Imperfectly Real (A Series of Imperfections)

by A. E. Woodward

  “Yeah. I’ll see you in the morning, right?” she asked.

  Emma stood and stretched her arms over her head. “What time are you planning on heading to the airport?”

  “Not until ten o’clock. I’m hooking up with Mason at the airport for the flight home, and his flight from Chicago doesn’t get in until eleven o’clock.”

  For some reason, hearing her talk about her husband stirred emotions in me that I hadn’t been prepared for. I didn’t understand why I felt jealous—especially since I had no right to.

  “Alright,” Emma yawned, “I’ll be able to see you off in the morning before I head into work.”

  My heart began pounding as soon as Emma made her way up the stairs. The idea of being alone with Elizabeth excited me. I wanted to be near her and have her talk to me again. I wanted to understand her, and know what made her tick. Once I heard Emma’s door close, I turned my attention toward her and grinned devilishly

  “Well, that was an eventful evening,” I spoke as I looked at her longingly.

  She scoffed in response. “I’m surprised Emma even said yes knowing what a huge production Mom will make of this. I overheard Emma on the phone with her once we got back, and Mom is already planning things out.” She rolled her eyes and I wondered if their mother agitated her as well. “Mark my words, Emma will have no control over this wedding.” She stood and moved from the chair to a spot on the floor next to my beanbag. I leaned forward just to be closer to her. Her scent filled my nose and my heart skipped a beat.

  My mind was reeling faster than I could process. I hated that I was feeling so out of control, but at the same time I just didn’t give a shit. “So you leave tomorrow …” I ventured, hoping to get her to give me a little more information on what ‘this’ was. I just wasn’t sure where our relationship—if you could even call it that—was going.

  Without hesitation she leaned forward to meet my lips. My hands found their way to the sides of her face and I pulled her closer, not wanting the moment to end.

  After a few breathless moments, she pulled back from me and bit her lip nervously. “I know I can’t offer you anything, Tyler, but I can tell you that you’re bringing me to life again. I’m working on myself right now, getting back to who I am. Can you be patient with me?”

  Without thinking I nodded. I’d do whatever she wanted me to. She smiled before her lips gently pressed to mine. I felt her join me on the beanbag and a heavy breath escaped from between my lips. She giggled, obviously reveling in the fact that she had control over me. “But at least with Emma and Shane getting married we’ll get to see each other more than I was planning on.”

  I smiled hearing her voice the same thought I’d had earlier in the day. It was crazy, but I already wanted to spend every minute with her—marriage and morals be damned.

  “So are you going to tell me why you’re here?” I ventured once we took a break from our hormone-induced make out session. She leaned back and settled comfortably into my arms, her legs draped over my lap.

  Frowning, she sighed and I hoped that she would give me something … anything. I needed to know what was going through her head. I wanted to help her, but in order to do that she needed to let me in. Uncomfortable silence filled the room and I regretted pressing her for information.

  “I just hate my life,” she finally muttered.

  I pulled her closer, knowing that she would need support and encouragement to continue.

  “It’s all a façade, Tyler. Nothing but a big joke. I’m living the life my mother wanted for me, the one she handpicked for me. I never stood a chance. I never even knew what I wanted for myself. I mean, I was married by 22, I hadn’t even begun to live a life. I didn’t even finish college, Tyler. Once Mason proposed, Mom didn’t see the need for me to finish. She convinced me to drop out, knowing that he would make enough money to support me.”

  “So why did you?” I asked. “Why marry him if it wasn’t what you wanted?”

  “I didn’t know … I still don’t. I do know that I care about Mason. He’s a wonderful man and an even better father. But I know I don’t love him, I never did, but Mom loved him and I wanted to make her happy. We all knew Emma wasn’t going to.”

  I shook my head. Mrs. Sloan had really done a number on her girls. I hoped that someday somebody would set her straight.

  “I thought having a baby would bring us closer together but it didn’t, if anything it just created more distance between us. And now with Emily in the picture …” Her breath hitched as her eyes filled with emotion. “I just … I can’t … I don’t know what to do, Tyler.” She threw her head into her hands as a trouble sob escaped from her mouth.

