"It's genetic, Mom. What happened to my parents is what'll happen to me. Yeah, maybe I'll get lucky and not go blind until I'm 35 or whatever, but I'm still going blind. And 35 or 36 isn't that old." I shake my head. "I can't talk about this right now. I just want to be alone."
My mom comes over and hugs me. "Get some sleep. We'll talk again in the morning."
I hurry off to my room. I want to call Wes and tell him the news but then I change my mind. I'm not ready to talk to him yet. I'm not ready to talk to anyone.
Just as I'm thinking that, Stella calls. I almost don't answer, but if I don't, she'll keep calling and then just show up here.
"Hey, why are you calling so late?"
"I wanted to know how your date went." She's using her high-pitched excited tone, which tells me the real reason she's calling.
"You knew about the notecards."
"Yes! I helped him make them. We used my laminator. Wasn't that the sweetest thing ever?"
"Yeah. I was shocked when I read the cards."
"I don't know why that would shock you. The whole school knows he loves you. Did you say it back?"
"Yes."
She squeals. "Oh my God, you're in love! My best friend is in love!"
"Yeah, it's great."
"Wait. What's wrong? Why don't you sound more excited?"
"I just got some news."
"What news? What are you talking about?"
"We found my birth parents. They're blind, Stella. They're both blind."
She breathes out a sigh. "Luna, I'm sorry. Tell me everything."
We stay on the phone until two in the morning. It's mostly her listening while I tell her how scared I am about what's going to happen. She tries to calm me down and tell me everything's going to work out and be fine, but for some reason it doesn't have the same effect as when Wes says it. He's the only person who can make me feel better when I'm feeling this down. I don't know why that is. I've known Stella for most of my life and she's been my closest friend and yet her words don't hold the power that Wes' do. Is it because I love him? Or because we have a different type of relationship than I have with Stella?
When we finally end the call, I fall asleep then wake up hours later to the sound of my mom knocking on the door.
"I'm sleeping," I yell.
"It's after ten," she says, opening my door. "Don't you want to get up and have some breakfast?"
"I'm not hungry. I'm tired."
She comes over and sits at the side of my bed. "Your father has to be at the dealership soon and I have lunch plans with Marcia but I'm going to cancel lunch so I can spend time with you."
"Don't cancel your plans. I'm fine. Besides, I'm going over to see Wes later."
"Are you going to tell him what you found out?"
"Yeah. We have plans for later tonight but I'm going to go over there early and talk to him."
"I think that's a good idea." She smiles and smooths my hair. "I'm happy you found him."
"I need to sleep, Mom. Can we talk later?"
"Okay, honey." She kisses my head, then leaves and I fall back asleep
Around noon, Stella calls. "How are you feeling? Any better?"
"Not really."
"Did you talk to Wes?"
"No. I have to call him and see if he can pick me up. My mom went out with a friend and my dad's at work."
"I can give you a ride. I'm going to the mall so it's on my way. Did you tell him what time you'd be there?"
"I haven't talked to him today. Maybe I'll just go over there and surprise him."
"Okay. I'll be there in a couple minutes."
When we get to Wes' house, I see a red car in the driveway.
"Did he get a new car?" Stella asks.
"Not that I know of. That car has California plates. You think one of his old friends drove out here to see him?"
"If they did, that's a long drive. Did he mention someone's coming to see him?"
"No." I open my door. "Can you wait here a minute? If he has company I don't want to stick around. I'll just talk to him later."
"Maybe it's a friend of his dad's."
"Or maybe his mom is here, although I think he would've told me that."
I go up to the house and knock on the door but nobody answers. I check the handle and find the door isn't locked. I go inside. "Wes?"
There's music playing from the basement. He must be down there, which explains why he didn't hear me at the door. I go down the stairs and see him at the pool table. My eyes widen when I see a girl walking up to him.
It's Karrie, his ex-girlfriend. She looks prettier in person than in the photos I've seen of her. She's taller than me, and thin, with long dark hair. She's wearing yoga pants and a cropped sweater that reveals her midriff as she moves her arms around, messing with her hair.
"Remember how much fun we used to have playing pool at my uncle's house?" she asks Wes.
"And darts. I was always better at darts."
They can't see me. I'm hidden by the stairs, so I remain there, trying to figure out what to do. Why didn't Wes tell me his ex was coming here?
"My aunt invited us to her place in Tahoe for the holidays," Karrie says. "I told her I needed to check with you first, but you'll be there, right?"
"I don't think so."
"But it's tradition. We've been going there for years."
"That was when I lived out there. Now I can't just drive up for the weekend."
"But you can get on a plane and be there in a few hours."
"I can't this year. But tell your aunt thanks for the invite."
"C'mon, Wes. You could just come out for a day or two. I know how much you miss skiing."
Wes knows how to ski? He never told me that.
"I'm not even going to be around for winter break. My dad and I are thinking of going to the Bahamas for Christmas. He's always wanted to scuba dive and it would get us out of the cold for a week or two."
"We had so much fun that time we went scuba diving."
"Yeah, it was great. And the snorkeling."
