Promise to Obey

by Whitelaw, Stella

  It was a very tired and grubby Lily who went into the bath that evening. She hardly had the energy to do her brown inhaler. And she was almost asleep before Jessica finished reading a story.

  ‘Floppy Ears v’good at hand-stands,’ she said. ‘Better’n me.’

  Floppy Ears looked exhausted.

  Daniel had already put himself to bed. He was old enough to wash himself now. He handed Jessica a sheet of paper from one of his new drawing pads. It was a perfect drawing of a camel.

  ‘Hump,’ he said.

  Jessica waited up for Lucas returning from the hospital. It was almost midnight. Mrs Harris had long gone home, and Lady Grace was tucked up in bed with her hot milk and two digestive biscuits.

  Jessica had a shower and changed into a clean track suit, her blue one. She knew Lucas liked the colour. There was a tray of sandwiches for him but he would probably be past eating. Maybe a glass of whisky and then he would be off to his bed, too tired to do more than kiss her goodnight.

  She heard his car coming up the drive. He was coming quite slowly as if it was too much of an effort. The car went round the side of Upton Hall to the stable garages. Lucas seemed to be a long time coming into the house and she was beginning to wonder if he had gone straight to bed.

  This was so unlike him that Jessica began to fidget around the room, unsettled by his non-appearance. Then Lucas came into the room and she was shocked by his appearance. He looked gaunt and haggard, shadows under his eyes.

  She ran over to him and put her arms round him. His head sank onto hers as if he didn’t have the strength to hold it up. She felt the weight of him against her and guided him to a big armchair. He fell into it with a groan, his eyes closed.

  ‘You look terrible,’ she said. ‘What has happened?’

  ‘We lost one of them,’ he said. ‘One of the children. Five years old, the same age as Lily.’

  ‘Oh, how awful,’ said Jessica. ‘I’m so sorry. But I’m sure you did everything you could.’

  ‘Of course I did everything I could.’ His voice had a sudden sharp edge to it. ‘But it wasn’t enough.’

  There was nothing Jessica could say to ease the guilt. She knew what it felt like, to lose a patient. She always wondered if she could have done more. If she had missed something, not been at a bedside when she was most needed.

  She went to the drinks table and poured Lucas a glass of his favourite whisky. There were still some melting ice cubes left at the bottom of the ice bin. Mrs Harris had forgotten to fill it. She took the crystal tumbler over to him, knelt down and put it carefully into his hand.

  ‘Maybe this will help,’ she said. ‘At least it will help you to sleep.’

  He took a few sips and nodded. Then he opened his eyes, their usual brightness dimmed.

  ‘You’re looking very….’ Lucas seemed to search for a word. ‘Very seductive,’ he added.

  Jessica rocked back on heels. It was such a strange thing for him to say. He had never called her seductive before. She had never thought of herself as seductive. Seductive was someone who wore black fish-net stockings and a plunge bra, not a blue track suit.

  ‘Well, I don’t feel it,’ she said. ‘It’s been a busy day.’

  ‘No, I suppose you don’t. At least not with me. A worn-out and tired surgeon who is never at home. You should really find someone more lively and stimulating. Someone who will take you out and give you a good time.’

  It was the second shock of the day, to hear Lucas speak to her in that way.

  ‘I’ve never wanted “a good time”, as you put it,’ said Jessica. ‘I’m very happy here with Lily and Daniel, and the occasional outing to Brighton pier.’

  ‘Oh yes, I’d forgotten. You like Brighton, don’t you? Is it one of your regular haunts?’

  Jessica got up from her knees. Lucas must have been drinking and that’s why he drove so slowly up the drive. If he had lost a patient, one he cared about, then perhaps he’d already had a few whiskies.

  ‘I think you need some sleep, Lucas,’ she said, trying to stop her voice from trembling. ‘You’ll feel a little more like yourself in the morning.’

  ‘Perhaps I will,’ he said, getting up clumsily. ‘I don’t know what to think.’

  He went from the room, not stopping to kiss her, the whisky almost spilling in his hand. Jessica did not know whether to go with him or let him find his own way to the stables. It was his house. He must know the way.

