Yours Completely

by Joya Ryan

  He was so easy to fall into pace with. Like hanging out, having sex, going to Thanksgiving dinner with his aunt, and staying the night at his house were all normal, simple things that didn’t need to be overthought. Which I liked. A lot. Because my brain was weighed down with so much stress. But Cal just made things easy—didn’t make me feel like I was clinging to mixed messages or afraid of losing.

  Which was not smart. I’ve lost, big. Losing Cal would be difficult. He was a wonderful friend…boyfriend? I had no idea. But he made me feel safe and he listened to me. He understood me on a level I didn’t because a lot of the issues I was going through were new.

  “You’ve got me on pins and needles over here, Kitten. It’s not like I asked you to move in. It’s one night.”

  “Yeah, that’s what I was thinking about.”

  “Is this a big decision that merits a lot of thinking?” He wasn’t asking rudely, he sounded genuinely curious.

  “I don’t know. I was just wondering how all this looks. And what I’m supposed to say when I get asked certain questions.”

  “Shit,” he whispered. “Bea was grilling ya, huh?”

  “It’s not that. She was great. But she did ask about us, and I said you were a great friend.”

  “Ouch.”

  “What? That’s what we are, right?”

  “Oh, totally,” he said with sarcasm. “Yeah, when you’re clawing at my hair and coming hard around my cock that’s the first thing I think of: What a great friend you are.”

  “I didn’t mean it like that.”

  “Is there something more you want?”

  I opened my mouth, then shut it, because I didn’t know. What we had felt like it was more. But there was no title, which was part of the reason I’d been able to deal with it. Because if I really moved toward Cal and away from Jack and solidified things, it would change everything.

  Wasn’t everything already changing, though?

  I ran a finger along my temple, warding off the oncoming headache. Changing or not, some facts were inescapable.

  “Jack is coming back here someday,” I said quietly.

  “I see. You want to be available for him.”

  “No. That’s not it. I’m just trying to be realistic. You two are close. Your Aunt is close with him. If we are together or whatever, and he’s back, how is that going to be? How will that work?”

  Cal’s jaw was set, his eyes staring out the front window.

  “We’ll deal with that when it happens,” he said.

  “That’s a big issue to tackle.”

  “There’s only something to tackle if you want more with me.” He glanced my way. “Do you?”

  The ridges and smooth line of his handsome face were impossible not to get caught up in. But he sat, waiting. He was so still when everything was scrambled and messy, but the only truth I could find was, “It feels like we already have more.”

  That got him to really look at me for a moment. “Yeah, it does.”

  I wanted to be with Cal. But there was so much that was out of my control, an issue I was already struggling with. The idea of being without him? The idea of not being able to see him, hear his voice, or run into his arms made me feel cold.

  Cold.

  The one measurement Jack taught me to take my feelings against. Cal made me feel warm, that was something to work with. The second things went cold, that was unworkable.

  I closed my eyes for a moment, wondering if Jack would ever totally be out of my head. Certain things he’d said and taught me, forced me to realize my own strength and limits. And Cal let me claw for my own sense of control and strength.

  Despite all the drama that surrounded us—the disaster that surrounded me—one thing I was sure about: I wanted to know Cal more. I wanted to be a part of his world.

  “I’d like to stay at your place tonight,” I said.

  Cal smiled and took the next right.

  ~

  “Your home is beautiful,” I said, walking around the open floor plan. It was a single level, but large, and sat on a couple of acres. Nice thing about Colorado was that while he was still close to town, he had his own space.

  The back windows were large and the sliding glass door led to an open field with not another house in sight. The entire place was cozy meets bachelor pad, and the smell of leather and pine wafted around like the house came with its own signature scent.

  A big cream sectional couch was faced toward the TV, and the cushions were so large and fluffy it looked more like an awesome L-shaped bed than a couch.

  “I’m glad you like it,” he said, bringing me a mug of tea. “You look tired.”

  “Yeah, I know.”

