Beautiful Illusion

by Jacquie Underdown

  Jack shook his head and sighed. He looked at us all from one to the next. “Sort this out!” he said, neck muscles straining.

  Brennan stroked my cheek. “Do you want to go for a walk?”

  I nodded eagerly.

  He stood. “I can’t be in the same room as her without flying off the handle.”

  We left the now silent table for Brennan’s bedroom. As soon as we made it into his room and the door closed I felt tears beginning to well, my throat growing tight.

  “I’m sorry,” he said.

  I shook my head; afraid that if I spoke the tears would flow with the words. He wrapped me in his arms and cuddled me close. “I bit my tongue and bit my tongue. But she kept ignoring you, and not including you in any conversation, and cutting you off every time you spoke and, well, you know how it ended.”

  “I don’t understand her,” I said, blinking hard.

  “Neither do I. I hoped that Alex had it sorted out before they got here.”

  He released his arms and held my face, kissing me gently on the lips. “We’ll leave, okay?

  “No, you can’t leave. I shouldn’t have come here in the first place.”

  “Of course you should have. Jo’s just mentally deranged or some fucking thing,” he said, body rigid with anger. “I’ll drive us home.”

  “No, Bren. It’s important to your family that you’re here for this reunion tomorrow.”

  “It’s important to me that you’re happy, and right now you’re not.”

  A knock wrapped on the door and Kerri strode in. “I thought you would be upset,” she said when she saw me.

  “I’m okay,” I said, wiping a stray tear from my cheek.

  “We’re going to head home, Mum,” said Brennan.

  “You’ll do no such thing. This is not beyond sorting out and I will not have you running away.”

  “Bren, why don’t you drop me at home and then you can come back. I shouldn’t really be here, it’s not like I’m family,” I said.

  Brennan’s face wrinkled. “You’re important to me, Leah, that’s family enough.”

  Kerri agreed. “No one is leaving.”

  “What’s Joanne’s fucking problem anyway?” yelled Brennan.

  “That’s enough of the swearing, Bren,” Kerri said.

  Brennan lowered his eyes. “Sorry.”

  Kerri glared at him. “I don’t ever want to hear that kind of talk at my dinner table again, Bren. I know what Leah means to you, but Joanne is my daughter-in-law and the mother of my grandchildren. You will not talk to any family member like that again.”

  Brennan’s face twisted with anger.

  “I’m not excusing Joanne’s behaviour either,” she said. “But there’s no excuse for how you spoke to her and in front of the twins.”

  He took a lungful of air and released it with a shudder. “Fine. I’m sorry.”

  “You two spend the day together. I’ve plenty that needs doing that can keep Joanne very busy and well out of your way.”

  Brennan shrugged. “Does that sound all right to you, Leah?”

  I nodded. The last thing I wanted was to cause any further drama.

  Kerri gave a strained smile and left.

  Brennan pulled me into his body and rested my head on his chest, but before I could revel in his embrace Alex marched through the door, a grim expression on his face.

  “Alex,” said Brennan, releasing me from his hold.

  Alex drew in deep breath. “Mate. I know you’re angry, but you didn’t need to carry on like that, especially with the kids around.”

  Brennan looked apologetic. “I know. I’m sorry about that; I forgot they were sitting there. But Alex, your wife has got some serious fucking issues.”

  Alex put his hand up. “And Bren, all in all, Joanne is my wife. I don’t need you talking like that about her.”

  Again Brennan pulled himself up, rational enough to understand the boundary lines. “I understand, mate. But I need you to see it from my angle as well,” he said.

  “I do. I really do. Believe me,” Alex said shaking his head. “The only explanation I can think of is that Jo may be a little jealous of Leah. You know how she can be.”

  Brennan nodded. “Yeah, I know.”

  “I think we might drive home and come back again tomorrow afternoon,” Alex said.

  “No, mate. Don’t do that. We’ll just stay out of each other’s way. Anyway, I want to spend some time with the boys.”

