by Finn, Thia
On the tarmac, he hugged her and told her he would see her in a couple of days. He wasn’t even sure she heard him until she looked up at him and nodded with a glint in her eyes. She made no effort to hug him back or acknowledge him when he kissed her gently on the cheek. She latched onto Peri and let her lead her away. What was she going to do now? How would she get through all of this alone?
Watching the plane take off, KeeMac stood with Ryan for a few extra minutes, staring out at the busy tarmac. “So bud that was very unlike the Tin Man, you’re being there for her today, comforting her and what-not. Are you rethinking the one-and-done thing when it comes to her? I’ve never seen you show so much compassion for a weeping female before.” Ryan clapped him on the back.
“I don’t know what I’m thinking. That news, what she’s facing now, it just kinda tore at me, man. I couldn’t stand to see her so broken. Normally I would just walk away, not my problem, ya know? But I’ve gotten to know this girl, and she was kinda breaking my heart watching her go through all that, and I just couldn’t sit by and not do something for her. I don’t know. I could see myself getting involved with her, but damn, this is shit timing, you know? Even before this, there wasn’t time in my life to think about anyone else. I’ve probably fucked things up with her already, anyway. And the truth of it is, at this point, she’s just too good for me. I’m not sure I deserve her, even if she gave me a chance.”
“Is there ever a right time for it, KeeMac? It’s not like your circumstances are going to change in the next twenty years or more.” Ryan knew this first hand with Krissy.
“I know but she’s young and naïve and, more importantly now, she’s extremely vulnerable right now. I may be a manwhore but I’m not that big of a douchebag to take advantage of that and do that to someone like her.”
“I’m glad to hear it, man,” Ryan accepted his confession with understanding. “She deserves nothing less. She’s sure gonna need some friends for a while. Maybe that’s the best thing you can do for her right now.”
****
The three-hour flight was uneventful since Chandler had basically shut down. Peri and Krissy gave up trying to talk to her about what would need to be done when she arrived, and Peri decided to go stay at the Chatam’s house with her. She couldn’t imagine staying alone in her parents’ house with just the staff.
They walked through the door a little after two a.m. Janey was sleeping on the couch waiting for them to arrive.
“Oh, Chandler, I’m so sorry, honey.” Chandler melted in the older woman’s arms. Janey had been with their family as long as Chandler could remember. She basically raised Chandler since her parents were in D.C. so often.
“They’re gone, Janey. What am I going to do?” Janey sat down and cried with her and held her for a long time in the family room. She finally fell into a fitful sleep in Janey’s arms.
The hot Texas sun peeking through the curtains woke them all. Janey went to make coffee while Peri and Chandler talked. By ten o’clock the world had heard the news of the senator and his wife’s deaths and the phone refused to stop ringing. Fortunately, her dad’s secretary came over and manned the phones from the home office, so Chandler didn’t have to hear what everyone was asking.
True to his word, Cash sent over several people to help with preparations. The family lawyer also showed up and sat down with Chandler to get the funeral arrangements started. The next four days were solemn in the home and Chandler was running on reserve energy she didn’t know she possessed.
The funeral and reception were quiet affairs. The entire event felt surreal to her and even though close family friends were there to offer support, she hardly remembered who attended and who she spoke to.
The band had flown in but kept a low profile during the services and at the Chatam home. Chandler greeted them in the same rote way she did everyone else that offered their condolences at the church. Peri and the other band members watched important people come and go from the home offering assistance as needed.
Keeton was surprised with the influential people from the state who showed to pay their respects, although he knew he should expect it with Chandler’s father’s position. Watching Chandler handle these people with grace and respect surprised him. She appeared unsure of herself with the band and concerts, but here she was obviously comfortable playing host to important dignitaries. When the Vice-President and Governor made an appearance at the funeral, she responded with all the poise and formality befitting their stations. He knew she drew on the strength she had been taught to exhibit in situations where it was called for.
What truly shocked him and the other band members was the music she played preceding the actual funeral. She chose Beethoven’s Adiagio from Piano Sonata No 8, and her true talent and years of training shined through. All of the AD members knew they had only been witness to a sliver of what she was capable of when she performed with them on stage. The farewell she played for her parents was a masterpiece performance. They all wondered how someone with so much innate talent had fallen into their laps and had been so willing and eager join their band.
Keeton’s eyes were opened to a side of Chandler he hadn’t taken the see yet. She was beautiful, but she was so much more than he had truly given her credit for. How could he have been so blind? She outshined him in so many ways but was so modest and unassuming about her abilities until it was needed, as a mature adult would. The kid he thought he was dealing with was only a small part of her true persona. What had intrigued him when they first met was more than just her beauty or her musical ability or her subtle tenacity. This woman held so much, hidden just below the surface, that when she finally had a chance to shine, the world would have no
choice but to take notice. He felt a sudden sense of longing and even a bit of possessiveness realizing that he may have been the first to recognize just how spectacular this young woman was going to become. Why had he not seen this?
