Changing the Rules

by Erin Kern

  She clung to his neck as he set them both on the bed. “Seems to me we’re just starting.”

  Much later, Audrey lay in the dark, willing herself to sleep, but her mind wouldn’t settle down long enough to give her peace.

  The man next to her took up most of the twin-sized bed with his big body, which threw off heat like a Colorado summer. He hadn’t given her a moment’s rest for the better part of three hours, moving inside her body, pinning her to the mattress and staring down at her like he’d been seeing her for the first time. Even now, after her heart had slowed, she shivered, thinking how right it had felt to be beneath him. To feel his thighs forcing her legs apart and his hot breath on her neck as he came inside her.

  It had been the most intense moment of her life. Intense, but just as precious. Just as sweet and tender and different. Because he was different. The way he looked at her, kissed her, touched her. Made love to her. It had been nothing like she’d ever experienced, and it frightened her. She was even more frightened than she already had been of possibly uprooting her entire life for a man who, until just a few months ago, was happily single. A man who, for all she knew, wanted her to move here because it’s what he knew. Maybe being left alone with Piper scared him. Okay, she got that. It was natural to feel some trepidation at the thought of being solely responsible for another human being. But did he want Audrey here because her presence brought him comfort? Comfort in all the uncertainty that came with raising a little girl? Or did he want her here because he wanted her here? Because he couldn’t live without her?

  Because he loved her?

  The situation was about as clear as a foggy San Francisco day. Audrey wasn’t sure if she could change her entire life for a man who didn’t even understand his own motives.

  “I can’t,” she whispered into the dark. Cameron’s breathing had changed, so she knew he was awake.

  He rolled over and looked at her.

  Audrey kept her gaze on the ceiling because it was safer that way. If she looked into his blue eyes, she’d cave. She’d give in to her desires, and she needed to stay strong.

  “I can’t move here to be with you, Cameron.” Just saying the words was like swallowing glass, but she had to get them out. “It’s better this way,” she said, finally looking at him.

  His gaze was shadowed, but she felt his eyes cutting straight through her.

  “Better for who?” he countered.

  “I can’t give up my entire life for a man who doesn’t even know what he wants,” she said, ignoring his question.

  He shifted under the covers, pushing up on an elbow. “What about what Piper’s given up?”

  His words were soft, but they were like an ice pick to her heart. She tossed an angry look his way. “Don’t you dare.” She sat up, mirroring his pose. “I know damn well what she’s given up. I watched her mother waste away for months, then held her shaking body as she sobbed over Dianna.”

  “And yet here she is,” Cameron said. “As resilient as ever.”

  “What the hell’s that supposed to mean?” she demanded as she scrambled off the bed, searching for something to cover herself up. “That I don’t have it in me?” After spotting a hooded sweatshirt on the floor, Audrey scooped it up and pulled it over her head. “That I’m scared or something?”

  Cameron stood up from the bed also, but more slowly than she had and completely uncaring about his nudity. “I’m not saying anything, Audrey.”

  She jabbed an index finger at him. “Yes, you are. You’re saying I’m too scared to take a chance.” Dammit, she wasn’t.

  “I’m not saying it, Audrey. You are. And there’s nothing wrong with being afraid,” he pointed out.

  “I’m not afraid,” she reiterated. “I’m just trying to protect myself.”

  One side of Cameron’s mouth kicked up. “That’s what you’re calling it? Protection?” He shook his head as he yanked his boxers over his hips. “At least I admit that I’m not sure what I want.” He tugged his shirt over his head then reached for his jeans. “But you? You think you know exactly what you want. You think you have it all planned out, but you really don’t have a clue.”

  She watched him grab his shoes as fear fisted in her heart. “I was never part of the deal, Cameron,” she reminded him. “It was just supposed to be you and Piper. None of this”—she waved her hand around the bedroom—“was supposed to happen.”

  “But it did happen,” he said after he put his shoes on. He came toward her and took her chin in his hand. “But you go back to Boulder. Go on back, if that’s what you really want.”