  Alex smiled. “Fancy saying you’re a better footy player than me. I’m their Dad for Christ’s sake.”

  Brennan laughed. “I was really proud of them.”

  “You do know it’s not true, though?”

  “Come on, old man, you’ve got no chance.”

  “What’s all this talk about chance? There would be no chance involved in kicking your arse,” Alex said.

  Brennan punched him playfully on the arm. “Get out of here.”

  “Alright. Alright. I’m going.”

  He strolled out of the room, shoulders shaking with laughter, and shut the door behind him.

  “Let’s go for that walk.”

  ***

  I slathered myself in sunscreen and donned a wide-brimmed hat before I dared welcome the sun. We ventured outside on foot. It was a beautiful day on the property. Humidity clung to my skin. In the distance, beyond the gorge, there was thick cloud cover, tinged with grey, but the heavens directly above were still an untarnished blue.

  Hand in hand, we tramped across the property until we came to a lone gum tree near a dam that could have passed for a vast lake. Brennan pulled a blanket out of his bulging backpack, along with two bottles of water. He unfurled the blanket under the tree and we sat down together watching the bruised thunder clouds tumble towards us across the gaping maw of the gorge. I welcomed the earthy silence, tinged only with the squawks of parakeets and the occasional laugh of kookaburras.

  I regarded the scenery before me, the endless space. I breathed in the subtle scent of eucalyptus. “It must have been great growing up on a property like this?”

  He smiled. “It had its lurks and perks.”

  “Doesn’t everything?”

  “Usually.”

  “What made you move to Brisbane?”

  “It’s where I lived when I was playing football and doing Uni. Plus that’s where

  I got a placement once I finished my degree. What about you? I know you were born in Ireland, but have you always lived in Brisbane?

  “Yep.”

  “You haven’t thought about moving to Ireland like your younger sister?”

  “I have actually. After I broke up with my ex, I very nearly moved over there, but I ended up getting the job I’m in now so decided to stay in Australia.”

  “How long ago was that?”

  I shrugged. “About two years ago.”

  “Have you had many boyfriends since then?” he asked, keeping his voice steady, but not looking at me

  I shook my head. “No. No one.”

  “That’s hard to believe, someone as gorgeous as you.”

  “Well, believe it.”

  He laughed.

  “What about you, Bren, how long ago since you were in a relationship?”

  “About eight, no, nine months ago. It wasn’t very serious.”

  “Was that the highflying banker or the publishing guru?” I teased.

  “Very funny,” he said, laughing, turning his eyes to the blanket. When he looked back up at me his mouth was drawn into a tight line. “I’m glad you hit my ambulance, because you’re the best thing to ever burst into my life.”

  I smiled and chewed bashfully on my bottom lip. “You can thank the truck driver for that. I had no part to play in it.”

  “Either way, I’m glad I met you.”

  “Me too.”

  He was silent for a moment. But I could feel his inquisitiveness rolling off of him in waves.

  “Um. Leah?” he asked. “This ex-boyfriend of yours. It mu
st have been fairly serious for you to want to leave the country after breaking up. It seems to indicate you were very hurt.”

  I didn’t want to head down this road, but he did have the right to know some of the details. “It was serious,” I said guardedly. “We were actually engaged.”

  He nodded his head slowly and I could see he had become tense. “Engaged hey? And this was Danni’s brother?”

  I nodded.

  “What happened? Did he break it off, or did you?”

  I shook my head. “I really don’t want to talk about this, Brennan.” I stood and brushed the loose grass from the back of my shorts.

  He took my hand and urged me back down onto the blanket. “I’m sorry. I was just curious. I hear that you were engaged, and then nearly left the country, and haven’t been able to have another relationship for two years. To me it sounds like you were badly hurt.”

  It was such a complicated situation. My shoulders rolled forwards on my long exhale. “I caught him having sex with another woman.”

  “Oh,” said Brennan. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have brought it up.”

  “It’s okay.”

  “No, really. I’m sorry, I’ll change the subject.”

