Dear Sylvia

by Alan Cumyn

  Deer Sylvia,

  The first thing that went wrong was all the dogs started barking. Not only Sylvester and Rex but the dogs 2 farms down and even across the river. So we had to get back in our sheets fast and pretend to be asleep even though Sylvester dropped his rock on Leonard’s head.

  At least Sylvester was smart enough to take what he loved from the wreck of the old house.

  Then Sadie got up and she said I know what you are going to do.

  Andy said — nothing! Go to sleep!

  But Sadie said you can’t go unless I make Rex quiet.

  Andy said — we aren’t going anywhere!

  But Sadie said I won’t make Rex quiet unless you let me come too.

  The hole house was quiet then again and even Eleanor was asleep. Sadie was in her nightie but had her boots on.

  I want to go in the wrecked house too — she said.

  So we snuck out the back with Rex and Sylvester and Sadie keeping them quiet. It was not warm but not a cold night either just black and full of stars and a big moon.

  It was a bit funny walking in our bathrobes and pajamas. I had my running shoes but no sox and Leonard had his boots and Andy had the shoes from Mom’s hotel and lots of sox.

  As soon as we got on the highway we knew we were in trouble because the first car that went by didn’t go by but stopped. Then a man got out and said — what are you kids doing out in your pajamas?

  He had a dark hat like a bad guy in the movies and his hands were even bigger than Dad’s.

  Nothing — Andy said. We were at a friend’s house getting ready for Halloween.

  It just slipped out like he knew exactly what to say.

  Halloween! — the man said. It’s not for ages yet.

  We’re just practicing — Sadie said.

  Get in the car and I’ll drive you home — the man said.

  Andy said — no it’s all right we’re not far it’s just over there! And he pointed nowhere.

  The man said — get in the car!

  And he put his hands on his hips like there was a gun in his pocket. Then Andy yelled RUN! and the dogs started barking.

  Andy ran back into the ditch and through the water and up the other side and we all followed after him but in different directions the way mice do when you first turn on the light. I went down the highway and then into the ditch and Leonard went the other way and the Man grabbed Sadie’s hand but she bit him and just kept running.

  The dogs went around and around all of us.

  The man yelled — hey! And waved his big hands around. He said — you kids! And — I’m going to tell your parents! And — you come out here right now!

  Which we didn’t.

  We just kept going and met up in the woods under an old silver tree.

  Leonard said — we have to get home now! He’s going to tell our parents!

  But Andy said — he doesn’t even know who our parents are!

  We’re almost there — Sadie said.

  So we kept going.

  The house was sad. Someone had cut up the old oak tree so it was mostly a big pile of sawdust and leaves. The branches were gone but the roots still stood straight up.

  Leonard said — we should go home!

  Andy said — you stay out here and keep watch and if that man comes bite his other hand!

  So then Leonard didn’t want to stay outside for anything. He said he’d get the jewelry.

  Sadie held my hand when we went toward the house. I didn’t tell her to she just did it and then when we found the door was locked and had to go through the window I just helped her and when we were in the house I left her hand where it was. Holding mine I mean. I know the old house better and if she fell we’d have to carry her home.

  That’s all.

  Andy went in the kitchen to find the flashlight.

  Sadie and I went in the office to get The Invisible Enshurince Man. It was fat as ever just sitting on the desk.

  Andy had the flashlight. When he zipped it around you couldn’t see anything just how bright it was. And all the shadows turned black as night.

  Andy said — Leonard! Did you get the jewelry?

  Leonard said — I’m having a hard time going up the stairs!

  So Andy shone his light all along the hole where there was still part of the tree trapped beside the stairs. It was tree and shadows and more tree and no Leonard.

  Leonard where are you? — Andy said.

  Sylvester and Rex were barking and it sounded like the hole county would hear any minute.

  Here!

  Leonard’s head was stuck again in the banister!

  We ran to him and pulled and pushed but it was no use. He was stuck just as bad as before and now his head was even bigger. So I said I would go down in the basement to get the crow bar just like Dad. I gave The Invisible Enshurince Man to Sadie but she had a hard time even holding it so she put it down on the floor.

  Not there! — I said. It was dirty from some tree mud.

  Andy came with me with the torch.

  I’m not staying here alone! — said Sadie.

  You be with Leonard! — said Andy.

  So she held his hand.

  Sadie just likes to hold hands a lot.

  We went outside again through the window just like it was the haunted house and then we opened the coal shoot doors and slid down. Andy went straight to the work bench and found the claw hammer and the crow bar and Dad’s big 2-handed saw in case we needed that. Then the house started moaning and Sadie yelped HELP! HELP!

  So Andy ran up with all the tools.

  I still wanted to get my box but now it was darker than ever and I had to go on my hands and knees and crawl along. You know how you can feel the pebbles and dirt of the basement sticking into your skin and it’s all cold and crawly and I thought what if the house falls down on top of me right now?

  It would be hard to explain to anybody what I was doing.

