Beautiful Illusion

by Jacquie Underdown

  “What I realised most was that when my mother died, I lost the one person that I was able to openly talk to about anything and, regardless of what I said, would still be unequivocally loved. Friends are not the same as a mother’s ear,” Kerri said.

  “Yeah, it would be nice to have that.”

  “Things may not have seemed quite so bad if you could have talked your problems through, Leah. It’s very important to air your grievances. Very, very important. Otherwise one day, they will blow up, regardless of if you want them to or not. Maybe without warning.”

  “I think I’m walking evidence of that,” I said.

  “You need to talk to Cait about this and you need to talk to your father. He’s not as fragile as you think and, from the sounds of it, he may know more than what he’s letting on. In the meantime, I’m also here to lend an ear whenever you need it. I really mean that.”

  I reached over the table and cuddled her again. “Thank you so much, Kerri.”

  “My pleasure. Now go on you two. Off you go up to bed, it’s late.”

  I stood up and smiled for the first time in two days. Brennan kissed his mum on the cheek and gave her a cuddle.

  “Thanks mum. I love you.”

  “I know, son. I love you too,” she said, smiling. “Now you take care of that girl.”

  “I know, I know,” he said. “Extra care, extra love, extra patience.”

  “Extra special,” she said.

  He gently embraced me and kissed me on the cheek. “I already know she is.”

  Brennan and I each showered and hopped into his bed. He wrapped me in his big bear arms and held me tightly. It felt as though I could finally let him in, could finally love him without any restriction and without any fear. It felt euphoric. I was overcome with a brilliant emotion: deep and biting, intense and brightly burning. Love.

  “I love you, Brennan.”

  He held his lips to mine for a long moment, as though he was breathing me in. When he looked at me again I could see that he had tears in his beautiful blue eyes. “I love you so much.” I wiped his cheek as a single tear rolled down his face. “It scared me to death that I may have lost you,” he said.

  “You don’t have to worry again, because I’m not going anywhere.”

  “Good, because neither am I.”

  Chapter 14

  The drive back to Brisbane was emotionally lighter than the one the night before to Kerri and Jack’s property. We had decided on a relaxing day together, grabbing a bite to eat at a local restaurant. Brennan parked at one of the many packed car parks in the city.

  “Do you have any restaurants in mind?” he said, taking my hand as we rode the elevator to the ground level.

  “I do have one in mind, but we’ll need to catch the ferry up there. It’s in Hamilton.”

  “I’m up for a romantic boat ride along the river,” he said, grinning.

  I couldn’t stop my smile. “The only issue is, it’s quite expensive.”

  He scoffed and shook his head. “And that’s an issue because?”

  I squirmed, trying to figure how best to phrase my response diplomatically. “Because, you know, you’re on a teacher’s wage and all. I know how underpaid you wonderful people are.”

  He extended his arm around my shoulders. “It’s lovely of you to think of me and my financial situation, but I assure you, one fancy lunch is not going to break the budget.”

  We strolled to the jetty and boarded the ferry. We occupied a seat at the front end of the boat in the fresh air. The boat cruised along the still, brown waters of the Brisbane River, past the tightly-packed high-rises of the sprawling city that flanked the banks.

  I pointed. “See that building just there?” Brennan looked up to the thirty-storey, blue-glassed building, and nodded.

  “See the balcony five floors from the top on the very left side?”

  “Yep.”

  “That’s where I used to live.”

  His eyebrows rose. “Your life has taken a very different turn, hasn’t it?”

  I nodded. “I’m now out in the suburbs, renting an apartment from the mid-eighties, with a job that barely pays fifty thousand a year.”

  “Do you miss it at all?”

  I shrugged, unsure of what—if anything—I missed about that life that seemed a thousand years behind me now. Finally I said, “I miss the view from my apartment. But everything else is just material. It’s easy and it’s comfortable and it’s fun being able to shop and travel and have nice things, but it doesn’t necessarily bring happiness.”

  “You sure about that?” he said.

  I kissed him gently on the lips. “I would take a day with you over a thousand days of living that life again.”

  “What if you could live that type of life with me? Hypothetically, of course.”

  I thought for a short moment. “Well, that changes things.”

  “It does?”

  “Yes.”

  “How?”

  “I would take any life, if you were by my side.”

  He kissed me on the cheek and pulled me closer. “Me too.”

  ***

  At the restaurant, we sat at a table near windows that offered views of the harbour and city. Brennan leant over the elegantly dressed table and kissed me. He held his lips against mine, then whispered, “I love you, Leah, with all my heart.”

  My throat felt tight as tears threatened to betray my calm. “I love you too.”

  He smiled a generous heartfelt smile, wide as his face.

  We ordered and had our glasses filled with wine. Brennan fidgeted with the stem of his glass before taking a long mouthful.

  “What’s the matter?” I asked.

  He smiled, but his jaw was tight. “Um, I want to ask you something.”

  “Oh. Okay.”

  He took my hand, rubbed the back of it with his thumb. “I love you so very much,” he said. “More than I could ever have thought possible. More than I ever believed I could love someone.”

