Witch is How The Tables Turned

by Adele Abbott

  “What’s the situation with the crop now?”

  “Much improved, I’m pleased to report. I asked for an update when I heard you were here, and I understand that we now have sufficient stocks of all varieties to see us through this season.”

  “There’ll be no more flowers taken from the human world?”

  “None. You have my word on it.”

  “Well, your majesty, I—”

  “Please don’t call me that. It makes me feel like an old lady. Call me Butter.”

  “Okay, err—Butter. What about next year? What happens if the crop fails again?”

  “It won’t. I’ve taken steps to ensure that. As from next year, we’ll be growing the crops in a number of different regions. That should safeguard us if there’s a failure in one region.”

  “I don’t agree with what you did, but it seems to me that you found yourself in an impossible position. As you’ve given me your word that there’ll be no repeat of this, I see no reason to take the matter any further.”

  “That’s very kind of you. I really am most grateful.”

  “Perhaps it’s time you accepted the new title. Queen Buttercup has a certain ring about it.”

  “Maybe. I’ll give it some thought. There is one thing I’d like to know though. How did you discover the flowers were being taken?”

  “My brother-in-law looks after a large garden in Washbridge. That garden has been nominated for an award, so as you might imagine, he’s been tending it even more closely than he might normally. He realised that one particular variety of flower was being taken. It had happened on a number of consecutive nights, so I spent last night in the garden, trying to catch whoever was doing it. Needless to say, I didn’t spot your fairies. It was only later, when Peter showed me the flowerbeds that had been plundered, that I recognised the flowers. I’d seen those same flowers at my aunt’s house in Candlefield. She told me that she’d bought them from your fairies.”

  “What a remarkable piece of detective work. Have you ever thought of doing this for a living?”

  “I already do. I’m a private investigator based in Washbridge.”

  “How very exciting. Once again, I must thank you from the bottom of my heart for your understanding and kindness. If there’s ever anything the floral fairies can do for you, please don’t hesitate to ask.”

  ***

  When I arrived back at the house, I found Jack in the lounge, watching Tenpin TV.

  “Shouldn’t we get ready for the hot tub party?” I said, all innocent like.

  “It’s been cancelled. Mr Ivers was just over here to tell me.”

  “Oh no. I was really looking forward to it too. Why did he cancel?”

  “The hot tub is full of jellyfish.”

  “What? How did that happen?”

  He eyed me suspiciously. “Did you have anything to do with it?”

  “Me? How could I? I’ve been in Candlefield, sorting out Peter’s flower problem.”

  “Mr Ivers thinks it might be some of the other neighbours, jealous of Rubadub.”

  “I suppose that’s possible; there are some vindictive people around. What’s he going to do?”

  “This was the final straw. First the crabs and now jellyfish. I think he’s going to get rid of it.”

  “That’s a real shame.” How I kept a straight face, I’ll never know.

  Thirty minutes later, I was in the kitchen, wondering what snack to have when Jack called me into the lounge. If he was going to show me another seven-ten split wonder shot, I might be forced to sue for divorce.

  “Look at this.” He pointed to the screen. “It’s your grandmother.”

  The local news headlines, which were shown in-between programmes, were covering Grandma’s two major promotion launches.

  “Surfing extravaganza?” Jack said. “How’s that going to work?”

  “How do you think? Magic of course.”

  “I thought the whole idea was that sups were meant to fly under the radar?”

  “We are, but it seems like there’s one rule for Grandma and another one for everyone else. She thinks she’s untouchable.”

  “Is she?”

  “We’ll find out next Saturday.”

  “And what about that wool? WYE? How does that work?”

  “It’s EYW—Ever Younger Wool. It doesn’t. It’s a big con.”

  “Every time I think your grandmother can’t get any worse, she does.”

  “Tell me about it. I tried to talk her out of this madness, but she doesn’t take a blind bit of notice of me.”

  Jack switched off the TV.

  “Has the match finished?”

  “No, but I’ve thought of something much better we could be doing.”

  “Gardening?”

  He stood up, scooped me off my feet, and started towards the stairs. “I have something much better in mind.”

  “Hmm, I like the sound of that.”

  We were halfway up the stairs when someone hammered on the door.

  “Ignore it,” I said. “It’s probably just Ivers.”

  They knocked again, even louder this time.

  “I’d better see who it is.” Jack set me down, and scurried back down the stairs. “It’s Pauline from across the road, Jill.”

  Pauline Maker? Oh no!

  I went to join Jack at the door. “Hi, Pauline. How’s Shawn’s mother?”

  “She’s okay, but she’s going to need some long-term care. I popped over to ask if you’d remembered to press the button on the BHV?”

  “Yes, of course. I set my alarm, so I wouldn’t forget.”

  “And you pressed the orange button? Not the red one?”

  “Definitely. Jack was with me when I did it, weren’t you, Jack?”

  “Err—yeah. I was there.”

  “That’s very strange.” Pauline sighed.

  “Is something wrong?” I said.

