by Steven Pajak
Chapter 11
The Journey Begins
It was still early when I left Lara’s house. She was still in bed sleeping curled up on her side, swaddled in the thick quilt. I left the fire at a slow burn so that she wouldn’t have to get a new fire going.
The green box with the ballots was cradled under my left arm as I made the brisk walk back to the CP. The day was much milder than it had been and I was happy to see that the snow stopped falling at some point and very little had accumulated during the evening. In fact, the morning sun and the mild temperature were already melting much of it. The sidewalks and street were dark where the melted snow water now pooled.
I consulted my Rolex, the recent gift from my brother, and saw that it was just past seven. People were already up and moving about, carrying on with their everyday tasks. Today was trash day on the north-south streets. Trash bins were set out at the curb, awaiting Al’s crew to come and pick up the refuse. The row of green bins stood sentinel all down the block, like soldiers in green armor to protect the residents from the undead. I had to chuckle at the normality of the scene in such an abnormal world.
Some of Al’s men had already started on Encounter Drive. Three two men crews were assigned on each detail. Two of the crews each pushed the portable dumpster into which they would empty the trash bins. The third crew acted as a security detail, each man carrying an assigned weapon. One of the two men carried a hand weapon while the other was assigned a firearm.
Trash removal was one of those jobs that could get dangerous quickly. After collecting the trash in the portable dumpsters, the teams would take them to the north wall where they would set up ramps. The dumpsters would be pushed up the ramps and dumped over the sides. We all knew at some point when the weather grew warm we would need to do something with the accumulated trash. It would begin to stink and decay. Seems like our problem was now resolved; we would be leaving tomorrow morning.
From this distance I was unable to tell who was on duty. I raised a hand in greeting and a couple of the men who were looking my way returned the gesture. The wind picked up a bit as I headed west and I hunched my chin and pushed forward. Wesley was outside on the porch, but Cody was nowhere in sight. In fact, Wesley was alone.
“No snowball fights today, Wes?” I said when I drew near.
“No, sir,” Wesley said. He stood and brushed the seat of his pants. “I’m waiting to talk to you.”
“Sit down.” I set my bag and the green box down on the porch stoop and took a seat next to him. The concrete was cold against my butt and thighs, seeping through my jeans. “What’s up, Wes?”
The boy didn’t look at me and there was a long pause while he considered his words. Finally, he said, “What’s going to happen to me, Mr. Danzig?” When he looked at me I saw tears shimmering in his eyes.
My first instinct was to put an arm around him, comfort him and tell him everything would be okay, but I knew Wesley would be embarrassed by that display. Wesley was very different than my son, Mark, in that respect. Mark would welcome the affection; he was a sensitive boy. Wesley tried hard to be tough; he was easily embarrassed by sentimentality. He didn’t quite know how to deal with compliments, either.
“What do you mean, Wes?”
He swallowed hard and looked away again. He rubbed his eyes roughly, smearing the warm tears across his cheeks. With his back to me he said, “Ms. Sam and Ms. Kat take good care of me but I don’t want to stay here with them.”
I sat quietly, waiting for him to speak. I found with my own children that if you were patient enough and just gave them a chance, they’d talk. I had begun to think that Wesley would prove my theory wrong when he finally continued.
“I know they took me in when Mom and Dad died. I love them. But you’re responsible for me, Mr. Danzig. You brought me here. My parents trusted you.”
“Tell me what you want, Wesley.”
“I want to go with you,” he said. He turned to me again, his eyes finally meeting my own.
“Why?”
His eyes looked down for a moment and then he looked at me again. “I can help Mr. Ray and Cody. They need me. I know what everyone says about Mr. Ray but that’s because they don’t know him. He’s a good man in here,” Wesley said, pointing at his chest, indicating his heart.
Fixing the boy with a withering stare, I said, “Do you understand how dangerous it is out there? Do you know the risks?”
He nodded his head. “I’m not scared.”
“You should be. You can die out there.”
“I’m not afraid of dying, Mr. Danzig. Not if I’m helping people that I love. Like my Mom and Dad did.”
We sat silently for a few moments, both of us looking off into the distance. Some folks were down at Harper’s Knoll visiting friends and loved ones lost. I saw smoke rising from the chimney of my house down on Churchill.
Picking up the green box, I opened the lid and looked inside. Among the folded ballots I found several unused squares of paper and pulled one out. I fished out the half pencil that rattled around under the ballots and handed both the paper and pencil to Wesley.
“You have to make your own decision, Wesley.” I stood up and grabbed my bag and tucked the green box under my arm. “Think about it carefully, write it down, and then put it in the box. I’ll be inside.”
“Thank you, Mr. Danzig.”
I paused at the door and looked over my shoulder. “You’re still a boy, Wesley, and that’s okay. No one expects you to be more. You shouldn’t either.”
He looked at me, perhaps trying to puzzle over my words. As an afterthought, I said, “When you’re done with that, get my brother and tell him to come down here.”
