by Eden Robins
“How did your mother die?”
Alyssa knew Christian was going to ask that. Nevertheless it still shocked her. She wanted to clam up, not say another word. But she had gone this far. It was pointless now to stop.
Maybe he needed to hear it. Maybe then he would understand why she couldn’t be with someone like him. Not just because of the vampire issue, although that was a biggie, but because of his need to control her. She could never and would never allow that to happen.
“My mother committed suicide. She couldn’t deal with the fact that she wasn’t able to make my father completely and utterly happy. Or so she thought. She lived her life for him, yet he always managed to criticize her. He complained about everything. Her hair, her body, her clothes, her friends, her cooking, her cleaning. He even criticized her for having a daughter, instead of a son, after the doctors told her she couldn’t have any more children. It didn’t matter that she almost died having me. It wasn’t what my father wanted.”
Alyssa fought against the tears welling up in her eyes. She should be over this by now. Why did it still hurt so much? Swallowing hard, she stared out the car window, avoiding Christian’s knowing gaze. She jumped when he placed his hand over hers where it rested on the car seat. She swung around to look at him. He kept his eyes on the road as he drove, but also gave her hand a reassuring squeeze. The comfort from that small contact helped her continue talking.
“What my mother never realized and what I figured out as I got older, was that my father was happy. He was happy with my mother, just the way she was, needing and depending on him. Letting him control everything in her life, including her emotions. That power over another human being was an addiction to my father. And he knew that as long as my mother thought he wasn’t completely satisfied with her, she would continue to make him the center of her universe. In the end, I think my mother just lost it. She couldn’t take it anymore.”
“I’m sorry, palomita.”
Christian’s words were filled with regret.
He released her hand. Alyssa wanted his touch back. She felt desolate without it. He gently wiped a tear from her cheek with his fingers. Surprised she lifted her own hand to her face. Her cheeks were wet with tears. How long had she been crying? She had been so lost in her memories, that she didn’t even realize it.
Alyssa swiped the tears off her cheeks and tried to get back under control. Christian said nothing else as she got herself together. He moved his hand back to the steering wheel and away from her. She wanted it back, wanted his touch. But she wouldn’t ask him. She couldn’t let him see any more of her vulnerability. He would only use that to control her, just like her father had always tried to do.
Raising her chin proudly, she continued.
“So, to answer your original question, was my mother a fighter? No. She gave up on her own life and she gave up on her only child. Obviously she loved neither enough to fight for them. I think you were right the first time around. If anyone taught me to fight, it was my Aunt Joyce. She’s taught me a lot. I’ll always be grateful for that and for her.”
Alyssa clamped her mouth tightly closed. That’s it. She was done. True confessions from the therapist who was supposed to have everything together were now over. Time to turn things around. It was Christian’s turn. She had some questions for him.
“Enough about me. Tell me about you.”
She saw Christian stiffen.
“What would you like to know?” he asked warily.
“Tell me about Bazhena. Tell me how you became a vampire. And tell me about Elena.”
Christian swung his shocked gaze around to look at Alyssa. She was staring calmly out the front window. How could she possibly know about Elena?
“If you don’t keep your eyes on the road, I’m going to get nervous.” Alyssa said without looking at him.
Christian’s turned back to the street. He frowned, his eyes narrowed dangerously and his jaw tightened. Alyssa was good at making him lose focus. Too damn good. He needed to concentrate.
“How do you know about Elena?”
Alyssa looked like she was about to speak, then she hesitated.
“I need to know this, Alyssa.”
“I know. I’m just trying to figure out how to say this. Okay. When you, uh, when you were, um, taking care of my foot, blood wasn’t the only thing we shared. I could feel you in my head. Feel what you were experiencing. And I picked up certain images. I saw a woman who looked a lot like me, but wasn’t me. Then the name Elena popped into my head. Who is she, Christian?”