  Owen! — Sadie said. She scared me 1/2 to death since she was there all of a sudden standing too close.

  Why did you yell Help?

  Because Leonard has a nose bleed — she said. Now Andy is bashing him out of the banister.

  I could hear the bashing now upstairs.

  I stood up and brushed the grit and rocks from my knees and out of my skin. And Sadie looked at me all funny and just kept looking.

  What’s that? — she said. I had the box under my arm.

  Some of the letters were leeking leaking out.

  Are they for Sylvia? — she said. And she ran away and out the coal shoot before I even said yes or no.

  Owen

  Deer Sylvia,

  There was more but it takes a long time to write about and now I’m a lot busyer busier because we started going to school again. So it’s like a big line-up trying to tell you everything.

  It started raining on the way back home. That’s why the box looks so lumpy now and some of the letters are wrinkled like your skin when you stay too long in the bath. I tried to keep the box inside my bathrobe but when my robe got wet then there was nowhere else to put it.

  And Leonard started to bleed on The Invisible Enshurince Man. It was just from his nose and some from behind his ear where the banister held him most. So Andy took the pages and Sadie held the jewelry box and we ran as fast as we could but the rain was faster.

  There was no way to get back into the house without a big commotion because the dogs yowelled and barked and anyway Ant Lorraine was up with Fillus so everyone knew we were gone and Uncle Lorne and Dad were out in the truck driving around looking for us and anyway The Invisible Enshurince Man was completely soaked and bleeding ink from one page onto all the others.

  You could still read it but hardly. And I knew it wasn’t going to be worth it when Dad got back.

&
nbsp; Mom said — you children will be the death of me!

  And Eleanor just stood in the kitchen like she would never have gone even if she knew and anyway how could we go without her?

  But I got your letters.

  Then Dad and Uncle Lorne came back. It was almost morning. I don’t know if you have seen the sun when it stretches out along the hole line of the earth and makes the trees look black as shadows when it is just before an ordinary day.

  That’s what I was looking at when the truck came back.

  Dad walked in and looked at us in our sheets but still awake and shivery and at the wet pages we spread out on the floor to dry and his face was gray like he couldn’t even bother to whack us.

  Leonard said — Dad we got your book!

  Dad stopped right where he was and dripped on the floor.

  We saved it! — Leonard said.

  Dad was breathing like an angry mad man.

  There it is! — Leonard said.

  Dad picked up a bunch of the pages and threw them into the fireplace. Whoosh! The ashes from the old fires flew up in the air. Dad dropped on his knees and took some matches and started lighting the pages.

  Don’t! Don’t! — Leonard said, and he was crying. Sadie and Eleanor and Mom and Lorraine came down too and we were all watching too surprised to say anything.

  The pages wouldn’t light. They were too wet!

  Then Uncle Lorne went over and put his hands on Dad’s and said — all right all right and took the pages out of the ashes.

  I was holding onto your box so hard it started to get even more lopsided.

  And then we all went to bed.

  Owen

  Deer Sylvia,

  My new teacher is Mr. Morton. He is not even as tall as some of the boys in the class like Michael Baylor who grew more than anybody in the summer.

  Mr. Morton used to work in a bank. He used to handle millions and millions of dollars without even thinking and he says that’s how to do arithmetic you just give the answer. So he will be talking about the death of Seezzar Ceezur King Tut and then suddenly he will say Owen you have $36 in your account but you withdraw $13.61 so how much do you have left? Then he slams his fat hand on your desk and says — too Late!

  You just can’t think you have to say it!

  He has given us all accounts and when you get something right you add and when you are wrong you take away and even if you are less than zero it doesn’t matter that means you owe money and he even charges interest which you have to figure out too.

  He wants us all to work in a bank even though he didn’t like it.

  I don’t care how much money would be left except I would give it all to Dad and try to make him happy again.

  Or I would hire a typist to make a new copy of The Invisible Enshurince Man and send it to a smarter publisher this time.

  I got only 12 out of 20 on a spelling test. I knew all the words right off but then I thought some more and made a lot of them worse and I wasn’t allowed to use my dictionary.

  What is your teacher like?

  Owen

  Deer Sylvia,

  Because we were bad before when we tried to be heroes about the old house we aren’t allowed to go out anywhere unless it is school which just costs me money. Now I know how Dad feels. He needs to find a job but he quit from his last Enshurince office and they won’t take him back even though he is an author.

  So he is fixing up Lorne’s old car in the back yard and will sell it for money if he can get it to go somewhere.

  Anyway I can’t practice the bagpipes since I’d have to go out to do it. And I know your big meat is coming up and I wish I could go and play the Lad’s Lamant but I don’t see how.

  Owen

  Deer Sylvia,

  Now I owe Mr. Morton $122.37. It was all because of all those spelling tests with no dictionaries and then he charged me interest which I couldn’t do in my head because I moved the decimal the wrong way. So now I have to do an extra project in front of the hole class.