* * *
Brian sat across from me, the green box that contained the ballots before us. We’d both been pretty quiet as we sorted the pieces of paper into two piles. It had been a long time since my brother and I shared an awkward silence; I wasn’t even sure what we were even upset about anymore.
Whatever this was between us needed to come to an end. We would be leaving our home in less than twenty-four hours and the two men who would be responsible for as many as thirty men, women and children needed to act together, to make decisions together. As it had been in the past when my brother and I had come to a major disagreement, I would have to be the one to set things right. Brian could make the most stubborn mule seem easygoing and agreeable.
“About the other night—“ I started.
“Yeah, forget about that, dude. I don’t know what I was thinking. No one needs to know about Comedian now. I was just going through something and I didn’t know how to cope with it.”
I paused in my review of the ballots long enough to look at my brother. Immediately I knew he wasn’t just saying what I wanted to hear. “So you’re good now?”
“Yep.”
“So we’re good now?”
“We’re copacetic, man,” he said. He tossed the ballot he held in his hands in front of me. “I wish this asshole would stay.”
Picking up the piece of paper, I read the name and laughed. “If we left Stanley here with Kat she’d kill him.”
Brian shrugged. “And that would be a bad thing?”
I tossed the paper back at him. “I wouldn’t want Kat to have that on her conscience.”
He raised an eyebrow and gave me that look that said I was being completely ridiculous. “She’d probably thank you.”
We fell silent again as we wrote the names into notebooks and took an account of all living residents. As I checked off Justin’s name indicating he would be making the journey, Brian said, “Kat did a really brave thing stepping up.”
Setting down my pen, I sighed out loud. “This isn’t what I wanted for her or Sam. I really wish there was another way.”
Brian nodded his head in agreement, but offered no solution. He said, “We could really use her out there. From what I hear she filled my shoes no problem.”
“Kat is a great number one,” I said. “
Not that you weren’t, don’t get me wrong. But she did step up when you left and I trust her completely. And you’re right; we really could use her out there. We’re light on folks with patrol and scouting experience. We’re going to have to use Justin and Chandra…and Lara. They’re the best we have.”
“We’ll get by. We always do, right, brother?”
“I hope so.”
Dropping his notebook on the table—the noise startled me a bit—Brian said, “So I have twelve not going. What did you come up with?”
“I have twelve.”
“That’s more than I expected.”
He was right, that number was larger than expected, but when Reverend Reggie decided to stay, that ensured the three women from his congregation would remain with him, bringing the number to just under half of the community.
“So we have eighteen, including the kid and the cripple,” Brian said. “We need to rethink that decision.”
This time I shook my head. “Everyone decides for themselves, including Wesley and Ray.”
“But that decision affects the entire group. They’re going to slow us down, put other people in jeopardy.”
“I’m aware of that,” I said and looked at Brian. We locked eyes for a moment. “I’ll be responsible. If they fall behind, you keep the group moving and I’ll deal with Wes and Ray.”
“I can see this is a closed topic, so I’m not going to bother objecting. What’s the plan moving forward? We don’t have much time to get people prepped if we’re moving tomorrow.”
“Maybe we need to reassess our timeline. This is moving really quickly.”
“The longer we wait the more problems we create. The longer we stay the more food we consume, leaving less for those who stay. We also run the risk of the weather changing drastically. Right now the weather seems conducive to travel.”
“I guess I can’t argue with any of your points.”
“And the longer people stay, the more time they have to change their minds. They’ll start thinking they actually have a chance of surviving here. When people cling to false hope it’s hard to break their grip.”
“We leave as planned,” I said. “You made your point. What’s next?”
“Tonight I need to talk to the patrol leaders; I think you mentioned Justin and Chandra. We need to go over our maps so that everyone knows where the shelters are in case we get separated. And we’ll need to talk about movement formations.”
“Who else do we need?”
“I also want Sam. We need her to get supplies ready for those who are leaving; four days worth of food for each person. One liter of water per person or weight will be too much. We can melt snow if we need more. And I’ll need you at these briefings, brother. Can you make the time?”
“Of course,” I said. I knew that he was getting a jab in about the time I’d been spending with Lara, but I was willing to let that go. We’d done enough fighting.
“We should probably have Kat here tonight, too. It would be a big help if she could get everyone mustered first thing in the morning, with full load out. That would be one less thing for me to worry about.”
“I think she’d welcome the opportunity.”
Brian stood and pulled his gloves out of his pocket. “That’s it then, bro. See you tonight.”
“At 2000 hours. We’ll be here.”
* * *
Having found Chandra, Justin, Kat and Sam and informing them of our briefing at 8:00, I decided to use my free time in between to be with Lara. I knew that I was falling for her and that this relationship was beyond just two people getting together to fulfill their sexual desires. I was in love.
When I arrived at Lara’s place she was busy going through her items trying to sort what she would take on her journey. Although she seemed happy enough to see me—she gave me a long, passionate kiss—I felt like I she could use some personal time and that I would just be in the way. After a few minutes of watching her move through the house with the mindless force of a tornado, I made an excuse to leave and asked her to join us at the CP later in the evening for our briefing. She acknowledged me enough to give me a quick kiss on the cheek and then she was tearing through the house again.
