by Finn, Thia
KeeMac stared at her for a few long minutes after she moved to her new seat, which, unfortunately put her more in his line-of-sight, but she made a point of ignoring him. He watched her periodically during the baseball game he had on, but she thought she made a good show of not noticing him at all. An hour or so later, Ryan came out of his bunk for something to drink and grabbed a Poptart from the kitchen taking the seat next to Chandler. She smiled at him and pulled her ear buds from her ears, and they chatted cheerfully for a while with KeeMac chiming in on the conversation a few times. Eventually, Ryan excused himself to return to his bunk.
KeeMac turned to Chandler thinking she was finally up for some conversation. But she looked at him disinterestedly, and let out a big yawn. She stretched her body out to full-length causing her sleep shorts to ride up and KeeMac’s eyes zeroed in on the exposed skin of her long, tanned legs. When she caught him looking he didn’t even bother to look away or act like he was embarrassed for being caught checking her out. He looked up into her strained blue eyes and smirked. He actually smirked! Like he approved of what he saw. She was annoyed. He looked like he was about to say something, maybe even flirt with her, and she was not going to give him the chance to make her all dopey-eyed again. She stood up, grabbing up her electronics, and announced that she was tired and going back to sleep in her bunk, leaving KeeMac there alone on the couch, just him and the baseball game.
Ryan returned a minute later with his phone in-hand and found KeeMac sitting on the couch, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands. “What’s wrong with you, buddy? Rangers can’t be losing that bad?” he asked the stressed lead singer.
“Nah, it’s not the game, man,” KeeMac replied, sitting back and looking his friend in the eyes.
“Did you run Chan off? She looked pretty well settled-in here. I was coming back to give her a message from Peri and Krissy.”
“Yeah, I guess so. She didn’t seem like she wanted to talk to me. You two seem like besties lately, though, lucky asshole. Don’t know how you do it.”
“‘Cause I respect women, man. They are beautiful creatures with complex emotions, but mostly they just want to feel beautiful and safe and loved and taken care of. And they will give back a fucking incredible amount of love and pleasure if you can just give them what they need to be confident to open that up to you. But you never have seemed to figure that shit out,” Ryan said as he crossed his arms and stared down at his friend.
“I can’t sit around and watch you fuck things up for the rest of the band by running her off for good. You know I saw you with her a few nights ago. And then you came home with two fanwhores last night. You’ve gotta know she saw it, too. She’s not one of these groupies, or some damn bar fly, dude. She’s not from our fucked up world, she’s a sweet girl. She’s not gonna be OK with waiting for her turn in line, and she sure as hell isn’t going to wait around for The Tinman to do a number on her.” Ryan turned and pulled the milk out of the fridge and drank from the jug. He replaced it and turned back to KeeMac.
“So figure your shit out, bud. That girl isn’t like these skanks on the road. She’s special. The girl’s sophisticated. She’s got class, self-respect. She’s a beauty outside, and in. I’ll give you props for recognizing that, ‘cause I don’t think what’s got you, obviously, all tied-up in knots right now is just some fine piece. You gotta get your head together, dumbass, before you do something stupid. It’s more than just you with something at stake here.”
KeeMac stared at his friend. Ryan was rarely one to mince words, and when he did have something to say it was always insightful. But damn if is friend didn’t hit the nail on the head. He kept looking at him for a few minutes in stunned silence, turning over everything that Ryan had just laid on him. Ryan was staring back at him, searching KeeMac’s face for something, then asked, “Ya get me, man?”
“Yeah, I get ya. You just kinda’ kicked me in the ass a bit more than usual, is all,” he confessed with a smirk.
“Good, bro. That’s what friends are for, right? Don’t fuck it up. Now, I’m hittin’ the sack until we get to Vegas. My girl will be there, and I’m not planning on sleeping until she gets back on that plane to go home.” He chuckles and winks at KeeMac who has scrunched his face and shakes his head.
