by C A A Allen
I glance at the dwarf and feel a bit choked up. I am about to play dice with Gloin inside of my favorite game. This is epic.
Two dice tumble down the table between short stacks of silver pennies and stop at our end. One die shows five, the other four.
A man-at-arms thrusts a curved stick behind the dice. “Nine, Nina. You should have seena.” He drags the dice back and points at us. “Feed the rack or move back.”
Bella elbows me and taps on the grooved railing that surrounds the table. “Put a few pennies in the coin rack. This table is where we add questers to our party on the cheap.”
I put four pennies in the rack. Then whisper to Bella, “I don’t know how to play craps.”
The stickman gives a nod and continues to stack recovered coins. “Place your bets.”
Bella turns to the gray-haired man. “How’s the action?”
The man picks up the only two pennies in his rack, places them on the playing surface and grunts. “You can freeze a side of beef on this dastardly-ass thing. I’ll change my mind about it if this guy rolls a ten. Come on five, five.”
Great. Gambling on a cold table when our lives depended on my coin pouch. I turn to ask Bella if she’s sure this is the best way to win some coin, but she leans my way first and whispers, “All we have to do is wait here for one of these guys to go broke, then make a lowball offer. Unless you have another idea on how to build our party.”
Understanding clicks. I grin and fold my pennies, one over the other. It wasn’t about winning. It was about watching everyone else lose. I could certainly do that. Bella had brains, I’d give her that.
A bald man with indecipherable tattoos and metal stud armor tosses several gold coins onto the table. “Give me twenty-two inside and five each on the hardway, mule teeth, and Nina.” He snatches the dice up in one hand, shakes them in his fist, and whizzes them down the layout.
One die careens off a stack of coins and stops, showing a five. The other bounces off the back wall, spins and halts to expose a two.
“Seven-out!” The dealer scoops in all the pennies and gold. “Five two, you’re all through.”
“Whore.” The bald man throws his arms up and leaves the table.
The gray-haired man slams two fists on the rail. “Up pops the devil.” He rakes his head with choppy fingernails. “That was the last of my… Awwwww damn.” He tugs on my tunic. “Building a party, aye?”
I raise a skeptical eyebrow. “You heard us?”
“I’m gray, but not deaf yet. My name is Biff, and I will run with you for twelve pennies and the rights to the Goblet of Plenitude.” He pulls a tankard from under the table, raises it up high, and lets the last few drops of brew drip into his mouth. “But I will need a pint of ale as a retainer right now, and another three pints at every town we enter on our run.”
I look the man over. He is wearing a thick patchwork leather vest riddled with cracks and lines. “Well, we can use another fighter. Where’s your weapon?”
“First of all, I am no fighter. I am a ninja, and projectiles are my specialty.” He opens his vest to reveal a strap across his chest with a sling, several small war hammers, and a pouch. “I have tricks up my sleeve to kill more treacherous monsters then you will ever know.”
“You’re a ninja?” In DCQ, ninjas are an elite class of character reserved for those level five and up. This guy looks more like a low-level Highwayman.
He clasps his hands together in front of his chest, bows, and then snaps back into an attacking position. “I am Ninja. I am cold, colossal.”
Ninjas have always fought well on my teams in the game. I pick my pennies up from the rack and step away from the table. Even if he is a washed-up ninja, that’s better—and cheaper—than an experienced fighter. Time for my first official party member offer. “Our destination will be the West Labyrinth. Your compensation will be three pennies and one pint at every town. But no goblet. All artifacts stay with me.”
The man looks down into his empty cup. “I will require a pint right now as a retainer. No pint, no deal.”
I place four pennies in his hand. “For your payment, and for your ale.”
He clutches the coins and manages a black-toothed smile. “Your terms are accepted.”
I grin. That was easy—I didn’t even have to offer a percentage of the treasure. Biff’s icon appears between Salo and Bella’s along with a transparent square.
ADD: Biff Thunderpunch, Ninja. (-4 Pennies/-1 Pint Per Town/No Artifact Privileges)
Ninja: A fantastic fighting machine. May use any armor and weapon. Primary abilities: Agility, Wisdom.