  Twenty-One

  Cameron dragged himself through the door at eleven o’clock that Friday night. The Bobcats had played a hard game, pushing it until the last second and barely squeaking out a six-point victory over the Alamosa Maroons. But he’d returned home with a heavy heart because Audrey wasn’t there.

  She’d left early that morning and driven back to Boulder, taking a piece of his soul with her. As he’d watched her put Piper on the bus, running her hands over the girl’s ponytail, knowing that Audrey was minutes away from hopping in her car and leaving, he tried telling himself that it would be okay, that he knew it would be okay. But he didn’t know shit. And he was just as pissed at her as he was himself. He was pissed at her for running away, for thinking she knew what was right. And he was pissed at himself for completely botching the conversation, for demanding that she admit she was just as scared as he was, but maybe they could figure it out together.

  But the sinking feeling in his chest had worsened when she’d pulled out of the driveway and disappeared down the street. She hadn’t said goodbye, and he’d tried not to take it personally. But how could he not, when the night before last he’d been inside her. Several times. But something had felt off as he’d stared at the empty driveway, and it wasn’t just the knowledge that she wouldn’t be here when he returned home.

  She was just going to use the time away as an excuse to find a reason why being with him wouldn’t work. He knew because he’d used the tactic before on just about every woman he’d been with. And to be honest, it stunk.

  Like yesterday’s garbage left in hundred-degree heat.

  But okay, fine. He’d give her space. She needed it, and he got that. He just hoped she didn’t use the time to talk herself out of something that could be really good.

  The house was quiet when he shut the door. The porch light had been left on, as well as the lamp on the hall table. Last night Audrey informed him that she’d made arrangements with his neighbor Zoey to come and stay with Piper after school until after the game. Yeah, that was all good and stuff. He knew Zoey. He liked her and trusted her.

  She was twenty-five and lived with her grandfather, who was showing early signs of dementia. She was a good kid. Responsible and sweet.

  But she wasn’t Audrey. She didn’t have brown eyes and she didn’t irritate the shit out of him with her cooking skills and kiss like sex on a stick.

  Zoey was in the living room watching some old Clint Eastwood movie with the volume turned way down. She turned when the floor creaked beneath his feet.

  “Hey,” she greeted with a warm smile.

  Cameron set his bag down and pulled his cap off his head. “Sorry I’m so late.”

  Zoey just shrugged. “Hey, I went to every Bobcat game in high school. I get it.” She stood from the couch and slipped her tennis shoes on. “Think we’ll make state this year?”

  “Better believe it,” he answered. They just needed to win one more game to clinch a spot in the playoffs.

  “I had a hard time getting Piper to settle down,” Zoey admitted. “It was almost ten o’clock before she got in bed.”

  Cameron just waved that away. “That’s all right. She’s usually pretty wound up on Fridays.”

  Zoey gave him a cheeky grin. “To be honest, I think she was waiting for you. She kept saying she couldn’t fall asleep until you read to her.”

  Hello, ice pick? Meet heart.
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  “She’s a sweet girl,” Zoey added.

  “Yeah,” Cameron agreed easily. “Where’d the little monster end up?”

  Zoey laughed, obviously knowing he was talking about Pinkie Pie. “On the bed with Piper. Though she did get a hold of one of Piper’s tennis shoes and chewed it up pretty good.” Zoey sent him an apologetic look. “Sorry about that.”

  Cameron walked her to the front door. “I can’t keep the cat out of trouble either, so don’t worry about it.”

  He opened the door and handed her sixty dollars, but Zoey just waved it away. “Oh, I don’t want to be paid. Audrey tried to offer me money too, but I wouldn’t take it.” Zoey slipped her coat on and walked down the steps. “She said you’d try to pay me too but not to take a dime from you. She also said she’d text me your phone number and that you’d be proud of her for not wasting anymore Post-its.” Zoey shrugged as though she didn’t understand why.

