Born to Ride

by Kasey Millstead

  “My mother,” she said simply. And that said it all. Serena’s mother was a domineering woman and when she said jump, you said how high.

  “Ah, another one of her charity assignments?” I asked. Her mother was always doing stuff for charities so I guessed this was just another one of those. Usually she didn’t get Serena to bake though, because let’s face it, we all knew her skills in this department were somewhat lacking.

  Serena nodded. “Yep, and at the rate I am going, I doubt she will ever ask me to cook for her again.”

  I laughed. “Do you want some help, honey?”

  She flashed me a huge grin. “I thought you’d never ask.”

  We spent the next hour tidying up and getting the muffins packed and ready to be delivered to her mother later that day. At about two am I crawled into bed, exhausted after a long day, but sleep eluded me. Thoughts of Storm and my life before I left assaulted me, and as much as I tried to avoid them, I just couldn’t.

  I had been in a living hell for most of the year prior to leaving Brisbane. Actually, to be honest, it had started before that. It had started after Rob attacked me and that was nearly two years before I left. Back when I was dating J, the guy who I had been sure was going to be my forever.

  You see, J killing Rob after he attacked me had fucked my relationship up with J and we had never been able to get it back on track. J blamed himself for the attack and I blamed myself for J killing him.

  That night had started like any other for me. I had gone to work at Hyde’s, the bar I had worked at for a couple of years. Rob worked with me as a bartender and we had had a fun night with all the regulars. However, after close, while I was waiting for J to pick me up, Rob had turned on me and tried to rape me in the car park outside the bar. J had been late picking me up and arrived mid attack, just as Rob had pulled a knife on me and slashed my arm. Five minutes later, Rob was dead after J shot him and so began our descent into hell.

  J and I had been together for just over two years at that point. We had been great friends for a lot longer than that. He had joined Storm when he was nineteen. I had been a seventeen year old schoolgirl at the time and fallen hard for him. However, nothing but flirting happened between us for six years, and during that time we had built a strong friendship. Our relationship as a couple had been fiery. We couldn’t get enough of each other but at the same time we argued constantly. Our main problem stemmed from the club. J didn’t involve me in club business and this annoyed me. I wanted to be a part of every aspect of J’s life and when he refused to talk about the club with me, I felt closed off from part of him. That had led to many arguments.

  In the end though, what tore us apart was our inability to deal with the fallout from Rob’s death. After the attempted rape, J tried to wrap me in cotton wool. He constantly monitored my whereabouts and tried to dictate where I could go and what I could do. I was not a woman who could cope with that style of relationship. On top of that, I had started drinking heavily. Feeling responsible for Rob’s death and being unable to work through my feelings associated with that, I had resorted to shutting it all out by hitting the bar. It had started out as a bit of fun but had quickly spiralled into an addiction that I couldn’t get under control. J had lived with an alcoholic parent and had no tolerance for drinking to excess. He had tried desperately to get me help but I had blocked all his attempts. This had gone on for almost a year and the final nail in our coffin had been Jodie, a club whore who J had supposedly cheated on me with. I had believed the rumours, or perhaps I had wanted to, simply to have an excuse to walk away from what our relationship had become.

  The year after I left J had been the lowest point in my life. My drinking had gotten worse, I had shut myself off from family and friends and I had hooked up with a violent and controlling biker from Storm’s rival club, Black Deeds. Nix was the VP of Black Deeds and getting involved with him had angered my father, brother and J. This had been a good reason for me to continue the relationship because at the time they were all pissing me off and it felt good to return the gesture. A couple of months into the relationship, I discovered that J hadn’t cheated on me. I was gutted that I had thrown our relationship away because of this, and went to him to apologise for not believing in him. That had been a turning point for me because we rekindled our friendship and he tried to help me get my life back on track. The problem was that Nix wasn’t about to give me up that easily. Although we had only been together for a very short time, he was very committed to keeping us together. He didn’t like my friendship with J and eventually realised that I was still in love with J. The day he worked that out was the day he beat me almost to death. And that was the day that had turned my life in a new direction and led me to where I was now.

