Gilbert and Louis Rule the Universe: First Impressions

by Rebecca Heller

  My mom and aunt felt sorry for me and so my aunt gave my mom all the left-over sweet potatoes to take home. Over the weekend, and since I can’t even leave my house, I sit in front of the TV eating the sweet potatoes and marshmallows straight out of the pan. To top it off, I eat about a million turkey sandwiches on sourdough with mayo and cranberry sauce—from the can.

  By Sunday, I have gained, like, five pounds.

  Since I am still pulling my groundie detention I have to go with my mom to get her hair done. I am sitting in the waiting area flipping through magazines waiting for her to finish. I rip out the CosmoGirl: Body and Soul challenge to take home with me. I am going to have to do it just so I can fit back into my jeans.

  Next, I flip to the quiz:

  “What Kind of Friend Are You?”

  What kind of problems do you turn to your friends for advice about?

  □ Clothes and makeup.

  □ Help with homework.

  □ Absolutely everything.

  I go to my friends with everything. I talk to them about fashion and celeb gossip. How totally lame my parents are, how Ralph is a total jerk, and how cute Winston is. I am a really good friend.

  The next question is:

  When do your friends turn to you?

  □ Questions about clothes and makeup.

  □ Help with homework.

  □ To talk about problems with friends, family or boyfriends.

  I am about to check problems with friends, family and boyfriends, but then I think about it. Gilbert and I talk about some of this stuff, but I don’t really know what Riley thinks of her brother or sisters or what Rowan does when she isn’t with us. I guess we normally go shopping or look through magazines and talk about other people. I move my pen and check “clothes and makeup.”

  I check off a couple other questions and then:

  What do your friends admire about you?

  □ The fact that I know who every celebrity is dating.

  □ My super high GPA.

  □ That I am always there when they need me.

  I immediately put an “X” next to the fact that I know who every celebrity is dating. I am known for this. I read all the mags and, when I am not grounded, read the gossip blogs like every day. After I check it, I have the sneaking feeling that I should have checked, “That I am always there when they need me.” But I am not sure if that is true.

  You and your friend both have a crush on the same guy—but he's just e-mailed you and asked you out. What do you do?

  □ Of course I would go! He asked me!

  □ Check with her first to see if she is cool with it.

  □ No way, I would never go out on a date with a friend's crush.

  Um, yeah. “Of course I would go!” If we were both crushing on a boy then theoretically he is still fair game, right?

  Which item of your clothing are your friends borrowing right now?

  □ My Bebe dress.

  □ My Roxy hoodie.

  □ I don't let anyone borrow my clothes.

  Yeah, I don’t let anyone borrow my clothes. Ever since Melinda spilled cranberry juice on my favorite sweater in kindergarten, I am very protective of my outfits.

  Do your friends tell you their secrets?

  □ Not really.

  □ One or two of them.

  □ We tell each other everything.

  I am about to check “we tell each other everything,” because Alex had told me about Dylan, but then I think about it. I don’t really know anything secret about the other girls. I am too busy talking about myself.

  I tally my points and find that I fall into the “Suzy Selfish” category.

  Suzy Selfish

  Girl, you are spending too much time thinking about yourself! Get out there and make the effort to see what your friends are thinking and feeling. Ask them questions, and here is the kicker: actually listen to their answers. If you don’t, you could find out that you don’t have any friends left.

  Oh my gosh, is Gilbert right? Am I being a bi-atch? As soon as we get home I run up to my computer.

  “Mom, I forgot there is an extra credit project I can do for social science. I just need to look up some stuff on the computer.”

  “Sounds great, honey. Glad to see you putting in the extra work.”

  I know I am not allowed to use IM, but this is an emergency. I pull up a page on Mycenae just in case my mom walks by, turn off the sound, and open my Yahoo account. Luckily, Gilbert is online.

  LeahLouis: am i a bad friend?

  Alex_aka_Gilbert: sometimes

  LeahLouis: im so sorry

  Alex_aka_Gilbert: thats ok

  LeahLouis: i promise to make it up to you

  Alex_aka_Gilbert: :)

  LeahLouis: bff?

  Alex_aka_Gilbert: bff and ever

  Chapter 11

  Monday, November 30

  Today’s horoscope: Don’t despair; this too shall pass.

  When Gilbert and her mom pick me up the next morning I bring an extra toaster strudel for Gilb. I snuck some in my mom’s cart during our last grocery shopping excursion. Gilbert loves strawberry. She gives me a big smile and I know things will get back on track. I ask her about Thanksgiving and listen to her whole answer without interrupting once. She says it was nice to see her grandparents, but she mostly stayed in the house reading because she didn’t much like the cold while her brother and their cousin went ATVing. When we get out of the car and out of her mother’s earshot she tells me that she totally missed Dylan and that they had texted like every day.

  “That is so awesome,” I say. “I am totally happy for you.”

  “Really?” Gilb asks.

  “Of course.”

  “Thanks. Lou, I am really glad we aren’t in a fight anymore. I hate fights.” Gilbert throws her arms around me.

  “Me, too,” I say as I hug her back.

  The girls walk up and see us.

