Without Regret

by Aubrey Bondurant

  “Emma. What’s going on? Are you okay?”

  His suited figure loomed in front of me.

  I wiped my eyes and forced myself to my feet. I was already experiencing some stiffness over the fall I’d taken. But at least I thought I had control over my mini-breakdown until the moment he stepped forward, cupped my chin, and looked deep in my eyes. A tear slipped.

  “We’re fine now. But Rufus. He spotted some deer and took off.”

  Trevor’s eyes went wide, his expression etched in worry. “Oh, fuck. I’m so sorry.”

  He took the leash from my hand while I couldn’t seem to stop the stupid floodgates. “It’s fine. But I need to go inside.”

  His gaze scanned down to my scraped knees and mud-encased dress/jacket combination. “Wait. You’re hurt. Let me help.”

  I shook my head, not wanting him to see me like this. Not wanting to be so upset over a tragedy that hadn’t even happened.

  “Talk to me, sweetheart.”

  “It’s okay. He’s fine. I just—”

  “You just what?”

  “I saw the motorway, and I took off in a run. I kept thinking about what would happen if he didn’t stop. If he’d gotten hit by a car, and you lost him. I know how much you love him, and if he’d died because it was my fault—” My voice broke on the last word.

  He pulled me into a comforting embrace, something into which I found myself sinking. “Hey, hey. It didn’t happen. Okay? And if it had, it wouldn’t have been your fault. I’m only sorry I put you in this position. I don’t believe he’s seen a deer before. I’ve certainly never seen him take off.” He pulled away and offered his arm. “Let’s get you upstairs.”

  I fought a yawn, suddenly exhausted by the entire ordeal. I didn’t like that he was seeing this vulnerable side of me, but my self-defense mechanism had completely shut down. “I’m all muddy. And now you’re all muddy, too.”

  His suit had to have cost a fortune, and now he had splatters on it from hugging me.

  “I couldn’t care less about a little dirt. Come on.”

  He led me up the stairs without any protest from me. Then he put an extremely dirty Rufus in his apartment a few doors down from mine, apparently without caring what damage the mud would cause. “Get in there, you big lug.”

  “I didn’t feed him yet.”

  He hesitated but then sighed. “Stay here, sugar. I’ll be back in a moment.”

  He was true to his word, returning in less than a minute.

  “He’ll get your apartment dirty.”

  Trevor shrugged. “Not what I’m concerned about at the moment. Let’s get you inside your place. You prefer a bath or shower?”

  “Um, bath is probably better.” A good soak would probably help my aches and pains.

  “You get out of your clothes, and I’ll draw the bath.”

  When was the last time someone had taken care of me? That would be never.

  I went into my walk-in wardrobe and took off my jacket and dress, letting them fall to the floor. Later, I’d have to see if they could be saved or not. I hoped my shoes weren’t as unlucky. After stripping out of my underwear, I donned a full-length robe and peeked out to see Trevor coming out of my bathroom.

  He stopped dead in his tracks. “Bath is ready. I thought a glass of wine might help, too. Found some in your fridge. I’ll, um, give you some privacy.”

  I swallowed hard at the intimacy of him doing this for me. That intensity went up a notch as he approached me, his eyes simmering with intensity. “You okay?” He took my chin again in his hand.

  I had to look away before I was overwhelmed by him. “Yeah. But I don’t like anyone seeing me this way.” Truer words had never been spoken.

  “Come tomorrow, we’ll go back to normal without a word spoken about this. Promise.”

  I could only nod, swallowing hard at this strange moment between us.

  “I’ll come check on you in a half hour and bring dinner.”

  “You don’t need—”

  “No arguments. Let me do this for you. Okay?”

  I held his gaze before agreeing. “’Kay.”

  He appeared to hesitate but finally walked away, closing the door to my bathroom behind him.

  I settled into the tub, wincing at the pain on my scraped knees but otherwise relishing the hot water. True to his word, there was a glass of white wine sitting on the side. I smiled at his thoughtfulness. He’d also managed to find my bath bubbles and ensured the water temp was perfect.