  “Come and see for yourself.” She started back down the drive.

  Jack was about to follow when I grabbed his arm. “You stay here!”

  “Shouldn’t I come with you?”

  “No. I’ve got this.”

  I knew what Jack was like; he’d soon crack under pressure. Before I knew it, he’d confess to everything. I could just hear him:

  Yes, we were a little late pressing the button. Yes, I suppose it could have been the red one.

  “Where has everything gone?” I was in the doorway of the Makers’ lounge.

  “This is how it was when we got home.” Shawn was standing in the middle of the room, which a few hours earlier had been full of all kinds of equipment, but was now empty except for the BHV.

  “Jill says she pressed the red button on time,” Pauline said.

  “It doesn’t make any sense.” Shawn scratched his head. “Are you sure?”

  “Absolutely. I set an alarm on my phone, and came straight over as soon as it sounded.”

  “And you definitely pressed the orange button?”

  “Definitely. One-hundred percent. Jack watched me do it.”

  “And nothing happened?”

  “No. Nothing.” I shook my head for emphasis. “We pressed the button and then went back home.”

  “I must have wired it incorrectly,” he said. “There’s no other explanation.”

  “What happened to all the equipment that was in here?”

  “It’s inside that.” He pointed to the BHV.

  “Including the workbench?”

  “Yes. I’m just glad that it didn’t happen as soon as you pressed the button or—” His words drifted away.

  “Or what?”

  “You and Jack might have been sucked into the black hole too. I’m so very sorry, Jill, I should never have placed you in such jeopardy.”

  “That’s okay. No harm done. What will happen now? With the BHV, I mean?”

  “It’s going on the scrap heap,” Pauline got in first. “I’ve already told Shawn that either it goes, or I do.”

  “
Actually, it probably did us a favour,” he said. “We’re going to move closer to my mother, but property down there is much more expensive, so we won’t be able to afford anything as large as this house. We certainly won’t have room for all the stuff we had in here.”

  “It’s a shame you have to move. You haven’t lived here very long.”

  “Family comes first.” He shrugged.

  Jack was watching for me through the window.

  “What happened?” he said, as soon as I walked through the door.

  “It looks like we had a narrow escape.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “The BHV sucked up everything in the lounge. The room is bare.”

  “Everything? Including that huge workbench?”

  “Yeah.”

  “How could it possibly do that?”

  “I don’t know. I’m not an astrophysician.”

  “It’s astrophysicist.”

  “Whatever. I can’t be expected to understand how that stuff works.”

  “Did you tell them that it was our fault?”

  “Yeah, I said you’d pressed the wrong button.”

  “What?” He looked horrified.

  “Relax. I’m joking. They think the machine malfunctioned. You’re off the hook.”

  “I feel terrible about all of this.”

  “Don’t. It turns out we’ve done them a favour.”

  “How do you work that out?”

  “They’re going to move closer to Shawn’s mother’s, and that will require that they downsize. The BHV mishap has made a start on that by getting rid of a ton of their junk.”

  “I don’t know how you do it.”

  “Do what?”

  “Lie like you do. It comes naturally to you, doesn’t it?”

  “No. But then again, I could be lying. Anyway, enough about the Makers and their BHV, I seem to remember we were on our way upstairs.”

  Chapter 18

  When I came downstairs the next morning, Jack was all bright and breezy.

  “Good morning, my beautiful wife.”

  “What are you after?” I grumped.

  “I’m not after anything. It’s just that, every morning, when I wake up beside you, I’m reminded how lucky I am.”

  “Hmm?”

  “Don’t you feel the same?”

  “I do, actually. You’re very lucky to wake up beside me. Don’t go forgetting it.”

  “You’re incorrigible.”

  “Can I smell bacon?”

  “I wouldn’t think so. I’m having muesli.”

  “Of course you are. I’ll need something more substantial than sawdust if I’m going to get through today.”

  “Have you got a lot on?”

  “I have to visit a client in Longdale Prison at ten. Then I have a meeting with the landlord this afternoon, or at least Corinne Cathway does.”

  “Who’s Corinne what’s-her-face?”

  “Cathway. She’s my alter ego; and high-flying CEO.”

  “What’s that all about?”

  “Macabre is trying to blackmail me into moving out of my offices.”

  “Blackmail, how?”

  “If I don’t agree to leave, he won’t let Kathy have the new shop in West Chipping. I’m hoping that Corinne will help him to see the error of his ways.”

  “I wish I could be there to see that.”

  “This afternoon, I plan to spend some time in the plastics factory, talking to the dayshift manager. And somehow, in between all of that, I have to find time to go down to London to speak to Mad’s partner.”

  “Couldn’t you speak to him on the phone?”

  “I guess so, but I’d prefer to do it face to face.”

  “You’ll never be able to do all the stuff you need to do up here, and still have time to get to London and back.”

  “I’ll manage it.”

  “You’re going to magic yourself there and back, aren’t you?”

  “Needs must.”