“Thanks for that little visual, lucky bastard. And thanks for the motivational speech. Good talk.”
“Yep, bud. Anytime.” Ryan clapped him hard on the shoulder and then turned back in the direction of his bunk, leaving KeeMac alone with baseball and a lot to think about.
****
When they woke up, they would be in Vegas with the night to themselves. Tomorrow was booked with a radio interview, sound check, and a meet-and-greet before the concert. They would be here for back-to-back shows for two nights, so they were all staying in a hotel this time.
Cash handed out keycards for their thirty-ninth floor rooms. Frission had the top floor with suites to themselves. Peri and Krissy were landing that evening to spend the time with them as well, so Chandler would have a roommate. Chandler was glad they were coming because she could use someone to talk to. Krissy hadn’t made it the two weeks apart from Ryan after all, but Chandler was glad of it. She’d spent the day getting to know Ryan better but she was confused over this entire mess with KeeMac and didn’t feel like she could talk to Ryan about it.
She barely got her suitcase on her bed when the door busted open and Peri squealed. It was so girly that Chandler started laughing.
“I’m so effing excited to be here, Chan! I want to hear about everything that’s happened so far. I get none of the good stuff from Cash!” Peri wrapped Chandler in a big hug.
“There’s not too much to tell. We’ve played twice, had a meet-and-greet, and been to one after party in a club.” Peri noticed her lack of enthusiasm and wondered what had really happened since they last saw each other.
“Awww! You make it sound so boring. How were the shows? How many hot guys did you invite back after the concert? Did you get down and dirty, on and off the dance floor? How much room is there for two people in one bunk? Come on girl, I have to live vicariously through you! So spill!”
“Well, let’s see. The shows were awesome, no problems at all. I dressed down for the first couple of shows because I didn’t want to make a big deal out of it but I’m going to dress up for the next two shows for sure, and you’re here to help!”
“I didn’t invite any hot guys back to the bus or the hotel room I stayed in last night and got in trouble for with Cash. I did get down and dirty on the dance floor but Gunner and Ryan had to come to my rescue from the psycho I danced with who wanted to do more than dance on the dance floor. I slept alone last night.”
“Wow, OK. Not off to a great start in the sex department then, huh?”
“I didn’t come on the tour to get lucky, Peri.”
“Are you shitting me? Girl, you gotta take advantage of all the hot guys that are on these tours with you. I would fucking do any of the guys from Frission!”
“I’ve hardly even met them, and when I do see any of them, they are surrounded by groupies.”
“What about AD’s groupies? Is there nothing worth having in that pool? And if nothing else, what about the three hot available guys you are bunking with on the bus? Damn girl, you have so many opportunities to hook up! Why are you holding out?”
“I guess they don’t see me that way. Other than being protective over me, I really don’t have any kind of relationship with them. Ryan and I spent the day talking about him and Krissy mostly. That boy is so in love. It’s just so cute.”
“Yeah, it’s almost sickening.” They both laughed about the lovebirds. “Too bad she doesn’t trust him with all of the groupies running around.”
“Get your hot ass up and let’s go hit the casinos’ clubs! We’re in VEGAS, BABY! Let’s live it up on your night off!” With Peri there to help, they got dressed and ready to party and left the hotel. Before they made it over to the ca
sino section, Peri’s phone beeped with a text. “It’s from Cash. You think I should look at it?”
“Yes, I’m already in trouble for not checking in with him last night.”
Cash: Is Chandler with you?
Peri: yeah
Cash: Bring her back to the hotel now.
Peri: We were going to party.
Cash: NOW PLEASE!
“We have to go back. Cash wants to see you now for some reason.”
“I don’t know why. He told us to take the evening off and see him tomorrow morning.”
“Who knows? He can be a prick sometimes when he’s stressed.” Peri thought it was odd that he wanted them after turning them loose, too but didn’t want to worry Chandler until they knew what was going on.
The two walked into the suite/band hub that Cash had reserved for himself. The whole band was waiting for them.
