by Hope, Amity
Bobby nodded. “When he was in the hospital I left a letter with his nurse. I was only allowed in his room for a short time. He wasn’t even conscious. It wasn’t long before Frederic insisted that I leave. I wanted to stay. But I didn’t want to cause a scene. Frederic told me only family was allowed in the room. He threatened to call security if I didn’t leave.” He sighed. “I maybe would’ve fought him harder but I needed to pick up my girls. I have joint custody with my ex. She’d raise hell if I wasn’t there to get them on time. So I left.”
I nodded slowly as I mulled that over. Things began to click into place. “I don’t think Jake ever got that letter. In fact, I’m certain of it.” I let my mind catch up to the rest of his explanation. “You visited Jake? You were in his room?”
He nodded. “Of course I was.”
“Mr. Ziegler—”
“Bobby,” he corrected.
“Bobby, Jake doesn’t know any of this. He thinks you donated the blood out of a sense of obligation, and then hightailed it out of there.”
“Why would he think that? The nurse,” he shook his head, “dammit, I can’t remember her name. But she told me she would let him know that I hung around as long as I was allowed. She assured me that Jake would get the letter I left.”
“If I had to guess, I’d say that Frederic, or maybe even Deborah, intercepted the nurse.” As the seconds ticked by, I was more and more sure of that. “It sounds like something they would do.”
He held his cup in one hand, thoughtfully scratched his chin with the other. “I never really thought of that. I just assumed that Jake wasn’t interested in anything I had to say. I wouldn’t blame him for that. It was actually what I was expecting.”
That would explain why he never questioned not hearing from Jake.
“So this letter. Can I ask what you were hoping to gain from it?”
“I was hoping to explain myself.”
I nodded, not expecting him to go on. I was already overstepping. I knew this. All I had wanted was to let Jake’s dad know that Jake needed him. From there, I was willing to let him decide what he would do with that information.
“We were high school sweethearts, Deborah and me. But she went off to college, left me behind…found herself some guy who was loaded.” He sighed wearily. “She showed up at my doorstep one night. She and Frederic had hit a rough patch. I found out later they were working things out, when she refused to answer my phone calls. I didn’t know she ended up pregnant. In fact, she never told me. But I saw her a few years later. She had Jake with her. I knew he was mine. I mean, there was no doubt. He looked just like me. She convinced me that he was better off without me. I mean, at the time, I was working for barely more than minimum wage. That husband of hers was already head of his own company. I mean, hell, he inherited it from his daddy but still. He was able to give Jake everything I couldn’t.”
“I’m not so sure all of that matters much to Jake. The money I mean.” It didn’t now. But what did I know. Maybe it had at one point? Or maybe his mother had used it as an excuse, the only excuse she could contrive, to keep Bobby away.
“Maybe not. At the time, though? At the time I was broke. Could barely keep the electric bill paid up. Letting him live with his momma and that man, it was the hardest thing I ever did. The hardest, and at the time, I thought the most selfless.”
He gazed past me, lost in thought. I didn’t know what to say to him, but turned out, I didn’t need to say anything. He continued to speak, not waiting for me to respond.
“I’m ashamed to say I didn’t put much thought into being with her. All I knew was that I loved her first. I’d loved her the longest. If I’m going to be honest, I’ll have to admit that part of me was with her out of spite. I guess I saw it as a symbolic spit in the face of the man who stole her away from me.
“Deborah was always like that. The grass was always greener, the sun always brighter on the other side. She always wanted what she thought she couldn’t have.” He sighed. “But looks like all that wanting and wishing paid off for her. She has everything she always wanted.”
I wasn’t so sure about that. She didn’t have a happy marriage. Then again, maybe that was something she had never cared about in the first place. Maybe materialism trumped love.
“I think you should tell all of this to Jake,” I gently suggested.
He guffawed. “What do you think I put into that letter?”
“I see.” If either Deborah or Frederic had gotten their hands on that letter, it was no wonder that it never made it into Jake’s hands.
