The Royal Assassin: Shadows of Myst

by Shireen Nemnich

  She’s moving slowly on the bed and I must go to her. I must ease her suffering now and silence all these voices. I try to move but find I can’t. I look and see Mysteria floating along the floor. She smiles at me and makes a soft sign for me to be quiet and listen. Then just as swiftly she is gone. I do not even try to move. I listen closely and now the voices are given clarity. I can make out some of the words. Some are just words and some are sentences.

  I recognize Shade’s voice. It hurts when you are gone. Please come home. Don’t leave me alone.

  Now I hear Darken’s voice. I will always love you. I will never hurt you. You are my beloved forever.

  Damn that boy!

  I hear Essence’s voice. It will not last for long… do not worry… pain is nothing to endure…

  What odd things to hear from Essence.

  I pick out some of the voices but I know that hiss and my stomach churns. I can hear his voice so vivid in her mind. You are pathetic and weak. Don’t cry. Don’t give in. Be strong. Be very strong. You’re not worthy. You will never be worthy. Don’t let him touch you. Don’t let him in. You must be strong. You must endure this. Don’t cry, only babies cry.

  The voice is berating her over and over. She’s trying to push his voice away but she can’t its relentless. I still can’t move and I reach out with my magic but I’m blocked from reaching her. I watch her slowly pull her small body off the side of the bed stumbling to the floor. My heart aches, as she is so weak and so tired.

  Her small delicate hands are trembling as she bravely adjusts her gown and veil. Even in the face of such agony she is trying to remain proper. I try to go to her but I'm still unable to move. I watch as she takes several steps towards the window then stumbles barely making it before she crashes to the floor. She leans against the window a moment then reaches up to the lock. I see her try to turn the lock but she’s obviously just too weak to even make it budge.

  She pushes again then again, but it doesn’t move. I hear her stifle a soft cry that is welling up in her throat. Then suddenly I hear her thoughts as if she is speaking directly to me. I refuse to cry. Crying is for babies and for the weak. Father says… No crying! She tries the lock again but now I can see that she is just too weak and her legs give in. She sinks slowly to the floor in tears. Her thoughts are so clear it actually frightens me. I admit it; I’m weak. I’m a spoiled, weak, ungrateful child. I hope Reis is smart enough to stay away from me. Far away from me. The last thing he needs is to have a weak consort who is not even worth a broken vase.

  I can’t believe how hurt I suddenly am inside hearing her thoughts. I can’t believe this cold indifferent girl has been shielding herself and me from all this pain inside her. Then I act no different than her father and call her unworthy. I’ve hurt my consort and I have no idea how to fix it.

  Her tears turn to sobs as she leans back against the wall. I can’t believe I am sobbing. No sobbing Father says. Don’t cry; be tough. I wish I would just die and end all this. My father would be so ashamed of me if he saw me like this. I’m sure Reis will be too. I can’t even speak to apologize to him if he should return. Oh goddess, am I so terrible?

  I can’t take it anymore and I have to reach her. I try to move and I can and I move towards her. I sweep her up into my arms and I feel her hands clutch me holding on and then her hands go straight to her veil pressing it against her eyes but her sobbing continues. I try to siphon her magic to ease her burning. But I’m still blocked. I feel my fury at being unable to help her.

  I carry her straight to my bedroom placing her body on my bed. I rush to the windows and open every single one of them, six in all, to allow the cool Myst air inside. If I can’t cool her magic with mine the air will help. I lay beside her on the bed and I’m at wits end when suddenly it’s like I know what to do. I reach over and remove her veil tossing it to the floor. I then remove mine and toss it onto hers. I feel her nakedness without her veil. It’s part of her shield. It keeps her protected from everyone, especially me.

  I remove my gloves tossing them in the heap. She looks at the pile and I stretch my hand out over her, offering her to take it. She looks at it and her sobbing stills. I try to be gentle with my voice, but loud enough to get through all the voices in her head. “Meet me half way.”