Peri leaned in, “Great, what did we do already?”
“Chandler, I needed to talk to you. I had a phone call from Austin a few minutes ago and there’s a problem.”
“What kind of problem? Everything was fine for me to leave.” She couldn’t help but notice the rest of the room was quiet and everyone was looking at her.
“What’s going on, Cash?” Her anxiety level was rapidly rising.
“There was a plane crash this morning, honey. Just north of Austin. Your parents were on the plane.” He crossed the room to stand directly in front of her. She just stared at him as though the pieces of information he was giving her weren’t registering.
“What? No, my parents always fly on a private plane.” Her face flushed, alerting everyone in the room to her shock then suddenly she couldn’t seem to focus.
“Yes, the private plane they were on crashed on the way to D.C. They were only about thirty miles north of Austin. There were no survivors, Chandler.”
“No, that can’t be right. Someone would have called me. You have this wrong. It has to be. They are my only family.” Hysteria was setting in and she was at the point of screaming by the time the last word left her lips. The entire band gathered around he
as her legs gave way under her. KeeMac scooped her up and carried her to the couch. Overcome by the news, she blacked out completely.
“Call the front desk and get fucking EMS up here NOW!” KeeMac yelled. Everyone in the room started moving at once. Before hotel paramedics could arrive Chandler started coming to on her own, but she was muttering unintelligible words which scared them all. KeeMac perched on the coffee table holding her hand.
“Chandler. Wake up, honey. You’re OK, you just passed out.” She looked him right in the eye but did not acknowledge him. “Chandler, look at me.”
“No, I have to call my mom. She’ll straighten this out, I know.” Jerking her hand out of his, she sat up. “Where’s my phone?”
“Chan, babe. She won’t answer.” KeeMac looked up at Cash not knowing what to do. Cash sat down next to her and took her hand.
“Chandler, you do need to call this person who called me. Her name is Janey, and she left a number.”
“Janey, that’s our housekeeper in Austin. Yeah, she’ll know how to get my mom on the phone.” The two men looked at each other at a loss as to what to do for her.
Dialing the number, Chandler waited for an answer. “Hey, Janey, it’s Chandler. Is Mom around there? I need to clear up this misunderstanding.” The person on the other end started talking and tears started down Chandler’s cheeks. She dropped the phone and leaned forward until her head was between her knees and she sobbed.
There were hushed movements and whispers around the room as Peri crawled onto the couch next to Chandler and pulled her head of dark curls into her lap and hugged her grieving friend. Someone pulled Chandler’s shoes off her feet and she curled herself into a ball in Peri’s arms. One of the guys wrapped them both in a spare hotel blanket and handed Peri a box of tissues and a bottle of water. Peri just held Chandler, her cheek pressed to the top of her friend’s head, and let her tears fall. She whispered soothing words to her that no one else could hear, and she cried a little too while her friend’s heart broke.
For anyone on the outside, observing someone else’s heart breaking like this is agonizing. It’s truly a helpless feeling. The guys were all pacing, fidgeting bundles of stress and anxiety. They were men, feelings were outside their comfort zones, and now they were all trapped in a room with big time emotions and no way to fix it. Keeton’s jaw was so tight that the veins in his temples looked like they were about to burst. Gunner looked sick and made some comment about going for coffee, and had been gone for forty-five minutes. Cash had been on the phone intermittently, making notes as he went along, and exchanging wordless communication with Peri whenever he looked over at the couch where the girls sat in a huddle of tissues and whimpers.
It took some time but eventually Chandler’s tears subsided, and Peri was able to get her to drink some water and clean the mascara from her face. She finally sat up, but didn’t say anything or really acknowledge the rest of the group in the room. Peri kept up her low soothing tone, and swept the hair away from Chandler’s tear-soaked face and handed her fresh tissues and the water bottle. Peri excused herself to use the restroom and assured Chan that she would be right back. Chandler just nodded slightly without looking up she wiped her nose with the tissue and just sat quietly on the couch with her eyes closed for a while. Peri was back in a few minutes with another water and some mints from her bag, and offered them to Chandler who took one but didn’t eat it.