“I messed up. I know I did. And I know there’s no way to go back and change it. I missed out on so much. Watching my son grow up from a distance,” he shook his head sadly, “it just wasn’t enough. I went to his games. Was always afraid I’d run into Deborah and Frederic there. Was afraid she’d give me hell for hanging around. But I never saw them. Not once.”
I filed that bit of information away. If I had to guess, I’d say they never bothered to go to Jake’s games.
“I think Jake would really like to know that. He has no idea that you’ve cared at all.”
He scoffed. “I think it’s too late for that. I’d guess that boy has already formed an opinion of me. And not a good one, either. Couldn’t blame him for that. What’s he supposed to think of a man who allowed someone else to raise him? What’s he supposed to think of a man who abandoned him without a word for his entire childhood?”
“You won’t know the answer to those questions unless you talk to him yourself,” I pointed out. “I think the sooner you do that, the better. I think it would make a huge difference if he heard your side of the story. As it stands, he thinks you abandoned him again in the hospital. I think it’s important—I think it would mean a lot to Jake—that he knows that you didn’t just walk away twice.”
He gazed at me with a critical eye. “You really think what I have to say would make a difference?”
“Positive,” I said with a decisive nod.
He sucked in a breath and shoved his chair back. “Let’s do this then.”
“Now?” Did he notice the high-pitched squeak in my voice? I meant soon. I did not mean right this very second.
He nodded. “Now. Before I lose my nerve.”
“Okay. Now it is.”
~*~*~
I paced up and down the sidewalk at the beach house. Bobby was seated on the deck. I asked him for a few minutes to speak with Jake alone. He hadn’t argued. When I called Jake and asked him to come over because I had something important to discuss, he had agreed immediately.
I wondered if maybe I should’ve given him a head’s up on the phone. Somehow that didn’t seem appropriate. Neither did bombarding him with the information the moment he arrived. But I had no choice. I was out of options.
The moment I saw Jake’s car round the corner, my heart took off at a gallop. I was getting a good cardiac workout today without even trying. I rubbed my sweaty palms against my thighs. I tried to force a smile but my lips twitched in protest.
Jake slowly climbed out of his car. He wasn’t wearing his usual smile. He had zeroed in on the rusted out Ford that was parked right in front of my Camaro. He stared at the truck, as if trying to make sense of it.
“Jake, hey,” I said as I hurried over to him. “We need to talk.”
“What’s this? What’s going on?” he demanded. His hand swept in an angry motion toward the truck. “Lanna…?” He crammed a thousand questions into my name.
I put my hand on his arm, hoping to calm him.
His tone was incredulous when he asked, “Is that…is that Bobby’s truck?”
I nodded, wondering how he knew. Then I realized that I wasn’t the only one who had managed to track Bobby down. It really hadn’t been that hard. It would only make sense that Jake had been curious.
“What’s he doing here?” Jake demanded. “Did you bring him here?”
“Yes. I’ll explain everything. Please, just hear me out.”
>
“How did you find him? Why did you go looking for him?”
“I thought you needed to talk with him. He’s your dad.”
“He is not.” He shook his head. “I can’t believe you did this. I can’t believe you went behind my back like this!”
“I was trying to help!”
“Unbelievable!” He shook my hand away from his arm and took a step away from me. He stared at me for a moment as if I were a stranger. Then he twisted on his heel and began to stomp away.
“Jake!”
He stopped, turned to face me. “What, Lanna?”
“Won’t you even talk to him?”
“Why the hell should I? He’s had two decades to talk to me. He’s had two decades to be a father and he chose not to be. He didn’t have time for me then, why should I make time for him now?” Jake demanded.
“Because he’s your father! And he can explain. He wanted to be in your life,” I said.
“He couldn’t have wanted it very badly. He lives less than half an hour away,” Jake grated out. “He didn’t even stick around when I was in the hospital!”
“He wrote you a letter,” I said desperately. “The nurse was supposed to give it to you but she didn’t.”
