
Grant shrugged, grinning bashfully over at me. “I didn’t have the best childhood,” he said. “And when I learned how to ride bikes, I swore that I was going to use it to get away from it all. You know, I just needed my own space. Away from Las Cruces.” He paused, and I could tell that he was picking his words carefully. “Las Cruces has always been my home. It probably always will be. I’m not like you, Holly. In so many ways, I’m just not brave enough to ever leave.”
He shrugged. “But the thing is, the way that I make things okay is to look at them differently. I step outside of the way that I’ve ever known things. I find sanctuary within certain parts of the city that my past can never touch. Or I find places like this.”
I narrowed my eyes, realizing more about what he was saying than he would think that I understood. He didn’t know I knew that he was part of Red Eyes. Contrary to what Ryan seemed to think, he wasn’t keen on talking about the MC. I could tell that his sanctuaries probably didn’t have to do with Red Eyes.
Maybe some of those places did. Those guys were like his family after all. A family that he had never had in any other way. But there was more to him as well. More than he was letting on even.
“When I was a teenager, there was this guy who pretty much adopted me. Who helped me become the man that I was always meant to be.” Grant was staring out at the horizon now, and I could tell that this was difficult for him to talk about. I was surprised that he was sharing this with me, and I couldn’t help but feel special.
“He’s a good guy. He could tell just what I needed. The first time he found me feeling down about life, he took me out here. Said that this was a place where I could just get away from it all. Where I could forget about everything that the system had done to me.” He gave a short laugh. “To be honest, that was the first time that anyone ever admitted that the system might have fucked me over. Everyone else was still trying to tell me that it had been my own fault. That I was never adopted because I never put out the effort or because I was never the right kind of person. That kind of thing.
“Ray was the first person who ever admitted that the system had failed me. That still means more to me than you could ever know.”
I stared over at him. Ray. That was the leader of Red Eyes. That must be who had gotten him into this life. And if even I could see what a horrible fit for the MC Grant was, then it must have been obvious to Ray. Maybe Grant wasn’t the only guy with a soft spot in the organization. Maybe the leader of the club was the same.
I filed that information away to discuss with Ryan. Sure, it was a pretty big leap to make, and I wasn’t sure that it would help us in the long run. Just because Ray had a weakness for getting kids off the street or out of the system, it didn’t mean that he was a good guy. But it definitely bumped him up a few notches in my esteem.
If kids like Grant were on bad paths anyway, maybe it was a good thing for Ray to be out there. Maybe these kids would have gotten into worse problems otherwise.
I suddenly realized that I couldn’t talk about any of this with Ryan. He would take it as what it really was: yet another sign that I didn’t feel like these guys were really the bad guys or that they needed to be taken down. Ryan would have me off this task force in the blink of an eye if he thought I was questioning him again.
“I don’t come here very often anymore, I guess,” Grant continued, shrugging a shoulder. “I’ve got other places to go now. Back then, I didn’t. I guess I sort of forgot how much I love this place.” He glanced over at me. “My adoptive father is in the hospital right now. There’s been a lot on my mind. I guess I just feel better, being here and with you.”
I blinked at him. His adoptive father? Was he still talking about Ray? That would be such a crazy piece of news to tell Ryan if so. If Ray was in the hospital, how would that affect the rest of the club? Would they be weakened without their leader? I had to think that they would be.
It didn’t make sense, though. The guys trailing Braxton from business to business would have to know if Ray was in the hospital. We knew that Braxton and Landon were Ray’s sons. If Ray was in the hospital, wouldn’t Landon have come back from Florida? Wouldn’t they both have gone to visit Ray at the hospital?
I should ask about it, I knew. But I didn’t want to push it. If Ray really was the one in the hospital, I could only imagine how difficult it would be for Grant, watching his adoptive father go through something at the hospital. Grant probably needed all the comfort he could get right now, and I didn’t know him well enough to pry.
Grant glanced over at me. “To be honest, that’s why I walked out of having drinks with you the other night,” he said seriously. “I just have a lot of other shit going on in my life right now. I’m not sure I’m good company for you.”
