Mirror Amour (Circotica Series)

by Jade Hart

  * * * * *

  Saturday shot me awake with a loud clap of thunder shaking the glass in my window frames. I groaned and snuggled deeper into my comforter as rain lashed and hissed against the roof.

  I’d had a restless night. I couldn’t stop thinking about Noah and his stupid reason to keep whatever happened between us in a box labelled ‘can’t happen again’.

  I’d had a shower at three a.m., unable to stop smelling both men on my skin. My little black dress reeked of sex and lust, and when I’d bundled it into put in the washing machine every atom in my body revved higher. Looking for more of what I’d had, desperate for the connection.

  But it wasn’t the threesome I wanted again. I wanted Noah. I wanted the fire between us from last night to incinerate my world and blaze my future brighter. We were so alike—with our career path, our cleanliness and minimalistic home décor—we were even the same in culinary taste and movies. I could count how many times we’d talked since we moved in together on one hand, and yet I knew him.

  I knew he didn’t sleep well. I’d often hear him in the kitchen early in the morning. I knew he watched me with a guarded look, that up till last night, I thought was disinterest or aloofness. Now I suspected it was fierce restraint. He’d admitted wanting me for months. Admitted wanking over me.

  So why didn’t he take me? What was holding him back?

  The water boiler started humming as the shower ran. Noah was up.

  I twisted on my pillow, staring at the ceiling. I had two choices. Go and confront him about last night and make him talk to me, or pounce on him in the bathroom.

  I opted for number two.

  Pulling my sore and much loved body from the warm cocoon of my bed, I slipped on a satin robe and made my way across the lounge. The storm outside raged, making me doubly glad the heating was at a cosy temperature, and Noah had started the gas fire. Why couldn’t he give in to whatever he felt for me?

  Our Saturday could go from dismal weather to sexy day by the fire watching movies. My skin trembled with the thought of having him naked on our white shag pile rug. I wanted to ride him like he rode me last night. I wanted to sit in his lap and stroke him.

  My fingers shook as I reached to twist the bathroom door knob. It turned with no complaint, and I cracked the door. He hadn’t locked it—did that mean something? Did he want me come and get him, or did he not lock the door normally?

  The black and white checkered shower curtain obscured him, but his silhouette was bowed, his forehead touching tile with water streaming over his head. His chest hunched and dejected.

  My heart went out to him. Why did he look so fragile? Did he hate himself for what we did last night? What went on in his head?

  Deciding I needed to understand, I unfastened my belt and let my robe fall to the floor. The satin kissed my skin, sending goosebumps over me.

  I was naked in the same room as Noah. Again.

  And this morning there was no Carson. No distraction of mirrors. It was just us.

  I tiptoed to the shower curtain and peeked around the side.

  My heart instantly curled up in shock and need.

  Noah’s eyes were closed, his stomach tense and arm working. I thought he’d been hunched dejectedly, when in reality he was arched with pleasure.

  His fist jerked up and down on his erection. Thighs spread wide, back rippling with energy as he worked himself to a release.

  Oh fuck. That was too hot. I’d caught him wanking. Was it over me? Instantly my body infernoed and wetness built between my legs.

  Noah groaned softly, barely audible over the spray of water. His hips thrust into his hand, so close to making himself come.

  I didn’t want him to come. I wanted to be the one who did that. I wanted to take him again, to make him a part of me. If he climaxed now it would siphon down the drain and be an empty release. With me it could be a new beginning if he worked out his issues.

  Before I could stop myself, I whispered, “Don’t.”

  He froze for a milimoment before spinning. His hand still around his cock, eyes flared. His stomach muscles so smooth and defined caught rivulets of water, turning the droplets into a merry-go-round of planes and lines before journeying down his powerful legs and sexy feet.

  My mouth parted just looking at him. How could he keep his sexuality hidden under a drab lap coat? How was I so blind?

  “What the fuck, Linden? Don’t you know how to knock?” He tried to cover himself with his other hand, flinching a little as he battled with not finishing.