  He returned thirty minutes later with something that smelled delicious. By this time, I’d gotten out of the tub and opted to dress casual in yoga pants and a Dallas Cowboys football shirt. My choice of jersey had him smiling.

  “You’re breaking my heart, honey. We need to get you a Houston Texan’s shirt.”

  “Peyton thought it would be funny to buy me this after I kept saying I’d never watched American football.”

  He put the plates on my table and took off the tin foil to reveal steaks. He’d changed into jeans and a T-shirt, looking way too sexy for my comfort.

  “I know you said you don’t normally eat red meat, but it was all I had. I can call out for some salads or something else if you want.”

  My mouth was watering with the decadent smell. Although I didn’t eat meat a lot, I did enjoy indulging every once in awhile. “You went and grilled these just now?”

  “I did indeed. One of my skills would be grilling a good steak. Although if Rufus had managed to catch a deer, we could’ve had venison.”

  “I think his speed was all in his head. But maybe I shouldn’t talk since he managed to outrun me.”

  “I can’t believe he dragged you down, and you ran after him. Thank you for that.”

  He brought out knives and forks, refilled my wine glass, and grabbed one for himself.

  “Yes, well, I know how much he means to you.” And maybe that was what I’d been so emotional about. Because I’d never had anything or anyone for whom to be responsible. Nothing to which I’d ever been attached. The thought of Trevor losing something he loved while it had been my watch had completely freaked me out.

  I took my first bite of steak and tried not to moan at the amazing taste. He did grill a top steak.

  “He does mean a lot to me. But he’s not the only one who does. How are your knees?”

  No. No. I couldn’t do this. Couldn’t have him go there about having feelings for me. “Fine. Did you finish your presentation and speak with Phillip?” I needed to get back to comfortable ground.

  “I did, thankfully. It should be a good trip to New York tomorrow. It’s your stomping grounds, right?”

  My heart started to beat faster at the thought of going on this trip with him. I nodded, busying myself with finishing up my steak and gulping down my wine. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d indulged like this.

  “I’m looking forward to meeting Tom.”

  I about choked on my drink. Nobody looked forward to meeting Tom, the accountant. Personally, I loathed having to work with him. But since Trevor was new, I couldn’t exactly speak candidly about how much of a prick our mutual coworker could be. “Did Simon give you some background on him?”

  My boss hated him about as much as I did, but I doubted his professionalism would allow him to say much, either.

  “He shared that Tom was the accountant who came in once we started a potential deal. But I heard from my father he’s the owner’s nephew.”

  I bit my tongue. That was the crux of why Tom was untouchable despite being an arse.

  “Of course, I’ve heard he’s a pretentious asshole.”

  Amusement danced in his eyes, and I found myself shocked. Not by his words, but by the breadth of his humor. “I can neither confirm nor deny that fact.”

  “Mm. Guess I’ll find out soon enough for myself. You want another glass of wine?”

  I did, but I couldn’t sit here at my table bonding with him any longer. It wouldn’t be fair to give him a mixed message
. Besides, my reluctance to end being in his company meant I had to get out now.

  “Um. I think I’m going to turn in early. Call it a day. Thanks again for dinner.”

  He heaved a breath and leveled me with a look. “It was the least I could do. You sure you’re okay?”

  “I’m fine. I just had a moment. One that we won’t speak of tomorrow.”

  He leaned forward, all intense. “I give you my word. After all, we’re friends, right?”

  He posed it with enough question in his tone that I knew I needed to be clear. Anything else would only end up confusing him. “Yes. Just friends.”

  The lie tasted bitter on my lips even while I knew it was for the best.

  He appeared resigned but managed a smile. “See you tomorrow.”

  “Yes. Tomorrow.” For the first time, I found myself wishing I could offer more.

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  Trevor

  I stepped outside of her door and stood there after it shut. Emma was holding back, and I didn’t know why. But I knew if I’d pushed it, I’d chance losing what friendship we’d started. So, I’d continue to settle for baby steps.