“I was wondering about that,” I said slowly, trying not to let on about how surprised I was by his revelation. I couldn’t help but wonder what else he had going on, but if he kept speaking so openly with me, I had a feeling it was only a matter of time before I found out.
Somehow, I had gone from thinking that he wasn’t interested in me to thinking that I had him in the palm of my hand. It was starting to make me feel suspicious, like maybe he was somehow playing me. But that was ridiculous. He couldn’t know who I was. He didn’t even know that I was from around here. He thought that I was from Montana.
“I know it’s last minute, but did you want to get dinner with me tonight?” Grant asked suddenly, and with the way he pushed his hands into his pockets, I had to admit that he looked nervous to ask.
Almost as though he really liked me. And I was starting to realize that I liked him too. I nodded at him, a smile breaking out on my face. “Yeah, let’s grab dinner,” I agreed. “That sounds like a great idea.”
I knew I couldn’t let myself develop feelings for him, but I also knew that I needed to collect more information for Ryan. And I liked spending time with Grant. I felt comfortable around him in a way that I could never have expected. So why not go to dinner with him? It wasn’t a date; it was a work project that I didn’t mind doing.
15
Grant
I watched as Holly shook out her hair before deftly pulling it into a quick braid. She put her helmet on and then joined me on the bike. “Where to?” she asked.
“Another surprise,” I told her teasingly. I liked keeping her in suspense. And she didn’t seem to mind.
In fact, she laughed, and I could feel her arms tighten around me just a little, almost as though she were hugging me rather than hanging on so that she wouldn’t fall off the bike. “All right, fine. Keep your secrets,” she said. “But this better be good. You have a whole town to impress me with.”
“Oh, I have to impress you now? Is that how it is?”
I was starting to realize that I really liked her. The banter was easy. Teasing. Fun. Even when we were talking about serious subjects, it just seemed like she really respected me. That she wanted to listen. And I wanted to tell her everything.
I still hadn’t told her about Red Eyes, though. I couldn’t tell her about that. She was a good girl; I knew that. One hint of trouble, and I was sure she’d be out the door. Girls might always be attracted to the bad boy, but girls like Holly knew better than to get tangled up with someone who was in a gang. Even if I didn’t really do any of the bad stuff.
Even if we never do bad stuff to the good guys, I thought, remembering Cameron’s words.
I shook those thoughts out of my head and started the bike, feeling that low roar between my legs. There was no question in my mind about where we were going. I wanted to show Holly everything that I loved about Las Cruces. I didn’t know why, but something about hearing how dejected she was, how
homesick she was, really struck a chord in me. I wanted her to feel some sense of attachment to Las Cruces.
Not least of which, because I didn’t want her to leave, to go back to Montana. Not just yet. She was the first friend that I’d had outside of Red Eyes in a long time.
And I still wanted to bang her. There was that as well.
Holly raised an eyebrow at me as I got off the bike in front of what had to be the most unassuming restaurant in the world. We were on a quiet, mostly residential street a little bit outside of the city, and I could tell that she was confused.
“What is this, home cooking?” she asked, her brows drawing together.
I laughed. “If you mean, am I going to cook for you? No.”
“Phew,” Holly said, smirking at me. “I didn’t think we were to that point in our relationship just yet.”
“You mean the point where I put aside my pride and try my hardest to cook something, and you pretend to like it, but I can tell that you actually don’t, and it totally cripples my confidence from there on out?” I joked. “Yeah, definitely not.”
Holly giggled and swung off the bike, handing the helmet back to me. “Then what are we doing here?”
“Believe it or not, this happens to be a world-class restaurant,” I told her. “Well, maybe not world-class, I don’t know. But the food is amazing.”
Holly looked doubtful, but she gamely followed me inside.
Monica bustled over immediately. “Grant Gilbert, it has been too long,” she said, swatting at me with a rag before pulling me into a hug. “And who is this?” she demanded, eyeing Holly. “A girlfriend? You disappear for months, and you come back with a girlfriend?”
I could feel my face start to heat. I was starting to wonder if I’d made the right choice in bringing Holly here. How was she taking Monica’s accusation that she was my girlfriend, though? It looked like she was trying very hard to hold back laughter.