  ‘Goodnight, sweetheart,’ she said, her voice still trembling. He had not kissed her. She followed him out into the hall. His coat was thrown on a chair. His briefcase thrown on another chair. It had come open. Some papers had fallen to the floor. She bent down to pick them up and froze.

  THIRTEEN

  Jessica could hardly remember how she got herself to bed. The pretty primrose bedroom seemed a foreign place and there was no comfort in it. She left her track suit on the floor and curled up in bed, the tears welling up in her eyes. Lucas had copies of the hotel receipts and the page of the hotel registry in his briefcase.

  And there was her signature on a line, right below Fraser’s. Jessica Harlow, her handwriting. And she had no idea how it got there. Amanda Burton had carried out her threat and faxed the incriminating documents to Lucas at the hospital.

  No wonder Lucas was distraught. He had lost more than a patient. He thought he had lost her as well. Now she had another mountain to climb, to convince him that it was all some vile vengeance by a woman who would stop at nothing.

  She did not fall asleep until the small hours, exhausted by a turmoil of thoughts and silent weeping. She wondered how she would get through the next day.

  Lily woke her with her usual bounce and hug. Floppy Ears had come too. He did not look as if he had had a good night either.

  ‘Willdo, it’s morning. Wake up. Today is here. What are we going to do today? Have you got a surprise for us?’

  ‘Yes, I might not get up today,’ said Jessica. ‘That’s my surprise.’

  Lily looked aghast. ‘Not get up? Willdo, you can’t stay in bed all day. Daddy has already got up and gone to work. You must get up. We need you.’

  Jessica heaved herself up. ‘Lucas has already gone?’

  ‘Yes, I heard his porch go very early.’ She pronounced it like it was the front of a house. ‘He has very sick children to look after, you know.’ Lily looked serious and worldly. ‘Daddy is a very clever man.’

  ‘Yes, that’s true,’ said Jessica. ‘He’s a wonderful man.’

  ‘Is that why you are marrying him?’

  ‘Yes, because he’s wonderful and clever and I love him.’

  Lily’s face glowed. ‘He loves you too,’ she said. ‘We all love you.’

  Jessica swung her legs over the side of the bed, feeling the softness of the carpet beneath her feet. She still had her job to do, whether Lucas threw her over or not.

  ‘Washing first,’ she said. ‘You, Lily, not Floppy Ears. He needs another five minutes sleep.’

  ‘Another five minutes’,’ she agreed, tucking him into Jessica’s bed. ‘Go back to sleep, Floppy.’

  Jessica went into automatic mode. She got the children ready for school, breakfasted and onto the school bus. She ate no breakfast at all. Lady Grace received her usual attention, the exercises, the medication, a discussion of the state of the world.

  Mrs Harris was as sharp-eyed as always. ‘No breakfast, miss? Off your food, are you? Not pregnant, are you?’

  ‘If only,’ said Jessica.

  ‘So what’s the matter with you this morning? Not had a row, have you?’

  ‘Not exactly.’

  ‘A misunderstanding?’

  ‘Sort of.’

  Mrs Harris poured out a fresh black coffee. Jessica took it gratefully. It might keep her awake. She watched Mrs Harris toasting a slice of granary bread and spreading it with peanut butter.

  ‘Get this down you, miss, before you pass out on us. Your face is as white as a sheet. I don’t like the look of it
at all. It must have been something pretty awful.’

  ‘You remember Fraser? The unpleasant fair-haired doctor who came here?’

  ‘Tow-haired lout? The man I whacked with a rolling pin?’

  Jessica nodded. ‘His wife turned up here yesterday with a pack of lies about me. And she has sent so-called proof of those lies to Lucas.’

  Mrs Harris looked up from her pastry-making, her fingers covered in flour. She looked enquiringly at Jessica. ‘Proof? What sort of proof?’

  ‘Documents. One with my signature on it. It’s not true, of course. I didn’t do what she is saying I did.’

  Jessica nibbled at the toast, to please Mrs Harris. Mrs Harris continued crumbling the pastry. She was a light-fingered expert.

  ‘I read a lot of books, you know,’ Mrs Harris continued. ‘Crooks can forge anything these days. They are pretty clever at it, make passports and identification tags. I’ll see what I can find out. If the wife is as nasty as the husband, then they deserve each other.’