  “If your grandmother can get away with holding a surfing extravaganza, then you should be okay. By the way, when I looked through the back window earlier, I noticed that Monty was draining his hot tub. It looks like he’s definitely given up on it. I kind of feel sorry for the guy.”

  “Me too, but more importantly, where’s the bacon?”

  ***

  “Morning, Mrs V.”

  “Ouch.” She looked and sounded terrible. “Morning.”

  “Are you okay?”

  “Just about. I didn’t think I was going to make it up those stairs.”

  “What’s wrong?”

  “It’s Armi and his stupid ideas.”

  “Oh dear. Didn’t you say you were going on a park tour over the weekend? I would have expected that to be nice and relaxing.”

  “I thought we were, but it seems that Armi had misunderstood what he was signing up for. It turned out to be something called parkour.”

  “I’ve heard of that. Isn’t that where people jump on walls and stuff?”

  “It is indeed.”

  “Oh dear.” I laughed.

  “It isn’t funny, Jill. I could have done myself a serious mischief.”

  “Sorry. How’s Armi? He hasn’t injured himself, has he?”

  “He loved every minute of it. He reckons it’s his new hobby.”

  “No offence, but isn’t he a little old for all of that?”

  “Much too old; the silly old fool.”

  “I’m going to be out for most of the day. I just popped in to pick up the post and to feed Winky.”

  “Okay, dear. I’ll be resting my poor bones.”

  “I’d have paid good money to see that.” Winky laughed. “The old bag lady doing parkour? Priceless.”

  “You’ll be pleased to know I’ve brought you some salmon.”

  “Not before time. Do you know when the interviews are yet?”

  “Which interviews?”

  “For the post of office manager, of course.”

  “Oh, those interviews. No, I haven’t had time to schedule them yet.”

  “Let me know as soon as you do. Socks has promised to help me with some interview role playing.”

  “Will do.”

  ***

  I found it a little disconcerting that some of the guards at the local prison were now on first name terms with me.

  “Back again, Jill? You spend more time here than I do.”

  “Not by choice, I can assure you.”

  Although I’d agreed to meet Henry Tyler at the prison, I managed to persuade him that it would be best if I talked to Jude Crane alone.

  “Where’s Nancy?” Crane said, before I’d even had a chance to sit down.

  “It’s just me, I’m afraid.”

  “When Henry told me that you’d be coming to see me, I assumed Nancy would come too. Is she alright?”

  “She’s fine. I saw her a few days ago at your brother’s house.”

  “He’s out of hospital, then? How is he?”

  “He seems fine under the circumstances.”

  “Are you going to get me out of here?”

  “That’s the aim.”

  “When?”

  “That will depend on how quickly I’m able to establish your innocence.”

  “I haven’t done anything wrong. I don’t understand why they think I kidnapped Theo.”

  “That’s why it’s important that we don’t waste any time today. The more information you can give me, the more chance there is that I’ll be able to help you. As I understand it, the main evidence against you is something found at the crime scene that had your fingerprints on it?”

  “That’s what they told me. It was a food tray, apparently, but that doesn’t make any sense. I don’t even know where he was being held.”

  “When did you first realise that your brother had gone missing?”

  “It was a Sunday, I think.” He scratched his head. “Yes, definitely a Sunday. He was supposed to come around for lunch with Nancy
and me.”

  “Did he do that often?”

  “Just the occasional Sunday.”

  “When he didn’t show up, what happened? Did you go and look for him?”

  “I didn’t really think much of it. Theo isn’t the most reliable person in the world; I assumed he’d forgotten. It was Nancy who said we should go and check his house. When we got there, there was no sign of him, and the post was still lying on the hall floor. Even then, I wasn’t worried, but when he didn’t answer his phone for the rest of the day, Nancy said I should contact the police, but I insisted on waiting until the next day, in case he showed up.”

  “You reported him missing on the Monday morning?”

  “That’s right.”

  “What happened after that?”

  “They found his car outside a mini-market on Lower Wash Road. It had been there for a couple of days. That’s when we realised something was wrong. I called everyone I could think of, but no one had seen or heard from him. The police put out appeals through the local media, but there was no response. And that’s how it continued. The days turned into weeks and there was still no word. Just when I’d resigned myself to expect the worst, I heard that he’d been found. I was thrilled, but then—” His words trailed away.

  “You were arrested?”

  “Yeah. I couldn’t believe what was happening.”

  “One thing that intrigues me is that no ransom was ever demanded. That doesn’t make any sense unless someone had another reason for wanting to harm your brother. Harm him psychologically, I mean. Can you think of anyone who might hold some kind of grudge against him?”

  “Actually, yes. A couple of people immediately come to mind.”

  “Okay. Tell me about them.”

  “There’s Brian Reed. He owns Reed Plumbing who are one of our main rivals. Just over a year ago, he made us an offer.”

  “To buy you out?”

  “That’s right. I wasn’t interested.”

  “What about your brother?”

  “Theo seemed quite keen at first, but once he knew I wasn’t on board, he let it go.”