  I have been thinking of making a scale model reproduction of Crackatoea Krakatoa, which was the biggest explosion in the history of volcanoes. I could do a papyay machay paper and glue mountain and paint it red and purple for the lava and have the ocean blue all around and light a candle inside to boil some water for the steam. And I could glue on some twigs and sticks for all the trees that were flattened.

  Andy did a model of Krakatoa for his project when he had Mr. Morton but his didn’t have trees like mine will. And Andy got $158 for his Krakatoa so if mine is even better then maybe I can get way out of debt.

  Andy’s model was in the old house that was bulldozed today. I was in school but Dad and Uncle Lorne and some other Enshurince men went into the house and got out everything that wasn’t rooined ruined. But they didn’t get Krakatoa!

  That’s all right. I have my own good ideas for it.

  Owen

  Dear Sylvia,

  I just found out I have been spelling DEER wrong all along! It came out on another one of Mr. Morton’s offal spelling tests!

  So now I know you will look at these letters and think what an idiot I am!

  So I can’t give the letters to you. Even if I go and correct every one you will see all the scratch outs. I should just put them out in the trash along with my Krakatoa project which caught fire in front of everybody and so Mr. Morton had to break out the extinguisher and his hole desk got swallowed in this smelly white foam that made everybody laugh so hard I lost $100 more.

  I am going to be poor the rest of my life.

  Andy’s Krakatoa didn’t catch fire.

  And I worked really hard on mine too.

  So I am sorry for wasting all your time by writing these letters you won’t read anyway because I am so stupid.

  Goodbye.

  Owen

  Dear Sylvia,

  Today is September the 27th and you are at your big meat.

  Later I will dig a hole behind the swing set in the back yard and bury the box with your letters.

  I know they are yours but they are full of stupid mistakes and I don’t want you to think of me that way.

  Anyway you are not going to think of me so it doesn’t matter.

  I hope you have a good meat. I’m sorry that I won’t see you dancing because I like the red that comes all over your cheeks and face and how bright your blue eyes get.

  Love,

  Owen

  Dear Sylvia,

  And so now I can’t even dig a hole right. I was in the middle of it and Dad came out and said Owen what are you doing?

  I tried to tell him something but couldn’t think of it and anyway he saw the box and said what’s that and then I had to tell him. Which I did. Everything too because he kept asking more questions.

  He said — Owen you need to give Sylvia those letters!

  I said — it’s better if I don’t!

  He said — women like it when you make a big thing of love. He said — take Sylvia flowers and give her the box!

  So I said — does Mom still hate you because you are in love with the waitress who looks like Rebecca?

  I don’t know why I said that. He got all glumpy in the face then and couldn’t even answer and it was like The Invisible Enshurince Man coming back in the mail all over again.

  So I didn’t bury the letters. I didn’t want to make another mistake.

  Owen

  Dear Sylvia,

  We are getting a new house! In Elgin! Or at least it’s 1/2 a house because other people live on top and we are on the bottom. I haven’t seen it yet but that’s what Dad said.

  Here’s what happened.

  We were all having dinner in the dining room at the big table with all the leafs in it like Christmas but it was just spaggettey spuggetty noodles which Leonard someti
mes slurps up his nose especially when Sadie is looking but she wasn’t only he did it anyway.

  And Dad said Leonard don’t do that!

  So we all looked at Leonard and Eleanor spat her milk onto the table in disgust and said she wanted to be part of another family. Then everyone was talking all at once and Dad said EXCUSE ME! in his big voice that he learned in the army.

  So we shut up.

  I HAVE AN ANNOUNCEMENT! Dad said.

  And he stood up. He looked over at Mom who had a big mouth full of spiggettey noodles.

  Dad started singing! In Italian! I don’t know what it was but it was loud and he closed his eyes and put his hands over his heart and even kept singing when she poked him with a fork.

  Just in the shoulder.

  AY YAI YO EEE YO DEE CHHEE! he sang.

  And Mom was laughing and red as roses.

  And then he got real flowers from the front hallway and gave them to her and they kissed right in front of everybody and he said he had found us a house in Elgin right close to Mom’s hotel.

  He meant the 1/2 a house.

  That’s how it happened.

  Owen

  Dear Sylvia,

  We looked at the old house today which is just a big hole in the ground with a lot of broken mud on it and the apple tree looking all alone and pretty small. You could run around the spot in just a few seconds and it sure didn’t look big as a house any more.

  It was hard to imagine we all used to fit in there.

  Leonard said he was going to miss the bull’s field and the woods and the river and the haunted house and all the other places.

  And we all started feeling bad and Mom was crying. Andy said why don’t we build another house just like our old one and we could have our bedroom up in the attic again and listen to the rain on the roof and Dad could have his office back and write another book.

  But I said — I want to see the house in Elgin.

  Mom said — we were lucky this place didn’t fall on us years ago.

  And Dad said — you’ll like the new place.

  So we got in the car and went to see it. It doesn’t have any old garage or apple tree and it’s right on Raven Street with stores along it. The front porch is all closed in which is where Sylvester stays. He can’t just go running free like before.