  I smiled.

  “Now let me see, what do I want to know about you? What did you do before you got your job as a PA?”

  “I was in HR.”

  “Like Caitlin?”

  “Yeah.”

  “So what, you didn’t like the stress of the job? Didn’t like prospect of living in a penthouse and driving BMWs?” he teased.

  I shrugged. “Something like that.”

  He narrowed his eyes, scrutinising me for a long moment. “What aren’t you telling me, Leah?”

  “Nothing,” I said too quickly.

  He raised an eyebrow. “I suppose you don’t have to tell me.”

  “I don’t really have to tell you anything,” I said, voice loud and blunt, as I turned away from him and looked out over the property.

  I heard him sigh. “Did you give up your career as well because of this old fiancé?”

  I didn’t answer him.

  “I’ll take that as a yes. Fuck, it must have been some blow-up for you to give up your career and very nearly skip the country. And from the way you’re reacting, I can see that perhaps you’re still not over it.”

  I still remained silent.

  “Maybe you and I getting into a relationship isn’t such a good idea when you’re still hung up on someone else.”

  Tears started to well in my eyes. He had it completely wrong and I didn’t know how to explain myself without telling him the whole story. “I’m not hung up on him,” I whispered.

  “Well what else would you call it, Leah?” I could hear the hurt in his voice. I didn’t want him to feel that way.

  I reached my hand and placed it on his shoulder. “It’s so complicated. I’m really not ready to tell you about it yet.”

  He sighed. “Do you promise me that you have no more feelings for this man?”

  “I absolutely do not,” I said shaking my head emphatically. I crawled over and kneeled in front of him, took his face between my hands. “I’ve realised, now that I’ve met you, that how I felt about Antony wasn’t even close to how I could feel about a man. I used to think he was the one true love of my life, but I know now that he wasn’t even close.”

  “You mean that?”

  “I definitely mean that.”

  He kissed me, holding his lips to mine for a long moment. “Thank god. You really scared me, Leah.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “I’m sorry for bringing it up.” He pulled me onto his lap, encircled me in his arms and held me. Scattered, icy sprinkles of moisture fell upon my skin. I jumped up. “It’s going to rain, very soon,” I said.

  He inclined his head to the sky, ominous with thick, black clouds. “Yeah, you’re right. Come on, let’s get back to the house.”

  He packed the blanket hurriedly into his bag and we paced towards the house. We were too late. The heavens rumbled and the sky released rain in sheets. The drops were so big they hurt when they pounded my skin.

  There was a barn twenty metres ahead. “Come on, we’ll go in there until it eases off,” said Brennan, grabbing my hand. We sprinted into the barn, filled with hundreds of hay bales and molasses barrels. The raindrops sounded like bullets as they bounced off the roof of the barn.

  “Oh my God, it’s so heavy,” I said, looking out from the barn doors, watching the pelting rain turning the dirt to sludgy mud and pooling on the ground.

  “It’s the only way it seems to rain here,” he said. “You should see it sometimes when the clouds move in, so low they touch the ground.”

  “Wow, really?”

  “Yeah. You’ve never walked through a cloud?”

  I shook my head.

  “It’s wet and cool on your skin and feels thick when you breathe it in, like a heavy fog.”

  “I would very much like to see that.”

  “I have so much to show you, don’t I?” he laughed, taking me in his arms and cuddling me.

  “Sounds like it.”

  He pressed his lips to mine. I couldn’t think of a better way to the pass the time as we waited for the rain to cease. But then, he pulled me closer. His hand slid over my arse. When I felt the hard length of him push against my belly, arousal instantly overwhelmed me. Perhaps there was an even better way to pass the time.