  I blinked heavily, trying to stop silly tears as the truth of his emotions echoed loudly behind his words. “I feel the same about you.”

  He closed his eyes and breathed in deeply, still holding tightly to my hand. “When I thought I’d lost you, I understood what life would be like without you in it. I don’t ever want to spend another day of my life without you.”

  “Me either,” I whispered.

  “Do you mean that, Leah? Honest to God?”

  I nodded emphatically. “Absolutely. With all my heart.”

  Again he closed his eyes and sighed. He opened his beautiful blue eyes again and stared into mine. “I have lived my entire life searching for you. The instant I laid my eyes on you, the moment you first opened your mouth to speak, I knew that I would one day love you. But what I didn’t understand in those first moments was exactly how much I would grow to love you. I couldn’t have even conceived of the force of emotions I now feel for you. Leah, I want to spend the rest of my life with you and I have no doubts or reservations about that.”

  My heart fluttered. Breathing heavily, I asked, “What are you trying to say?”

  He hesitated, enough for my heart to thud hard in my chest, before asking, “Will you marry me?”

  As he said those words, it was as though everything around me dimmed out. All the noise and all the colours faded, leaving only Brennan and I in the entire world. I didn’t have to think, I knew instinctively what my answer was. “Yes. I will marry you,” I said, unable to hold back the tears any longer.

  He leant over the table and kissed me. “Thank you,” he breathed.

  He reached into his pocket and pulled out a small black ring box. My breath caught as he opened it and pulled out a stunning, antique diamond ring. I couldn’t tear my gaze from it as he delicately placed it on my left ring finger. It was beautiful; a generous square-cut diamond set in an ornate platinum band.

  “This is mine?” I whispered incredulously, admiring the way it looked and fitted perfec
tly on my finger.

  He nodded. “It was my grandma’s wedding ring; I thought that you may like it as an engagement ring.”

  “I absolutely love it. It’s so beautiful.”

  “Nearly as beautiful as you.”

  I gazed at him for a long moment through my tears, smiling, silently thanking anyone and anything that may have had a part to play in this game we call life. Life, now blessed with the love of a man as ideal as Brennan.

  “Thank you,” I whispered.

  “It’s my pleasure.”

  Brennan gulped his wine. “I’m just glad you said yes.”

  I laughed, wiped the tears from my cheeks. “Was there ever any doubt?”

  He grinned. “You never know with these things.”

  “How does your mum feel about me wearing her mother’s ring?” I asked, holding my hand in front of my face, watching the diamond’s facets sparkle under the lights.

  “She cried.”

  I frowned. “With joy, I hope?”

  He laughed. “Of course with joy.”

  “When did you ask her for it?”

  He smiled at me, cheekily. “When you were in the shower this morning.”

  “You played it so cool, the both of you.”

  “Not really, you just didn’t notice.”

  I gave a quick, excited squeal, bouncing up and down on my seat. “Oh my God. I can’t believe we’re going to get married.”

  Brennan burst into raucous laughter. “I know. I never ever imagined that it could feel this good.”

  I stared at him, my eyes surely emanating the bliss I was drenched in. “Do you think all people in love feel this way?”

  He shook his head, smiling. “No way. We are the only two in world.”

  I laughed. “I think so too.”

  The waitress came over at that moment with our entrees, placed them on the table in front of us and topped up each of our wine glasses. When she had left, Brennan leant forwards over the table, too, my left hand in his. He moved my engagement ring from side to side. One eyebrow slightly arched and with a giddy grin, he said, “It fits perfectly, doesn’t it?”

  I nodded. “Yep.”

  He leant back into his chair with that contented grin still arching his lips upwards, stabbed a scallop with his fork and shoved it into his mouth. “What time of the year is the best for a wedding?” he asked.

  “Hmmm, that depends on a lot of factors.”

  “Like what?”

  “Like how soon you would like to get married? What type of wedding you want? Where you would like to get married?”

  “When I can take a year off for our honeymoon?” he said.

  I laughed, elated that he remembered that particular dream of mine. However, I wasn’t sure of the sincerity behind the audaciousness. An entire year was a long time to be away from your home, family, and career. And then there was the financial aspect. Travelling the world wasn’t going to be cheap. But how entirely wonderful it would be to spend a full year enjoying what the world had to offer with Brennan.

  “You took notice.”

  “How could I not? I couldn’t think of anything better than making love to you in all the countries of the world.”

  “It’s funny how the making love part of my dream is what you remember most. There will be eating as well you know, and sightseeing.”

  “Yeah, yeah,” he said, waving his hand, smirking. “I guess those things are fun too.”

  “Realistically, though. Can you take a year off? Because if you really want to do this year-long honeymoon thing, I’m in. One hundred per cent, no backing out.”

  “I could take next year off,” he said, one eyebrow arched.

  “That soon?”

  “Absolutely.”

  “So we should get married in, I don’t know, um,” I said trying to do the math in my head. “January. We could get married in January, so that’s only four months from now. Do you think we can do it?”

  “Yes. I do.”

  I chewed on a scallop as I tried to think all the particulars through. “I think we can too. If we keep the wedding small and simple, we can definitely do it.”