  Seeing her so emotional over Rufus had peeled back a layer, but I would bet anything that by tomorrow the layer would be back, with five others piled high on top of it, to ensure I didn’t get that glimpse again. I was intrigued and wanted to find out what was under the armor. What made her tick. What put a smile on her beautiful face. And most of all, what she was so scared of. My sister had mentioned she thought someone had hurt Emma, so perhaps that was it.

  The next morning at the Dallas airport, I boarded the Stone Company’s private jet along with Simon and Emma. She said hello and I did the same, but I allowed her space during the flight to New York by engaging with Simon and keeping my distance.

  The last thing I wanted was for her to be tense, thinking I might bring up yesterday. Because I wouldn’t. Instead, I spent every minute on my presentation, listening to the feedback Simon gave me. Luckily, he too agreed Big Town Fantasy Sports was a worthwhile investment, but making the case to Phillip needed more substantiation. Thankfully, I’d brought my laptop, so I could make the necessary changes in the presentation. Simon appeared impressed with what I put together.

  I might be easygoing, but I wasn’t above needing validation that I was doing okay in this new role. Especially since I was filling some big shoes. Simon seemed to have a natural ability to look at a company and shake out all of the pros and cons.

  After we landed, Emma and I checked into a hotel in Manhattan while Simon opted to stay in his apartment. I’d been shocked to learn Emma didn’t have a place here in the city, but it made my planned surprise easier to pull off.

  I went downstairs to accept my expected delivery and then sent it up with the concierge. I hoped my gesture wouldn’t make her uncomfortable. After I returned to my room, it wasn’t long before I heard the knock. Smiling, I went to the door and answered it to her beautiful face. I noticed she was dressed down from what she’d been wearing on the plane, now in jeans and a blouse with her hair up in a ponytail.

  Once again, my cock wasn’t getting the friend memo as he, too, took notice of how sexy she looked.

  She was holding up a Neiman Marcus garment bag and a box of shoes. “You did this?”

  I had indeed. Using Avery’s help over the phone last night, I’d purchased a Burberry rain jacket, an Armani dress in black, and black fuck-me Louboutins, all resembling the clothes that had been ruined. Although my sister had suggested purchasing lingerie, I knew that would push things too far.

  “Technically, they’re from Rufus as an apology, but since he couldn’t qualify for an Amex card, I footed the bill.”

  She was chewing her bottom lip. I noticed she did this when she was caught off guard and was growing to find it adorable.

  “You didn’t have to. The shoes were mostly salvageable.”

  “Then you now have two pair, or you can exchange this set for another color. I hope everything fits. I took the liberty of calling my sister to get your size. She remembered from shopping with you last week.”

  Emma’s cheeks turned pink. “It was very thoughtful and unexpected of you. Um, I guess I’ll see you at dinner later, then.”

  “Sure. See you there, Emma.”

  I enjoyed the way her cheeks turned even pinker at the sound of her name on my lips.

  ***

  I could tell Emma was ecstatic to be back in New York by the way her eyes sparkled when we sat down to dinner that night. I was thrilled to see she was wearing the black dress I’d bought her with the sexy shoes to go with it. The Burberry jacket completed the look. She was beautiful. Then again, she could have been wearing a plastic bag and flip-flops and had the same effect on me.

  As soon as we took our seats to await Simon, I whispered, “You look nice.”

  She flashed me a small smile which made my heart beat overdrive. Although we were seated across the table from one another, I could feel a magnetic force drawing me to her. For a moment, I forgot I’d sworn to settle for friendship. But the next moment felt as though ice water got splashed between us. That’s when a stranger showed up with Simon. Emma immediately tensed up while our boss introduced him.

  “Trevor, this is Tom Sanders, our accountant on the team. Tom, this is Trevor Newhall.”