  I feel her confusion but she takes a deep breath her thoughts rampant. Do I trust him? Will it hurt? Will this go away? She timidly places her hand in mine and almost immediately I feel tingling in my fingertips and it spreads to my hand then up my wrist, arm, shoulder, neck then it spreads to my whole body cooling her fever and I can actually feel my magic calming her and me. I have never felt so grateful in my whole life. I take a breath and it isn’t painful and the voices calm to silence in the air. Unfortunately I can’t hear her thoughts any more either.

  I hold her hand in mine and I see her calming and then she takes a small turn of her head and my heart stills. I want to see into her eyes so badly. I’ve longed to look into her eyes since she was a small child. Oh goddess… please look up at me.

  She turns her head more fully with her eyes lowered. Her face is so perfectly oval in such a gentle way. I know in my heart that she looks nothing like Essence or Phantom and I am so happy. Her lips are full and supple and I am having difficulty suddenly remembering that she is so young. Maybe I should wait to look into her face when she is older. I’ve been without a woman or consort for ten years and this might be testing my restraints as I’ve longed to touch this child’s soul with mine.

  Too late, she looks up through her long lush lashes and I can’t breathe. Her skin is without blemish and her eyes are the purest silver I’ve ever seen and her shadows aren’t dancing they are swaying in tiny spheres. She is absolutely beautiful. I can’t even speak; I can’t even voice my gratitude for looking into my eyes; for holding my hand; for meeting me halfway. I see my destiny before me in the eyes of a child.

  Her lips part and I see the expression of wonder in her face. “You are very beautiful.” She whispers in her sweet singsong voice that I’ve longed to hear again for ten years.

  A smile spreads gently along my lips and I even see a slight sparkle dance in her eyes as I reply. “Thank you.”

  “I didn’t know you were so beautiful.” She says with a slight tilt of her head and I note she is studying the shadows in my eyes.

  “Does that make a difference?” I ask her and she takes a small moment then shakes her head slightly. “No, it doesn’t.” And her emotions are thick with sincerely.

  I never thought I’d be this close to her just speaking to her so calmly; so openly. I smile releasing her hand but instantly I feel panic well up in her and her voice comes in a harsh rush, “Wait!” she says reaching for my hand.

  “What’s wrong?” I ask holding her hand again.

  “I… I… I…. I’m sorry.” She stutters out. “I… I… I’m very sorry. I promise to do better.”

  “All right.” I say studying her face then I look back to my hand in hers. I ask her again, “What’s wrong?”

  “What?” she says barely audible looking into my eyes but I see and feel her panic but she asks me anyway, “What do you mean?”

  I can’t believe she is asking me when it’s obvious to me her distress. I just don’t know why. I tilt my head slightly and silver strands of my hair fall forward as I ask, “Shadowen, you are squeezing the blood from my hand.”

  We both look together at our hands and she says, “Oh… I’m sorry.” But she doesn’t let go. I wait and then she finally says, “I can’t seem to let go.”

  I look back at her and take a moment to feel what is really going on inside and then I realize she is petrified that I am going to leave again. I slip my free arm around her shoulders pulling her cautiously into my arms. I feel her relief sweeping through me and so I lesson my hold slightly. I turn her inward so she is facing me. I bring her clutching hands with mine to the center of my chest. I do my best to make my voice soothing, “I’m sorry Shadowen.” I lean forward
and place a soft kiss atop her head. “I promise you, I will never leave you again.” I take a deep breath saying, “It’s all right to let me go. I’m not going anywhere.”

  “You could change your mind.” She whispers.

  “I won’t.” I reply and I mean it with my whole being. I will never leave her again. She is my destiny.

  “You could. You could realize I’m…” she stops short before finishing.

  “Realize what?” I ask gently.

  She lowers her eyes and I feel her pulling away slightly even though she is still clutching me.

  “Realize what?” I persist.

  “That I’m weak and not worthy to be your consort.” She says quickly and I can feel the tears just under the surface of her words.