  I hadn’t slept a whole night through in a while. There were sleeping pills in my purse I’d had for a couple weeks, but I hadn’t taken them yet. I’ve never taken any kind of prescription for sleeping, so I was nervous. Plus, I was holding on to wishful thinking that I could somehow beat the stress in my mind and actually fall into a deep sleep. So far, no luck.

  “You want to go to bed?”

  “Actually, I want to talk to you.”

  “Okay.” He sat down and I did too, curling my legs on the couch and holding my warm mug between my hands.

  “What are we doing?” If there was one thing I’d take away from Bea it would be bluntness.

  He looked at me, confused. “Ah, I thought we were talking?”

  “Yeah, but I’ve tried holding out, rolling with this situation, but the way you say things sometimes makes me realize that we’re not normal.”

  He grinned. “I’ve never been accused of being normal, Kitten.”

  “You just say things like, ‘want to go to bed’ as if we’re a couple and we’re going to just…”

  “Go to bed?” he finished.

  “Yeah.”

  “And that’s not normal?”

  “No. I mean, yes, it is, for some people. But you’re not like ‘oh, baby, let’s fuck, then you can leave.’” I made my voice exaggeratingly deep on the last part.

  “Because I don’t want you to leave,” he said.

  “Right! See how this is tricky?”

  “Not really.”

  He just took a sip of his drink, as if calmly waiting for me to sort out my crazy. “It’s pretty simple, Lana. You tell me what you want. And that’s what we do. I thought I’d said this before…” he tapped his cup, then nodded. “Yep, I have.”

  Oh, so he was getting sassy now. He just grinned and continued to be casual, without a care in the world. It hit me that I’d been thinking of this backwards.

  With Jack, things were so different. I needed answers and his confirmation on everything. He was in control and I felt like I was trying to keep up, trying for more, and didn’t know where the lines were. But he kept me in check, and I trusted him blindly.

  With Cal, he was every bit as alpha as they came, but let me feel and be however I wanted. He didn’t keep me in check, he caught me when I crashed. Letting me feel and fall, but supporting me when I did.

  “I want to know what you want,” I said.

  Cal and I had been dancing around each other for a while. From how we first met to now, nothing was typical. But I needed to know the end result. Because there would be one. That was one thing I’d learned the hard way a couple months ago.

  “I want you, Lana.” His voice was raspy, and the way he said that and my name made me really believe him. “The future will be complicated because Jack will be a factor. A prevalent one,” he said. But how he said it made me pause. Like he knew something I didn’t. Like maybe when Jack was supposed to come home? I wanted to ask questions, but didn’t want to hurt Cal’s feelings.

  “What?” he asked. “You look like you’re going to chew your lips off. Say what you need to say.”

  There it was. Once again, something Jack had once said to me. There were moments I realized how similar things were, how they both were observant and seemed to read me, just in different ways. In those moments
, it made my heart stall because I thought of Cal and Jack, and didn’t know how to respond.

  “Does Jack know about us?”

  Cal took a deep breath. “Yes.”

  My lips parted. I wanted to berate Cal with more questions. Like, did he care? When he got home, what would happen? Would I have to see him? Do Cal and I even have long term capabilities?

  “You want to know everything?” Cal asked with a slight angry rasp. “Want to know what he said?”

  He was the one here. He was the one that fought for me, held me, and lifted me up. While a piece of my heart was with Jack, I couldn’t bear to know what he said. For both Cal and my sake, I shook my head.

  “No. I don’t want to know.”

  Cal sat back. It was now or never. Time to see just what more we were talking about and if we’d survive it. Just one time, I had to say the truth out loud if there was a real chance moving could be possible.

  “I trusted Jack,” I admitted. “I loved him.”

  “I know.”

  “He’s your best friend.”

  “I know that too.”

  “So…how can you and I ever really—”

  “It will be difficult. You’re right, Jack will come back. His home is here. And when he does, we’ll have some issues to face. Being naïve to that is a waste of time. But what I want is you. Now. The rest we’ll deal with when it happens.”