She had picked up his thoughts? That had never happened to him before. Maybe because he had projected pleasure so strongly to her, she had gotten glimpses of other images and feelings as well.
He thought about telling her nothing, just clearing her mind and changing the subject. But he wouldn’t do that. Alyssa had just shared something of herself with him that was so personal, so painful that he could not keep this from her.
“Elena was my betrothed. It was the year, 1785. We were going to be married. I lived in St. Augustine, Florida at the time. I was a Spanish soldier stationed there during Spain’s short second occupation. Then a strange woman came to town. My life changed completely and Elena’s ended.”
Christian tightened his hold on the steering wheel. The memories always came back so strongly, as did the pain.
“Bazhena. She was the mysterious woman who came to our town that summer. And she was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. The minute I laid eyes on her, I could think of no other. I became crazed, obsessed with her. Elena and I had known each other in Spain, before her family immigrated to Florida. We had grown up within the same circle of friends and family. So we knew each other well. She could tell something was wrong. She tried to talk to me about it several times, but I wouldn’t listen to her. I wouldn’t discuss it.”
“In one breath, I told Elena nothing was wrong and in the next I set up a discreet assignation with Bazhena. We met a few times, each more intense than the last. I couldn’t get enough of Bazhena. I felt like I was losing my mind and she was taking it over. Which, looking back now, was exactly what was happening. She was slowly making me hers. I think, with enough time, I would have gone to her willingly. I would have betrayed Elena, a woman I had known all my life and had fallen in love with, just to be with Bazhena. Unfortunately for Elena, it didn’t happen that way.”
Christian got lost in the memory. His mind wandered to those last couple of days before Elena was killed. Just as he had done a thousand times before, he desperately wished he had handled things differently. Maybe it would have made a difference. Maybe Elena would not have been murdered.
“Christian? Are you okay?”
Alyssa’s concerned voice broke through his thoughts.
“Yes, I’m fine. Where was I? I went to see Bazhena one evening. I arrived a little early. I must have entered without her hearing me, because I know she would not have wanted me to see what I saw. At that point, I didn’t realize she was a vampire. I was so lost in her spell that I only thought of her as an incredibly beautiful, desirable woman who made me mad with need.”
“What happened next?”
“I entered her room and saw her with someone else. Another man. The man was on his knees in front of her. Bazhena was bent over him, her hands holding his shoulders, but I couldn’t see her face because it was buried in the crook of the man’s neck. His arms were wrapped tightly around her waist, his head thrown back. The man’s eyes were closed and his face was contorted with a mixture of pain and pleasure. His body was convulsing as if he was having an orgasm and he was gasping Bazhena’s name over and over again. Jealousy and rage overcame me. I strode towards them, intending to break them apart. Bazhena must have heard me because she raised her head and looked at me.”
Fury swept through Christian. He remembered what Bazhena had done to the man embracing her. And how he could do nothing to stop it.
“Her eyes were glowing red and her elongated inc
isors shined against the blood covering her lips. I stopped at the sight of her. Frozen to the spot in shock. The corner of her lips turned up into a smile. That smile, which I had found so enchanting, now looked grotesque and evil. My eyes traveled back and forth in shock between the two of them as if my mind couldn’t quite process what it was seeing. The man moaned and turned slightly towards me. As he did I saw the side of his neck. It had been torn open. Blood pumped out of the wound and down his body. Yet his eyes remained closed and his moans were ones of pleasure. He even pulled Bazhena’s head back to his neck.”
Christian would never forget how she laughed when her victim had done that. It had been a low, throaty laugh. One filled with intense satisfaction.
“She gladly complied and continued to drink from the man, swallowing his life in great noisy gulps. His movements slowed and the moans coming from him ceased. Replaced by loud, gasping breaths as he struggled for life. I finally broke out of my frozen stupor and tried to move towards them. I knew the man would die if I didn’t reach him. I tried, pushed myself with everything I had, but I couldn’t move. I was paralyzed. Bazhena’s eyes stayed on me, intense and watchful as she fed. I knew she was holding me back somehow. Controlling me. I could only watch as the man’s hold on her went slack. She released his shoulders and he slid slowly down her body to the ground.”