  “Is that what you think?” I ask forcing her to release my hand. I touch her chin, lifting her face up so she will look into my eyes. I allow my thumb to gently touch her cheek with a soft caress.

  “Only the weak cry. Only the weak crumble to the floor in sobs.” She says then she bites her lower lip and I know this action is to stop her tears from flowing.

  I know who has told her this. But I need her to continue to open up to me. “Who told you that?” I ask while my fingers stroke her soft neck along with my thumb resting on her cheek.

  “Father says I am weak and do not deserve…” She doesn’t finish the sentence. She looks down then back up and says, “No crying he says and I must be tougher. Not be so weak. Only the strong will survive. If you cry or if…” She looks away and I feel the emotions in her swelling and I feel her fighting it all back then with an amazing amount of sincerity she says, “I’ll be better Reis, I promise to be stronger and no more crying.”

  My heart aches for her. “Shadowen, there is nothing wrong with crying.”

  “Father says that crying is for the weak and I’m not supposed to cry no matter what he…” She stops. She thinks a moment then she lifts her arm up and rolls her sleeve all the way up to her shoulder. She turns her arm out showing me the inside of her upper arm. I see small scars lining up her arm and I feel coldness wash through me and I pray she doesn’t say it, but she does. “See these, I did not cry when the blade cut me. So I can be strong. I am strong.”

  I run my fingers slowly along the scars and there is much starting to fall into place. I can barely voice my next question, “The blade?”

  There is no emotion with her words; it’s the cold indifferent voice I am accustomed to, “Yes, you know the assassin’s blade… stov-vo-kiev.” I can’t believe she knows all this and has felt the touch of such a blade. I frown and suddenly she shakes her head reading something different in my response. “Oh don’t worry I’m not allowed to touch them. I know not to touch them.”

  “Then how were you cut by them?” I ask knowing full well the answer.

  “Father tests me, you know...” she says quickly, “So I am sorry I cried tonight. I never cry when he cuts me or when…” she stops when my frown increases. “Did I say something wrong? I know I’m not supposed to speak about it but I thought since…”

  I mentally note she is reading my emotions and I quickly soften my face and touch her cheek again. “No its fine, but things are different here than with your father. You know this right? I mean you are my consort and you can tell me everything and that’s all right.”

  I see a tender smile touch her lips and she asks. “You will not go away again?”

  “No. I will not go away again.” I try to assure her.

  She stares at me a moment and I can see her mind is quickly assessing things. “May I ask you something?” she says.

  “Ask me anything.” I reply

  “When do you plan to bed me?”

  “An odd question to ask me, are you wanting to be bedded?” I ask in return feeling suddenly very uncomfortable.

  “Father said you would bed me right away but I’ve been here for two years and you haven’t. You gave me my own room and… well you said meet you half way and I presume this is your bed?” She looks around at the bed then back to me.

  “Yes, this is my… or rather it is our bed. But as for bedding you, I will leave that up to you.” Phantom is a monster to poison her against me with threats of bedding her at such a young age. I ask wondering if she knows what bedding is, “Do you know what is involved?”

  “Yes.” She says still without emotion.

  “And you do not want this now?” I ask, praying she doesn’t.

  “No. I don’t think I will ever want it.”

  A smile crosses my lips and I can’t help but say, “Let’s leave it open for discussion when… you are older.”

  “Really? You do not mind discussing later?” She asks surprised.

  Now it hits me and I don’t want to believe it. “Shadowen, has someone bedded you already?”

  “If I say yes, will you take me back to my parents?” she quickly asks confirming my suspicions.

  “No. I will not take you back.” She will never go back to him again.

  “Yes.” She looks down and I close my eyes.

  She is only fourteen! Who would do such a thing? I’m trying to piece it all in my head. When could it have happened? So I have to ask, I have to know, “Since you have come to live with me?”

  “No, not since then.” She admits.

  “Was it your boyfriend?” I ask feeling even more dislike for Darken.

  “He isn’t and wasn’t my boyfriend and why is it important who it was?” She says and now I know she is pulling back a little from me.