  Jessica found a wan smile. ‘Thank you, Mrs Harris. It’s Lucas I’m worried about. He seems to believe the implications.’

  ‘He ought to have more sense, not take the word of a pair of scoundrels.’

  ‘He was very tired last night,’ Jessica added. ‘Too tired to think.’

  ‘All the more reason for him to come home now and sort it out with you. Before it gets worse. And before you pass out for want of any decent nourishment. Look at you, skin and bone.’

  ‘Don’t worry about me. I shall certainly have some of that apple pie you are making. Your apple pies are famous.’

  Jessica spent the morning walking Lady Grace round the garden. They did a little dead-heading. The flowers were coming to an end. Autumn was on its way, with more rain and cold fingers. Her patient was gradually becoming used to walking with a stick, sometimes quite briskly. She only used Fred upstairs now, preferring to lean on him while she got her bearings first thing in the morning.

  ‘Pity he’s not better looking,’ she said once. ‘I might take a fancy to him.’

  Jessica had to laugh. It was the first time Lady Grace had said anything that was almost flippant. She had a smart reply on the tip of her tongue but thought better of it. She still had to tread warily with Lady Grace. No crossing the social boundary without permission.

  They had a light lunch together in the dining room but Jessica still could not eat. She was racked with worry about Lucas and wanted desperately to talk to him, to tell him her side of the prefabrication.

  Lady Grace said very little during lunch. But while she was stirring cream into her after dinner coffee, she looked at Jessica with a piercing glance.

  ‘I have perfect hearing you know,’ she said.

  ‘Lady Grace?’

  ‘I can hear a pin drop. Yesterday afternoon, I heard that woman berating you. Of course, I couldn’t hear everything she said, but I got the general gist of it. What was she saying to you?’

  Jessica was shaken that Lady Grace might have overheard what Amanda said. ‘She was accusing me of trying to steal her husband,’ said Jessica, barely able to get the words out. ‘She said I had been cheating on Lucas.’

  ‘And who is her husband?’

  ‘Doctor Fraser Burton. The tall, blond man who came here, who kicked your stick away, who tried to grab me. That’s him. He’s her husband.’

  ‘That piece of garbage? No woman in her right mind would want him, and certainly not you, Jess. What rubbish. What proof has she of this accusation?’

  Jessica felt her face colouring. ‘She has hotel receipts and proof of my registering at a hotel with him. My signature is on the line.’

  Lady Grace snorted. ‘And just when was this illicit rendezvous, may I ask?’

  ‘Sometime this week apparently. I don’t know. I didn’t see the dates.’

  ‘Absolute nonsense. You’ve been here at Upton Hall for weeks now, every night. I can vouch for that. Who else brings me my milk and digestive biscuits?’

  ‘I could have slipped out after you’d gone to sleep, driven to this inn outside Brighton,’ said Jessica, making it worse for herself. ‘It’s not that far.’

  ‘And been back in time for Lily to jump on you with Floppy Ears, first thing every morning? I told you I have very good hearing. It’s not possible. The woman is an outrageous liar. Like her husband.’

  ‘She is lying but Lucas believes what she has put before his eyes. He barely spoke to me last night. Left me without a word. It was awful.’

  ‘My son is a fool. A clever surgeon but a fool when it comes to women. He trusted his wife so I suppose he is worried that it could all happen again.’

  Jessica didn’t ask although she wanted to know. The conversation had exhausted her. ‘Shall we have a game of cards before the children come home from school?’

  ‘Good idea. Whist or bridge?’

  ‘I don’t think my brain could cope with bridge today. A game of whist would be best.’

  ‘I shall certainly beat you then.’

  The afternoon raced by till Daniel and Lily arrived home from school, but Jessica barely knew what she was doing or what she was saying. All she could think of Lucas coming home, of having to talk to him, having to convince him that he had been sent a pack of lies.

  ‘Don’t you want any tea?’ asked Lily at tea-time. ‘Floppy Ears says you are not eating anything.’

  ‘I had a big lunch,’ said Jessica, lying. It was the first time she had lied to Lily. It was a horrid moment. But what could she say? Your Daddy thinks I’ve been cheating on him?

