by Finn, Thia
“Somewhere in the back of my mind, I have given this a little thought. I can’t sit around here and do nothing. I really don’t have to have a job now, if I don’t want one. But what in the hell am I supposed to do? If I just stay here, I’ll go bat shit crazy, and y’all will be intervening on my behalf for sure. If y’all are willing to put up with me for the rest of my time, I think I would like to give it a try. I’m not going to promise I’ll be the same girl that left with you the first time but I will play music like my life depends on it and believe me, right now, music is the only thing I do have in my life that truly makes sense. So yeah, will you let me return?”
The entire group surrounded her whooping as though they had just finished a concert. And for the first time since leaving Vegas, she believed she might just be okay.
She wasted no time getting packed and ready to head out. She carefully tucked the letter from her parents into her tote bag so she could read it again later. She spent some time talking things over with Janey, and decided that she just wouldn’t make any major decisions for at least the next seven weeks. Her parents’ estate could be overseen by the attorney, and the staff would take care of things at the house. They knew how to reach her if there was anything she needed to handle before she got back. She hugged Janey goodbye, and thanked her for her support and care, and promised to be in touch soon. She grabbed her bags and headed for the stairs, and found that everyone but KeeMac was gone.
“Where is everyone?” she asked, looking around.
“They went to get their things and say goodbye to family. I stayed behind to ride with you to the airport.” He was a welcome sight standing there at the bottom of the stairs. The sapphire in his eyes seemed to hold a message in them that she couldn’t quite read.
“Please tell me you have a car for us and not your bike.” She gave him a soft smile and he was thrilled to see it. He didn’t know how things were going to be between them after the way they had parted in Albuquerque and his callus move with the groupies, but he knew he wanted to try starting over with her, and hoped if he took it slowly she would come to feel the same. He had messed up so many times already, convinced he was trying to do the right thing before. This time around, he was going to do the right thing according to the way he felt, instead of what he thought was right.
“No, I have a car for us tonight. The label sent a couple cars for us while we were here because they were afraid of the damn press and fans getting the news and causing problems for us. They will take us back to the airport.”
“Thank God!”
Boarding the plane with the rest of the band, Chandler wasn’t herself but she welcomed the momentum of getting back on the road to something bigger than her suddenly very small world. So much had happened so quickly she still had trouble wrapping her head around some of it. She was two-parts numb and one-part lost at sea. At least she had the next few weeks to divide her attention and hope that when she returned to Austin she would be able to make sense of her life and deal with the stuff that waited for her when she got back.
Every time she felt she was about to fall apart again, Keeton was there, holding her hand, offering her a shoulder, taking her silently into his arms and just holding her as if he sensed her fragile composure on the verge of collapse. Chandler acknowledged in only the passive sense of knowing that there’s an unwavering strength standing on the periphery, trusting that a stronger presence will catch you if you fall. Chandler had never been one to lean on anyone. An only child and prodigy, as she was, she spent a great deal of her time alone, focused on doing things on her own. But now, in her depression-laden state, she was often not aware of just how willingly she gone into those strong arms, seeking comfort and contact.
KeeMac’s attentiveness didn’t go unnoticed by the rest of the band. Only he and Peri knew nothing had happened when he’d stayed at the house with Chandler, but the rest of the band took notice of how KeeMac cared for their fragile, young female member, questioning glances at what seemed to be a budding relationship. Ryan seemed especially wary since he’d caught Keeton sneaking a sleeping Chandler from his bedroom back to her bunk in the wee hours of the morning their first night on the bus, but KeeMac didn’t care. He had messed up the first time around and he wasn’t about to let it happen this time. She’d been through so much, anyone would have felt sympathy, but as much as he tried to convince himself it was just benevolence, he was beginning to realize it was something stronger that pulled at him. He felt an overwhelming need to make sure she was okay, and Chandler now seemed to be receptive to the attention he was giving her.
They sat next to each other on one of the plane’s couches, talking privately, their heads together so they could hear each other over the noise of the engines. “I’m glad Cash offered the position back to me. I don’t know what I would have done if I’d found myself sitting in that big house all alone.”
