by Hope, Amity
“Looks like you already got started all on your own,” I muttered.
“Don’t pout. I brought something much better for you than that chemical laden garbage.”
I eyed up the canvas bag she had strapped around her shoulder. “Did you bring me ice cream?” I asked hopefully. Holly always brought me ice cream. But Holly wasn’t here, she’d sent Paige. Or cookies. Sometimes, like after my mom announced her last divorce, she brought me both.
“No silly,” she said as she gave my shoulder a nudge. “I brought you yoga.”
“You brought me yoga?” I echoed.
“Uh-huh.”
Without further explanation she brushed past me and headed to the living room once more. I really couldn’t help but follow. She helped herself to the DVD player, popped her yoga in, and then returned to her canvas bag.
She pulled out two foam mats and quickly spread them out on the floor.
Then she glanced at me, her eyes scanning over me. She grinned. “Look at you! You’re already dressed for this!”
“Yeah, look at me,” I grumbled. I was wearing yoga pants and a tee shirt. My hair was something in between a rat’s nest and a messy bun. I was even wearing a sports bra. I hadn’t even showered yet. Guess it was my lucky day.
I was all set.
For the first twenty minutes or so I was thinking that maybe yoga wasn’t so bad. The sneaky video started us off easy. A little bit of Downward Dog, some Child’s Pose, the ridiculously easy Warrior Pose. It quickly progressed to pain from there. A few Sugarcane and Bow Poses later I was cursing my friend.
And I was seriously considering the validity of our friendship. Call me picky but I tend to make friends with people who do not want to hurt me.
By the time we rolled around to trying to bend me into a Bird of Paradise, I was sweating like a cow and cussing like a sailor. When the freakishly flexible, disgustingly mellow lady on the TV suggested I try to cause permanent bodily injury by subjecting myself to becoming a Little Thunderbolt—which really didn’t seem to fit the garish way she curled her body into a backward ball—I’d had enough. I flopped down on my back and enjoyed the paltry padding of the thin foam mat.
I missed Jake.
I missed Holly.
I appreciated Paige’s willingness to spend the day with me, but I was pretty sure yoga was not what I needed.
If Holly were here, she’d know what to do.
She’d let me eat chocolate chip cookies. She might even heat them up and smother them with ice cream. She wouldn’t have taken away my soda and tossed my popcorn.
I huffed and puffed while laying flat on the floor, staring at the ceiling.
“Feel better?” Paige asked from beside me.
I turned my head to look at her. “I hurt. I hurt everywhere.”
She grinned at me. “I know. But I bet you didn’t think of Jake the whole time, did you?”
“Sneaky,” I accused. She was right. I hadn’t thought of Jake once. Not until I was done. Now, I was probably going to spend the evening concentrating on my aching muscles and my screaming joints. I glanced at the clock. Or…I might just go to bed. I was exhausted enough that I just might sleep. Paige had kept me busy for so long, the sun had set. Holly and Max would be home fairly soon.
Paige sat up and gave my thigh a pat. “You did great. Time for your reward.”
“My what?” I followed her with my eyes as she moved across the room. I hurt too badly to follow her in any other way.
“I’m going to make us green smoothies. You just relax. I’ll be right back.”
“Yummo,” I said flatly.
Far too soon Paige returned with two enormous glasses of what looked like swamp slime. Or sludge. Swamp sludge? I assumed she had smuggled the ingredients into the house in her duffel bag. I was sure our fridge hadn’t been harboring the ingredients for something so…healthy looking.
I wasn’t ready to move yet. With a groan I managed to roll into an upright position. Paige plopped down beside me and handed me a glass.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
I shrugged. “Not much to talk about. I messed up.”
“You should tell him that.”
I gave her a pointed look. “I’ve tried. He is currently not speaking to me.”
“Right.” She took a sip of her smoothie.
Reflexively I took a sip of mine too. To my surprise, it wasn’t so bad. I thought I tasted pear…maybe a hint of cucumber…some mint…and I was going to pretend that I was absolutely not drinking spinach. That seemed wrong.
“I keep telling myself he just needs time to cool off. But it’s been days. He won’t even talk to me. I’ve left several apologies on his voicemail. He’s probably not even listening to them,” I realized. He was probably erasing them, just like he’d erased Darby’s messages.
“You know the boy has been through an emotional wringer.”
I nodded, knowing I’d accidentally spun him around once more. “I wish I could make him understand that I only wanted to help him.”
Paige looked at me thoughtfully as I continued to sip my drink.
“I think,” she finally said, “that was part of the problem.” She used air quotes when she said, “His mother was ‘only trying to help’ when she lied to everyone about who his father was. She claimed she did it for him, wanting him to have a better life. When Darby broke things off she was ‘only trying to help’ by giving him space to ‘rediscover himself’. So maybe Jake just wants to figure things out on his own. Without other people,” she gave me an apologetic look, “helping.”
I took a moment to think that over. “You’re probably right. I wish I could take it back. And at the same time, I wish Jake would just talk to his dad. The man wants a relationship and I don’t think that Jake would have ever approached him.”
