xanth 40 - isis orb

by Anthony, Piers

  “I’m sorry,” Hapless said. “I can’t even claim that I would have been different; I teased girls too, and now they don’t want to have anything to do with me. So my understanding is too late, for me or for you.”

  “The irony is that I’d really like to have a loving relationship with a good man. But I just can’t trust any man, so it turns me off anything like that.”

  “I understand, I think.” If only he had known not to look at her that way!

  “So then I read a tea leaf, and it said I should go into the forest here and wait, and my problem would be solved. So I did, not knowing exactly what to expect. But I certainly didn’t expect you.”

  “I’m not much of an expectation,” Hapless agreed.

  “I didn’t mean it that way. At least now you know why I was cautious about you and why I still don’t want you to touch me.”

  “I understand,” he agreed sadly.

  “I can’t turn off my prior life. It governs me.”

  “So does mine, pretty much. But I think—now please don’t take this the wrong way—that maybe we can understand each other, and maybe in time come to trust each other.”

  “I am struggling not to take that the wrong way,” she said. “I can see that you’re pretty innocent, and probably don’t mean any harm. But you do look.”

  “I do look,” he admitted. “I’m trying not to, but whenever I’m not concentrating, my eyes do their own thing.”

  “Well, maybe that’s progress. Are we sleepy yet?”

  “Maybe if we lie down and close our eyes?”

  “Let’s try it.” She shifted into cat form and closed her eyes.

  Hapless lay down beside her in the tent and did the same.

  To his surprise, he dropped right off to sleep. The events of the day must have tired him more than he realized.

  He woke to a nudge. Feline was beside him, in all her human curves; he could feel them against his side. “Nickelpedes!” she whispered. “Play your kit!”

  Nickelpedes! Those little bugs were a terror by day or night, because they gouged out nickel-sized chucks of flesh from tender anatomy. He scrambled to a sitting position in the darkness, then fumbled for his little violin in his pack. He found the bow. He put it to the instrument and played. Wouldn’t this be an awful time for his musical talent to improve!

  He need not have worried about that. Foul notes screeched out, sounding like fingernails practically ripping apart a blackboard. He felt Feline clapping her hands to her ears. He kept playing, hoping it was even worse for the nickelpedes.

  There was an angry clicking of little claws as the nickelpedes milled about, balked. Then they retreated, unable to handle the dreadful sounds. It was working.

  “You did it!” Feline exclaimed, and kissed him on the ear. That was an unexpected thrill.

  “I guess I did,” he agreed, putting away the violin. “I never thought to use my lack of musical talent that way, until you suggested it. Thank you.”

  “You like my suggestion,” she said, sounding pleased.

  “Yes. Actually I like you too.” He felt her stiffen beside him, and hurried on. “When you kissed me just now, I liked it, and I can’t even see your curves.”

  “But you know they’re there.”

  Why had he even mentioned them? “Yes. So I guess that spoils it. But it was a good suggestion.”

  She was silent a moment, pondering. “So you liked my kiss because of my curves. But you liked my suggestion because it helped save us from the little monsters.”

  “Yes, to both.”

  “I guess that’s half a loaf. If you discover anything else you like about me, let me know.”

  “Gladly. I don’t suppose you’d let me kiss you on the ear?”

  “No,” she said coldly.

  Bleep. He had lost it again.

  “Wait! Don’t be mad. You—you said your eyes do what they want; you can’t help it. Well, my reactions are like that. I know you were just trying to be friendly, and I froze you out. I’m sorry. Go ahead; kiss me on the ear.”

  He wasn’t sure how to handle this. Would she be mad if he did, or if he didn’t? So he compromised by being honest. “Feline, I don’t know which way you want it, and I don’t want to upset you either way. I don’t have much experience with girls, and you’re complicated regardless. Tell me what to do so it’s all right.”

  “You really don’t know?”

  “I really don’t. I’m a klutz, I know that much, but I’m trying to learn.”