  I got it. Truly I did. Elizabeth hadn’t been able to stand up to her mother and she had made a mistake. But what was with the tangled web? “So why me?” I asked before I lost the nerve.

  She pulled away from me and when her light-blue eyes met mine, I saw the innocent little girl that I had cared about all those years ago. I knew she was still in there, she’d just lost her way a bit. “I didn’t plan for this, you need to understand that. This is not why I came here. The only reason I came here was to get some support from Emma, I mean she knows how to live life. She doesn’t give a … well, she doesn’t care what my mother thinks. But then I saw you and something inside me came alive again.” She paused and blushed. “I mean, you were the first boy I ever loved.”

  I chuckled as I remembered her childhood crush. “You didn’t love me.” It was nothing more than a crush.

  “Yes, I did,” she argued and her eyes locked onto mine. “I always did. I’m pretty sure I still do.”

  I knew she meant it. I’d heard those words before, but this time it was different. This time they weren’t just superficial words being fed to me, she truly meant it. Readjusting our bodies, I pushed her onto her back and covered her in kisses. I wanted her to know how important she was becoming to me. I glanced over my shoulder, as I listened to make sure it was silent. Sensing my opportunity, and before I lost my nerve, I scooped her up into my arms like a baby carrying her up the stairs.

  She giggled, seemingly excited, before panic set in when she realized where I was taking her. “What’re you doing?” she whispered as her grip around my neck tightened.

  Shushing her, I kicked open my bedroom door and flicked on the light. Without strain I pushed the door shut behind me before carrying her over to my bed and gently lying her down. I sat next to her and ran my hand over her face. She leaned into my touch and my heart swelled thinking that this could be it—Elizabeth Sloan could be the woman I’d been looking for. If only there weren’t the added complications, it would be so much easier. I leaned down and kissed her softly. She pulled me down and I quickly rolled her on top of me, knowing that I would surely crush her. She giggled again as we started to strip off our clothes, but this time it wasn’t a primal animal instinct, this time it was about us and the possibilities we had together. And trust me when I say that it paled in comparison to any other night I’d spent with a woman.

  Shit.

  After Elizabeth went back to Maine, things returned to normal fairly quickly. Emma, Shane and Felix fell back into their normal routine. Rob played with his phone. And there I was, back to the day-to-day bullshit. Within days I went back to feeling dead inside. Everyday was the same, nothing exciting happened, and life slowly became a struggle again. Each day became harder to wake from than the last. I hated feeling like I was in a funk, but the truth was that I was in my own proverbial hell.

  As maddening as it was, I knew Elizabeth was totally in control of the situation—the ball was in her court so to speak. All I knew was that I wouldn’t be that guy. I wouldn’t be the one to continuously call and put the pressure on. Eventually I started to loose track of time, and the days began to run together, but I refused to be the one to break the silence.

  I was lying on my bed early one Sunday morning, just staring at the ceiling, when my phone began vibrating on the nightstand. I loo
ked over, curious as to who might be calling me. I hardly ever got calls outside of the usuals anymore. I grabbed the phone and looked at the ID. I saw it was an unknown number, but I picked it up anyway.

  “Yeah?” I grunted.

  “Tyler,” the voice whispered. “It’s me.”

  She didn’t have to say anything else because I would have recognized that voice anywhere. “Hey, Half-Pint,” I calmly muttered as I propped myself up onto the headboard.

  “I hope I didn’t wake you,” she began.

  “No, no. I was just lying here, waiting to get up.” I smiled. Before I could think of what to say next I was sputtering off nonsense. “I’m so glad you called.” The words were out of my mouth before I could stop them, but I immediately wanted to take them back. I was making an ass out of myself.

  I heard her giggle on the other end and I wondered where she was, and how she was managing to call me. It reminded me that she was risking a lot just talking to me. “I can’t stop thinking about you,” she sighed, “and us. That weekend was the most fun I’ve had in a long time.”