  I hadn’t spoken to J in over two years now. I also hadn’t had a drop of alcohol in that time. Moving away from Storm had saved my life. The problem was, I felt dead on the inside. I was a twenty-nine year old single woman just going through the motions of life. Sure, I had a job, good friends, and a great social life. On the outside, my life looked like fun. But it wasn’t real. And I didn’t know how to make it any better.

  Chapter 3

  Madison

  “Hello, my name is Madison, and I am an alcoholic.”

  “Hello, Madison,” the group responded and I proceeded to share my story. This group was my safe place and tonight I needed them in a way that I hadn’t for a very long time. As I finished, I blew out my breath and let the group’s acceptance and support envelope me. I felt it seep into my bones and glanced around the room, offering a small smile in thanks. Someone else started sharing their story and I sat back and silently lent my support, as had been done for me.

  When I first started coming here two years ago I absolutely hated it. Although I knew I had to get my shit together, the last thing I wanted to do was give up drinking. It was the shield I used to stop the grime of life from touching me. When I drank I could just let it pass on by. In the end, however, it sent me to a place I never wanted to go back to. I may have fought this group and what it offered for a while, but I had made myself a promise to clean up my act, and I had followed through on this. Slowly, I realised that the support I found here was exactly what I needed.

  I attended meetings weekly now. Not so much because I still craved alcohol, because I didn’t. No, it was more out of habit now and to make sure I never went there again. As I looked around the room, I saw people at varying stages of their journey. The ones I liked to focus on were the AA newbies. They reminded me of how far I had come and the fact that I was so much stronger now.

  Tonight, though, I was feeling a little bit vulnerable. Thinking about Storm and J had stirred up old feelings of hurt and anger; feelings I had spent the last couple of years avoiding. To get from where I was then to where I was now, I had had to lock away all thoughts of J. I hadn’t allowed myself to think about him and that had worked for me. It wasn’t working so well now. And while I didn’t feel like a drink, I knew myself enough to know that I needed to be here, at the meeting tonight.

  The meeting ended soon after and I headed straight out rather than staying for a coffee. I stepped out into the warm January night and lit a cigarette as I walked home. My mind was already onto my list of jobs for tonight. Christ, I was supposed to call my brother over an hour ago. I pulled my phone out and dialled him. No answer. Fuck. He would be pissed at me. I left a message and then sent a text to Serena, to let her know I was on my way home.

  Me: On my way, what’s for dinner?

  Serena: Fuck off. You’re taking me out.

  Me: Am I? Make sure you wear that slutty dress for me.

  Serena: Oh I’ll wear it babe but I’m not putting out.

  God, how I loved this chick. She was my sunshine at the end of a shitty day. Even on days like today when I was exhausted, she managed to pick me up. I would forever be thankful for the day she came into my life. When I moved to Coffs Harbour I hadn’t expected to find a new family, but that’s just wha
t I did find. I had started a job in a clothing boutique and Serena was my workmate. She and I had hit it off straight away; we shared the same sense of humour, and bonded over our love for slutty dresses, heels and inked men. Serena introduced me to her inner circle of friends and I became fast friends with them as well. Now the five of us were inseparable and they were always there for me.

  My phone rang and I answered it with some attitude as I figured it was my brother calling back. “Scott, what the fuck is so urgent that you felt the need to leave five shitty messages for me?”

  A chuckle came down the line. “Babe, you’ve got the wrong man.”

  “Oh, shit. Sorry Blake, I thought you were Scott. Thank god it is you.” I breathed a sigh of relief.

  “Obviously. What have you done to piss him off?” he asked.

  “Nothing. You know what Scott is like. Always finding something to be pissy about,” I snapped. Jesus, just thinking about my brother gave me the shits.