I stopped in to see Ravi, but she didn’t answer her door. Thinking she was at Paul’s place, I stopped there, as well, but he said he hadn’t seen Ravi at all today. I swung by the CP and found it empty save for the Finnegans, who were busy getting their gear together. I chatted with Ian for a moment; he was in good spirits and he’d recovered quite quickly from whatever bug he’d had. Upstairs, Albert’s oldest daughter was watching television with her younger siblings.
Ray was in the garage with Wesley and Cody, making use of their time by securing their gear to a small red wagon. Although yesterday it had appeared that Ray’s equipment would be too much to transport, the red wagon made it seem possible.
Kneeling next to the wagon, I put out my hand and Wesley slapped me five. “Hey big guy, did you save room on that wagon for your gear?”
“I don’t have much,” Wesley said and pointed to medium size back pack. “That’s mine there. I’m ready for this, Mr. Danzig.”
“I can see that.” I paused for a moment and looked over my shoulder to confirm that Ray was not eavesdropping on our conversation. When I was satisfied he wasn’t, I considered my next words carefully. “Wesley, I think that I could talk Mr. Ray into leaving Cody with you, if you wanted to stay.”
Wesley surprised me by actually considering his reply. “Thank you, Mr. Danzig, but Mr. Ray needs me.”
“Okay, then,” I said getting back to my feet. “Can you give me and Mr. Ray a few minutes alone? We won’t be talking about you, I promise.”
“Sure.”
Before he could turn to leave, I halted him by grabbing his shoulder. “I have something for you.” From my front pocket I pulled out one of my tactical folding knives. I held it out to Wesley. “Take it. I think you’re ready for it. Do you know how to use it?”
Taking the knife from my hand, he examined it carefully for a few seconds. “I push this nub with my finger and the blade pops out?”
“Pretty much. But it’s not like a switchblade, so you have to push it nice and hard. And you want to flick your wrist a little bit, too. Here, let me show you.”
I took the knife back and demonstrated, flicking my forefinger against the knurled surface of the ‘nub’ and arching my wrist. The blade sprung open with a satisfying snap and Wesley’s eyes flinched at the sound. After showing him how to close the knife, I handed it back to him and told him to give it a try. His first attempt wasn’t strong enough and the blade opened half way. With concentrated determination, he pushed the blade back down and then tried again. This time the blade came all the way open, but it did not lock into place. The third time, the knife opened with a snap.
“I think you got it, kid. Now I don’t think I need to tell you to be careful with that, do I?”
“No, sir,” Wesley said. He carefully folded the blade and stuck it into his hip pocket. “I won’t fool with it, I promise. I’ll only use it in an emergency.”
“That’s a good boy. Go on now; give me a minute with Mr. Ray.”
I watched him exit the garage, whistling for Cody to follow. The retriever jumped energetically and followed the boy outside. When we were alone, I turned to Ray. His attention was now focused on me and I realized he’d been pretending that he’d been occupied when he said, “Nice try getting him to stay behind. I already tried it, though.”
“Did you try hard, Ray?”
“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”
“If you really wanted him to stay all you’d have to do is tell him you’re staying, too.”
“I’m not having this conversation again,” Ray said. He glared at me from across the room. “I don’t need to explain myself to everyone and I don’t need anyone’s permission.”
“That’s fine, Ray, but don’t try to make yourself feel better by saying you tried talking
the kid into staying.” I took a few strides across the room until I was just a couple of feet away. I got down on one knee again, so that I was at eye level with the man. “If anything happens to the kid out there, I’m going to hold you responsible.”
“I accept that,” Ray said. “I know he’s doing this for me, and goddamn it I know I need him because no one else around this fucking place gives a damn about me. If anything happens to me, I’ll make sure he goes on without me. I won’t let anything happen to him and seeing the way you talk to him, I know you won’t either.”
I sighed deeply. Try as I might to stay angry with Ray, I could not. Unlike others in our community, I was able to see past Ray’s façade, and what I saw was a man to be pitied. What I saw was a man who was unable to express his true feelings and instead hid behind anger, and perhaps self-pity.
“Be ready by 0500. Brian and Kat will be checking gear. Don’t give them any shit if they ask you to leave some stuff behind.”
Instead of telling me to fuck off or complain about being told what to do, he simply said, “Thank you.”
* * *
The afternoon was long and time seemed to move slowly. For the first time in a very long time I was actually bored. With nothing left to do at the moment, I went home. The house was empty. I had no idea where Brian was. I sat on the sofa for a few minutes just staring at the ceiling before finally getting up and grabbing one of the books from the dining room table. I selected The Old Man and the Sea because it was a short book and I knew I had a real good shot of finishing it.
I gave up after twenty or so pages and decided sleep was the best way to waste time. I lay on my deteriorating sofa and pulled the blankets over me, squirming and kicking around until I found the sweet spot. Without ceremony, I fell asleep and didn’t wake until Brian shook me several hours later.