  “Kiss me.”

  He was surprised; he had expected to be bawled out for his incomprehension. He didn’t argue; he turned his face toward where he felt her in the dark and kissed where her ear should be, sort of hunt and peck.

  Only it wasn’t her ear he met. It was her mouth. She had turned her head.

  He thought he would float out of the tent. It was amazing. Cylla had kissed him, but this was better.

  Then it ended, and he sank back down to the ground. “Oh, my,” he breathed.

  “Someone kissed you before,” she said. “Who?”

  He remained dazed. “Her name was Cylla Cybin. Her talent was hallucination. But I think I hallucinated again, just now.”

  “So I’m your second kiss.”

  “Yes.”

  “Yes what?”

  “Yes, yours was better.”

  “Thank you. Don’t get ideas.”

  “I got ideas. I can’t help it,” he admitted, ashamed.

  “Well, keep them to yourself.” But she did not actually seem annoyed.

  “I will.”

  “I am thawing a bit.”

  “I’m glad.”

  “Something else is coming. Something big.”

  Hapless grabbed for his kit.

  “Two things,” she said. “Big snakes. I’m not sure whether they like music or dissonance.”

  “We need to know,” he said. “If we play the wrong kind, we’ll get eaten.”

  “I know. But we don’t have to guess. We’ll both play.”

  “Good idea!”

  They sat side by side, each with a violin. Two gross serpentine shapes loomed before them, visible mainly by their glowing eyes. The eyes were set distressingly far apart; these were huge creatures.

  Hapless and Feline played their kits, the sweet and sour notes together. The four eyes ahead blinked in unison, confused. Then they retreated and were gone.

  “It worked!” Feline said.

  “Your idea worked again.”

  “Are you angling for another kiss?”

  “No. But I would have if I’d thought of it in time.”

  “Well, you get one. Do it.”

  He kissed where her head was. This time he landed on her ear. She was teasing him. The odd thing was that he liked it just about as well. But his experience with Cylla had taught him that seeing a girl or kissing her did not necessarily make for a permanent relationship, however nice she might be.

  Then she reverted to feline form and purred herself to sleep. He lay down beside her and slept also.

  He woke before her in the morning, surprised to see her in her human form. How long had she been that way?

  “You’re a fun girl,” he murmured, and drew himself out of the tent. He went to the stream, stripped, and washed himself off.

  When he emerged from the water, there was Feline watching him. It was too late to be embarrassed, so he simply climbed back into his clothes without comment.

  She stripped her clothes and waded into the water while he averted his gaze. So her clothing was separate, despite becoming her fur when she was a cat. Her blouse was blue, her skirt white, her slippers one of each color. He hadn’t noticed before, being too obsessed with her curves. Now he saw also that her bra was white, her panties blue. It was nice clothing.

  “Oh, take a peek,” she said.

  He turned and looked, she was absolutely lovely in her nudity. Then he dutifully looked away again, and went about foraging for breakfast. Nudity did not
guarantee a full relationship either.

  Soon she rejoined him. “You played that correctly.”

  “Thank you. I’m still learning.”

  “And I’m still thawing.”

  They smiled briefly at each other. Nothing was guaranteed, but the signs were promising.

  “I think it’s time for the next Companion,” he said as they stood up to collect their things. “I have no idea who that might be.”

  “When you open the box, you see a picture, and a path appears?” she asked.

  “Yes.”

  “And the path is enchanted to be safe? No monsters, no getting lost?”

  “Yes. But there’s no guarantee if you step off it. Uh, I was told that if you have a, er, natural function, to do it into a bag and then toss the bag across the line. That way you take no risk.”

  “Yes. What I’m thinking is that next time we face a night camping out, that we stay on the path. If it’s between Companions, then invoke the next Companion, then camp on the path that forms. We don’t have to follow the path to the end immediately.”