  “I want to—I want…” I couldn’t finish my sentence so captivated by him under the torrent of water, knowing he was pleasuring himself. “Were you wanking over me?” My cheeks glowed, but I took confidence from what he said last night. He wanted me, too; he just couldn’t admit it.

  His mouth tightened. “Leave me alone.”

  Hurt lanced through my heart. Why was he so determined to push me away?

  I couldn’t move and couldn’t even find happiness as his eyes trailed from mine, latching onto my naked body. My blood responded to the need smouldering in his hazel-green eyes, but I didn’t know what to do about it. Was I brave enough to ask a man to like me when he didn’t even want me in the same room as him? Who would rather wank than have me?

  I hung my head, tears stinging. “Fine.” Without another word, I spun on my heel and charged out of the bathroom, leaving behind humid steam for the dry heat of the lounge. My nakedness made me vulnerable in the worst way and everything that happened between us last night cindered into falseness. Whatever happened between Noah and me, it was all in my head. He was caught in the moment, and, like any hot-blooded male, took me with no strings attached. After all, we were at Circotica. A place of free and inhibited sex. I shouldn’t feel so used, but I did. Not by Carson—but by Noah. Bastard. What a bastard to make me think emotion existed when he was just a sex-crazed man who liked to tug on women’s heart strings. He made me believe there was more. He lied.

  The shower wrenched off and Noah stumbled out the door. His chest pumped, and he busily wrapped a towel around his waist.

  “You said we wouldn’t talk about it. That it was for one night! Fuck, don’t complicate this.”

  Anger seeped into my limbs, and I spun. “I’m complicating it? How about you? We live together. We never talk and then we have mind-altering sex. Forgive me if I want to talk about that! To understand the passion between us. There was more to just fucking last night, Noah! How can you deny that? You almost punched Carson when he wanted to come inside me. If there was nothing—like you say there is—you wouldn’t have cared. I would’ve been a bit of pussy to enjoy for a few hours.” My tone was nasty and I snarled. “You said you wanted to get off on watching another man fuck me. You didn’t get off. It hurt you. Why do you deny that?”

  His entire body bunched. “Don’t talk like that.”

  “Like what? You don’t want me to say the word pussy or fuck? Does it affect you? Make you horny as hell?” My nipples ached, and the moisture inside only increased the more I goaded him. Why couldn’t he see he drove me wild—insane with need for him?

  He advanced, stopping a centimetre away. My chest panted, and I restrained myself from rubbing my naked breasts against his wet pecs. Thank God our net-curtains weren’t see-though. Having a fight naked in our lounge would’ve entertained our neighbours no end.

  “Don’t remind me of that man fucking you.” He gritted his teeth. “I don’t like it.”

  “What don’t you like about it? Watching him or knowing he pleasured me?”

  He growled, his arms rippling with anger. “Both. I wanted to be the one to pleasure you. I thought it would be easy to watch but—it lacerated me.” His eyes tightened with torment. “It showed me lying to myself doesn’t work, and it crippled me to hear you enjoying him. Those little cries, the pants. Christ, Linden you writhed for him. It was the hottest thing, and I get hard every time I think about it, but I. Was. Lying. I didn’t want to watch yo
u. You mean more—”

  “So you admit you felt protective, that you wanted me for yourself?” My heart whirled. More. He’d said it. He couldn’t take that back.

  He narrowed his eyes, flecks of colour kaleidoscoping. “You want me to admit I want you? Fine! I fucking want you. I love living with you. I love working with someone so bright and smart and capable. I love your sense of humour when you have friends over on a Friday night. I love the way you whimper when you finger yourself in bed. You think I don’t hear you. But I do. It ties me in fucking knots.” His chest heaved as he pressed against me, his breath hot on my face as he growled, “Is that what you want to hear? That I want to throw you to the floor and dive inside you?”

  My heart galloped even as my body throbbed with every word. I trembled with the most uncontrollable need. Never had someone been so angry and fierce with me before. Never had words made ache and be wet as hell.