When the last person made their way out the front door following the reception, she crumbled in the middle of the entryway and fell to pieces. Her ability to keep up the required façade now vanished. The band was in the back of the house until they heard her screams. Running toward the sounds, they found her balled up in a fetal position on the floor, sobbing uncontrollably.
KeeMac carried her to the family room and sat with her in his lap on the couch rocking her, offering soothing words to calm her. Not knowing what else to do, the band stood around trying not to stare at the scene. It became apparent she wasn’t ready to be left alone, so Peri and KeeMac decided to stay the night. Cash rounded up the rest of the group and said he would be back in the morning to talk about what they were going to do.
The two persuaded her to go upstairs and try to rest. Not wanting to be alone, she begged them to stay with her, so the three of them climbed into her bed together. Once she fell asleep, Peri slipped out and went to sleep across the hall so maybe they could all get some rest. Chandler had a fitful night but KeeMac continued to hold her. How was she going to feel when she found him in her bed? He hoped she saw it for what he was offering and not a ploy to take advantage.
Waking up in her bed the next morning - with KeeMac’s warm arms around her, no less - Chandler looked around trying to recall how they had ended up there as the memories of the previous day came pouring in. The comfort his warm body offered at least made her feel grounded as she was drowning in a sea of grief. She did not move but her mind wandered as she considered what she was going to do now.
Peri tapped lightly on the door before entering. The sound woke KeeMac and he looked down at Chandler. Now that they were all awake, some decisions were going to have to be made, although he seemed perfectly content to stay where they were. The three went downstairs in search of coffee still not saying much.
“Looks like the sleepy heads decided to show up,” Janey said trying to sound light. “I have fresh coffee and I made your favorite buttermilk biscuits, Chandler.” Chandler smiled weakly and thanked her even th
ough she didn’t think she could possibly keep food down yet.
“Chandler, you need to eat something. It’s been a long time since you’ve had more than a bite or two of food,” Peri scolded her.
She picked at a warm biscuit while Peri and KeeMac ate more than their fair share of the melt-in-your-mouth goodness. The aroma of the biscuits offered comfort to Chandler evoking memories from her childhood. Her mind was muddled with thoughts of how to start living again. Staring into space trying to organize them, she latched onto something she knew how to do.
“OK, so what are we going to do?” Chandler piped up as soon as she finished her second cup of coffee and a little orange juice. It was like a switch flipped inside her compared to the day before. Everyone in the room looked at her and wondered what had happened, concerned that this behavior was erratic at best.
The looks she received made her feel the need to explain. “I can’t sit around feeling sorry for myself. It’s just not me. I have to do something or I am going to wind up checking myself into a psych ward before the week is out. I need to have a plan.”
As if on cue, Cash walked through the door to the kitchen and made a beeline to the pot of fresh coffee as though it was calling his name. “What were you saying Chandler?”
“I just said, ‘what are we going to do? And I need a plan.’ I need distraction from all I’ve dealt with in the last week. I have to do something.” The doorbell rang while she was trying to explain herself, and Janey let the visitor in.
The Chatams’ attorney entered the kitchen and approached the breakfast table to join them. “Chandler, I know it’s too soon to start on will proceedings but we should talk. It’s fairly cut and dry since you’re an only child.” Chandler nodded her head at him while the others looked on. “I do have something important to give you though. Do you want to go to your dad’s office to talk?”
“No, these people are my closest friends. What do you have?”
“It’s a letter that’s been with your parents’ will since your second birthday. No explanation was given as to why they waited two years to write this, but I assume it was something important. I don’t know what it says, they wrote and sealed it before giving it to me so I assume it’s a personal letter meant just for you. I was told when they were both gone to give it to you. You might want to read it in private as I’m sure it was meant to offer you solace over losing them.”
“No, I actually would rather not be alone, Mr. Dixon. I’m holding together only with what little glue these people have put me back together with, and I might need more before I’m done.” Chandler opened the letter that was clearly written in her dad’s handwriting. Reading the letter was like having him in the room with her again.
Our Dearest Chandler,
Your mom and I cried with joy the day you were born. The happiness we felt had been a long time coming as we tried for years to have a baby to complete our family. What we are going to tell you here is going to be a shock but please always know we love you with all our hearts and would not have had it any other way.
We were never able to conceive, no matter how many options we tried from the best doctors in the entire nation and even some from overseas. Our only option was to turn to adoption, which was a risky alternative. We rejoiced the day we received a call that the lawyer had located a seventeen-year-old young woman who was going to give her baby up but wanted it all to be kept completely quiet so an agency was bypassed.
She was living with her aunt, who happened to be a legal secretary for a prestigious firm close to D.C., at the time she gave birth. The girl refused to name the father to her parents back in Texas. They sent her to D.C. to have you and then returned home to continue living her life. We only met her the day of your birth at the hospital. Her aunt was the only person with her.
