by Anna B. Doe
“I don’t see how that’s your business,” I say, my fingers gripping tighter at Hayden’s shirt. “What happened was ages ago. We were in high school and I was a stupid kid who didn’t know better.” The implication is clear. I didn’t know better than to be a boy obsessed girl who only cared about popularity and good looks, but now I want more. I want something real. Somebody who makes me feel safe and cherished, but most importantly somebody who makes me whole. “Hayden and I worked things out, not that it’s any of your business, and now we’re together.”
I interlock my fingers with his, looking for solace and comfort in his strong touch.
Ben looks confused for a moment, his gaze darting between the two of us like he’s trying to figure something out. Something that he’s missing. Place the pieces of a puzzle that should match but still don’t quite all fall in place.
Hayden’s grip on my hand tightens.
Ben’s gaze fixes on his, and they’re in a stare off for a few moments. Time seems to slow down. Then a smile spreads over his lips that has my blood turning to ice.
What the hell is going on here?
“You don’t know,” Ben shakes his head like he can’t believe it. “You actually don’t know.”
“Don’t,” Hayden grits angrily, taking a step forward.
I look at him, surprise and confusion fighting for dominance.
“What is going on, Hayden?” I ask quietly, trying to figure out what I’m missing. Something is going on that I’m not privy to and I don’t like it. Not one bit.
Ben’s almost maniacal laughter makes my muscles tense. Rage and fear mixing inside of me. “She actually doesn’t know.”
“Don’t know what?” I look at him and then turn to stoic Hayden. “Will somebody tell me what the hell you’re talking about?”
“Will you tell her, or should I?” Ben asks. He looks so smug I want to punch him in the face. Turning my back to him, I look at Hayden.
“Tell. Me. What?” I ask through gritted teeth, barely holding onto panic that’s spreading through me like a wildfire.
Only Hayden keeps quiet, refusing to meet my gaze. Why is he quiet?
“I wasn’t surprised you’re together because of what happened back in high school,” Ben says from behind me.
“Jones…” Whatever warning Hayden is issuing, Ben doesn’t care about.
“I was surprised you’d be willing to forgive the son of the man who killed your family.”
Chapter Forty-Nine
CALLIE
I was surprised you’d be willing to forgive the son of the man who killed your family.
… forgive the son of the man who killed your family.
Killed…
The words roll on repeat in my mind. Over and over again. All the air is sucked from my lungs like I’ve been sucker-punched in the gut. I can’t breathe. Can’t see. Can’t think.
Killed.
“Y-You’re lying.” My voice is shaky as I say the words. There is no way… I shake my head, refusing to even think it. It can’t be. He has to be lying. It’s some sick joke of his and…
“Ask him.”
I shake my head, my hair falling all around me in a tangled mess. Like a shield between me and the words Ben keeps throwing at me. I cover my ears, but it doesn’t help to dull the voices around me.
It can’t be possible.
It can’t.
If it’s true, he would have told me.
If he knew, he wouldn’t have hidden it from me.
“Ask him,” Ben repeats firmly.
Why isn’t he saying anything?
Why isn’t he making him stop?
I need him to stop.
My heart is pounding wildly in my chest, fingers shaky as I lift my gaze to look at Hayden. I have to blink a few times before I can see him clearly. The tears have pooled in my eyes, making my vision blurry. But when I do, I wish I hadn’t.
Hayden’s face is ashen, his jaw tight. There is not one trace of the boy who only moments before swept me off my feet still riding high on the win. Instead, he looks defeated and… scared.
“H-Hayden…” My voice breaks at that one word. Tears that have filled my eyes the moment Ben dropped all of this on me, finally fall down.
No, this can’t be happening.
“Callie,” he rasps, taking a step toward me.
When did I move back?
My whole body feels heavy, but when Hayden tries to reach for me again, I take another step back, and another.
“N-No.” More shaking. I don’t want to believe it, but the way he looks at me.
God, the way he looks at me. It can be summed up in one word.
Guilt.
So. Much. Guilt.
He knew. He knew and he didn’t tell me.
More tears fall. I can feel their saltiness when they reach my mouth. Oh my God… stupid, I’m so stupid. How didn’t I see it sooner? I should have known it’s too good to be true.
“Please, angel,” Hayden begs, his hand reaching forward.
“Don’t touch me!” I pull back, my arms wrapping around my shaking body. “Don’t you dare touch me.”
I sound manic even to my own ears, but I don’t care one bit. He knew and he lied to me. How long has this been going on? How long did he hide the fact that it was his father, the one who crashed into our car?
His father.
Hayden must sense that I’ve reached the point of breaking because he doesn’t try to touch me again. “Callie, please, let me explain.”
“Explain what?” I yell, not caring one bit who can hear. Let them hear. Let them look. “That you’ve been lying to me all this time?”
“I didn’t know!” Hayden protests.
“Then why do you look so damn guilty?” I throw at him.
Hayden sways on the balls on his feet. My words a harder punch than my hand could ever deliver. I can see the truth written all over his face. There is no way he can hide it, not anymore at least.
