I put the coffee down and ran my hands over my messy head. “Can I see her?”
Rose nodded and took me down the hall. I wondered then if she ever slept.
“When do you go home?” I asked her.
She laughed. “That’s a funny joke. Home, what’s that?”
I stopped her in the hall. “Wait, are you telling me you don’t go home? Come on.”
“I do. I just haven’t been there in two days. Not since Mavis came in. I’m one of three doctors in this hospital and the only one who specializes with the care she needs. I’m the only one you’d want to take care of her, right?” I nodded. “So that’s why I stay: for you.”
I wrapped her in my arms and thanked her for staying. “Is Gram stable?”
She nodded. “For now. We’ve moved her from ICU to her own room. She is comfortable. She asked that I give her something for the pain, but she is awake. The pulmonary edema has subsided for now, but with her weak heart it will either come back or her heart will give out.”
I bit my lip and wondered out loud, “How long does that give her?”
“It’s hard to say, maybe two days or maybe a week. I know that she won’t make it home, Emme. But that’s what she’s been asking for, to die in her bed. I just can’t release her to go home. Without the proper comforts, she would be in a lot of pain. Even a woman as tough as her, she wouldn’t be able to die at home.”
I understood what she meant, Gram would be in so much pain and we’d end up back here anyway. I followed her to a nice quiet room where Gram lay. She actually had a bit more color in her cheeks, but nothing like the Gram I knew. I sat with her as she slept until it got dark. Finally when I couldn’t sit there any longer or read anymore magazines, I left the hospital to go home and shower. I had been in the hospital for almost twenty-four hours.
Rose had gone home to sleep, and the hospital staff knew I was only down the road and to call me if Gram woke up. They gave me a bag of Gram’s belongings as I left the hospital.
I drove the small trek to the library. I didn’t expect to feel what I did when I pulled into the lot. All of the feelings of home came back to me. The times I would run around the library like it was my playground, the summers spent on the beach across the street, and Gram’s face while I made snowmen in the parking lot.
The old building was a faded robin’s egg blue that needed to be re-painted from the many storms that hit our coast. But it was built sturdy and strong just like Gram.
I put my key in the lock and pushed the door in. Snow had built up on the steps, and I shoveled it away and poured salt on it so I didn’t slip coming out in a rush to go back to the hospital. A pile of mail sat at the hardwood floor when I walked into the entrance. I pulled them from the floor and set them aside for another time. I looked around the library for a moment. It sat to the left when you entered the door and had its own entrance. To the right was a separate door that led up a few stairs to Gram’s house. The library was quiet as I opened the other door. I shut it and walked up the creaky steps. It was a miracle she never fell down and broke a hip on the damned stairs.
The house was clean as usual and still smelled of lemon. The white walls were filled with pictures of me from my childhood. I passed them by without a second glance.
The kitchen needed a few groceries and a good mopping. Something had spilled on the floor, maybe milk, and was now sticky. I didn’t want to think how the spill happened, but I was sure it happened when she called Rose.
I went to my old bedroom, and it felt so very strange to be home. I set my bag down and Gram’s next to it. Digging out my pajamas, I went to my bathroom to clean up. Once inside I took a good long look at myself.
I looked like shit. My brown hair was frizzy and pulled up in the worst ponytail possible. I had always loved the color of my hair, but hated my curls. I wished that I had straight hair like Rose or my friends back home. Oh, how easy ponytails and showers would be. Not to mention the money I would save on product. My make-up was smeared under my eyes like I had stayed out partying all night.
I started the shower and let the heated mist surround me as I cleaned away the sadness and the stress.
When I emerged, I checked my phone; no missed calls. I wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or not. I needed to nap and to get my butt back to see Gram. But as I put on my sweatpants and T-shirt, it was the library that called to me. I listened to the call and walked down the stairs and into my Gram’s library. I turned on the lights and a heavy feeling came over me. What would happen to this place when Gram died? I wasn’t sure, but one thing I did know was that I was not the person for the job.
Four
I left the thought of who would take Gram’s place at the door and walked the aisles and browsed the books. There were so many books in this old library. For such a small place, it held a lot of literature. I came to the end of the last stack and found my favorite spot in the whole space: a special reading nook just for me. It was where I would spend my days off of school while Gram worked. When I wasn’t playing with friends, I was here cuddled up reading. It looked the same as it did when I was small, except it was tiny now. I didn’t remember it being so small. I bent down through the small door and into the room where a rocking chair sat in one corner. In the opposite corner Gram put in a fake fireplace that just blew heat instead of burning real logs. I turned it on and sat on the window seat that was full of comfy blankets and pillows. It looked out to the ocean across the street. The snow had stopped and I could see far out at sea. There were ships coming to port, and it amazed me that while Gram was dying, life was still moving on.
I searched the bookshelves for my favorite set of books when my phone started to buzz. I answered hastily, “Hello?”
“Emme, it’s me. You need to come.” It was Rose, and she was sounding serious again.