Paige shook her head. “You don’t know that. He might have. Given enough time, he might have. As it is, the boy’s trust has been stuffed into a blender. It’s been destroyed repeatedly.”
I couldn’t argue with her because I thought she might be right.
She pulled out her phone and grimaced. “Sorry. I have to run. I’ll leave the yoga mat and DVD here so you can do the same workout tomorrow.”
“Thanks,” I said, because it seemed easier than arguing that I would never willingly do yoga again.
After she left I finished off my drink and then took a shower.
As I was brushing out my hair I couldn’t stop thinking how unfair it was that I had fallen so hard for Jake in such a short amount of time. Sure, I’d been crushing on him from afar for months. And having him live here sort of felt like a round of speed dating. Still, my heart ached and I, yet again, wished I could go back in time and fix another colossal mistake.
Maybe my mother was right. I shouldn’t be allowed to trust my own judgment.
By the time Holly came home I was curled up in my bed with a book. It was a heavy, boring volume about the history of California’s vineyards. I’d swiped it from Max’s stash because I was desperate for something to read. Honestly, I was hoping it would bore me to sleep. It was almost working when I heard Max and Holly come home.
A few minutes later Holly knocked on my door and stuck her head inside.
“Did Paige stop by?”
I rolled my eyes as she came into my room. “She did. And she tried to kill me.”
“Really?” Holly deadpanned as she raised a skeptical eyebrow.
“Well, she made me do yoga and in the end I was wishing I was dead.”
Despite having a rather extensive collection of yoga pants, I’d never actually tried yoga.
“It’ll feel so good,” Paige had said. “It doesn’t matter if you’ve never done it before. It’s easy, you’ll figure it out in no time,” she had encouraged. “You’ll love it,” she had lied.
It did not feel good. I was not able to figure it out (some of these positions were hard!) and I did not love it.
“Sounds fun,” Holly said.
I scoffed. “DVD is in the player if you want to find out for yourself.”
She grinned. “I think I’ll pass.”
“How was the rehearsal?”
She breathed a sigh of relief. “It went well. The bride is pretty laid back. That doesn’t happen very often. I think everything should go smoothly.”
“Glad to hear it.”
“Well, I just wanted to check in with you,” she said. “I’m glad Paige was able to stop by.”
“Thanks for asking her to. But it wasn’t nearly as good as having you around. Not only did she make me do yoga, she made me drink one of her detox smoothies. The girl knows nothing about dealing with break-ups.”
Holly grinned. “Tomorrow, we’ll break out another batch of chocolate chip cookies.”
“Perfect,” I said.
Chapter 22
“What did you do to my brother?” Maggie asked. She shoved me aside so she could barge into the beach house. She slammed the door shut behind her and then turned to face me. “Don’t act like you don’t know what I’m talking about. He hasn’t been this wrecked since Darby dumped him. And even then, he wasn’t just a mess because of Darby. He was messed up because of my dad. And our mom. So…?” she said. “Want to tell me what happened?”
“I don’t know if I should,” I admitted. “Jake’s a little mad at me for overstepping boundaries. I’m not real sure he would appreciate it if I went into details.”
She crossed her arms over her chest and scoffed. “I’m not sure he could get any madder than he is right now. So spill. What happened with you two?” She narrowed her eyes at me. “He didn’t mess things up, did he?”
“No,” I admitted. “It was all my fault.” Wow. How many times was I going to have to say that? It was true. But still.
“I thought so.”
“Thanks,” I muttered.
She shrugged. “It’s just that I know my brother. He’s like the nicest guy on earth. I can’t imagine him doing anything to mess things up.”
“So he really didn’t tell you anything?”
She shook her head. “Not a word.”
I pulled a hand through my hair. I was torn. Should I tell her? Risk overstepping once again? But maybe she could give me some insight. It seemed to me that she knew Jake better than anyone else on the planet. She had a point. I couldn’t possibly make things worse at this point.
“I messed up,” I admitted.
She nodded. “We already established that. Go on.”
I moved through the kitchen and she followed. We took a seat out on the deck. Max and Holly were at work, but they’d probably be home soon.
I decided to dive right in, get my admission over with. “I talked to his dad.”
“When?” she asked with a frown. “He’s been out East on a business trip all week.”
I realized she thought I meant Frederic. Again. She obviously had a hard time thinking of anyone else as Jake’s father.
I cleared my throat. “I spoke with Bobby.”
Her eyes widened. “No wonder he’s so pissed! I warned you!”
“I was just trying to help,” I said.
“You really don’t know Jake well yet at all if you think he wants that kind of help.”
Tears welled up in my eyes. There were too many to blink away so I tugged the edge of my sleeve up and dabbed at them. “I know. You’re right. I was just trying to do something nice. It’s just,” I sucked in a breath, “it’s hard for me to explain but it just killed me that Jake’s dad was right there. I would give anything to have a chance with my dad.”
She stared at me, her big doe eyes full of confusion. “You don’t know where your dad is?”