  “I’m your Consort; you are supposed to trust me.” I say simply.

  “I think I’ve trusted you enough for half way.” She says rather swiftly turning her head away.

  I make half a snort then say, “Agreed. But I will continue to ask you until you give me a truthful answer.” She looks back up at me and I smile tenderly at her, reaching again for her cheek, her beautiful soft exposed cheek. “But not today.” I add. And she smiles now and I think I could become lost in her smile.

  She nods and I pull her closer into my arms. I make a sign of rest on her forehead and she closes her eyes. A small amount of air escapes from me as I feel her body rest next to mine, where she belongs, next to my heart. “Mmm, that’s it… rest my consort.” She snuggles deeply in my chest and I feel sleep stake its claim and I feel such relief allowing it to claim me too.

  Five

  I awaken that evening and notice my shirt is open and Shadowen is still in my arms. Her hand is draped over my abdomen against my bare skin. Her head is planted firmly on my chest and I think she is drooling because my chest feels a little wet.

  This is such an intimate contact that I feel my body flush somewhat. Her eyes are closed but when my hand moves to her cheek she stirs, “Shh, just enjoy the moment of being quiet together.” I whisper to her.

  She lifts her head though and with her sleeve wipes the drool off my chest and her cheek. Her voice is still sleepy when she speaks, “I’m sorry. I only do that when I’m very tired.” I can do nothing but smile at her. Her head then lies back to my chest and I reach around and rub gently on her back. It feels good to be quiet like this with her so close to me. The warmth of her cheek against my chest feels natural. I can’t really drift to sleep but I do drift to a state of mind that is relaxed and I feel myself take a deeper breath.

  My voice is suddenly rich with need for her magic, “Touch my skin Shadowen.” I open my eyes lifting my head slightly and she lifts hers and looks at me. “It’s alright. No bedding. Just touch me.”

  “Where should I touch you?” she asks and I feel her nervousness. I smile taking her hand in mine and place it on my chest. “Start here. Just trace along my skin and tell me what you feel.” She lays her head back down then starts to trace little circles on my chest, “Slower.” I whisper and I feel the circle widen and becomes slower more concentrated. She is a natural at this I realize. I rest my head back and close my eyes. I feel her shadows sweep gently along my skin with her touch.
I feel her reaching out with her magic even though she doesn’t know what she is doing.

  I take in a deep breath and my voice sounds a bit huskier, darker than I desire it to be, “What do you feel?”

  “Magic.” She whispers in a very alluring voice.

  “Who’s magic?” I ask.

  “Our magic.” She practically purrs.

  “Good.” I say because I know she feels our magic combined. She is a natural but this is about as far as I can handle. My breath increases and I feel burning rush along my skin and I take a deep breath. I quickly still her hand saying, “But I think that is far as we go today with this task.”

  “Why?” She asks lifting her head to gaze up at me.

  “Because you are not yet ready to be bedded and if we continue, that will be the outcome.”

  “You wish to bed me?” She sounds surprised.

  I study her face for a long moment then say, “Shadowen, I do not know why you would ask me such a question. I have longed to bed you since the moment I laid eyes on you. I wish to join our bodies and magic so utterly and completely that we have no idea where you begin or I end.”

  “But you said I was four when we met.” She says giving me a wrinkled brow look.

  I laugh aloud and I can tell right away she doesn’t understand what is so funny.

  “The moment I saw you I fell so utterly in love with you. Each night since I have lain in this bed longing for the day you will grow up so I can hold you to me and make love to you.” I turn her onto her side pulling her against my chest and my arm wraps around her and she doesn’t hesitate to hold me in return. “It is your soul that I want to make love to. It is your soul I want entwined to mine and I am waiting so patiently for you to be old enough to join my body so I can reach your soul.”

  “Can’t you take a shadow blade and touch my soul with it now?” she asks and once again I laugh at her, “Killing you is not what I have in mind.”

  She tilts her head saying, “But the blade doesn’t actually kill it only holds the shadow in place or puts one in.”