  I was thankful to know that I wasn’t the only one who had become tangled up in the situation we had created. It was nice to know that she was thinking about me, possibly just as much as I was her. “I know what you mean,” I agreed. The silence made my mind reel with possibilities and before I knew it I was speaking again. “I was thinking I might make a trip up to Maine …” I paused, waiting to gauge her reaction.

  “Tell me more,” she probed.

  “Well, I could easily get away with telling the guys here that I was heading up to visit my family. Then once I got there I could just hole up in a hotel room. My family would never know the difference. They don’t keep tabs on me anymore.”

  I could almost hear her smiling on the other end. I knew she was just as giddy about the idea as I was. “I like how you’re thinking, Tyler.”

  “Do you think you could manage to sneak away with me?” I hoped. “At least a couple of times?”

  She laughed. “Of course I could. Mason wont be home at all next week anyway, and my mom is always begging to take Emily overnight. It would definitely be easy for me. I could always just tell her I’m going to stay in the city with some friends for a girls’ weekend.”

  We excitedly ironed out the details and, before I knew it, I had plans to head to Maine the following weekend. She would meet up with me late Saturday afternoon and we’d get about 24 hours together. No interruptions. No distractions. Just us. I was giddy at the thought of some quality alone time with Elizabeth. I couldn’t explain it, but when she’d walked back into my life she’d woke something in me that had been asleep for a long time—longer than I’d like to admit. I hadn’t had feelings for anyone since Cheyenne, but it had been longer than that since I truly cared about someone. I’d wanted things to work out with Cheyenne solely for the fact that she was gorgeous—not to mention she was minx. I know, very superficial of me.

  For years it had just been about the chase for me. I liked the company and that was it. But whatever this was with Elizabeth was so much … more. And to be honest, it scared the hell out of me.

  Scary feelings be damned, I hopped up from my bed with a new found excitement. A smile crept across my face as I thought about the weekend. Walking into the living room, I found Rob already perched up on the futon, the weekend paper held open in front of him. He sat there with nothing but his boxers on, not really noticing that I had joined him.

  “Jesus Christ,” I mumbled. “Would you put on some clothes?”

  Finally realizing my presence, he peered over the top of the paper at me, “Don’t act like you don’t enjoy the sights, Ty.”

  I shook my head at his stupidity just before my eyes caught a glimpse of the ink on his arm. I’d seen it a million times before, but it never prevented me from wondering. Rob knew everything there was to know about us yet, when it came to him and his past, he was more than cryptic. The three of us really didn’t know shit when it came to him. The extent of our knowledge was that he was from New Jersey, and he’d transferred to NYU his sophomore year. We’d met him shortly after that. Hell, we had only met his folks once, at graduation, and that had been brief. “You know we’ve been friends for awhile now, Rob. You’d think you’d buck up and tell me the story behind that damned tattoo. Who the hell is ‘Jenny’?”

  He rolled his eyes and went back to reading the paper. “Keep dreaming, Tyler.”

  I shrugged. Someday he’d open up to me about the name scrawled across his arm, but today wasn’t gonna be the day. I grabbed a Red Bull from the fridge just as the happy family made their way down the stairs. They were talking about their plans for the day as I slid down onto the beanbag.

  “Morning,” I muttered, wondering how I would tell them about my upcoming trip home. I knew Rob would be onto me, but if I timed it just right he wouldn’t have the chance to give me shit. Emma fastened Felix into his highchair as she and Shane discussed the pick up/drop off schedule for the upcoming week. Shane was slammed, and I felt slightly sorry for him until I remembered that I should feel sorry for myself in my dead-end job. At least Shane was making waves in what he was doing. “I can help if you need me to, guys.” I offered, hoping to take a little weight off their shoulders. They didn’t have anyone but us to rely on when it came to Felix, and they needed help every now and again.

  “That’d be great, Ty. Can I just write the dates we have conflicts on the calendar?”

  “Yeah, you usually make it home before I head out for the night cast anyway.”