“Be there in two.” I hung up and left the library, lights on and all.
I parked the van and ran into the hospital. I didn’t know what I was going to face inside, but I would do it knowing that Gram’s memory would live on. I wouldn’t let her library go away; I would find someone to take care of it.
I came to her room, and Rose stopped me before I went in.
Her face was ashen, and she looked dead tired.
“Emme, you need to be with her now. Just say your goodbyes.”
“I thought she was awake and out of the woods, Rose? What happened in the two hours I was gone?”
She bit her lip. “Her heart is weak, and it’s giving out. I’ve done all that I can.”
I pushed past her and mumbled, “Two days.” She said I would have more time, and she was wrong.
Gram wasn’t sitting up and smiling like I had hoped she would have been. Instead she was lying on her back and staring off into space. When I came in, she noticed me and smiled, weakly.
“Gram!” I practically ran into her arms. She lifted them and tried to wrap them around me, and I stifled a cry. “I’m here.”
Her voice was weak and frail and nothing like earlier. “I’m dying. I feel it. I need you to listen to me, Emmeline.” I nodded and leaned back to stare into her watery eyes.
“I’m listening, Gram.”
“Emmeline, you are my only descendant, and I need you to do something for me.”
I cried, “Anything.”
“I need you to take care of my library. I want you to make sure those assholes don’t take it,” she coughed.
“Who, Gram?”
“The builders. They wanna bulldoze her and put up shopping malls. Don’t let them.”
I nodded even though I didn’t fully comprehend what was happening with the builders.
“I also want you to understand that you have to become the librarian. Not anyone else.” She was gravely serious, and I didn’t give any hints that this was against my wishes and future plans. �
�No one else can do it. And I don’t mean that they can’t handle it, I mean they don’t have the blood for it. The library is special. It’s magic. And only you can take over for me because of your blood.”
“I don’t understand, but I’m still listening,” I told her honestly.
Her voice became barely a whisper, and she spoke in between horrible coughs of fluid.
“There is a set of books, and only you can touch them. I’m serious now, Emmeline. No one must touch these books, understand?” I nodded again. “You’ll find them under my desk in the floorboards. I want you to read them. Read them, whenever you can, but just read them.”
I nodded and then asked, “Why are the books important? Are they our family history?”
I had always wondered about our family history. Where we all came from and who my ancestors were. Gram shook her head once.
“No, child, they’re not our family history. But they are important to our family. I know this doesn’t make a lick of sense right now, but it will. The puzzle pieces will all fall into place. The books don’t work for me; I’m unable to enter them. I think if you take over the library they’ll work for you.” It was then that she opened her hand and inside was her mother’s wedding ring. She shakily placed it into my hand. I glanced down at the ring and fondly back to her. “I love you.”
“I love you too, Gram. I’m sorry I left you,” I cried. I wanted to say more, but she stopped me.
“No. Don’t be sorry. You had to. Now I have to go. My time is up, darling. Please do as I say, and don’t let them take my library,” she begged.
I nodded and she smiled. She clenched my hands and I said, “I promise, Gram.”
She went into a strange quiet faze, where she breathed slowly for what seemed like hours, but could have been minutes.. Her lungs gurgled and her heart barely beeped on the monitor. All I thought about was our times together and the happiness she brought into my life when I had none.
I felt her body move, and she took a deep breath in and exhaled all of the air in her lungs and didn’t breathe in again after that. My Gram died in my arms with her eyes closed like a sleeping angel. Alarms sounded as her heart stopped, and Rose came into the room to shut them off. She put her arms around me and held me tightly.
****
One week later I sat in Gram’s kitchen, which was mine now. Gram left the whole property to me in her will, along with her money, jewels, and truck. I didn’t want any of it. I wanted her back.
I had shut down the library and the town understood. The Reich’s sent a casserole and the Odell’s a peach pie. More people sent food, but I couldn’t bring myself to eat anything. My friends from college sent text messages asking when I’d be back to school, but I didn’t respond. They never once asked how Gram was or what happened. All they cared about was when I would be back and ready to party again.
Rose came by and made me shower because she said I stunk up Gram’s beautiful house. I put on a brave face, but when she left, I broke down.
Truth was I wasn’t strong. I didn’t know how to live in Maine, in Gram’s home, without Gram. Sure, send me to California, back to school, and I could live because then I wouldn’t be faced with it. I wouldn’t have Gram’s words rolling around in my head all the time.
“You have to become the librarian. Not anyone else.”
“It’s magic.”
“Don’t let them take it.”
”There are a set of books …”
My questions went unanswered. I wondered why these books were so important to Gram and why I had to be the only one to run this damn library. Why is it a blood thing? I wondered what was special about these books that I had to protect. I couldn’t even imagine what Gram was thinking before she passed, but to talk to me about books was so like her.
I wasn’t sure how long I would stay, but I would make sure that it would be taken care of before I left. I would hire someone to help me out and then train them to take over. In the end I would have her library in ship-shape before I left for England. For now I planned to mourn her.