  ‘You can have some of my tea. I’ll save you some,’ said Lily. ‘You’d like that, wouldn’t you? Then I wouldn’t eat so much.’

  ‘A very good idea,’ agreed Jessica. ‘I’d like that.’

  ‘And Floppy Ears will save you some of his lettuce.’

  ‘Wonderful,’ said Jessica faintly. She didn’t fancy twice-chewed lettuce.

  Lucas came home early evening. She heard his Porsche coming up the drive with quite a determined sound. He didn’t put the car in the garage but parked it by the front door. He slammed the door and strode into the hall. He went straight into the kitchen and poured himself some coffee from the percolator on the Aga.

  He leaned against a wall, sipping the coffee, his eyes sweeping over Jessica coldly. ‘So,’ he said, ‘what have you got to say?’

  The kitchen was empty, apart from the two of them. Mrs Harris had gone home. Lady Grace was reading in her sitting room. Both Lily and Daniel were already in bed, drawing and crayoning. It was a treat.

  Jessica had been clearing up the tea things and making a salad supper for Lady Grace. She was slicing tomatoes and beetroot before making a light dressing. She remembered the day she had arrived at Upton Hall when Lucas met her at the station in the pouring rain. She had stood up for herself then. She would do it again, even if it meant losing Lucas, the man she loved.

  ‘What have I got to say?’ she repeated. ‘Good evening, Lucas, would be a polite start. Are you talking to me this evening? Or is this going to be more of the cold shoulder that I endured last night?’

  ‘Don’t you deserve the cold shoulder after the way you’ve been behaving? You really fooled me. The cool young nurse who is really a rampant sex-pot. Not exactly the right person to be looking after my children, and certainly not the right person I want to marry and to be my wife.’

  Jessica started to lay a tray for Lady Grace’s supper. She put a lace cloth on the tray and laid it with pretty china, the dressing in a jug, the cottage cheese salad on a plate. She put a fresh wholemeal roll on a side plate with some butter.

  ‘It would be interesting to know why you have changed your opinion of me,’ she said. ‘I remember a dinner at the Grand Hotel, Brighton, quite recently, when you asked me to marry me, gave me a ring. A beautiful ring. A ring which you see, I am not wearing. I thought it was hardly appropriate after your behaviour last night.’

  ‘My behaviour last night was that o
f a man who thought he loved you, who thought you loved him. Who believed you when you said this Fraser meant nothing to you, but then I find you have spent two nights with him, this week. In some inn at Brighton, of all places.’

  He said it as if Brighton had some special significance. As if she could only go to Brighton in his company.

  ‘Right on our doorstep,’ he went on. ‘Under my nose. When you knew I was working late, staying overnight at the hospital, because of the burns cases. You took advantage of the fact that I was not here. It’s a wonder that Super Stud didn’t sleep in the yellow bedroom with you.’

  Jessica listened to the tirade, trying to keep her own temper. It wouldn’t help if she lost her temper. She put a ripe peach and a little knife on a dish on the tray.

  ‘If you’ll excuse me a moment, sir,’ she added the ‘sir’ deliberately. ‘I’ll give your mother her supper and then we will continue this conversation. If you can call it a conversation. It’s more like an indictment, a charge of criminal wrongdoing. I believe it is my turn to say something.’

  ‘I’m not going anywhere,’ Lucas said bitterly.

  Jessica took the tray in the sitting room, putting it on the sideboard while she arranged a side table closer to Lady Grace. She put the tray carefully on the table, making sure that Lady Grace could reach everything. There were such awful stories of elderly patients in hospital not being able to reach their meals, and starving to death.

  ‘Very nice, thank you,’ said Lady Grace, glancing over the tray. ‘Would you approve of a glass of sherry before I have my supper? It would be civilized.’

  ‘Of course,’ said Jessica. She went to the decanter of sherry and poured out a glass of dry. Lady Grace always used exquisite cut glass glasses. ‘Very civilized.’

  ‘Bring over two glasses,’ said Lady Grace.

  Two glasses? Lady Grace was hitting the bottle this evening but Jessica did as she was asked. She put them on the side table.

  ‘One of them is for you, Jess. Get that sherry down you and you might not look so peaky. Now tell me, how are you getting on that awkward son of mine?’