How didn’t I see it before? How could I have been so foolish? So blind?
There was no way Hayden would have ever been into me. Not after all that has happened. He probably just wanted his revenge, to get back at me for all the shitty things I did and said, well he got it.
“We’re done here.”
Chapter Fifty
HAYDEN
“Callie wait!” I call after her, but she doesn’t listen. Instead she storms away like the devil’s at her feet.
Chloe glares at me, shaking her head in disappointment before she too runs after Callie.
“Dammit!” I run my fingers through my hair, pulling it in all directions.
I should go after her, stop her before she’s too far out of my reach to convince her into anything, but I also know that she won’t listen to me. Not now. It should have been me. I should have told her, not let that fucker ruin everything. If I did maybe…
“Well, that escalated quickly.”
I turn around and stalk toward Benjamin-fucking-Jones. It’s all this idiot’s fault. If he hadn’t come here. If he hadn’t opened his big fat mouth, nothing like this would have happened.
Callie and I would have been okay and I would have found the right moment to tell her everything.
Growling, I grip his shirt and pull him off the ground. We’re more or less the same height, but I’m so pissed off I could probably drill a hole in the wall.
“Motherfucker, it’s all your damn fault!”
“Well, technically…” Ben starts, but a loud growl that comes out of my lungs is warning enough. I’m so close to snapping and this guy is the first in my line of sight. And it would feel so, so good to rearrange his smug mug.
“You don’t want to do this,” Nix whispers in my ear, his hand wrapping around my bicep and giving it a firm squeeze.
“Oh, yes, I do.”
He doesn’t even realize how much. I thought wiping the grass with Ben Jones and his team would be payment enough, but now that I have him in my grip it’s s
o easy to remember all the shitty things Ben and his posse did to me back in high school. And Callie. The look of hurt and betrayal on her face when she found out.
My eyes close tightly.
Fuck, Callie.
Nixon must know the direction in which my mind has gone because he gives me another squeeze, this time harder.
“Go to your girl. She needs you, Hades.”
I nod once, knowing that he’s right. She needs me, and I can’t let her just leave. I can’t. Not without explaining.
Unclenching my hands, I let the fucktard fall out of my grip. He stumbles, falling on his ass.
“What the fuck?”
“Stay away from her.” I point my finger at him. “I’m not shitting around. If I even see you look in her direction, I’ll break your fucking arm.”
Not staying around to hear his answer, I run after Callie.
My heart is beating loudly, unease creeping into my veins. Rationally, I know she couldn’t have gone far. Not with her leg the way it is. But I also know that she’s stubborn as a mule and if she decided to run, she’d do it no matter what her body tells her it’s capable of doing.
I run through the people. Some call my name, but I ignore them, unapologetically shoving away everybody who gets in my way.
The parking lot is half empty, so it isn’t hard to see two small figures in the distance, one light, other dark.
“Callie!” I call out, going into a full-on run.
She tries to speed up, but I can see that she’s hurting. Her left leg is dragging a little compared to her right one.
“Callie, wait, please. You’ll hurt yourself.”
“Don’t pretend like you care.” She throws over her shoulder but doesn’t stop, or turn around to look at me.
My whole body aches from the game, and there is already a nasty bruise forming on my ribcage from when I was tackled earlier today, but I don’t let it slow me down. My legs eat the distance between the two of us, even breaths turning into hard pants that make my lungs burn from exertion.
Just a little bit more.
“Of course I care. Dammit, Callie!” My hand reaches forward, fingers wrapping around her wrist and tugging her toward me. She sways on her feet, almost losing the balance, but I stabilize her in the last second.
“Let me go!” she protests, looking anywhere but at me.
“Hayden.” Chloe tries to get between us, but I give her a murderous glare that has her lifting her hands in surrender and stepping a few feet away to give us a semblance of privacy.
“I’m not letting you go, Callie.” My fingers are gripping her shoulders, but I can’t force myself to let go. If I do, she’ll run away. “I can’t.”
“Of course you can.” She struggles against my hold. “You’re a fucking liar.”
“And I’d do it again,” I shout back at her. The truth tumbling out of my mouth. “I’d lie and I’d cheat, anything to keep you happy. Anything to keep you safe. Fuck it, Callie, I lo—”
She shakes her head, tears gathering in her eyes. “Don’t you say it. Don’t you dare say it.”
“It’s the truth.”
There is no sense in pretending or trying to hide it.
I’m in love with her.
I’m in love with Callie Stewart.
I’ve always been in love with her and it’s finally time for her to know it.
Those violet eyes full of tears look at me, the accusation written all over her face. “How long did you know?” she asks, and I know she’s not referring to my feelings.
“Callie, baby, please.” I reach for her hand, but she pulls it out of my reach before our fingers connect. If she’d just let me explain…
“Don’t you baby me, Hayden!” The tears are streaming down her cheeks as she yells, almost fanatically. But there is no fire in her violet irises, only broken sadness. Which somehow seems even worse. “How long did you know, Hayden?”