“A letter?” he scoffed.
“He was trying!”
“What the hell, Lanna? You don’t even know him and you’re defending him?”
“If you give him half an hour of your time, you can get to know him.”
“He doesn’t deserve my time.”
“Jake.” My tone was pleading. He wasn’t swayed. “Ten minutes. Just ten! Or five! Just let him try to explain!”
“You just have to meddle in everything, don’t you? First Max and Holly, then Jarrett and Clarissa. Now this? How would you feel if I went digging around in your past? You weren’t exactly up front with me about Kyle. But it’s okay for you to be totally up in my business? What if I went and hung out with your mom for the day? Told her how messed up you are because of her?!”
“You think I’m messed up?!” I couldn’t even take the time to internalize that comment right then. I shook my head. “Jake, I was just trying to help!”
“If I had wanted to talk to him,” he grated out, “I would have. I know where he lives. I know where he works. I found him easily enough. He could’ve just as easily come to me years ago.”
I nodded, not necessarily agreeing with Jake, but simply wanting him to calm down. It was clear I wasn’t going to get anywhere. Pushing him would only make things worse.
“Fine, okay. I’ll tell him you’re not ready. We can go back to your apartment so we can talk about this.”
He scoffed in disbelief. “I’m not going anywhere with you.”
“Okay. I get it.” I sucked in a breath and tried to calm my pounding heart, tried to soothe my rattled nerves. “You need some time to cool off.”
“What I need,” he said coldly, “is for you to back the hell off.”
He turned around and this time I didn’t stop him. His words had frozen me in place. I didn’t think Jake was exactly going to be happy with me. But I didn’t think he’d be so furious.
Chapter 21
“He’ll get over it,” Holly assured me. “He just needs some time to think things through. I mean,” she cringed, “I’m not taking sides or anything, but you really did kind of spring this on him.”
“I was afraid that if I put Bobby off, he would change his mind,” I lamented. “Jake didn’t even give me a chance to explain. He saw Bobby’s truck and flipped out on me.” I pressed my palms against my eyes as I rested my head on the back of the couch. “You should’ve seen the look in his eyes, Holly. It was like he didn’t even know me. Didn’t want to know me.”
I felt the couch dip as she sat down next to me. “Do you want me to have Max talk to him?”
I probably needed all the help I could get, yet that didn’t seem fair to Max. He didn’t deserve to be put in the middle.
“No,” I whimpered.
“Have you tried calling him?”
My hands fell away from my eyes. I gave Holly a look.
“I’ll take that as a yes,” she said. “Does it go straight to voicemail?”
“Nope. It rings. He’s definitely avoiding me.” How had I landed myself in the same category as Darby? I slammed a fist into the cushion in frustration. “If he would just hear me out!”
“Who?” Max asked as he appeared in the doorway. “Jake?”
“We didn’t hear you come in,” Holly said.
“I just got here.” He took a step into the room, then seemed to think better of it and froze before making it very far.
“Have you talked to him?” I sat up straighter.
Max scratched the back of his neck. “Uh, yeah. But just about school stuff. He hasn’t said a word about you. I swear.”
I nodded, realizing Jake didn’t want to put Max in the middle either.
“Holly…?” Max’s tone was apologetic.
She glanced at the clock hanging on the opposite side of the room.
“You should go,” I told her. I knew they had a big wedding next weekend. The rehearsal dinner was tonight. Holly needed to be there to ensure everything ran smoothly.
She scooted to the edge of the couch but didn’t get up. “I’m sorry. I hate leaving you.”
I motioned toward Max. “Nope. It’s fine. You two go.” I had created this mess for myself; I could sit here alone, dwelling on the fallout. “We’ll talk later.” It seemed to be the push she needed.
She rose from the couch but paused in the doorway.
“I’ll be fine!” I said with a half-laugh. “This isn’t exactly my first break-up.” I didn’t add that at the moment, it felt like the one that mattered the most.
“Call me if you need anything. Like an emergency pep talk or something,” Holly ordered.