  But Cameron knew why. As he shut the door, he found himself glancing around as though expecting to find a little yellow square waiting for him. Of course there weren’t any. Audrey had no reason to leave one for him.

  He blew out a breath as he turned the television off in the living room and headed toward his bedroom. But at the last minute, he detoured to the guest room, where he knew Piper had been set up for the night. The light had been left on, but Cameron wasn’t surprised. He knew she sometimes slept with the light on because she got scared.

  He stepped into the room and watched Piper sleep. Luckily Pinkie Pie didn’t even stir when he sat on the edge of the bed. The thing merely flicked an ear and kept on sleeping. Or plotting a world takeover.

  Piper sighed when Cameron ran his hand over her soft hair. As he sat there, he tried to summon a memory of Dianna as this age, to see if Piper resembled her mother. He knew Dianna had been blond, and the two of them shared the same deep green eyes of their father. But Piper’s lips were fuller and her chin pointier. Other than that, he couldn’t tell if Piper really resembled her mother all that much.

  For the first time, Cameron felt a pang in his chest. Piper would probably ask questions like that one day, wouldn’t she? She’d want to know more about her mother, what she was like, her favorite stuff. And Cameron wanted to kick his own ass for not taking the time to get to know his own sister well enough. He hadn’t cared. And now he wouldn’t be able to tell Piper everything she’d want to know about her mom.

  But Audrey would know.

  One more reason for Audrey to stay. For Piper and the bond the two of them had. She could tell the little girl all about her mother and what sort of person she’d been.

  Piper stirred in her sleep, and Cameron turned the light off before leaving the room. All he wanted to do now was crash, but he stopped in the hallway. Actually, that wasn’t all he wanted to do, but it was late. She probably wasn’t still up.

  But if she was…

  Yeah, she probably was.

  Despite their tumultuous night together and the uncertain way they’d left things, Cameron still wanted to talk to her. To know…Oh, hell he wasn’t sure what he needed to know. That she was still there. That she hadn’t completely shut him out.

  Cameron pulled his cell out of his pants pockets and entered his darkened bedroom. He dialed Audrey’s number and collapsed back on the bed, listening as it rang once, twice, then three times. He was about to hang up when her sweet hello brought a smile to his face.

  “I didn’t wake you, did I?” he asked her.

  He listened while he heard the rustling of bedding on the other end. Cameron gritted his teeth against the image of her lying beneath the sheets. “No,” she answered. “I’ve been awake.”

  A smile tugged at the corners of his mouth while he stared at the dark ceiling. “Couldn’t sleep without me there, huh?”

  “Wouldn’t you like to think so?” she teased.

  Cameron folded one arm behind his head. “I know so.”

  “Okay, you caught me,” she agreed. “I was lying here, pining for you.”

  His grin grew. “I knew it. You can’t live without me.”

  “Don’t let it go to your head or anything.”

  “Too late,” he admitted. “And we won tonight, so thanks for asking.”

  Her chuckle was soft in his ear. “You haven’t given me a chance. You’ve been too busy stroking your ego.”

  “I’d rather you do the stroking,” he murmured.

  “I’m sure you would.”

  Cameron shoved back the disappointment when she hadn’t agreed. “How was your drive up there?”

  “Long and uneventful.”

  He paused before asking his next question. “When’re you coming back?” Desperate much?

  She sighed. “I just got here, and you’re already desperate for me to come back? Is Piper driving you that crazy?”

  “She always drives me crazy,” he admitted, deliberately ignoring her first question.

  “I think you love the crazy,” she teased.

  Yeah, he did. Never thought it possible, but there it was.

  They were both silent a moment, Cameron listening to the night sounds and to Audrey’s easy breathing from the other end.

  “I miss you,” he finally admitted. “I…I want you to come back.”

  She didn’t respond right away, and Cameron’s heart started to sink. “Cameron,” she said on a sigh. “We both need time before we have this conversation again.”