  Chapter 11

  The rain died down and then stopped altogether; a moist breeze was all that remained, along with the occasional, distant growl of thunder. Back at the house, the twins had roped Brennan, Alex and me in to a game of kick. We lined up across from each other; Alex and Brennan about thirty metres apart, me and Jeremy on Brennan’s side, and Jordan with his Dad. We kicked the ball back and forth to each other. I didn’t do too badly, considering I hadn’t kicked a football since I was ten. Alex and Brennan were excellent, which I fully expected, and the boys were pretty good too for eight-year-olds. When Jordan suggested that they start tackling each other, I decided to sit out and took a seat on a loose besser block lying on the grass.

  The men and boys ran, jumped, kicked and tackled. Brennan was incredible with the kids, tickling them, laughing with them. I couldn’t help but wonder if he was putting it on for show, but watching the twin’s natural interaction with their uncle and hearing them talk about many other times they had played together, I knew that he must spend a lot of time with his nephews.

  I understood then how close-knit this family was. I didn’t want to, even inadvertently, do anything to harm that. I realised that I needed to talk to Joanne. Try and sort out whatever the issue she had with me. There was no way I could drive a wedge between Brennan and his brother’s family.

  I stood and explored the property to see if I could find them. I could hear chattering coming from down behind the shed near the vegetable patch. Kerri and Joanne were picking vegetables, I assumed for tonight’s dinner, laughing with each other. My heart panged: Joanne and Kerri were clearly very good friends—even loved each other—having been family for so long. I strolled down the hill to them, gentle nerves fluttering in my stomach, unsure of what I was even going to say, let alone how Joanne would react.

  Kerri raised her head as she saw me, and smiled. Joanne rolled her eyes. I nearly walked away, wondering if it was all worth it, but I could hear the twins’ laughter on the hill, and that gave me the motivation to continue.

  “Leah! Have you come to help us pick vegetables for tonight?” Kerri asked warmly.

  I looked directly at Joanne. “I came to talk with Joanne.”

  “Oh,” said Kerri, frowning. Joanne held my gaze unflinchingly.

  I struggled to appear calm and friendly. “Um. Joanne, I just wanted to let you know that I’m willing to forgive and forget if you are. And I want to apologise if I have, in any way, done anything to upset you.”

  Joanne’s mouth gaped. Her eyebrows shot up.


  “I know it must be hard, when you have such a close family who obviously spend lots of time together and love each other so much, to have someone like me wander in and threaten to spoil all that. But I promise you that I’m not someone who would destroy the strong family ties you all have. I’m sorry if I gave you the impression that I am.”

  Kerri put her arm around my waist in support.

  “I can see how wonderful your two boys are, and how much they love Brennan, and how much he loves them both. I would never, ever, get in the way of that. I think it’s wonderful. To me, there’s nothing more important than family. And that includes extended family.”

  I saw Joanne’s bottom lip tremble a little. She breathed in deeply and tried a smile. “Thanks.”

  “I do mean that, Joanne. I’m not here to ruin anything. And, in time, perhaps I can become a part of it.”

  Joanne nodded, her expression softening. She exhaled noisily. “I’m sorry, Leah. I was too quick to judge.”

  I nodded, offering a tense smile.

  “I guess I couldn’t see past the blonde hair. And Brennan just adored you… I thought we might lose him.”

  “I understand. He’s a lot to lose,” I said. “Can we try to put it all behind us and get to know each other properly?”

  Joanne nodded. “We can try, at least.”

  She seemed sincere. That wall, so solid before, was beginning to crumble for the first time.

  Kerri kissed me on the cheek and gave me a quick squeeze. “You’re a gorgeous girl, Leah. Brennan is very lucky to have met you.”

  “I’m lucky to have met him too.” I smiled. “Anyway. I just wanted to get that off my chest, so I’ll leave you to it. Bren’s probably wondering where I am.”

  I smiled and walked up the hill, feeling an immense weight lifted from my shoulders. When Brennan saw me coming over the hill, he ran to me and gently tackled me to the ground. I screamed and giggled as he tickled me, before pinning me down on the wet ground and straddling me.

  He kissed me on the cheek. “Where have you been?”

  I kissed him back, feeling strangely elated. “I had something I needed to do.”