I played with her mother’s wedding ring as I took a stroll down the stairs and into the library. A storm was rolling in off the banks, and from the sound of the weather forecast, it was to be a nor’easter. I was already bundled up in my favorite sweatpants with my best robe. Shuffling my slippered feet across the library to Gram’s desk, I turned on her overhead lamp and took a closer look at the ring. It was beautiful. I had admired it when I was a small girl, always touching the diamond in the center. It was what I envisioned my own wedding ring to look like when I grew up. It held a round diamond in the center surrounded by platinum. The band itself was a rose gold and etched into the sides were small leafy hearts. I slipped it onto my right ring finger and looked up and outside the window. The snow blew past them in huge tufts, and I saw the windows were starting to frost over. It was all very creepy being in the library alone in this weather. I needed a book and to cozy up in my bed upstairs. I stood up and as I did the power went out.
“Shit!” I squeaked.
I hated being alone in the dark. I fumbled around on Gram’s desk searching for her flashlight. I hit it with my hand as it rolled across the desk and landed with a thud onto the floor.
“Double shit!”
I bent down on my hands and knees and felt along the floor hoping not to touch anything gross. My hands grazed something odd. I felt along its edges. It was hard and didn’t seem to belong there. Now my curiosity had me crouching in the dark trying to figure out what this was. Finally I found the flashlight and clicked it on. Focusing the light, I saw the odd thing sticking up like a broken piano key. It was a floorboard upended. I pushed it to get it back into place, but all that did was make it fly up further and then completely out of the floor.
“Well, that’s just great,” I told myself.
I was here in the dark talking to myself. I dared to take a look into the floor, hoping not to find a rat family living inside or a web housing a large spider. I did find something, but it wasn’t sinister; it was a set of books in a case covered in plastic wrap. Reaching in, I pulled them out. The dust on it was at least three inches thick. This must be the special book collection Gram told me to read and to keep safe. Anything that was precious to her, she hid—like the money I found pinned to her clothing in her closet, or the other jewelry she had taped to the back of her dresser.
I brushed the dust off and opened the plastic to find four books inside. They were pretty good in size and looked to be in great condition. They didn’t have traditional covers that you’d see in a bookstore. Instead they were covered in a thick material to keep the books clean and the binding solid. I pulled the first book from the case and placed the others back into the hole. Covering it back with the loose board was easier than taking it out. I held the book close, and instead of going upstairs I went to my book nook. I had just washed the blankets the day before. Cozied up in the nook, I stared out the window one last time before opening the book. I decided I would only read for a little while before going up to bed. Gram did want me to read them after all.
I opened the first page to the title page; it was blank. I flipped the page and snuggled deeper into the blankets preparing to read the first chapter and that’s when things changed.
Five
I blinked my eyes, trying to focus, and blinked again. I could see a floor and that I was lying on it. My face was smashed into it, along with bread crumbs, and I wasn’t sure, but I thought I saw rat poop. I sat up slowly trying to get my surroundings figured out. It was hot wherever I was. Actually boiling hot, like a kitchen. I looked up and realized I was inside a kitchen, just not one I was familiar with. I’d never seen this one before and wondered how the hell I had gotten here. Standing up, I brushed myself off and came face to face with a stout old woman with her hair in a loose bun. She looked at me in surprise a
nd instantly shrieked, “Where did you come from, eh?”
“Uh …” I wasn’t sure what to tell her. “I’m not sure. Can you tell me where I am?”
She placed her hands on her hips and duly wiped them on her apron that looked to me like it had seen better days.
“Where you are? Are you dumb, girl? Did you wander in here looking for a place to lay your head?”
I shook my head and said, “Me? No, I have a place to be and it’s not here. I just need you to tell me where I am, and I’ll get out of your hair.”
I looked around the kitchen, noticing the giant pots of soup on the stove. She was running this kitchen, that was clear, because she wasn’t alone. In another room a whole slew of workers ran around, so busy that that they didn’t notice me. I peered outside the open back door and saw a green hillside with lush grass and trees. It was daytime, the storm was over, and it was actually hot enough outside to have the doors open. I walked toward the door and got a closer look.
“This isn’t Maine,” I whispered to myself. There were nothing but hills as far as the eye could see, and it was hot. Maine this time of the year was nothing close to hot. It was freezing cold.
“Maine, did you say?” the cook asked.
“Yes, Maine, as in the state. Where. Are. We?” I was losing my patience with this old bitty, and I needed answers.
“I have half a mind to grab my broom and whip you with it, lass. Don’t ya talk to me like I’m dull. You’re in my kitchen, remember?” She had an accent. She sounded either Irish or Scottish. She sure as hell wasn’t a Mainer.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to offend you. That was rude of me. I’m just really confused.”
I placed my hands on my head as it spun. I really was sorry, but this wasn’t right. Where I was standing wasn’t where I was supposed to be.
The Librarian Page 3