“Will do.” I wouldn’t. I knew Holly would be busy tonight. Sure, she’d take time out to talk to me. But she shouldn’t have to and it would be completely unfair of me to expect her to.
With a final sigh she and Max left the room. A few moments later the front door banged shut.
I sighed as I flopped against the couch again.
I had felt awful, returning to Bobby to tell him that Jake was not interested in hearing him out. Unfortunately, he’d heard the whole conversation. He’d been sitting outside and apparently our voices carried.
He had seemed disappointed but not surprised.
I had half expected him to criticize me for dragging him into a potentially volatile conversation. Instead, he’d thanked me for trying. He reminded me that Jake and I both knew where to find him should Jake change his mind.
He’d looked dejected when he left.
Somehow, in no time at all, I seemed to have emotionally destroyed both a father and son.
I contemplated showing up at his apartment. I decided I couldn’t tolerate the humiliation if he decided not to let me in. For now, I was going to give him some space. Not because I wanted to—not even because I thought it was the right thing to do—but simply because I didn’t seem to have any other options.
He would have to forgive me sooner or later, wouldn’t he?
I wasn’t so sure. It wasn’t like he and I had a longstanding history.
In the grand scheme of life, maybe I would be nothing more than a blip on his mental radar.
I would be the girl that had betrayed him. Not in the same way as Darby had, but I had betrayed his trust all the same.
I remembered how he seemed to disapprove of me giving Jarrett and Clarissa a nudge in the right direction. He had accused me of meddling then, but I had thought he’d been joking. I should’ve paid closer attention to his disapproval. Maggie had made it clear to me that he didn’t like surprises. If the guy couldn’t even tolerate a surprise birthday party, I should’ve realized that he would not be able to tolerate this.
I should’ve told Bobby he needed to wait. I should’ve told him I needed to giv
e Jake some time to prepare. Everything had happened so quickly.
Why was it so easy for life to spin out of control?
~*~*~
With a Diet Coke resting on the coffee table next to my feet, and a bag of microwave popcorn in my lap, I scanned through my Netflix queue. I let out a dismal sigh. We’d already spent too much time together, Netflix and me. I’d seen just about everything I wanted to see.
When the doorbell rang it rescued me from deciding on an old sitcom or a new romcom. I settled my popcorn bag next to my soda and scurried out of the room as the doorbell rang again.
I pulled opened the door, irrationally hoping for Jake, but not disappointed to find Paige.
“Holly asked me to check in on you.” A canvas bag dangled from the strap across her shoulder. It smacked into my thigh as she pushed past me. “So here I am.”
I swung the door shut. “You didn’t need to come over. I’m fine.”
“I doubt it,” she said. “Besides, what are friends for?”
Without waiting for me to answer she sashayed into the living room. She paused in the doorway and turned to me with a scowl. “What is this?”
I wasn’t entirely sure what she was asking but I hazarded a guess. “Dinner and a movie?”
She returned a critical eye to my meal of microwave popcorn and diet soda.
“That’s not dinner. That’s an invitation to cancer.” She snatched the soda and the bag off the coffee table. Spinning on her heel, she stomped off toward the kitchen. A moment later I heard the gurgling of my drink being dumped down the drain. The can was crunched and tossed into the recycling. A moment later came the sound of the popcorn bag being smashed into a ball, undoubtedly with what remained of my dinner inside, then plastic rustling as it was tossed in the trash.
“Paige!” I exclaimed as I finally gathered my wits and marched into the kitchen. “What are you doing? I was going to eat that!”
“I know!” she said with a grimace. “And as your friend, I cannot allow it. Do you know what kind of chemicals are in that junk? That lovely buttery smell is not so lovely. It’s a nasty chemical that causes lung problems and a multitude of other issues. And that popcorn? Covered in pesticides. Not to mention those kernels are genetically modified. And don’t even get me started on the nightmare they put in your soda.” She shoved her hands onto her hips and gave me a look that dared me to refute her.