  “Thank God,” Maddy says. “You two not getting along sucked.”

  “Yeah, totally,” Rowan agrees.

  Back at school, I am really trying to work on my friend skills, which I can only do during lunch and breaks between classes since I am still grounded. I am particularly careful with Gilbert to make sure I am a good listener. I know this sounds lame, but it is definitely a new skill for me. I even have to slap my hand over my mouth on several occasions so that I don’t interrupt. Gilbert always laughs, but I think she likes the new dynamic and so she kind of doesn’t shut up. I have to listen to Gilbert talk on and on about Dylan. She is all worked up because her parents said no boyfriends until high school, so she has to keep Dylan on the down low. As far as her mom knows they were just partners for the history project. Parents are so naïve. Gilbert says that she and Dylan haven’t officially declared themselves bf and gf, and they haven’t kissed, but that they secretly held hands at the Christmas tree lighting.

  I am totally jealous. Not of her and Dylan. I don’t like him, but am jealous that:

  1. She got to go to the Christmas tree lighting, and

  2. She got to hold hands with a boy she likes, who also likes her.

  At lunch Maddy mentions she needs to go to the art room to hang her project.

  “I’ll go with you. I want to see what you are working on,” I say.

  Maddy looks at me, floored. “Sure.”

  We walk into the art room and Maddy goes over to the drawers where the works are drying. She pulls hers out for me to see. She has painted a very realistic portrait of a vase of flowers sitting on a table.

  “Wow, Maddy, that is so good. It looks so real,” I say.

  “You think?” Maddy admires it herself while tacking it up to the wall.

  “Yeah, totally. You are really good at art.” I am not just saying that, she is, like, super talented.

  “Want to see some of the other stuff I have done?” Maddy asks.

  “Sure.”

  Maddy goes back to the file cabinet. She pulls out a few more pieces. An ab
stract self portrait, and a really cool color wheel.

  “I am putting a portfolio together for art camp,” Maddy says, “and my teacher thinks I should include these pieces.”

  “These are awesome, Maddy, I am sure you will get in.”

  “Really?” Maddy beams. I nod.

  “Hey, thanks for coming to look at my stuff. No one else has ever asked to see it. That is pretty cool of you.”

  I get a warm feeling all in my belly. It wasn’t such a big deal to come and check out something someone is so interested in; funny that I had never done it before.

  I am getting pretty jazzed up about being a better friend and want to do more good deeds. Riley is next on my list. Riley comes from a big family, and since I am an only child, I like to play at her house because there are always so many kids around. Plus, every now and then Riley’s parents will take us all to McDonalds, and I love me a Happy Meal. Not a big surprise, but my Pilates-obsessed mother never, ever takes me. Over the next few weeks, when we sit together at lunch, I ask Riley all kinds of questions. I find out by listening to her that sometimes she isn’t a fan of having so many brothers and sisters. She admits to me that sometimes she is jealous of her little sister. Riley is the second youngest, but her sister is the baby and apparently she gets a lot of attention. Like, Riley is bummed because her parents went to her little sister’s dance recital but hadn’t gone to Riley’s softball game. I agree that sucks and promise to cheer her on when she plays again in the spring. Riley plays third base and can throw really far.

  I have an idea about what I want to do about Rowan but I am not sure it will come across so well. Her sense of style definitely needs addressing, but I don’t want to hurt her feelings by just coming out and telling her. And I can’t invite her to go shopping because I am still practically under house arrest. I will have to put that on the back burner for now and get to it later.

  Because of my entire lack of a social life, television, and the Internet, all that is left is homework. I turn into a total nerd. I finish my homework every night and even go back and check my answers. I pull up my math grade a whole letter. In PE, I figure I better start dressing, so I put on the stupid school shorts and t-shirt and even attempt to play some basketball. I am sure you have already figured it out, but I am slightly competitive. The other girls on the court just stand around looking at their split ends, so I am able to dribble right by them and attempt basket after basket. I only make it through the hoop a few times. I said I was competitive, not good. Only Maria is playing against me. One time I run into her so hard that I fall to the floor, and Ms. Vatter, the PE teacher, comes over and gives me a hand up.

  “I am liking your new attitude, Leah.” She says and she blows the whistle for us to get changed. Hmm, if that means that my letter and citizenship grade are going up, I guess I like this new attitude, too.

  I end up getting an A on the Babylonian project, even though I had to do like the whole thing myself. I researched and found all the material and even did the bibliography. I let Charlie draw the pictures, that was about all he was good for. While my motivation for all this is another date with Winston, it actually feels kinda good to be doing so well in school. All my teachers seem surprised and happy when they call on me and I actually know the answer. My English teacher even asked if she could submit my poem to the school paper.

  Chapter 12

  Monday, December 14

  Today’s horoscope: Hold on just a little longer.