When we saw you for the first time, we fell in love instantly with the pure perfection she was holding in her arms. She handed you to us and smiled, explaining that she knew it was the right thing to do so that you would have a wonderful life that she would never be able to give you. We were willing to include her in your life but she was completely against it. She wanted your adoption to remain closed and for you to never know the truth. Your mother and I felt you deserved to know it, especially if anything happened to us.
She did tell us the father’s name in the event there was ever a medical problem that might require either of them for some reason. She did tell us though that he did not know you existed, which was wrong, but it was the way she wanted it. We’ve never contacted him, partly out of respect for her wishes, and partly out of our own selfishness. If he knew of you, he might have tried to take you away and we could not risk that. One thing we do know, though, is that sadly, your birth mother was killed in a car wreck shortly after you were born. She never made it back to Texas.
Attached you will find his full name, birthdate, and his last known address as of the day you were born. If you need to contact him, you can do so now, but remember, he knows nothing of you. Contacting him could be a mistake.
Remember Chandler, we love you and have always loved you.
Dad and Mom
Chandler folded the letter, placed it back in the envelope, and returned to the same fetal position they had found her in the day before, only this time she was not making a sound.
Chapter Twelve
“Chandler, you have to wake up. You’ve been asleep for twelve hours, and the shot the doctor gave you has surely worn off.” Peri was talking to her in a soft voice.
“NO. Leave me alone.”
“No, I will not leave you alone. You are going to roll your cute little ass out of this bed, take a shower and face the evening. Wallowing in self-pity isn’t going to do you any good.” Peri hated to be mean to her but Chandler had to snap out of it or they would have to take much stronger measures to help her. The rest of the band was flying out tonight to meet up with the tour bus and continue their tour, and decisions had to be made.
“Get the fuck out of my room and leave me the hell alone.” Rudeness saturated her statement, but Peri refused to take offense, despite her surprise at Chandler’s language.
“No, I can’t do that. The band is going to be here shortly, and you, my dear, are going to get up and at least tell them ‘bye’. Now get the fuck up!”
“Why are you being such a bitch to me? My entire life has gone freaking crazy, and you want me to play nice with people? Well, you can damn well forget it. Not going to happen.”
“OK, you leave me no choice, Chan.” She opened the door and let Janey walk through holding a big tub with towels over her shoulder.
“What the hell are you doing?” Chandler stared at the two of them
“Don’t you sass me, little girl. If you are going to act like a child, then we are going to treat you like a child. Start taking her shirt off, Peri, so I can give her a sponge bath.”
“Oh hell no! You’re fucking sure are not giving me a bath.”
“You need a bath. You stink. So you can lay there and take it, or you can realize it’s time for your big girl panties, and get in the shower to do it yourself.” Janey was being no-nonsense like she sometimes had to do with Chandler as a stubborn young child.
“Damn you all to hell. Both of you get the fuck out!” Chandler threw off the covers and stomped into her bathroom to start the shower. Peri and Janey gave each other a little smile and a high-five.
“Guess we won this battle, Janey.”
“She sure learned some colorful language once she left home. Her mom would have had a coronary if she heard her daughter speak that way.” Janey shook her head and walked out.
Peri wasn’t sure how many battles she would be able to bully her way through though. Chandler had been through so much, and Peri did not know how hard they could push before she shut down again.
Chandler headed downstairs after her shower. She even put on the clothes Peri laid out for her.
“OK, I’m clean and dressed,” she shouted coming down the st
airs. “What the hell am I supposed to do now?” Her attitude hadn’t improved any.
Chandler rounded the doorway to a room full of those gorgeous boys of Assured Distraction. She looked them over, one by one, and felt the fight go out of her. They had all come through for her when she needed them the most. She at least owed them all words of thanks and farewell, although telling them goodbye was going to be so painfully hard.
“So what the hell is this, an intervention or something?” She gave a shy little smirked, still filled laced with grief and longing, but they knew she was going to be okay. Her life was never going to be the same but her spirit hadn’t died, and she would pick herself up and carry on.
“Chandler,” Cash started in, “we know this is rushed and you have a lot on your mind, but what we need to know is what you want to do about the band? We only had to bow out of two shows with Frission and they were on board with it due to the situation but now we have to get back on the road. So, our question is do you want to finish out the seven weeks or do you want us to void your contract? I spoke to the lawyers with the label, and they are willing to let you out of the contract under the circumstances. What we—the band, that is—want to know is, do you want out of it?”
“The band managed to pull in a roadie that was OK for that one performance but we are going to have to rewrite some music or find a replacement for the rest of the tour if you’re not ready. I’m not trying to guilt you into coming back with us unless you want to, though.” The band all threw-in at once with positive comments about having her back.
Chandler eyed each person standing in the room. She still didn’t know them all that well but they felt like the closest thing to family she had now. She needed family right now in the worst way. How could she let them down, or worse, how could she let them leave her behind?