Imperfectly Real (A Series of Imperfections)

by A. E. Woodward

  It had been interesting living with Emma while she was pregnant. She’d always been kicked back, but the hormones turned her into a neurotic woman. Her maternal genes kicked in and she’d started cooking and cleaning. To be honest, it freaked us all out at first, but eventually we got used to it. The morning she’d gone in to labor with Felix she had busied herself in the kitchen, cooking us a huge breakfast before we headed out for our annual St. Patty’s Day crawl. Shane tried to get her to stay home—he even offered to stay with her, since he hadn’t planned on drinking anyway—but Emma insisted that she still go with us, hoping that the walking might kick start her labor. She was busy cooking our bacon, when her water broke all over the tiled floor.

  We all just stood there looking at her standing there, her eyes bugging out. Rob broke the silence. “What the hell? Em, I think you just pissed everywhere.”

  She scoffed at his hopeful ignorance. “You moron, my water broke.”

  We’d thought we were prepared, but ultimately we hadn’t been. In fact, we’d totally lost our cool. Three grown men sent into a tizzy over the impending arrival of a baby. He’d had us wrapped around his fingers even before he was born. Knowing what a gift he was to Emma, we cherished like no other. Once Emma had calmed us down, we were able to get her to the hospital. She banished Rob and I to the waiting room, while she and Shane started their remarkable journey together.

  Rob and I sat in the waiting room for hours. I dozed on and off, while Rob neurotically paced the floor. He obviously wasn’t cut out for the tension that came with having a baby, and I felt bad for whoever ended up having his spawn. If his behavior that day was any indication, he’d be a basket case when his time came. But once we saw Felix, we finally felt at peace. We had a new member of our little gang—someone to hold us all together, like glue. I hadn’t expected to feel like I’d felt, but it made sense. My love for that little guy was more than I could explain. He was part Emma/part Shane, and totally awesome.

  Sat in our booth, we watched as Felix opened his presents. He was eating more paper than he was tearing, but it was cute nonetheless. He smashed cake all over the place, each of us smiling while lost in our own thoughts. While Felix happily chewed on the corner of a box, I glanced around the table,. Despite my happiness something was still missing. I felt love sitting here with my friends, but I wanted more. No, I needed more.

  Felix babbled happily, muttering a few mamas and dadas while he played with the wrapping paper. He threw a small cardboard box in my direction, laughing when it hit my head. I smiled. “You little stinker. You think that’s funny, do ya?” I lightly tossed it back at him and he squealed with excitement before immediately throwing it back at me.

  “Uckle Ty!” he screamed. We all stopped for a moment and looked in his direction.

  “Did he just say what I think he did?” Shane questioned.

  “I think so …” Emma answered. “What did you say, Felix?”

  Felix pointed at me and smiled. “Uckle Ty!” he laughed, not understanding what all the fuss was about.

  “That. Is. Awesome,” I grinned.

  And it was. I felt something deep within me that I didn’t think I had ever felt before. I would protect that kid with all my life—do anything to make him smile or laugh. He was more important to me than anything else. I felt unconditional love. That’s when I understood. It’s how I had always felt about Elizabeth, and in that moment I knew I had it bad. I didn’t just want Elizabeth—she wasn’t some conquest for me—I loved her. In fact, I think I always had.

  Eventually Shane and Rob grabbed Felix to take him over to watch them play a game of darts. Rob claimed that it was never too early to instill the importance of game-playing. Emma and I continued to sit, each of us silent with thoughts.

  My attention came back when I felt Em place her hand on top of mine. “What’s up, Ty?”

  “Nothing. Just can’t believe the little guy is one already.”

  “You’re a horrible liar. You always have been.”

  “I’m fine. I promise.”

  “No, you’re not. I dunno what’s up with you, Ty, but I’ve been there, pissed at life, and I’m here if you need to talk.”