  “Babe.” Blake paused and I was sure I could actually hear his mind ticking over. “The words pissy and Scott Cole do not go together in the same sentence. Your brother is far too intense that pissy just doesn’t cover it.”

  I blew out a long, frustrated breath. “Yeah, you’re right about that.” Blake had met Scott a couple of times, so he had seen firsthand just how intense my brother could be. “Blake, why are you calling me?”

  “Gina told me what a shit day you had so I’ve made you dinner. Bring Serena too.”

  “You’re a superstar, Blake Stone. We’ll be there in about half an hour.”

  “See you then,” he said and we hung up. My day had just gotten better; it’s funny how the simple things that friends do for you can mean so much.

  ***

  Two hours later I was at Blake’s house when my brother finally returned my call.

  “Scott.” I answered and mentally banged my head against the wall. I really didn’t want to deal with his shit tonight.

  “You been updated?” Yep, he was pissed at me.

  I sighed. “Yeah, Griff called.” I hesitated and then threw caution to the wind. “Scott, I don’t need or even want to be kept in the loop on this shit.” I held my breath and waited for what I knew would not be a pretty reply.

  “Fuck, Madison! You got no choice. The club needs to make sure you are safe, so you need to fuckin’ wise up and take this shit in.”

  “What part of ‘I’m out’ don’t you understand?” I rubbed my eyes. It was too late for this argument.

  “What part of ‘you are never out’ do you not fuckin’ understand?” he snapped back.

  I knew I was testing my brother’s patience but I gave up caring about that a long time ago. I sat silently, trying to process what he was saying.

  “Why do we have to rehash this crap every time you decide I should come back?” I searched for Blake’s eyes and found them focused on me. He gave me a tight smile and I just shook my head back at him. This stuff between Scott and me never got any easier and Blake knew how hard it was for me.

  Scott softened his tone, “Madison, it’s different this time. Nix is involved.”

  And with that, he had me. I sighed again, resigned. “Okay, talk to me.”

  “Nix has made threats against the club so Dad wants you to leave Coffs Harbour. Move back here, where we can protect you.” Scott finally got to the reason for the call.

  “No.” There was no way I was moving back.

  “Why the fuck do you have to be so fuckin’ stubborn about this?” Scott was pissed again and I imagined him pacing and getting ready to punch something.

  “Scott, you know what I left. I can’t go back.” I pleaded. I walked out onto the balcony and quickly lit a cigarette and took a long drag on it. Scott had stopped talking and I hoped he was remembering the mess I was when I left two years ago.

  “Ok,” he blew out a long breath. “But I’m putting a guy on you.”

  This was not what I wanted but I knew better than to argue. It was Scott’s version of compromising, and as he was not known for compromising, ever, I was grateful.

  ***

  The next morning I woke up with an uneasy feeling in my gut, wondering where all this shit with the club would end up. I made a coffee and took it into the shower with me. Not being a morning person, I needed a caffeine hit to get me going. Serena, on the other hand, was always up at five am to get her run in before work. I didn’t understand this current trend for running and really couldn’t comprehend anyone wanting to get up that early to do it. As I took my shower I could hear her crashing around in the kitchen making breakfast. I cringed at the thought of the mess she would create making one of her juices; a mess that I would have to clean up.

  “Maddy, do you want me to make you some breakfast?” she yelled out.

  “No honey, but thanks. I’m just going to grab something on the way.”

  “Okay,” she replied and I smiled to myself. She might struggle in the domestic department but at least she tried. One day she would make someone a good wife because she truly loved to take care of those around her.

  I finished my shower and took some time to blow dry my hair and fix my makeup. Normally I didn’t spend a lot of time on this but today I was feeling down, and on down days I liked to look my best. I looked in the mirror and didn’t mind what I saw. Even though I had done some hard living, I had come through pretty much unscathed. Since giving up alcohol I had made an effort to live pretty healthily and I was fit and strong thanks to yoga and crossfit. I had fairly flawless skin that I had inked a few times with images and words that held significance to the highs and lows of my life. The most prominent reminder of the shit I had done in my life was the long scar that Rob had inflicted on me; it glared at me every damn day, but I didn’t begrudge it. Whenever Serena or Blake suggested I ink over it, I always said no; I needed to see it to keep me focused on a path that would take me far away from where I once was.