  Even though I am stoked about school, my social life blows chunks. I know there is nothing I can do about it, but it is lonely being grounded. We are a week away from Christmas break and everyone is getting antsy for school to let out. The girls always seem to have plans without me. Sure, they are nice enough to me at school, and I really am trying my best to be a good friend to them, but it sucks when they talk about something I don't know about. Like today at lunch they are talking about some girl in pink sunglasses and laughing and laughing, and I am all, “what are you talking about?” and they say, “it’s not that funny, you just had to be there.” I know I had to be there. But I couldn’t be. It’s like all of a sudden they have all these inside jokes and references that I don’t know. I am supposed to be the one with the inside jokes and the center of attention. I am starting to freak out!

  I suppose I shouldn’t feel too bad about my friends, at least they are sort of trying to include me. The Fab Five are not as kind. At lunch, I see Hannah walk up to the table where she normally sits with Emma, Sophie, Olivia and Chloe. As soon as Hannah sits down the other girls all pick up their trays, get up, and walk over to the grass and sit back down to finish their lunch. I don’t think Hannah even knows why. Rumor is that it all started because Hannah didn’t text Emma back with the homework assignment last night. That got Emma spinning and soon she was telling all the other girls that Hannah thinks she is smarter than the rest of them. So today they are all pissed off at her.

  Ridiculous, right? So I guess things can always be worse.

  On Tuesday, Gilbert and I get two giant chocolate chip cookies during Nutrition and are heading over to the girls when Jason walks up and stops us.

  “Hey.”

  “Hey,” we say back.

  “Ashley is having a party on Saturday if you want to come.”

  “Ashley Elston?” I ask. Ashley is in eighth grade. There is no way she was inviting two seventh grade girls to her party.

  “Yeah, I asked if I could invite you two and she said I could, but you guys couldn’t tell anyone else.”

  This is like the coolest thing ever. I mean, seventh grade parties still involve pin the tail on the donkey, but eighth graders are already having dance parties where the boys actually dance.

  “I am not sure if I can, I am still grounded,” I tell Jason. I can feel the tears coming to my eyes so I pretend to yawn.

  “Can I still come?” Gilbert asks.

  “Totally,” Jason says. He sees one of his friends “Hey, Jon wait up,” he yells. “See you later.” Jason heads off.

  I sit there shocked. I can’t believe Gilbert. After all that friend stuff she got on me about.

  “That sounds fun, huh?” Alex says.

  Does she not understand? If I can’t go, no one else is allowed to have fun. If I am grounded, everything should stop. How can the world possibly go on without me? I feel nauseous. I am pissed at Alex for not being so bummed for me. I am mad at myself for making this all about me, again, but, argh, how can all these great things happen I am not allowed to be a part of them? I am so angry and frustrated all I can do is get up and walk away.

  I stop in the bathroom to cool down. I sit down in a stall and try to breathe. Tears are stinging my eyes. “Don’t be selfish, don’t make this all about you,” I try telling myself. I play out the super fun party in my mind. Everyone, including Alex, is having a great time, but not me. I am home reading a book because I can’t even watch TV. I can’t help it, the tears come out. By the time I get my act together the late bell has already rung. I am going to be tardy. I hate my life.

  * * *

  That night, I am having my weekly dinner with my dad. I sit with my head down twirling my fork in my pesto pasta. I am the picture of the angsty teenager. A role I don’t usually like to play, but this is war. I haven’t made it easy on my parents with this whole grounding thing. I have been pretty sullen, pissy, and generally tough to be around for the past four weeks.

  “I have been emailing with your teachers,” my dad says, trying to make conversation.

  “Yeah,” I say, not really listening.

  “It seems like you have improved all of your grades.”

  I look up as he continues. “And your mother and I agree that you have been punished long enough.”

  “Really?” I am thrilled. This means I am free! This means I can go to Ashley’s party. This means I can see Winston! A weight lifts off me. I am free, free, free at last!

  “You need to keep up your grades. If you don’t, we w
on’t hesitate to ground you again.”

  “Totally!” I jump out of my seat and hug him around the neck. Not one for public displays of affection, my dad looks around the restaurant to make sure no one is watching.

  * * *

  I am so excited. As soon as I get home I instant message Gilbert.

  LeahLouis: im free!

  Alex_aka_Gilbert: does this mean you can go to the party????

  LeahLouis: yes

  Alex_aka_Gilbert: im sorry about today

  Alex_aka_Gilbert: I wouldn’t have gone w/o you

  Louis21: don’t worry about it

  Alex_aka_Gilbert: yippeeeee!

  I know Gilbert would have totally gone without me, but now at least I don’t have to prove it. I need to get my social life back on track ASAP. My mother has kindly left my cell phone on my desk, and the computer has been moved back into my room. I call the girls and let them know I am back in action. Then I call Winston to see if he is going to the party. He is friends with Ashley’s brother.

  “Winston? It’s Leah.”

  “Oh hey, how you been?”

  “Good, hey, I wanted to see if you were going to Ashley Elston’s party on Saturday night.”

  “Oh yeah, her brother told me about it. If you are going to be there then I’m totally in.” My heart fluttered. He hasn’t forgotten about me!

  “Yeah, I think we are going to stop by. I guess I will see you there?”

  “Cool, see you there, gorgeous.”

  We hang up, I am dying. He called me gorgeous. This day went from the worst to the best ever.

  Chapter 13