AGE: 47
LEVEL: 4
ABILITIES: 85
ALIGNMENT: Neutral
WEAPONS: Sling: Ranged Weapon Attack: Bludgeoning damage.
Mini War Hammer: Ranged Weapon Attack: Bludgeoning damage.
SUBTRACT: 4 silver pennies to Biff Thunderpunch. New silver penny balance: 13
“Meet us at the gate,” Bella tells him flatly.
“I will,” Biff says. “Right after I wet my whistle.” He hobbles straightaway to the bar.
“That’s actually not a bad idea.” Bella says with a cringe, after Biff is out of earshot. “I could use a drink after a hire like that. Look at him Riff, he’s got a peg leg.”
I watch our newest party member pull up to the bar across the room, his left leg a wooden stump from the knee down. “A ninja with a peg leg. Who would have thought?”
“And he’s a lush on top of it. You do know Biff is the type of NPC that abandons his party in a battle, right?”
“How do you know? In my experience ninjas are always trustworthy and brave.” I put my arm around Bella and pull her toward the bar. “What I know is that we just added a level four ninja to our party, on the cheap. Dirt cheap. All we need to do now is hire a thief.”
Bella and I approach the bar just as two curvy-fit females with long black hair get up and leave. They both wear sparsely placed plate mail armor and have dual cross-mounted katana swords strapped to their backs.
I take a seat and look back at the girls. “Why don’t we hire the twins? They look like excellent fighters to me.” Sexy too.
Bella sits, holds two fingers up and waves to the man behind the bar. “They aren’t fighters. They’re real ninjas. That kind of skill will run you over a hundred gold coins, each. Too rich for our blood.”
VIEW THE STAG AND HEN TAVERNS BAR MENU: Yes/No?
I gotta see this.
THE STAG AND HEN TAVERN BAR MENU: Ten Silver Pennies (SP) = One Gold Coin (GC)
Ale - 1SP
Large Beer - 1SP
Bark Tea - 1SP
Hydromel - 1SP
Wine - 2SP
Honey Mead - 2SP
Oxymel - 3SP
Melomel XO - 5SP
Rye Bread - 1SP/2 Slice
Fruit - 1SP
Crisples - 1SP/Half Dozen
Salted Pike - 1SP
Gruel with Honey - 1SP/Bowl
Cheese - 1SP/Wedge
Soup - 1SP
Stew - 2SP
Roast Fowl - 3SP
Roast Joint - 4SP
Rumor Table Glance - 1SP
Rumor Table Scroll - 5SP
My standard gaming session includes an energy drink and a bag of Takis Fuego. Don’t see that here. “No energy drinks on the menu, huh? What did you order for us?”
“Hydromel,” Bella smacks her lips. “It’s kind of a fermented honey water. I’d say low on alcohol content, but high on refreshment. I’ve grown to like the taste.”
“Hello, Bella.” The barkeeper is a heavy round man. His thick beard has crumbs of food stuck in it, and his shirt is stained from sweat and spillage. He drops two wood cups on the bar splashing golden liquid over the rim. “Who’s paying for this?”
Bella lifts her cup slightly and dips her head my way. “Captain Goblinmasher here knows how to wine and dine his new party members.”
“Captain, you say?” The man squares up in f
ront of me. “Would ya like to see today’s rumor table? I can give you a glance for a penny, or you can keep the scroll for five.”
I thrust my hand down in my bag. “This one’s on me.” I can’t get the pennies out of my bag fast enough. “Rumor tables can be really informative.”
Bella pushes my hand down. “If you must, just go for the glance. This guy’s tables are ninety percent false.”
“Nonsense.” The barkeeper stiffens and holds both arms out wide. “I guarantee, uhh, eighty-five percent truth on today’s scroll. It’s well worth five pennies, young Captain.”
This man must be pulling my leg. It’s rare a rumor table is ever over forty percent true. “How much for the drinks and a glance?”
He growls and glares daggers at Bella. “Three pennies.”