  “I’m ready,” I announced as I headed into the kitchen to grab my lunch out of the fridge. Serena and I had a shift together today which I was really looking forward to.

  “Let me just put my hair up and then we can go,” she replied and slapped my ass on her way out of the kitchen.

  I laughed and shook my head at her. Yep, it was going to be a good day.

  Five minutes later, Serena reappeared with her hair done. She tilted her head and smiled at me; I knew she was sussing out my mental state. “How you doing, chica?” she finally asked.

  “I’m not sure,” I was honest, “The fact that Nix is involved in all of this worries me. Scott didn’t give me a lot of info to go on but I can only imagine it is bad. Nix is a motherfucker you don’t want to mess with.”

  Serena nodded, “Yeah, I’ve worked that out from some of the stuff you’ve told me in the past. How the hell did you end up dating him?”

  I sighed. “I was so messed up and pissed off with J, and Nix was just there one night and it felt like a good idea at the time. Dad and I weren’t really speaking and I was annoyed at him too and I knew that being with Nix would shit him. I think I kinda did it to get back at all of them; J, Dad and Scott.”

  This was the most I had spoken about my relationship with Nix to Serena and she encouraged me to keep sharing. “So you hooked up with him and then kept seeing him?”

  “Yeah, he was really into it. Me, not so much but it had been six months since I broke up with J and I was lonely. I was drinking pretty heavily by then and Nix was the only one who didn’t give me grief for it,” I gently shook my head as the memories came flooding back. “When I was drinking I was a lot easier to boss around, that’s probably why he liked me drinking. I just didn’t give enough of a shit about anything and went along with whatever he wanted.”

  Serena moved closer to me and touched me gently on the arm; on my scar. “Did Nix do this to you?”

  “No.” Shit, this conversation was making me feel ill. The familiar feelings of self-hatred washed over me, my hands started to f
eel tingly and my head was beginning to spin. Nausea took hold of my stomach and I actually thought I might vomit. No-one besides J and Scott knew how I got my scar and it was something that I never wanted Serena or anyone else to find out.

  “Hey honey, are you okay?” Serena sensed my distress and directed me to sit on the couch. She ran into the kitchen and got me a drink of water which I took gratefully from her.

  I downed the water in one go and focused on my breathing. Serena was now sitting beside me and rubbing my back. I knew she was worried but I didn’t have it in me just yet to ease her concerns. All I could think about was that my past was finally going to catch up with me. Fuck Nix. Why did he have to come back into my life? He wasn’t the reason for all the crap that had happened but he was the climax to it all. And now he was going to be the catalyst for it all flaring up again.

  Serena looked at her watch. “We should probably get to work otherwise Gina will be in a foul mood with us all day for being late.”

  I looked at her and nodded my head and gave her a small smile. “Thanks,” I whispered, grateful that she knew I needed this conversation to be over.

  ***

  “Oh, god these shoes are killing my feet,” Serena complained as she fell onto the couch and ripped her shoes off.

  It had been a long day at work and the fact that we both wore heels to work even though we were on our feet for nearly eight hours a day didn’t help. A girl’s gotta look good though and heels really help you rock what you’ve got. It was Friday night and we both had the weekend off and were in the process of making plans for the weekend. Blake had rounded everyone up to come to his restaurant, Scarlett, for dinner tonight. Tomorrow was gearing up to be a girl’s day out shopping. Sunday was still open for discussion but I was hoping for some time in the sun.

  “What time did Blake say dinner was?” Serena asked.

  “Eight o’clock,” I answered and pulled my phone out to see if I had any messages.

  “I’m going to take a shower unless you want to go first,” she said but I waved her away as I had just discovered a message from Scott.