  He gazed at her, impressed. “That’s a clever idea, Feline! Guaranteed safety. No more nervous nights.”

  “No more kisses in the scary dark.”

  He hesitated, uncertain whether she was teasing him. “I’ll miss that.”

  “You won’t be missing much.”

  “I’ll miss it a lot! I’m sorry if that turns you off, but when you kissed me I nearly floated into the sky. I’m not going to pretend it’s nothing.”

  “Let me clarify,” she said, with an obscure smile. “If I want to kiss you, I’ll kiss you. We don’t have to be in danger or in the dark. Just don’t push it.”

  “Oh. I won’t.” But he remained somewhat disappointed, for no good reason.

  “Like this.” She stepped into him and kissed him firmly on the mouth. Again, he felt like floating. He had the wit not to put his arms around her.

  “Oh. Thank you for that clarification,” he said when she let him go. Indeed, he appreciated it enormously. She could be very friendly, if he just didn’t presume. It was her way. She didn’t mind being appreciated; she just didn’t want to be sought only for her curves. His appreciation of her ideas had been unfeigned; that was what turned her on.

  “Open the box.”

  Indeed, it was time.

  Chapter 4:

  Zed

  Hapless opened the box. There was a picture of a male centaur with the printed name ZED. But there was something odd about him.

  “He’s got stripes!” Feline exclaimed.

  So he did. “Black and white, all over his body. Like a mundane zebra,” Hapless agreed.

  “And he must want to get rid of them, because other centaurs don’t have them.”

  “He must. Centaurs are notoriously conservative. They don’t even like magic.”

  “He surely needs us. Well, let’s be on our way.”

  “Yes.” This seemed straightforward. Where was the catch?

  They started down the enchanted path that had appeared when the box opened. It crossed the stream using a mini bridge that Hapless was sure hadn’t been there before and meandered on into the forest. There was a pretty water lily, but when he tried to touch it, it dissolved into water, which was of course what it was made of.

  Above there were pretty clouds, supported by winged foundations. There was something suggestive about them. “What are those?” Hapless asked.

  Feline looked. “Flying buttresses. You know, female flying butts.”

  “Oh.” He was embarrassed.

  “I like this path,” Feline said. “Not only is it safe, it’s fun. Was it like this when you found me?”

  “Pretty much.”

  A small cloud floated across the path. “What’s happening hear?” it inquired.

  They paused, surprised. “Hear?” Hapless asked.

  “Present location, not there, at this place—”

  “Here?” he asked.

  “Whatever,” the cloud agreed irritably. “Are you up to something interesting?”

  He was slightly annoyed. “What does a cloud care?”

  The cloud expanded, forming a head, arms, legs, and finally a lovely female torso clad in extremely abbreviated apparel. “I’m not a cloud. I’m Demoness Metria. I’m attracted to interesting things.”

  “Oh. I’m Hapless. I’m not very interesting.”

  “I can see that. But this is an unusual path, and your companion is a cat woman. That could be interesting.”

  “You can tell my nature just by looking at me?” Feline asked.

  “Crossbreeds are routine, and generally dull,” Metria said. “But ad hoc enchanted paths aren’t common.”

  “Add what?” Hapless asked.

  “Temporary, special purpose, formed for one reason, with respect to this particular thing, pertaining to—”

  “Convenient?”

  “Whatever. Wait, that’s not quite right. In fact, I had it right in the first place. Are you trying to mess me up?”

  “I just didn’t know the term.”

  She glared at him. “Next time, keep your ignorance to yourself.”

  His irritation increased. “Or what?”

  “Or I’ll flash you with my pan—”

  He came to as Feline snapped her fingers near his ear. “… ties,” he heard the demoness conclude. Her short skirt had already dropped back into place. It seemed she had suited action to word.

  “We’re just going to help a zebra-striped centaur,” Feline told the demoness. “So leave us alone. It’s not nice to flash innocent strangers.”