  Again I ate a few more scallops, the subject of finance seeping into my thoughts. I was trying to figure best how to explain my financial plans without offending Brennan.

  “What’s up? You’re not having doubts are you?” he asked.

  “Of course not. I was just thinking about stuff.”

  “Serious stuff by the looks of it?”

  I took a long swallow of wine. “Um. I don’t know your financial situation. And it’s not the most appropriate time or place to discuss it. But I want to get this off my chest so that it’s out in the open.”

  He remained silent.

  “As you know, this honeymoon has been a dream of mine for a long time now, since I was twenty or so. For the past ten years I’ve been saving for it.” I scrutinised his expression, but he was doing well to remain impassive. “I saved money so that when the time came to travel around the world with my husband, who will be you,” I said motioning to my newly ringed hand, “That I didn’t have any financial restraints. I want this trip of a lifetime to be exactly as I have always intended. No holding back: great motels, Michelin-starred food, expensive wine, the whole deal. I also put a lot of money aside when I sold my apartment and business, so I have quite a substantial fund.”

  I squirmed in my seat, while Brennan patiently watched me.

  “I guess the point I’m trying to make… and please don’t take offense to this because that’s not my intention…”

  “Leah,” he said firmly. “Just tell me.”

  I took another slow drink of my wine before resting my glass on the table and looked up at him. “I have enough money to pay for you and me to go on this honeymoon together. You don’t have to worry about a cent.”

  He shook his head, a small grin on his face. “That’s incredibly generous, but you know there is no way I could let you do that.”

  “But I want to. I can do this now and then down the track you can support me, when we have children…” I stopped, wondering if I was racing too far ahead.

  “Of course I’ll support you when you mother our children, but I’m still not going to let you pay for this trip. I’d sooner not go,” he said.

  “Oh,” was all I could manage and lowered my eyes to my empty plate.

  He pushed his plate out the way and leant over the table, lifting my chin softly with his finger so that I was looking directly into his eyes. “Leah I think I need to tell you something about me, which I haven’t told you before.”

  My forehead crinkled. “What are you talking about?”

  He took my hand and nervously rubbed the back of it with his thumb. “Please don’t think that I’ve purposely hidden this information from you, because I haven’t. It’s just that the right time never seemed to pop up. And then we got deeper and deeper into our relationship, which seemed to make it even harder to tell you.”

  My heart began to beat faster. “Oh God. What is it?”

  “It’s not bad,” he said, realising what my expression meant. “At least—I don’t think it is.” He ran his hands through his hair and exhaled forcefully.

  “Please, tell me.”

  He nodded. “Remember when I told you how Alex owns and runs the Lee Super Sports chain?”

  “Yes,”

  “Um, I’m also a joint owner. I own half actually. I just chose to be a silent partner.”

  I stared at him.

  He smiled. “I provided capital in the initial stages of the business and helped Alex set up the first few stores. When it was all up and running, he took over.”

  I nodded.

  Again he smiled. “Every month I receive about a third of the profits.”

  “You do?”

  “Yes, I do. And I don’t think you’d be aware of what profits Lee Super Sports makes, but it’s quite… significant.”

  “Are you trying to tell me that you’r
e wealthy?”

  He shrugged one shoulder. “Um. Yeah.”

  “I don’t understand. You have such a modest lifestyle. You’re a teacher.”

  He shrugged. “I’m a bit like you. I know that money doesn’t necessarily bring you happiness.”

  I shook my head, trying hard to assimilate all that he had told me. Taking a deep breath in and then out, I asked, “How wealthy are we talking?”

  He gave me a quick smile, hesitating for just a moment. “Millions.”

  I nodded my head. “Right. Millions,” I said. This all felt incredibly surreal. “What does this mean for us? For you and me?”

  “It can mean whatever we want it to mean,” he answered, shrugging. “I’ve been waiting for someone like you to come along. Someone I can share a life with. This money will make it easier for us to have a comfortable start together. That dream you have of travelling around the world, of buying a beautiful home, of starting a career or a family, or both, I want to give all that to you. And I can if you’ll let me.”

  I opened my mouth to talk but nothing came out.

  “You’ve given me the world. Let me give the world to you.”

  “I don’t even know what to say. This is so much to take in all at once.”

  He slumped back into this chair. “I know. I’m sorry for not telling you earlier.

  It’s hard to tell someone, ‘oh, and by the way, I’m a millionaire’.”

  I nodded and smiled tensely. “I can see the difficultly.”

  “Remember, on the boat ride here, I asked you if you would like that life back where you owned nice things, lived in a gorgeous inner-city apartment and you said you would have it, if you could have it with me?”

  “I remember.”

  “Did you mean that?”

  “Of course I did.”

  “If you want it, we can have that. Together.”

  That type of life with Brennan would be incredible. But at this moment I was content with us just being us. I didn’t want to lose that.

  “Let’s take it slow for now. A nice steady trip. I think I need some time to get used to all this.”

  “Of course. We can take it slow.”

  We were both silent, until Brennan’s curiosity got the better of him. “This doesn’t change how you feel for me, knowing that I’m not really the struggling teacher?”