  Guilt washed through me. People cared about me, but I couldn’t ask for help. I couldn’t open up to them like I’d want them to open up to me. I had nothing left to do but self-destruct—something I was pretty certain would happen sooner rather than later.

  Once again, I did my best to find my normal rhythm. I put on the best front I could, but goddamn it was like a full-time job. I was doing my best at avoiding Elizabeth’s unrelenting phone calls and text messages. She was playing a game, but I wasn’t having it—my own feelings be damned. I had yet to share the information that Christy had divulged to me with anyone either. I slept on it for many nights before I decided it was time to tell someone. I’d just been waiting for my moment.

  I came down the stairs late one morning to find Shane spread out on the futon, watching TV. It was unusual as he was usually gone by the time I made my way down.

  “Hey, what are you doing home?” I asked, heading to the kitchen to grab some breakfast.

  “I took a personal day,” he mumbled without breaking his gaze. “I needed a break from the bullshit.”

  I grunted in empathy as I prepared my cereal. I could understand just needing some time. Hell, I didn’t even have half the stressors in my life that he did. Eventually, I found my way back to the living room and plopped down onto the beanbag next to him. We sat in silence for a few minutes before I gathered the nerve to speak.

  “So I ran into Christy last week … like literally ran into her.”

  That got his attention and immediately he was up and looking in my direction. “You what?”

  “I ran into Christy,” I repeated. “You know Christy?”

  “I know who you mean, Tyler. Jesus. I’m just wondering why you’re only now telling me about it?” I could sense the edge in his voice. Shane and his ‘forthcoming honesty’ bullshit, always wanting to know everything.

  I shoveled another spoonful of cereal into my mouth. “Well, the time just hasn’t been right.”

  “So …” Shane lead. He seemed to be wondering where all of this was going.

  “So, yeah. We had a nice chat. She seems to be doing great.” I smirked knowing that I was getting under his skin.

  Shane threw a pillow in my direction, and I did my best to deflect it while saving my cereal. That cereal deserved to be eaten, not dumped on the floor.

  “Cut the bullshit and get to the point, Tyler. I know you’re not telling me something. Out with it already!”

  “Yeah, so … well … I’m assuming you know that she’s good friends with Liz nowadays?”

  “Yeah. That was the reason I didn’t go to Em’s parents anniversary party. And …” Wanting me to get to the point, Shane didn’t care for petty details.

  “Yeah, so we were talking. One thing led to another and …”

  Shane stopped me with his hand. “Please, tell me you didn’t sleep with her?”

  I laughed. “No. Give me a little credit. Anyway, we were talking and she was being a great listener and I might have spewed off a bit about my situation.”

  “YOU WHAT?!” Shane’s anger caused him to—literally—lift off the couch. He towered over me. “Are you stupid?”

  “Relax, Shane. Christ. I didn’t tell her anything about Liz per se. More about my situation. But I did casually mention that Liz had been out here to visit and how I thought that was weird etcetera, etcetera …”

  Shane glared at me.

  “Yeah. I was fishing for information. Sue me. But in my fishing she told me something. Something I bet even you don’t know.” I smiled, hoping to annoy him by withholding the information.

  “You better fucking tell me, Tyler.”

  I chuckled, even though it really was no laughing matter. I was just reveling in the fact that I knew something Shane didn’t. “Alright, I’ll tell you, but it ca
nnot leave this room. You and me. That’s it. I’m serious.” I pointed a finger at him. “I don’t know what to do and it’s something you sorta have experience with, and that is the only reason I’m telling you.”

  Shane held his left hand up as though he was being sworn in. “I’m the master secret keeper.” It was the truth—Shane had kept many secrets for me over the years. There was the time I almost drowned at the lake back home in Maine, the frat house that I had puked all over, and the girl I had wanted to ‘Coyote Ugly’ … those all ended up in Shane’s ‘vault’. If you made him promise to not tell something, you could be sure he would take it to the grave.

  “Well, Christy told me the reason why Liz was here visiting.”