  Once we nailed down the dates, I thought back to my upcoming weekend plans. I sensed my moment slipping away, so I just decided to blurt it out. “While we’re talking schedules, I’m taking a trip up to Maine this weekend. I haven’t seen Mom and Talon since last Christmas.”

  Rob threw his newspaper at me. The moron wasn’t being very subtle. I knew what he was getting at, but Emma and Shane were oblivious. In fact, they hadn’t even looked in our direction—they were too busy making sure Felix ate his morning snack. I gave him the finger and a smug smile. His attempt to get me to wake up was in vain. There was nothing he could say, or do, that would change my mind.

  “I think that would be great for you, Ty,” Emma said as she finally sat down at the kitchen table with some toast.

  “Yeah but, Ty,” Rob sighed dramatically as he stalked towards the kitchen, “it’s November. Christmas is only a month away. Seems silly for you to make two trips home in such a short space of time. I mean, you were bitching just the other day about the electric bill.”

  I threw the paper on the floor and rose from the comforts of my beanbag. I made my way to the table and sat next to Felix. I absently started handing him some of those nasty little puffs that he loved. “Yeah, well I’m thinking I might stay in the city for Christmas this year. Time to do something different.” I hadn’t really thought that far ahead and I had to hand it to Rob for throwing it out there. The boy may have acted stupid, but he was a true genius at spinning situations.

  After Rob refilled his coffee cup, he came and joined us at the table, all while being sure to glare at me every second. “Well that will be too bad,” he seethed through his gritted teeth. He was beyond pissed at me and I just wanted to escape. But Emma and Shane immediately pitched in with more ‘Maine talk’ since we would be traveling there this sometime this summer for their wedding. It would make for an interesting year, and I couldn’t help but wonder what their plans might be after. There’d been no mention of their future living situation, but I couldn’t imagine that they would continue to want to live with us—at least not for long. I was sure Shane wanted Emma to start popping out more babies, although I wasn’t sure how she felt about that.

  Eventually after some casual chitchat, Emma and Shane got up, leaving Rob and I to our own devices. They were heading to the park with Felix in hopes to get in a run before it started to rain. As soon as they were out of the door, Rob slammed his fist onto the kitchen tab
le. “Fuckin’ idiot!” he screamed.

  Annoyed, I stood and started to walk away from him. I didn’t need his shit.

  “I’m talking to you!” He reached up and grabbed my shoulder, quickly spinning me around to face him. “Seriously, Tyler. What. The. Fuck. Are. You. Doing?”

  “I’m going to Maine to see my family,” I lied.

  “Bullshit.” Rob’s face reddened at my lie. “You’re going up there to shack up with Liz, aren’t you?”

  I shrugged his hand off my shoulder and started up the stairs to my room. I wanted to be left alone. “Even if I was, I don’t see how it would be any of your business …”

  I heard his footsteps behind me. “How do you not see how bad this is, Tyler?” he questioned as I continued up the stairs in a vain attempt to get away from him.

  Once I reached the top landing I stopped and spun around to face him. “At this point in my life, Rob, I really just don’t give a fuck. I want to be happy, and for whatever reason Liz makes me forget all the bullshit in my life. She makes me smile in spite of myself and right now that’s what I want.”

  “Dude, you’re risking a lot …” he started to argue.

  I felt my anger rising. “Don’t you think I know that? I appreciate your concern, Rob, truly I do. It shows me what a great friend you are.” I sighed. “But it’s my life, and I’ll fuck it up however I damn well please.”

  “Well, it’s not just about you, asshole. You’re fucking with a whole lot of people’s lives. Liz and Mason, and Emily for starters. And then there’s Emma and Shane, Felix … ME! But go ahead … do whatever you want.” He turned around and stalked back down the stairs, stopping to look back at me before he grabbed his keys off the counter. “I am done trying to be the voice of reason with you. You’re a fucking idiot.”

  Who did he think he was? Rob was no expert on love. I wanted to be pissed, and I wanted to yell back at him, but deep down I knew he was right.

  I was a fuckin’ idiot.