“I don’t know what to say or do. I’m in Vegas having the time of my life, and they’re gone. What do I do? How do I get home? Who’s going to help me plan two funerals at once? It’s just me. I have no one left.” Her voice was so small, so quietly eerie, as if she was speaking to no one in particular. And then the tears started again.
The group sat there unable to answer the questions. Finally, Cash stood up and came over to sit in a chair near the girls. “Here’s what we are going to do. The label’s jet will come here to pick you up and take you and Peri home. There will be a car waiting at the airport to take you to your parent’s home. I’ll call some people to meet you there to advise you about making plans if needed. I’m sure the State Department will have somethings that will need to be carried out too. Peri will stay with you and then we’ll all fly home for the funeral. You’re part of our family now and we take care of family. Chandler, you will not be alone in this.”
Chandler nodded her head but didn’t comment immediately. She couldn’t think; she couldn’t make decisions.
“Chandler, I know your parents had friends in Austin. Who do you want me to call to be there when you get home?” She gave him another blank stare for a few moments then in a very meager voice started to give a long list of names, all prominent Austin natives. He would have to work to get some of these people on the phone, but it would get done. With her father being a senator, the state would surely have people to help her with this as well along with his aide.
“Come on, sweetie. Let’s go get your stuff together.” Peri pulled her up and headed to their room.
KeeMac waited until they were out of earshot and looked at Cash. “Dammit, I should be the one going with her. I’m the only one she’s spent any time with.”
“You can’t go with a show tomorrow night. After the second show, we’ll all fly back and be with her. We can meet back up with the buses after the funeral. They’ll just have to open with one band.”
****
Regret: it wasn’t a feeling KeeMac was all that familiar with. He lived his life the way he wanted, and happily had no one to answer to for his choices. He’d let the Tinman take over last night, with his in-her-face act with the groupie threesome in Albuquerque. It was his heartless alter-ego at his best, and he was sure that had cemented the door closed to any chance for anything with her. And it had to be that way, he reminded himself; it was the best thing for her in the long run. He was not the kind of guy she needed to
get involved with. But, after Ryan’s lecture and her continued cold shoulder, he realized he’d hurt her. That stirred something sullen and miserable in him that he couldn’t fully understand.
Now that she was preparing to leave, with such a heavy burden awaiting her, he couldn’t bear the thought of her being alone. As he’d watched her in her initial grief, he realized she had no real friends in Austin. She would be going home with no one there for her to lean on and despite everything he’d done to push her away he felt a forceful need to be that person, to be able to comfort her. He could step up and fill that void, and more so, he realized this was the first time he’d ever wanted to do that for a woman. He wanted to hold her. If only she would let him get close enough.
Krissy wasn’t happy about being sent home with Peri and Chandler. While she and Ryan were disappointed to cut their visit short, he thought it was the right thing to do and insisted she stay with the other girls to try and help in any way she could. They fought briefly, but he promised he would see her in a few days when the rest of the band returned to Austin for the funeral.
KeeMac got in the car to ride with them to the airport. Chandler fought the impulse to resist his company. She simply didn’t have the energy to deal with his hot and cold games but hardly felt the necessary fervor needed to raise a protest, even when he pulled her into the back of the limo and into his lap and held her. She sunk into the comfort of strong arms and drifted numbly back into her depression.
As he held her, KeeMac wondered if she was glad it was him or just a warm body holding her. She made no effort to speak to him. Under other circumstances would she have put up a fight if he tried to get this close to her? He knew he deserved to witness her anger with him. In the end, he decided maybe she wasn’t all that aware of what was happening around her but simply accepted the comfort. He realized that he was okay with that, at least he could be close to her and provide her lend her his strength when she needed it, even if she wasn’t really consciously accepting it.