Scuba diving? Snorkeling? Skiing? When did they do all this?
Karrie turns to Wes and I duck farther behind the wall that hides the stairs to make sure they can't see me.
"You need to drive down to Chicago sometime," she says.
"I will. I just need to figure out when. I'm going to run upstairs and get something to drink. You want anything?"
"I'll take a water."
I hurry up the stairs, hoping they don't hear me. The music is loud enough that I'm sure they didn't. I run out the front door and get in Stella's car.
"Go!" I yell. "Hurry up!"
"What do you mean? You're not staying?"
"No! Now get out of here before he sees us!"
She pulls out of the driveway. "What's going on? What happened?"
"He's with Karrie, his ex-girlfriend, although I'm not sure if 'ex' is how she'd described herself."
"What do you mean? Did she say something to you?"
"I didn't talk to her. Or Wes. I found them in the basement but hid behind the stairs. They were playing pool but I heard them talking and she was saying all this stuff about what they used to do together, like go scuba diving and skiing and playing pool at her uncle's house. She even invited him to Tahoe for Christmas break."
"What the hell? Doesn't she know about you?"
"I thought she did, but maybe she doesn't. Oh, and she told Wes to come down and see her in Chicago and he said he would."
"Without you?"
"He didn't mention bringing me with. I don't know why he would. He wants to hang out with Karrie, not me."
"Now you're just making stuff up. Of course he wants to hang out with you. He just told you he loves you."
"And the next day he has his ex-girlfriend over and doesn't even tell me."
"Maybe it was a surprise visit. Maybe he didn't know she was coming."
"Where are you going?" I ask as she turns left at the light. "Aren't you ta
king me home?"
"I told you I have to go to the mall."
"Stella, I need to go home. I just saw my boyfriend cheating on me."
"He wasn't cheating on you. He was just hanging out with an old friend."
"And hiding it from me. What if he decides he wants to get back together with her?"
"He's not going to do that."
"He might when he finds out my news." I shake my head. "I don't want to do this, Stella."
"Do what?"
"Keep dating Wes."
"What are you talking about? You love him. You're not going to stop dating the guy you love." She pulls into a parking spot. "Wait here. I just have to run in and get this dress I've had on hold. I'll be five minutes, max. Or do you want to come in with me?"
"No. I'll wait here."
"Don't do anything stupid while I'm gone."
"Like what?"
"Like call Wes and break up with him."
I glance to the side.
"I mean it, Luna. I'll take your phone if I have to."
"I'm not going to do anything. Go get your dress. I'll wait here."
While she's getting her dress, I watch couples going in and out of the mall and imagine myself years later, still dating Wes, except by then, chances are I'll be blind. Trips to the mall won't be easy like they are now. I'll need a walking cane just to see where I'm going, and even then, I'll probably trip over stuff. Everything will be harder for me. Like I told my dad, even just making a sandwich will be hard. I'll have to relearn how to do everything. And as for all the stuff Wes likes to do, like playing pool or darts or going skiing? I won't be able to do any of that. Wes will have to do those things alone, but knowing him, he wouldn't. He'd stop doing the things he loves because of me, because I can't do those things with him.
"Okay, I'm back." Stella gets in the car. "You didn't do anything, did you?"
"No."
My phone dings with a text. It's from Wes. Can I pick you up at seven tonight instead of six?
He doesn't tell me why but I'm sure it's because Karrie will still be there at six. Why won't he tell me she's there? Why is he keeping it a secret?
"What did he say?" Stella asks.
"Just what time he's picking me up tonight."'
I text him back. I have to cancel. Something came up.
"What did you just do?" Stella asks, trying to grab my phone.
I hold it away from her. "I told him I can't go out tonight."
She sighs. "Luna, I swear, you're your own worst enemy."
"It's never going to work between Wes and me. He needs to be with someone else. Someone who can do all the stuff he wants to do. It's not fair for him to be with someone like me."
"It's too late. He already loves you. He doesn't want anyone else."
"I don't want to talk about this. Can you just take me home?"
"I will, but you have to promise me you won't break up with Wes. I'd stay with you to make sure you don't but I have to meet Sam at the rink in twenty minutes."
"You need to stop acting like you know what's best for me. This isn't happening to you. You don't know what it's like and you never will."
"But I know if Wes loves you that his feelings aren't going to change just because you can't see."
I don't respond and Stella doesn't say anymore for the rest of the drive to my house. I hop out of the car and race inside to my room, then I lie on my bed and cry for the first time since I found out the news.
Wes keeps texting me about tonight and he calls a few times but I ignore his calls and texts and just let myself cry.
I'm going to go blind, and it's going to happen sooner than I thought it would.
And if that's not bad enough, I have to let Wes go.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
"Luna?" I hear my mom say from outside my door.
I check the clock. It's just after two. I quickly get up and clean up my face so she won't know I've been crying.
"Hi, Mom," I say, opening the door. "How was lunch?"
"Good." She puts her hand on my shoulder. "How are you doing?"
"Fine."
"Honey, I know you're not fine. After the news you got yesterday..." Her voice trails off.