  “And …”

  “Turns out Mason is a lot like Mr. Wonderful.”

  I watched Shane’s brow furrow as he puzzled over the information. It took him a few moments before the realization hit. Aghast, he finally said, “No.” It seemed to be the only response he could muster. Eventually after a few quiet seconds passed, he added, “Emma didn’t say anything about that.”

  Obviously he was thinking this was a case of the country club rumor mill. “Well that’s because I don’t think anyone knows,” I said solemnly.

  “What makes you think that?” Shane questioned. He still wasn’t completely getting what I was telling him.

  I took a deep breath, because shit was about to go to a whole new level. “Because Christy told me so.”

  Shane’s jaw dropped open. “No,” was all he could come up with again.

  “Yes.” I nodded. “Your ex is sleeping with Liz’s husband while he tells her he is at work. From what I gather, sometimes he is on business trips, but he’s been taking Christy with him.”

  “Holy shit.” Shane fell back onto the futon, obviously overwhelmed with the recent development.

  “So Liz might just be lonely”—I gritted my teeth hating the thought of someone mistreating her—”but she is also married to the perfect douchebag.”

  “Speaking as someone who has been in a similar position to you”—he paused, obviously remembering a difficult time in his life—”you’ve got to tell her. Lay everything on the line for her, Tyler. Let her know where you stand, and have her make the tough decisions.”

  I sat on the beanbag, shaking my head. I knew he was right, but it just didn’t seem right. Christy had trusted me—she’d obviously felt comfortable enough to confide in me and it just wasn’t my place to intrude. Plus, I didn’t want to be that guy … did I? Shane had chosen not to tell Emma about Bradley, and that had worked out all right … right?

  “I know what you’re thinking, Tyler. You want to be someone’s first choice. Trust me, I know where you’re coming from, and I get it. But maybe you are, she just doesn’t know it. This might make it easier for her to realize that. You need to tell her. There isn’t any other way.”

  It was the middle of the week, but I didn’t care. I wasn’t going to take a chance. I was going to take Shane’s advice. He’d been there and done that. So I called in sick and before I knew it I was crossing the border to Maine. My phone kept buzzing with texts from Elizabeth. I knew she was home alone because she never bothered me when Mason was around. It felt too much like infidelity then.

  It was dark by the time I pulled up to her enormous house. I was thankful for the cover of darkness. It would keep my presence concealed from Mr. and Mrs. Sloan whose house just happened to be within eyesight of Elizabeth’s.

  There was only one vehicle in the driveway, confirming my assumption that Mason was gone. I wondered if he was with Christy this time. I jogged up to the doorway and knocked three times. Peering in through the windows, I saw a dim light coming from one of the rooms so I knew she must still be awake. I knocked again, sensing my moment slipping away, when I saw her. Seeing her I knew—without any doubt—that I was done for. She literally took my breath away.

  The door opened and she stood there in her silk nightgown, her short blonde hair pulled back at the nape of her neck, and her mouth slightly agape. “Tyler? What are you doing here?”

  “I had to see you. I have to talk to you about something.” We stood there for what seemed like an eternity, just looking at each other. “Can I come in?” I asked with a smile.

  She stepped aside, her mind apparently reeling wondering what had brought me all the way out there. “Of course.”

  I scooted past her and looked around the house. To say it was amazing would have been an understatement—Elizabeth’s house easily put her parents’ place to shame. Obviously Mason did well for himself. I was still admiring its grandness when I felt her arms slip around my waist.

  “I can’t believe you’re here,” she whispered into my back.

  I spun around in her arms so I was facing her. She looked up at me with those light-blue eyes and I felt sadness for her. I was about to unleash a world of hurt and I hated myself for it, but Shane was right—she needed all the information before I could expect her to make any sort of decision.

  “Me either,” I spoke softly into her hair. We stood like that, her in my arms and me with my lips pressed onto the top of her head, for a long time before she finally broke the silence.