“It’s not that,” I explained. “He died. Before I was born. I saw what was going on with Jake and Bobby. I kept thinking that I would give anything to have a second chance with my dad. I wanted that for Jake. Or I thought I did. I guess I really just wanted it for myself. And since that’s impossible…”
I faded off but she finished for me.
“You did the next best thing. You tried to give Jake a second chance.”
I nodded.
“But you didn’t think to ask Jake what he wanted.”
“No.”
“The guy dropped by the hospital, donated some blood—just like twenty years ago he donated some sperm—then waltzes off into the night like he doesn’t have a care in the world.”
I shook my head. “That’s not what happened.” I hesitated, wondering what to say. “I don’t think it’s my place to tell you this but if I don’t, no one will. He claims that your father told him to leave. He threatened to call security if he stayed.”
Maggie shook her head. “Bobby is playing you. My mom asked him to stay. He said no.”
“Is that what she told you?” I tried to keep the doubt out of my voice.
“Of course,” Maggie said with a frown. “That’s why Jake is so pissed. He walked away from him all those years ago, then walked away from him again as soon as he had a chance.”
I didn’t want to cause another rift in their family but I didn’t believe that for a second. I had seen Bobby’s face when he talked about Jake. Walking away was not something he wanted.
“I hate to be the one to break this to you,” I said to Maggie, “but I think it’s very possible your mom,” I cleared my throat, winced, and pushed ahead, “lied. I’m sure that’s hard to hear, but I think she lied. Bobby, Jake’s dad, said he left a note for Jake. He also said he tried to see him but was only allowed in the room for a little while when Jake was still unconscious. He was asked to leave before Jake woke up.”
She stared at me, mixed emotions warring across her face. These were her parents we were talking about. I could tell that she didn’t want to believe me. Yet I could also tell that part of her did. Probably the part that knew her parents were far from perfect.
“At that point, the secret was already out. Why would she lie?” She folded her arms across her chest. It didn’t look like a defiant stance. It looked like she was simply trying to hold herself together.
“Having Bobby around probably made your dad mad. Also, I’m sure it was harder for her to control the situation with Bobby there. She wouldn’t admit to asking him to leave. Not to Jake. And if she told you that she asked him to stay, it was probably to make herself look good.”
She frowned. “Knowing Mom, she probably didn’t want Jake to know because she knew he would want to learn more about this guy. If she made it sound like Bobby didn’t care, Jake would be more likely to push him away.”
“I don’t get it,” I admitted. “It’s like your mom doesn’t want Jake around, but she doesn’t want anyone else to support him either?”
Maggie shook her head. “No. That’s not it. Not exactly. Dad wants nothing to do with Jake. Mom, she would totally still be running Jake’s life if he let her. When Dad kicked Jake out, Mom tried to talk Dad into letting him come home. But Jake was pissed. He was pissed at Dad, of course. But he was pissed at Mom too. I mean, she lied to him. She lied to him about something huge.” She scrubbed her hands across her face. “And then she made it even worse by continuing to lie to him. Does Jake know? Does he know that Bobby wanted to see him? Does he know that Bobby only left because they threatened to bring in security?”
I shook my head. “I have no idea. I never got the chance to explain everything to him. So I would guess that he probably doesn’t know.”
“I should go talk to him. He usually listens to me. Maybe I can talk some sense into him.”
“I don’t want you to be caught in the middle. Not on my account.”
She gave me a sympathetic look. “I’m not so sure I can sway Jake’s opinion about what you did. He can be so damn stubborn. But I think he needs to know what Mom was up to. I think it’s important that he knows that his dad, his real dad, cares about him. Probably always has.”
“He does care.” I told Maggie most of what Bobby had told me. I left a few select tid
bits about her mother out. By the time she left I was feeling hopeful. I didn’t necessarily feel hopeful that Jake and I would work things out. But I did hope that finally, after all this time, he would be able to get to know the father who had been shoved out of his life.
~*~*~
Despite joking with Holly about a junk food binge to make me feel better, I really had no appetite. I swirled my straw around in my lemonade, ignoring my chili cheese fries completely. Clarissa dropped into the booth across from me.
“Are you sure I can’t get you something else?” She had just finished her shift.
“I’m good,” I assured her.
My phone chimed from inside of my purse. I knew better by now than to think it might be Jake. I didn’t have to look to know with near certainty that it was my mom. Never one to be put off, she had called earlier this morning. She’d left a message saying that she had picked a date for her visit. Most likely she knew that I wasn’t about to pick one any time soon. She’d already requested a week off from work. So had Rick. They had already reserved a week at a bed and breakfast less than half an hour up the coast.
Looked as if I was about to meet my new step-dad, ready or not.
“Are you going to get that?” Clarissa curiously eyed my phone.
I took a peek at the screen. It was, indeed, my mother. “Nope.” I knew she would call back. I would talk with her then. Probably.
“Sorry I’m late!” Paige said as she breezed up to our booth. She dropped down next to Clarissa. “What did I miss?”
“Nothing,” Clarissa said. “My shift just ended.”
Paige pulled out a tattered notebook and a pen. Holly was working so there was zero chance she would catch us meeting up. We were going to plan a surprise wedding shower and toss around some ideas for a bachelorette party too.