“I wanted to—”
“How. Long?” Every word is punctuated, the betrayal as clear as day. And it’s all my fault. I did it. I’m the one who put that look in her eyes. I’m the one who broke her heart. Just like my dad’s the one who broke her family in that car crash.
“Not that long,” I say softly, offering her the truth. It’s the least I can do. “I was…”
“Not that long?” She runs her fingers through her hair, pulling it away from her face. “What does that even mean? What is ‘not that long’ for you? Days? Weeks? Months? Did you know when you were holding me, whispering softly that it’s not my fault? That I’m not the one who killed my parents? Did you say it because you knew it was your father who was responsible for the accident?” My mouth falls open, but no words come out. “Tell me!” Callie yells, wrapping her hands around herself.
Protecting herself or holding herself together.
Both probably.
“Just a few days.” Swallowing the lump in my throat, I force myself to crook the words out. My hands itch to reach out. To wrap around her and pull her into my arms and never let go, but I know she doesn’t want it. Not now. Maybe not ever again. “I swear to you Callie, it’s been just a few days. After you woke up from the nightmare and told me there was another car involved in the accident, that’s the day I started suspecting. I didn’t know before that, I swear it, I didn’t know.”
She starts to shake her head even before all the words are out. “How am I supposed to believe you?”
“I’m telling you the truth, dammit! Up until that night, I didn’t even know there was another car involved. You yourself said it’s your fault. I thought you crashed into a tree or something. I had no idea. You have to believe me. After I left California, when all shit went downhill for my dad and mom left, I didn’t want anything to do with him. I heard stories, whispers about what had happened. About his guilt. I didn’t want to do anything with him. That’s what I told Grams. So when he died, she didn’t tell me specifics and I didn’t ask. I was still so angry at him for screwing everything up.”
“Still, you lied to me. When you found out, you should have told me.”
“And what? Be the one responsible for bringing back all the memories of that day? The one responsible for breaking your heart?” I shake my head. “I wanted to confirm it with Grams first, and then I just wanted… God, I don’t know what I wanted. I wanted for it to have never happened so we could be fucking happy for once in our lives!”
One tear slips down her cheeks, and then another.
“So what? You pretend it never happened and move on?”
“I would have told you!” I protest. Why doesn’t she believe me? “I was just waiting for the right moment.”
“Well, I guess the right moment presented itself in the form of Benjamin Jones.”
Forcefully, she wipes the tears streaming down her face.
“Callie, please…” I reach for her once again, but she moves another step back, her arms crossed over her chest.
“I think you should go.”
“But…”
“Go, Hayden.”
My hands clenched into fists. I want to pound something and pound it hard. I’ve been holding it in for days, but I can’t anymore, so I do just that. Turning on the balls of my feet, I let my leg connect to the first thing that gets in my way. That thing turned out to be a garbage can. A frustrated roar rips out of my lungs.
Callie sniffles behind me. That one small sound breaking my fucking heart.
“Go,” she pleads. “I can’t do this right now.”
Facing her, I let myself take her in one last time. I see exhaustion and resignation written all over her. And as much as I don’t want to let her go, I know I can’t force her to stay. I can’t force her to believe me if she doesn’t want to.
“At least let me walk you home,” I sigh in defeat. “It’s late and it’s dark.”
I think she’ll resist it, like she’s resisted everything else, but she surprises me when she just nods. Then, without another word, she starts to wal
k.
Chloe, who’s still waiting on the periphery watching us with wide eyes, pulls Callie in her side.
We don’t say a word as I walk behind them to the dorm. At some point, the snow starts to fall again.
Callie either doesn’t notice or she simply doesn’t care. Maybe a bit of both because she doesn’t pull the hood over her head. Instead, the snowflakes cling to her hair.
Is this how it’s going to end? My heart aches at the mere thought. I’m not sure I’d be able to survive without her. Not again. Not now when I know what it’s like to have her. To hold her. To kiss her.
It can’t be.
I won’t let it.
Callie’s dorm comes into view sooner than I’d like. She tries to get inside quickly, but I catch her hand before she slips away.
“This isn’t over yet,” I say softly, my thumb caressing the tender skin on the inside of her wrist. “We’re not over.”
She blinks, a tear sliding down her cheek. “That’s where you’re wrong. This… This was never supposed to have happened at all.”
Chapter Fifty-One
CALLIE
There is no stopping me until I’m inside the dorm, a door firmly closed behind me. Even then, I rush up the stairs, my lungs fighting for breath as I push my legs to take two steps at a time to the third floor.
This can’t be happening. How could have he done this? Kept something so big from me?
I’m lost to the memories of the day of the accident and everything that has happened today. They’re so vivid I can barely see where I’m going. My vision is blurry but somehow I manage to open the door to my room and close it shut. The sound echoes through the room like a blast, making me flinch.
Closing my eyes, I press my back against the hardwood, giving my best to calm my breathing. Only I can’t. All I can do is see.
Ben’s smug face when he told me about the accident.
Blinding headlights.
Disappointment when my parents asked about cheating.
Glass flying all around me.
Hayden’s guilt when he couldn’t keep lying to me.
Metal screeching.