I hand him three pennies, and he drops a cigar-sized scroll on the bar. “You have till I come back to look at it.”
SUBTRACT: 3 silver pennies to Derf Goodslog. New silver penny balance: 10
I unroll the scroll and lay it out on the bar between Bella and myself. He never said I couldn’t share. “You start at the bottom, I’ll start at the top.”
THE STAG AND HEN RUMOR TABLE:
1- Cells in the North Caves contain individuals that will reward rescue.
2- Hawkwinds cadence has changed.
3- Several artifacts can be found hidden in a West Labyrinth chamber.
4- Nobody has ever survived an overnight stay in Ranida.
5- Beware of Setan Kober in the West Labyrinth.
6- An undead presence in Keighley has animated new atrocities.
7- The spicer’s Red Maca root increases abilities by ten.
8- A huge hollow oak in Bradford produces fairy creatures.
9- The end is near.
10- The Liergarnin King has a gem as big as an acorn hidden in his quarters.
11- Beware of a portcullis trap in a dead-end corridor.
12- A cell door in the West Labyrinth leads to another realm.
CHAPTER 7
34:28:10 hours until DCQ server shut down.
I run my finger down the list. “Well, I don’t quite know what to make of this. Rumor number nine worries me.”
“No luck from my end either,” Bella says, turning her focus to watching the barkeep fill our tankards.
A hand wraps around my shoulder. “Today’s table is all fable. Except for the one about Setan Kober. That’s a mean, ugly monster that is not to be disturbed. Mess with him and you’re gonna have a bad time.”
A tall skinny man steps between my barstool and Bella’s. He has a long coat of leather plate armor, and a three-cornered beaver-fur hat cocked low over one eye. “My crony Biff informed me you all are in need of a thief to satisfy the gate requirement. I think we can help each other out. My name is Gregarious Slim, and I am a master thief.”
Bella leans back from the bar. “I’ve seen you around here, Gregarious. You don’t run with anybody.”
He covers his mouth with a fist and chuckles. “First of all, my friends call me Slim. And second, I gotta say you got me all wrong. I run with parties, but only strong ones that pay top coin. And parties like that don’t get formed around here no more.”
This guy wants top coin? “No need to waste our time. We can’t pay that kind of coinage.”
Slim waves his hand. “No payment needed, Captain. Sometimes you have to get out of town to really put it down. I have a business associate in Cittadella that requires my help, and I need to join a party to get there. The catch is I won’t be fighting, doing thievery, or providing any insight to you all. We will be doing each other the favor of satisfying the gate requirement to get out of Chittor. That’s it.”
“That doesn’t work for us,” I say. “We have business in the West Labyrinth and have some adventuring to do along the way. We need a thief that will fight by our side, open locks, disarm traps, and tell us what they know about the areas ahead.” On a whim, I add nonchalantly, “We’ll be giving him sixty percent of the treasure.”
Slim tilts his hat up. “The game is to be sold, not told. You will have to dig deep into your bag to receive that kind of thievery, captain, especially if you plan on going into that nasty West Labyrinth. You gotta grease my palm like a prince for this questin’.” Looks like a sixty percent share in the treasure isn’t enough to grease his pinky finger. “And since you all aren’t into that kind of work, I don’t expect it. What we have here is a simple deal to get out of town.”
“No way,” Bella squints at Slim in disdain. “We’ll find another thief.”
“You can try to find another.” Slim eases back from the bar. “But thieves don’t work for pennies. Only gold, and a lot of it.”
“Don’t be so quick with that no, Bella.” I have never added a thief for less than fifteen gold coins, and I am down to just eight. “This guy may be our only option.” Maybe we could find another thief on the way.
“Mmmm,” Bella grunts. “Your compensation will be zero coins, zero percent share of any treasure found, and no artifact privileges. Do you understand that?”
“No artifact privileges?” Slim tilts his head slightly. “Damn, you all are stingy. But okay, terms accepted.”
Slim’s icon appears beneath Bella’s in my vision.