  After Jack, I learned that the best laid plans with promises didn’t even work. So Cal’s notion of flying by the seat of our pants and dealing with it as it came was just as sound of a method to attempt as any other.

  I set my tea down on the coffee table and rose. “I’m ready for bed.”

  Heat smoldered behind his eyes and he pushed to his feet and picked me up like a princess. I laughed and wrapped my arms around his neck.

  “I can walk, you know?”

  “Perks of dating a firefighter,” he said, carrying me toward the bedroom.

  “So, we’re dating…” I said with a raised brow.

  “We’re about to be doing a lot more than that, Kitten.” He kissed me quick, then pushed open his bedroom door with his foot and entered.

  It was large with soft cream carpet and wood furnishings. But everything looked rustic and made from actual tree stumps and limbs. Like a cozy cottage. The massive bed had dark blue sheets and pillows, and everything about his room screamed mountain getaway. I loved it.

  “You know, I’ve got nothing to sleep in.”

  “Exactly,” he said with a smile.

  I shimmied down and he let me. One of the best things about Cal was that he was playful and easy. But I had yet to really reciprocate that playfulness. Something I was going to rectify, because I wanted this good mood to last.

  “Well, you leave me no choice, I’m going to have to steal something from you,” I said.

  “It’s only fair,” he agreed.

  I faced him and gently ran my hands beneath his shirt and up his torso. “You should not be wearing all these clothes if we’re set to go to bed.”

  “Yes, ma’am.”

  I stepped back and watched him kick off his boots, unbutton the first several buttons of his shirt, then peel it over his head, leaving him in bare feet and jeans with a wickedly hot black leather belt.

  “Hang on,” I said, taking my time to look him over. His tattoo alone was drool-worthy and I just stood there, ogling him.

  “Getting a good look, Kitten?”

  “Yes, I am,” I said with no shame. “Now, do a little spin.”

  “Yes, ma’am.” And he did just that, slow and exaggerated, and finally faced me again. “Mmm, mighty fine package you are, Mr. Malone.”

  “Are you trying to make me blush?”

  “Maybe a little,” I said. Then I lifted my chin, motioning at his pants. “Off with those. Then you can get in bed while I try to find something suitable.”

  “Ordering me around is fine for now, Kitten,” he said, unbuckling his belt. “But the second you bring that sweet ass of yours into my bed, all bets are off.”

  His words sparked lust and need so hot and wet I was ready to jump on him right then. But this was too fun. I’d never had a boyfriend I could have fun with. To tease and feel like a vixen, which was what I was going for. It was freeing and nice.

  He sat on his bed, stretching out in nothing but his black boxer briefs and threaded his fingers, bringing them behind his head. He laid there, simply watching me. I couldn’t help but want to take my playing to a naughtier level.

  I walked toward the large dresser that was made of the same wood as his bed and opened the first drawer. My back was toward him, and I may have swung my hips a little extra as I perused the contents.

  “Uh oh, found your unmentionables,” I said with a grin over my shoulder. I gave an exaggerated sigh. “I need to get out of this dress.” Then peeled it down my shoulders and off, keeping my back toward him the whole time. When it pooled at my feet, I stepped from it and bent over to unclasp my heels.

  Cal hissed. “Fuck me, woman, your teasing is torture.”

  I stepped out of my heels, leaving me in my bra and lace thong, and I looked at him. He was still laying back, his eyes trailing over every ounce of skin, and his boxer briefs were now tented. Just bending over got him hard? That made me feel pretty good, since just the sight of him gave me goose bumps.

  I spun back toward his dresser and opened the next drawer. T-shirts. I pulled one of the Golden Fire ones out and held it up.

  “Do you mind if I borrow this?”

  “Not at all.”