"We knew it was a possibility," I say, walking back to my bed to sit down. "I always assumed I'd lose my sight. I was just hoping it'd be later, like when I'm really old."
She comes and sits next to me. "But now that we know, we can start preparing. There are schools that offer—"
"Mom, don't. I'm not ready to talk about that. I need time to let this sink in before I start making decisions about what to do next. I'm not losing my sight tomorrow. I have time."
"Did you talk to Wes?"
"No. He was um...busy. A friend of his from California is here visiting."
"Oh. So you aren't seeing him tonight?"
"No." I sit back on my bed, leaning against the wall. "I think Wes and I are over."
Her brows furrow in concern. "Did something happen?"
"Not really. I just don't want a boyfriend right now. I have too much going on. Too much I need to think about and work through in my head."
"Maybe Wes could help you with that. He seems like a good listener."
"He is, but talking to him isn't going to help. He doesn't know what I'm going through. Nobody does."
"Honey, that's not true. I've been doing some research and there are some support groups you could go to. They aren't in town. We'd have to—"
I shake my head. "I don't need a support group. And don't keep researching this stuff without telling me. It doesn't help. It just makes me mad."
"Luna, you need to talk about this with someone who's been through it. Losing your sight doesn't mean you can't do the things you want to do. If you would just talk to someone who has already lost their sight I think it would help you see that. Right now, you're imagining the worst case scenario and that just isn't true."
I sigh. "Can we talk about this some other time? Stella and I were on the phone until two this morning and I'm really tired. I'm going to take a nap."
"Did talking to Stella help at all?"
"A little. She was here earlier. We went to the mall."
"That's good. I'm glad you got out of the house. Maybe you and Stella could go out again tonight."
"She's going out with Sam. Maybe I'll do something with her tomorrow."
"What about Wes? You're not going to see him?"
"He'll probably still have his friend over."
"You're not really going to end things with him, are you?"
"I don't know yet."
She puts her hand on my arm. "Honey, this isn't the time to be making decisions. You're panicking, and any decisions you make now you may regret later on. It's not the time to be making decisions."
"I'm not panicking."
"Luna, I'm your mom. I can tell when you're panicking. I can see it on your face. I also know that you were crying before I came in here. You can't hide those things from me. I know you too well."
I take a deep breath and close my eyes. In a few years, this is how it'll be all the time. It'll be like living with my eyes closed. I'll always be in darkness.
"I'm scared, Mom."
She hugs me. "I know you are. And I know you're not ready to talk about it, but when you are, your father and I are here for you. We'll always be here." She lets me go and I open my eyes and see her looking at me. "You're so much stronger than you think you are. You're going to get through this and go on to accomplish everything you ever wanted to do. I know that with all my heart. You just need to believe that yourself." She gets up. "I'll check on you later."
I wait for her to leave, then get up and close my door. Sitting back on my bed, I check my phone and see a voicemail from Wes.
"Luna, what's going on? Why aren't you answering my texts? I'm getting worried. I'm coming over."
Crap! He left the message ten minutes ago. I must've been asleep when he called.
My mom knocks on my do
or. "Luna? Wes is here. Can he come in?"
"No!" I race over and lock my door. "I'm not dressed!"
"You're not? You were just a minute ago."
"I'm changing clothes. Tell him I'll call him later."
"I'm right here," I hear him say. "I need to talk to you."
"I can't right now. I'm busy." I check myself in the mirror. My hair is a mess from sleeping on it and my clothes are wrinkled.
"Luna, he came all the way over here," my mom says. "Can't you just talk to him a few minutes?"
Why do moms always have to interfere? If she didn't like Wes so much, she'd tell him to leave, but she loves him almost as much as I do so there's no way she'll tell him to go. I have to do it myself.
"Okay, just a minute," I yell back.
Grabbing some jeans and a t-shirt, I quickly change clothes, then pull my hair up in a ponytail. I'm still a mess but look better than I did before.
I open my door and see Wes standing there. That lopsided smile I love so much appears and I have to will myself not to kiss him or hug him or do anything that would indicate we're still dating. Because we're not. We can't. In my head, I've already ended things with him. Now I just need to get the words out. I wanted time to get my thoughts together and figure out the best way to say this but now I don't have time for all that.
"Hey." He leans down to kiss me and I forget to back away. I'm so used to kissing him when I see him that I already forgot I wasn't supposed to let that happen.
"Hi," I say, moving aside to let him in my room. He's only been in my room a few times. It feels odd having him here. My room is small and still has stuffed animals everywhere from when I was a kid.
"Could we maybe go sit in your car?" I head to the door.
He looks at me a moment. "Um, yeah, okay."
We go out to his car and he starts the engine. "Where do you want to go?"
"Nowhere. I just didn't want to sit in my room." I shiver but not because I'm cold. It's because I'm nervous and feeling sick over what I'm about to do.
This isn't what I want but I have to do it. I refuse to be a burden to Wes and that's how I feel right now. I still have my sight, but I can't see the way other people can, and that will only get worse as time goes by. Wes shouldn't be burdened by that. He needs to be with someone else. Someone who can see.
The Geek and The Goddess Page 24