ADD: Gregarious Slim, Thief. (-Services Clause/No Artifact Privileges)
Thief: Trained in the arts of stealing and sneaking. May use only light to mid-weight weaponry and armor. Primary abilities: Agility.
AGE: 25
LEVEL: 3
ABILITIES: 40
ALIGNMENT: Neutral
WEAPONS: Quarterstaff: Melee Weapon Attack: Bludgeoning damage.
Slim points to my Grimoire. “Besides, I’ve always wanted to run with a Compass-Keeper.”
How do these NPCs know about Grimoires? “Umm.” I look at Bella from the corner of my eye. She shrugs.
I take a hold of my Grimoire’s sheath with one hand and shake it. “What do you know about these, Slim?”
He raises an eyebrow. “A real worldly wizard came in here with one a few days before Bella and Hans arrived.”
“A wizard?” Bella sits up. “My father is an old school Dungeons & Dragons player, gamer, and programmer. He once told me having a wizard in your party is the best thing you can do, and I never forgot that. What did this wizard look like? Where did he go?”
“He had that eccentric wizard look about him. Older gentleman, fancy robe, slumped cone hat, obviously a Compass-Keeper like yourselves. He came to the bar, had a drink with me, and purchased a rumor table. What amazed everyone was what he did when he left Chittor. He walked out the gate by himself. No party with him at all. I’ve never seen anything like it. This man was truly a powerful wizard to do that.”
Bella plunks her drink on the bar and stands in front of Slim. “What was his name? Did he say where he was going?”
“You know what?” Slim steps back from Bella. “I’ve said too much. I gotta sew up a few loose ends before we leave town. I’ll see you at the gate.”
Bella sits and drops her head to her hands.
I pick up my cup and drink down the hydromel. It’s smooth, with the peculiar taste of burnt caramel in sweet wine. “It’s not that bad of a hire, Bella. At least we got some useful information out of him. If we find this wizard guy he was talking about, I’m sure we can talk him into helping us.”
Bella lifts her head and rubs a hand down her face. “We’re wasting precious time. We need to recruit one more quester and get on our way.”
Bam! A hooded figure in a fur lined cloak thrusts the point of a sword into the floor behind us. It has a simple blackened hilt and tempered blade. “Twink-a-doodle-doo, I brought this for you, Riff. As a cleric, it’s of no use to me.” Hans pulls back his hood.
“For me?” I jump up and wrap a hand around the sword’s hilt. “Thanks, Hans.” Maybe he’s not such a bad guy after all. I have swung a few novelty swords and replica lightsabers in my time, but never a real swo
rd. “Where did you get it?”
He looks from side to side. “Do you want to be asking questions, or do you want to be having a decent weapon?”
I may not fully trust Hans yet—or even like him—but that doesn’t stop me from pulling the sword from the floor. It soars up, of its own accord, and pulls me around in a circle. Without even thinking, I slash, parry, and thrust like I’ve been doing it for years. My muscles know exactly what to do and how to react. “How did I do that?” I release my grip and the blade clangs to the floor.
Bella picks up the sword and holds it upright. “You’re a fighter with an abilities number of fifty, that’s how. I had the same sensation when I first cast magic.” She peers at Hans. “So, will you be questing with us?”
“Well, Bella.” Hans looks at me with a crooked smile. “After reviewing my character sheet, and the server countdown, I only have one thing to say: your terms are accepted.”
An icon of Hans’s face appears beneath Bella’s, and two transparent squares with it.
ADD: Hans Talhoffer, Cleric.
Cleric: Can cast magic spells and dispel the undead. May not wear armor or use edged weapons longer than a normal dagger. Primary abilities: Wisdom.
AGE: 23
LEVEL: 3
ABILITIES: 35
ALIGNMENT: Error
Spellcasting: 4/2/1
WEAPONS: Shillelagh: Melee Weapon Attack: Bludgeoning damage.
Dagger: Melee or Ranged Weapon Attack: Piercing damage.
I focus in on the alignment field. “Hans, why is your alignment an error?”
“You know this game is glitchy,” he says. “It should say ‘good’.”