  Facing him. I unclasped my bra and let it fall to the floor. “That feels better,” I said, cupping my breasts once, to which Cal sat forward and groaned. Just his eyes on me had me wet and my nipples hard. I’d never felt so free, yet in control. It was amazing what finding some confidence in my body did. Because Cal made me feel like just the sight of me was worth waiting for.

  Hooking my thumbs in my panties, I slid them down and off.

  Grabbing the T-shirt, I put it on.

  “Gotta say, Kitten. I’m not a fan of covering you up, but seeing you in my shirt?” He ran a palm down his very noticeably hard cock. “That’s a new level of sexy.”

  I took a single step toward the bed. “Those need to come off,” I said, motioning to his underwear.

  He did just as I asked.

  Holy mother of God, the man was made from fantasy. He was strong and powerful, and my mouth watered remembering the taste of him. The feel of him.

  I took another step, drunk on the slow, seductive power he was giving me.

  “Will you touch yourself?” I asked.

  I wanted to see how he liked to be touched.

  He gripped his cock in his fist, but didn’t move it.

  “Will you?” he countered.

  I licked my bottom lip and trailed my hand down my stomach. His shirt was so big on me that it hit my thighs, so I gathered the material in my fist, pulling up the hem so he could see between my legs.

  With my other hand, I covered my core. He hissed a breath and stroked once. I dipped between my folds, surprised at how wet I already was, and circled my clit slowly.

  He ran his fist up and down his cock, his bicep bulging with each glide.

  I took another step, continuing my slow self-pleasure.

  “Every night,” he rasped. “Since the moment I met you, I’ve made myself come to thoughts of you.” He stroked again. “Never imagined it’d be like this.” His voice was hoarse and his eyes were searing.

  Another step.

  “What did you think of?” I asked.

  His stare stayed locked on me while his hand worked himself in time with mine. Looking at each other while touching ourselves was intimate on a level I hadn’t realized.

  “I thought of your face. How you’d look at me when I was inside of you. How your lips would part and you’d gasp. How you’d call out my name when your tight pussy got so hot and wet for me. How you’d taste…”
<
br />   My fingers worked faster.

  “You thought of all that?”

  He nodded.

  He thought of me before we were together. Before Jack. Before everything. And I believed him. Because the way he was looking at me now, the way he’d been honest with me, made everything melt away and all I could see, all I could want, was him.

  “I want to feel you,” I said. “All of you…if that’s possible?”

  “All of me? As in, no barrier?”

  I nodded. I had only been with Jack and I’d gotten checked after he left. Not that I thought he’d ever lie to me about being healthy, but just for precaution. “I’m on birth control and healthy.”

  “I’m clean too.”

  I nodded, realizing how much I did trust him. And I wanted to feel him, connect with him on a level that went beyond.

  I watched his hand work his cock. He was so hard, and I wanted to feel his flesh against mine. Just the sight of him had me circling toward a building orgasm, but I wanted to be with him and let him take me the rest of the way. So I slid my knee onto the mattress and, in an instant, he cupped my hip and dragged me beneath him.

  “I told you, Kitten,” he kicked my legs apart with his knees, “the second you got on this bed, you’re mine.” His arms laced under mine, he grabbed the sheets and pulled himself inside of me.

  I gasped his name and held tightly to his back. He didn’t waste time. Just saw me, took, and we were now connected.

  “Fuck, you feel amazing,” he groaned.

  Wrapped up in all his strength, feeling him so completely was like getting lost in the best way. I didn’t have to think. Didn’t have to worry or wonder about the future or the what if’s of my life. I just had to lay there, and take everything Cal gave me.

  He kissed me hard, surging even harder. All the pent up questions and insecurities melted away. I just wanted him. I pushed against him to sit up. He didn’t miss a beat. Never leaving my body, he grabbed me and moved to sit up. With his back against the headboard of the bed and me straddling him, he buried his face in my neck and thrust up.

  “Oh, yes,” I said. So he did it again, my breasts bouncing with each plunge. I grabbed the headboard and slammed my hips down just as his came up, hitting so deep I cried out from the pleasure.