  She was right. He knew she was right. But he didn’t want time to think. He just wanted her.

  “Of course I miss you,” she said after a moment of silence. “I have no one here to show me the incorrect way to throw a football.”

  He narrowed his eyes, even though she couldn’t see him. “One more word like that out of your mouth and I’m hanging up.”

  She got quiet a moment. “I missed you the second I pulled out of the driveway this morning.”

  Her admission created a knot in his stomach.

  “But I still need time to think,” she went on. “And you need the time to think too.”

  He pulled the phone away from his ear and glared at the screen, as though she could see him. “What the hell would I need time to think about?”

  “Whether this is what you really want,” she answered.

  He clenched his teeth. “I already told you it was.”

  “People change their minds, Cameron.”

  Damn it, she still didn’t trust him. “I already told you, I’m not going to.”

  Her deep sigh was like a fist around his heart. “I know you said that, but…”

  He waited for her to finish, but she didn’t. “But what?”

  “I have a history of people deciding not to stick around,” she explained. “Things get a little tough and they check out. I’m trying to protect myself.”

  He got the need to protect oneself, but damn. “I’m not your father, Audrey. Haven’t I told you that?”

  “I know you did,” she agreed quickly. “And I believe you. I do.”

  “But what?” he pressed when he suspected there was more.

  “But I just need this time,” she answered, “to put some things in perspective.”

  “All right,” he agreed slowly. “Whatever you decide, Piper and I will be here. We’re not going anywhere.”

  She paused longer than Cameron was comfortable with. “I know.”

  But did she?

  Audrey had ended her second day in Boulder by FaceTiming with Cameron and Piper. They’d talked for almost an hour, keeping Audrey in the loop while they cooked meat loaf and mashed potatoes. Cameron had made a big show of using heavy whipping cream in the potatoes instead of half-and-half, smirking at her the whole time because he knew it would bug the shit out of her. Meanwhile, Piper had talked her ear off about Pinkie Pie, the French toast they’d made for breakfast, and a trip to some video arcade.

  Audrey had listened to Piper’s rambling storytelling as best she could, while watching Cameron in the background
. She’d wanted to reach into the screen and run her fingers through his hair. The past few days, her thoughts had been occupied with the night they’d spent together. How right it had felt and, at the same time, how it had scared her, because she’d known there had been no going back. And she’d gone into it with her eyes wide open, knowing there was a good possibility of getting hurt.

  At the time, she hadn’t cared. All she kept thinking about was how much she wanted him. But in the mix of all those thoughts had been their argument, an argument that had left her even more confused than before. Cameron had brought up a lot of really good points. Did she know what she wanted?

  She wanted the dream. The home, the family, the house full of noise. Maybe even a golden retriever. But could she have that with Cameron? How was she supposed to think she could, when he’d told her to go back to Boulder?

  Audrey was sure, in the back of her mind, that he wasn’t kicking her out. Maybe it was a test? Or perhaps he was giving her permission.

  Hell, she was so confused Audrey didn’t know which way was up.

  She’d decided to have Sunday brunch with her best friend. Roxy always had a way of putting things into perspective, and Audrey needed to talk things out.

  She and Roxy had planned to meet at a café that served the best breakfast croissants and vanilla lattes. Calories be damned, because she planned to indulge.

  Her friend was already waiting for her, having snagged a table outside. Dark sunglasses covered her eyes and her legs were crossed.

  “I ordered for you,” Roxy announced as Audrey sat down.

  “Thanks,” she breathed, and immediately reached for her latte.

  Roxy just grinned. “Maybe I should have ordered something stronger,” she joked.

  Audrey set the drink down and placed a napkin in her lap. “The last thing I need is something to rev me up even more.”

  Roxy wagged her fingers in a “give it to me” gesture. “Okay, spill. Why’re you here?”

  Audrey blinked at her friend. “Because we’re having brunch,” she stated.

  “No,” Roxy responded with a sigh. “I mean here in Boulder.”