  “A zebra-striped centaur! Now that’s interesting. I’d better stick around.”

  “Fudge a la mode!” Feline swore. For some reason it seemed she wasn’t keen on have a shapely panty-flashing demoness join their party.

  Metria looked at her cannily. “Or are you just pretending about the stripes, so you can enlist my assistance? I don’t trust this.” She faded out.

  “Is she really gone?” Hapless asked.

  “Of course she is,” Feline said firmly while shaking her head no. It seemed that she had had some experience with small d demons.

  “That’s a relief,” he said. “I don’t want to get flashed again.” Actually he would have liked to have a piece of glass or something to filter the effect, so as to see her panties without freaking out.

  Feline fished in her purse. He hadn’t realized that she carried one; maybe it appeared only at need. She brought out a bandana. She stretched it taut across her face, and he realized that she could see him through it, filtered. Then, wordlessly, she handed it to him. She was helping him get his peek, if the opportunity came.

  He realized that he was getting to like her pretty well, and not just because of her curves. She understood him, without judging him.

  “It’s a good thing she didn’t realize that we’re on a Quest for the Good Magician,” she remarked. “She’d really be curious then.”

  Metria reappeared. “I heard that. You’re on a Quest!”

  “Oh, fudge,” Feline said. “We thought you were gone.”

  “Now get out of here,” Hapless said. “We don’t want your kind along.”

  The demoness puffed up, literally. “Tell me all about it, or I’ll—”

  “You’ll what?” he demanded.

  He managed to get the bandana in place just in time to intercept her flash. And he saw the panties: pink polka dots with nothing inside the dots. He was amazed. He had had no idea that demonesses wore anything like that. Even through the filter, he barely retained awareness. What a peek!

  Feline snapped her fingers. “Wake,” she said as Metria dropped her skirt again.

  Hapless blinked as if just coming out of a trance. “What happened?”

  “She flashed you again. You have to stop aggravating her.”

  “Well, our Quest is none of her business.”

  “Tell me anyway,” Metria said. “Then maybe I’ll go aw
ay, my curiosity satisfied.”

  Hapless sighed. “It’s for the Isis Orb, that should grant our wishes. We’re gathering Companions.”

  “Isis! She’s worse mischief than I am. That’s saying a lot.”

  Could they learn something worthwhile? “What, she’s a demoness?”

  “No, she’s a goddess. They rank somewhere between small d demonesses and big D Demonesses. You don’t want to mess with her. Your stupid bandana won’t protect you from her panties.”

  She had known. She must have wanted him to see without quite freaking.

  “You wanted him to see!” Feline said accusingly.

  “Well, I didn’t come down on the last sunbeam, pussy. Nobody has panties like mine. What use are they if no one remembers them?”

  “Point made,” Feline said thoughtfully.

  “Just what kind of mischief is Isis?” Hapless asked. He already knew something about the goddess, but if he was destined to tangle with her, he wanted to know as much as he could.

  “She likes to make men her love slaves,” Metria answered. “Then she can make them do whatever she wants. Oh, to have power like that! I’d conquer Xanth.”

  “You want to conquer Xanth?”

  The demoness considered briefly. “Maybe not actually conquer it; ruling it would be too much responsibility. But to have my panties recognized as supreme—that would be fun. All the men would have eyes like pink polka dots.”

  “Isis could do that?”

  “Yes, if she wanted to. I’m not sure what motivates her. If she wanted to be queen, she could have used the Orb to grant her wish. Instead she just keeps it without actually using it. That’s odd.”

  “It is,” Hapless agreed. “What does she look like?”

  “Anything she wants to. But always beautiful and sexy. They say there’s no man she can’t seduce in minutes without even showing her panties. I’d like to see her in action; I might learn what little I don’t already know about that.” The hem of her skirt lifted on its own until it almost, but not quite, showed her panties. She evidently had excellent control.

  “Well, we’re bound to see her, in due course.”