Christian paused to get himself under control. To tamp down the anger and frustration he had felt that night over two hundred years ago. His gaze slid to Alyssa. She still looked straight in front of her, out the window. But he could see by the frown on her face, that she was uncomfortable. His story was affecting her also.
“Alyssa, I don’t have to finish. I can stop n—”
Alyssa turned away from the window and honed in on his face. She searched his eyes. What she was looking for, he wasn’t sure. Then she shuttered her gaze and turned back towards the front window.
“No, Christian, finish. I need to hear it all.”
Her voice sounded toneless, without feeling.
What was she feeling? He could delve into her mind, but he didn’t want to do that. She had to tell him of her own free will. He would wait until she was ready.
“I learned Bazhena was a vampire that night. She killed the man. Then let his drained body drop to the ground. She walked right over him towards me, as if he were just another piece of furniture she needed to maneuver around. She took a handkerchief and daintily wiped the blood from her lips. Her callous attitude towards it all made me realize that this wasn’t the first time she had done this, and it wouldn’t be the last. As she approached, I regained the ability to move. I backed away from her in horror. Tried to keep some distance between us. Her eyes flared with anger. She asked me where I was going and I told her I didn’t want to see her ever again, that I was getting married. That Elena and I were going to spend the rest of our lives together. I told her it was over between us.”
“What did she do after you told her that?”
“Something that should have warned me of upcoming trouble. She did nothing. She stopped following me and let me walk out. All the while she continued to smile at me in a way that wasn’t normal. She looked cold and calculating. Over the next couple of days, I tried to forget that night. Tried to concentrate on Elena and me. Tried not to remember the horror I had seen. I shouldn’t have done that. I let my guard down and Elena died because of that.”
“What happened?” The dread in Alyssa’s voice was obvious. She knew that whatever he was about to say, it wasn’t going to be good.
“Bazhena came to my home two nights after she killed that man. And she wasn’t alone. Elena was cradled in her arms. Dead. Completely drained of blood.”
That image of Elena, dead in her arms, rose up like a monster. Bile rose in his throat as he remembered how Elena had looked, so still and pale. Small spatters of blood on her cheeks marred her beauty. Then Bazhena moved the scarf around Elena’s neck aside. The gaping wound was horrendous. It looked as if someone had gnawed their way almost completely through her neck. Christian tried to erase the image of Elena from his mind. He tried to forget the savage satisfaction on Bazhena’s face as she held his dead fiancée in her arms. But it stayed with him.
He knew Alyssa was waiting for him to continue, but he didn’t. He was done. It was enough, for now.
He was grateful Alyssa didn’t push him to continue. Neither of them spoke. Silence stretched between them until they reached their destination. The Plaza Hotel’s lights shined bright, making the building stand out like a beacon against the dark desert mountains. The people walking into the hotel were just as bright. Women were adorned with jewels and sequined dresses and the men decked out in tuxedos. Christian pulled the car around to a lesser-used entrance and parked. He got out, walked around to Alyssa’s side and opened the door for her.
Alyssa didn’t get out.
He waited a minute or so, but nothing happened. Curious, he bent forward and looked into the car. Alyssa sat stiffly in her seat, looking straight ahead. Not moving, not looking at him. Nothing. Just sitting there, staring out the front window.
Chapter Eight
Alyssa could see it all.
Everything Christian was telling her.
She didn’t know how—she didn’t want to know.
She just wanted it to stop.
The images bombarded her mind. Uninvited. She couldn’t get them out.
Elena lay so still. Her head tilted to the side at an odd angle, leaving her neck exposed. It looked half eaten away and blood still dripped from it. Her eyes were open, but unseeing. Dead.