  I stood up and shook the hand of the unexpected guest. With his expensive suit, slicked-back hair, and smirk, he reminded me of an eighties throwback to Wall Street. “Nice to meet you, Tom.”

  “You, too. I’ve had the pleasure of meeting your father a few times. He’s quite the success story for you to follow.”

  If it was a dig, I couldn’t tell. Frankly I’d heard enough similar remarks over the years I wasn’t affected any more. Yes. My father had money. Yes, my father had started a very successful business. Yes, I had an advantage. But it didn’t mean I was above working hard or being my own man.

  When we took our seats, I glanced over to witness a nonverbal exchange between Emma and Simon.

  She fixed him with a glare which basically said what the fuck is he doing here?

  He gave one back which seemed to say don’t start.

  Tom didn’t waste any time addressing her. “Emma, how nice to see you. New York certainly suits you.”

  She fake smiled. “Most of it does. How unexpected to have you join us.”

  “Couldn’t miss meeting the newest addition.” He glanced towards me. “Unfortunately, Phillip was tied up tonight, but we have him for the meeting tomorrow and then dinner. In that case, it’ll only be us menfolk.”

  If the comment bothered Emma, she didn’t let it show. Instead, she merely sipped her wine. I instantly wondered if he had an issue with women in general or just her.

  Tom and Simon ordered their drinks, and then Tom turned towards me. “So, tell me, Trevor, about your experience or lack thereof in acquisitions.”

  I raised my brow at his statement but was comfortable enough in my own skin that his passive-aggressive comments didn’t make me feel insecure.

  The remainder of the dinner was awkward, for lack of a better word. Simon tried to mitigate and put up a team-like front, but it was clear Tom upset the vibe at the table. His reputation for being an asshole appeared well earned. Nor did I care for the dismissive way he treated the wait staff.

  Dinner was almost over when Simon excused himself to take a phone call.

  Tom turned on Emma. “So, Emma, you trolling the New York underground tonight for a tattooed-up, pierced degenerate?”

  She gritted her teeth. “As always, your interest in my personal life is both inappropriate and disturbing. How’s Marcia, by the way?”

  I had no idea who that was, but judging from the vein in his neck starting to pulse, she’d hit a nerve. I got the impression this wasn’t the first time they’d sparred. Her loathing of the man was practically rolling off of her in waves.

  He turned towards me with a smirk. “You know, Trevor, Emma on
ce had a man get a tattoo, telling him it would give him a chance with her. Poor schmuck couldn’t get ink fast enough. But then once he showed it to her, she called him pathetic. It was cruel to watch it play out.”

  I noticed she didn’t bother to refute anything he said. She simply sipped her wine with a glare of pure murder in her eyes. If she had been about to say something, Simon’s return to the table interrupted her opportunity.

  On the way back to the hotel, I was quiet, thinking about the information Tom had provided. It might have been a shitty thing for him to say, but it had answered the question about the type of man Emma found attractive. It had been telling that she hadn’t defended herself or refuted his statement. For the first time, I wondered if perhaps I was better off leaving her alone.

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  Emma

  Back in my hotel room after dinner, I fumed. I fucking hated Tom. Hated him for telling Trevor about the tattoo incident. Even though I had a very different version of events, I hadn’t spoken up. Because the disappointment in Trevor’s eyes had given me what I’d needed.

  A barrier.

  A reason he would now keep his distance and view me differently. A cause to make him stay away from me. Within the last twenty-four hours, he’d taken care of me after the incident with Rufus and then gone out of his way to buy me new clothes. Despite all the warning bells, I could feel myself being pulled in past the point of friendship.

  However, later that night as I lay in my bed, for the first time I wasn’t comforted by the loneliness. Instead, I cursed it.

  By the next morning, I resolved to get back to the girl I used to be, the one in whom I felt comfortable. The girl who didn’t give a fuck about people, their opinions, or most of all, their affections. It had been too long since I’d been out to a club, danced my ass off, and come back with a one-night stand. So after a long day of scheduled meetings, I planned to go out and end up thinking Trevor who? by morning.