  “Then do something about it. Take me. Now. Alone. You can have me all to yourself.” Please God, let him take me. I was melting in front of him from the intense pressure inside. I needed to have him in me again. To have those strong arms around me, holding me tight as he ploughed into me.

  He closed his eyes tightly, sucking in a sharp breath. “I can’t. Go put some clothes on.”

  Livid temper filled me; I wrenched his towel off his hips in one swoop. His cock jumped, fully erect.

  He grunted and stepped back. “What the hell are you doing? I told you. It was one night only!”

  “You can’t tell me all of that and deny me, Noah. That’s called being a tease, and I can see you want me as much as I want you. You just admitted it. Do you get off on self-denial?” I seethed. “It doesn’t make sense. You turned me inside-out last night. I want more. I want you. I want to see if we get along out of the bedroom as well as we did in it last night.” I reached for him, but he scrambled back, abdominals rippling in his haste to move. “Come here.”

  “I can’t. You’ll hate me. That’s why I said it was one night. That way you won’t leave me when you find out what I did. You won’t be betrayed.”

  My eyes narrowed. What did he do? What possibly could he have done to make me hate him? We lived together for eight months, and he never stepped out of line. Always courteous, friendly—if not a little cool. So what could he have done?

  He ducked to gather his towel but I reached it before him, tugging it out of his reach. If I was naked he would stay naked, too. “What are you so afraid of?” Inching forward, I locked eyes with him. His eyes were more hazel, swirling with temper, heat, and a trace of fear. “Tell me. It can’t be as bad as you think. I need you again, Noah. I won’t be satisfied now I’ve had a small taste.”

  He groaned as I reached out and grabbed his erection, stroking his length. I wobbled as a burst of sensation floated through me. Just touching him made me radiate like a house fire. Hot, smoky, deadly.

  “Linden—stop…” His voice dropped to a plea as I stroked harder, guiding him to the couch behind. I steered him through his cock and a flare of female power filled me as he dropped onto the sofa a moment later. I stood over him, mouth ajar, staring at every part of him.

  “I don’t want to stop. Do you want me to stop?” My voice was husky and laced with sex-haze.

  He couldn’t speak, looking up at me, eyes wide, pupils even wider as I stood proud and naked between his open legs.

  Another crash of thunder boomed, sending the house rippling with Mother Nature’s call.

  Taking his non-answer as approval to continue, I raised one leg and kneeled on the couch, followed by the other leg imprisoning him between my thighs.

  I didn’t touch him apart from the hot brand of our thighs. Noah gulped, hands opening and clenching on the settee. If he was determined not to touch me, he was doing a good job.

  Fine. If he wouldn’t play along, I’d just take him. Hopefully the connection would open him up to me and we could talk without the annoying cryptic crap. For a man who knew every inch of the periodic table and could recite scientific names of every microbe, he was being denser than mucus.

  I reached for him again, caressing his hardness, running hands over his hot smooth balls. He groaned, and his head fell back on the couch. “Linden—”

  I leaned forward, murmuring in his ear. “Were you wanking over me in the shower? Tell me the truth.”

  A pained noise vibrated in his chest. “Yes. God, yes. You have no idea how much I want you.”

  Lust spiked along with a spark of contentment flowing like lava at his admission. “Tell me how much you want me.” I brushed my core against the long length of him, smearing him with my wetness.

  “I can’t. You’ll leave.” He moaned, eyes tight as he watched me stroke up and down along his cock. My thighs burned as I increased my rhythm.

  My brain was foggy with anything but wanting him inside me. He could tell me he burned the lab and decimated my study, and I wouldn’t have cared in that moment. “I won’t leave.”

  His chest expanded and frantic eyes met mine as I rocked faster. I didn’t know how much longer I could keep up the pace—the teasing, flaming, lusting pace.

  “You promise? If I tell you, you won’t leave?”

  My eyes drooped as I slid higher, teasing myself with the tip of him. So close to pushing him inside. But I held off. I’d torture both of us while he told me.

  “I promise.”

  “Remember you signed a one-year lease. You’re locked in for another four months, even if you end up hating me. And I’ll have time to make you forgive me.”