  “What are you doing here?” she asked pulling away from me.

  “We need to talk.”

  “Tyler …” she started to argue but I had come for a reason, and I intended to follow through.

  “No, Elizabeth. You need to sit down and listen. This has nothing to do with you and me.”

  “Elizabeth?” she asked. “This sounds serious.” She glared at me for a moment before she took my hand and led me down the hallway. Eventually we ended up in what appeared to be a sitting room … at least, that’s what I thought it was. I was guessing based on the formal furniture and the lack of a T.V—I had no doubt that Mrs. Sloan had something, if not everything, to do with the décor. The whole house just screamed ‘control freak’. I sat down on the stiff couch and Elizabeth sat next to me.

  She looked at me tentatively. “So …?”

  “Liz”—I grabbed her hands into mine and squeezed—”I don’t know what this is, but I know that you’re all I ever think about.”

  “You said this wasn’t about us.”

  “It isn’t, let me finish. It kills me to think that he gets the best parts of you. You deserve better than him.”

  She pulled her hands from mine and shook her head. “Stop. Mason is a good man.”

  “Is he, Liz?” I questioned as I stood from the couch. “Because I think deep down you know what type of man he is, or you would never have come to New York in the first place.”

  The tears started to fall freely from her cheeks. It was apparent that she knew exactly what I was talking about. “He is.”

  “I think you already have questions about him, Half-Pint, and I came here to tell you that your suspicions are right.”

  She shook her head again before throwing her face into her hands. “No,” she choked. “Mason is good.”

  I fell to my knees on the floor in front of her and, taking her blotchy face into my hands, I wiped the tears off her cheeks. “No, Liz. Mason is doing exactly what you think he’s doing. He doesn’t deserve you. You don’t deserve him. You deserve more than this unhappy life.”

  A sob escaped from her mouth before she threw herself into my arms again. We sat there on the floor of her stuffy den for what seemed like hours before she finally was able to gain some control. The sobs had just died down when I decided to speak my mind again.

  “You know, Half-Pint, if I could go back in time and talk to thirteen-year-old you, sitting alone on your parents’ couch, I would. I would promise her that I’d come back. I’d promise her the world. I’d tell her to wait for me, and I’d tell that smug eighteen-year-old version of myself that you were the one. Maybe it would have saved us both a bunch of heartache.” I stroked her hair before kissing her on the forehead and pulling her closer to me.

  She looked up at me, a sens
e of longing in her beautiful eyes. “I know now that I would wait a million lifetimes for you, and I would do anything to convince you to be mine! I had you first, and I didn’t even know it. I should have kept you, I know that now. I love you, Half-Pint. I think I always did.”

  Without so much as another word, her lips crashed onto mine. I felt the wetness from her cheeks spread to mine and I wanted nothing more than to take her hurt away. Elizabeth Sloan deserved the world and everything she wanted from it and I wanted to be the one to give it to her.

  Even if it killed me.

  Sex.

  It was the only thing she felt she was good at. It was the best way she knew how to communicate her feelings … well, besides crying. Emma would say, “That’s totally fucked up.” And it was. She knew that she should be better than this. But she wasn’t, and for some reason it felt so good for her to live life dangerously and selfishly. To live life for herself again.

  I stood to pull my pants up just as Elizabeth threw a blanket over her naked body. “I should go,” I muttered half-heartedly. I knew what I should do, but what I wanted to do was something completely different. It was a constant battle between my head and my heart … and my head was losing.

  “No,” she pleaded still breathless from our unexpected romp. “Stay?”

  I looked down at her pleading eyes, and that was all it took—I didn’t need to be asked twice. I hunkered down next to her, wrapping my arms around her tiny waist. She immediately relaxed and closed her eyes, a soft smile on her lips. I knew my days with her were probably numbered and I still didn’t have any more clarity than I had in the beginning. Sensing an opportunity I seized the moment.