Bazhena laughed, satisfaction written all over her face. An evil leer curved her bloodstained lips. Discarding Elena like a piece of trash, Bazhena dropped her on the ground. Then she went after Christian. Her movements were too fast. One minute she was standing over Elena’s dead body, the next she had Christian in her hold. Alyssa felt his disgust, his anger, his sadness and his fear. Bazhena pulled him to her. Her mouth opened and her sharp incisors drew closer to his neck. He struggled with everything he had, up until the moment her mouth touched his neck. Then everything changed. Desire and pleasure like nothing he’d ever felt before exploded inside Christian. Instead of pushing Bazhena away, he grabbed her head and pulled her tighter against his neck—
Christian touched Alyssa’s arm. The images shattered into a hundred pieces then skittered away. No! She wanted the pleasure back. Yearned for it. How could she live without it?
“Alyssa. What is it? What’s wrong?”
Christian’s voice brought her back to the present. The sound of it soothed her restlessness. Helped her focus on his face. The concern she saw was a comfort. It would be okay now. She’d be okay. Taking a deep breath, she counted to five and then exhaled. Again. She started to relax a little. The tightening in her body slowly loosened.
“It’s okay, Alyssa. You’re going to be okay.”
“H-how did you do it?” Alyssa gasped.
Christian’s eyes grew wide, his face tightened. Alyssa could see it. He knew what she was asking. He knew what she had felt, but he pretended not to.
“Do what?”
“Make yourself leave Bazhena. Live without that kind of pleasure?”
His eyes turned cold. No emotion showed. It was as if he just turned himself off.
“I had to. I couldn’t let someone control my whole life. I couldn’t belong to someone with everything I was.”
Alyssa stared deeply into Christian’s eyes.
“Neither can I,” she said.
Ignoring his outstretched hand, she got out of the car and walked away.
She knew Christian would have to catch up with her, guard her tonight and protect her life. But afterwards, when all of this was done, it was over. That yearning to belong to someone, like she had felt in Christian’s memories, scared her more than her father’s overbearing, controlling ways ever had. She could not, no, she would not let someone take over her life like that.
And Ch
ristian was capable of doing just that. The way he took her the other night. The way he made her feel. That had been only a taste compared to what Bazhena had done to him. And that had blown Alyssa away. If she let Christian stay in her life, there was no way she would escape. She wasn’t strong enough to fight that kind of pleasure. After a while, she wouldn’t want to fight it.
Christian got to her before she entered the hotel. Grasping her arm, he turned her around to face him. He searched her face. She struggled to maintain a calm facade. She kept her expression blank, waiting for him to speak.
He opened his mouth and then clamped it shut again. After a minute, he finally spoke.
“Let’s go in. Stay behind me.”
Christian turned away from her and with one last glance behind his shoulder, walked into The Plaza. She followed close behind. He had explained the procedure, tonight he was mother duck, she was duckling. She followed where he walked, when he walked, never veering to the side, back, or front unless he did.
The picture Alyssa created in her mind of Christian as a mother duck brought a very unladylike snort from her. She couldn’t help it. He was about as un-mother duck-like as anyone she had ever met. The analogy worked in terms of procedure, but otherwise it was just too ridiculous.
She watched him work. Though she was behind him, she knew he scanned the area constantly. Periodically he glanced back at her to ensure she was okay. Every movement he made was calculated. His body completely blocked hers. If someone tried to approach her, he stopped them.
“Ms. Edwards can’t talk to anyone until after the speech.”
People took one look at Christian and obeyed. Alyssa realized that those around them cleared a path for Christian. It didn’t seem to be a conscious action. It was as if they did it through instinct. She noticed a group of people talking in front of them. As she and Christian drew closer, the group didn’t look their way. They all just sort of shifted to one side so that the two of them could pass. It was almost as if they all got the same mental suggestion to move at the same time. Alyssa wondered how much of that was due to Christian using his vampire powers and how much of it was due to the fact that he was an intimidating man.