  I frowned, worry threading for the first time. What the hell had he done? “Just tell me, Noah.” My fingers tensed around him and he gasped.

  “I was asked if you were capable enough to run an offshore laboratory studying some new strain of bird flu, and I said no. They were asking a lot of staff who would be a good candidate.”

  My eyes flared wide. “What?” This was news to me. I’d been considered for a higher position, and Noah denied me? I froze.

  “They wanted to offer you a four-year contract to move. They asked my opinion, seeing as we’re lab partners and flatmates, if I thought you could handle being away for so long. I lied and said I didn’t think you’d like to be away from your friends and family.”

  My thighs burned as I hovered above him. Still needing him, but confusion ran rampant. “Why?”

  He dropped his eyes, running thumbs along my waist and over my breasts. I allowed the contact, unable to stop my spine from arching. Even though he’d admitted to ruining a potential promotion, my body screamed for his.

  “Because I’ve never worked so well with anyone before. Working together allows me to see things in our tests I wouldn’t have seen without you. And living with you has been an endless sexual need, but I’d rather you continue to think I’m a geeky scientist than know how much I want to fuck you every time I come home from the lab. I knew the moment the company asked if we’d room together I’d be sore from wanking to avoid pouncing on you.” His hands circled to my back, and he pulled me forward, his voice dropping. “Please don’t hate me. I need you so bad, Linden.” He pushed up and my mouth hung open as he entered me. Slowly, calmly, letting me pull away if I wanted to.

  My mind scrambled with thoughts. He said no my possible promotion to get me to stay? So he liked me? He must. I should be pissed, but—

  I groaned as Noah leaned forward and flicked his tongue over my breast. His hips spasmed up, impaling me fully.

  I let myself sink onto him, threading my fingers through his hair. “Is that why I’ve been called into the mangers office on Monday? To discuss the promotion you sabotaged?” I’d had a note on my desk summoning me to an eight a.m. meeting.

  A heavy sound rumbled in his chest as he pushed me up and then pulled me down, eyes tight, mouth parted. He shook his head. “That isn’t it.”

  Shit, he’d done more? Now what?

  “I had a bit of a break through on Thursday.” He rocked up, lean
ing forward to bite my collar bone. His breath tickled as he added, “I put your name on the report.”

  I wriggled, trying to get out of his embrace. “What? I don’t understand.”

  Noah didn’t let me go; his arms banded and suddenly we were up and lying on the shag pile rug, still joined. Noah spread his legs out, pinning me down. He kissed the tip of my nose. “I couldn’t live with the guilt of being such a bastard, keeping you here by lying. So I made sure you earned the accolade for discovering an enzyme that will cure streptococcus better than penicillin.” His nose traced my jaw line, dipping into my throat. “It will be worth millions to the pharmaceutical companies.”

  My eyes flew wide. Who was this man? He was an enigma. I’d learned so much about him since last night. First, he had a temper and was bossy. Who knew? Second, he was a horny devil and hid it so well, which I found beyond exciting, and three, he sabotaged my future so he could keep me as a lab partner and then threw a million dollar contract at me because of guilt. “I don’t understand you at all.”

  He kissed my cleavage, eyes hooded with lust rather than the fear I’d leave. “I know you don’t. That’s why I wanted it to be one night. Everything you think you know about me isn’t true. You think I’m cold. I’m not. I’m tightly controlled, or I was until I snapped last night. Everything sort of let itself out —it showed me how much I wanted you. How much time I wasted by pretending to be cool to you, when in reality I wanted you more than I’ve wanted anyone.”

  I couldn’t speak as his pressed his hips into mine. We’d had the entire conversation while rocking gently, flaming lust to a simmer.

  “You won’t leave will you? Did I do right by fixing it?” He arched up on his elbows, looking down at me. His cock froze inside as he remained motionless but for flickering eyes trying to read my decision.

  What should I say? He saved me from making a decision to go, for the chance to advance my studies, but I would’ve been lonely and lost. I was always a home body. Shit, my parents lived up the road. They so better not of gone to Circotica last night.