“Yeah, the band had a conference call bright and early this morning, and everyone agreed, thought it would be the best thing for everyone. We all know it’s not going to be easy because you still need time, but being alone with all that wouldn’t be healthy for you either.” KeeMac was extremely glad it had been a unanimous decision to ask her to come back. “We are all here for you, Chan. Please remember that. You are part of this family now and we want you to know that if you need anything, any fucking thing at all, we are here to see that you get it.”
Chandler was glad the band all felt that way, and she was truly grateful she had them now. “I still don’t know what to think about the information my parents hid from me all these years. What the hell were they thinking? I’ve read the letter several times and it’s still such a shock.” He nodded his head in agreement.
“I know, babe. I’m sure you’ve already thought about the repercussions of them keeping this from you.”
“Yeah, I’ve been thinking about that, too. I could have brothers and sisters out there. My father might not be alive but if he is, I can’t help but wonder if he would be interested in knowing about me?” In her dark nights, before Peri and Janey jerked her back into reality, she had considered all of these things.
“I’m sure you have a thousand questions but you don’t have to rush into finding him, you know. He hasn’t known you for twenty-one years. So what’s a few more weeks or months? You shouldn’t make big decisions during a crisis anyway. Give yourself some time: time to grieve, time to cope, time to deal with all the stuff that will come down the pipe in the coming weeks. And you’ve got us and the tour to keep you busy for a while.”
“I know you’re right, but part of me wants to know now. If nothing else, I just want to know if he’s still alive.”
“I bet Cash could get the information for you. He knows people who can do that kind of thing.”
“You think he would do that? Maybe I’ll ask him if he would be willing to help.” Chandler couldn’t help yawning, and he knew she had to be exhausted just like he was. He leaned back in his seat and put his arm around her. She snuggled into his warmth and sleep quickly took them both.
Ryan sat across from them with Krissy and Peri. She and Peri had been catching up since their last visit. The three also watched what was going on between Chandler and KeeMac. When they went to sleep, Ryan whispered over Krissy to Peri, “So what do y’all think about that fucking situation with Dorothy and the Tinman over there?”
“I don’t know,” Peri replied. “He’s a good enough guy and he seems to care for her but he’s always been such a damn player. And Chan doesn’t seem like she’s all that experienced in dealing with pricks like he can be, much less someone who very likely will end up hurting her. I just don’t know. I’m not sure I like it. But right now, she needs something to hang on to. I just hope he’s the right guy for the job.”
“Yeah, I thought that, too. I know they spent some time alone together on the bus after Dallas, but I haven’t said anything to him about it yet. KeeMac knows I saw them too.”
“Really? Why the hell didn
’t you tell me? Come to think of it, she never said anything to me either...” Krissy eyed the young keyboardist keenly. “I bet Peri and I could have offered her a little advice about dealing with guys like him.”
He looked at her and smiled, “That’s exactly why I didn’t bring it up. They need to figure this out for themselves. I’m sure he sees how damn vulnerable she is right now and what a dick-move it would be to try anything right now, so that might give them more time to get to know each other. She seems like a great girl, he better not fuck this up for the band before her leg of the tour is over. We need her.”
“I’ll keep my mouth shut unless I see her getting in over her head then. I’m not going to let him mess with her head though. She doesn’t deserve that kind of shit, especially now.”
“Good idea.” Pulling her in for a kiss, he was happy to know the two girls would have Chandler’s back when it came to men. He laid them both over to catch a nap on the couch putting his lips on her ear, and whispered, “I’m so glad you decided to come back, baby. I’ve missed having that sweet little ass of yours to spoon against at night.” He pulled her in tight with his arm wrapped around her waist loving the feel of her against his growing erection. When his hand slid up under her top and caressed the soft skin of the underside of her breast, he was sure her decision to join them was the best idea ever.
“Well, you could come on home with me and then we could sleep this way every night,” Krissy purred, pulling his hand over her puckered nipple. “Wouldn’t that be wonderful?”
“Not going to happen, Kitten,” he whispered in response, much to her displeasure.
They arrived in Reno and cars picked them up from the airport and took them to where the buses were waiting in the parking lot of the venue. The group was pumped about hitting the casinos since their time in Vegas had been cut short.
“We don’t have to go out if you don’t want to, Chan,” KeeMac had trapped her between his arms against the kitchen counter while the others stored their gear.
“No, I want to get out and do something, And, I’m actually hungry.”
“That’s a great sign ‘cause I fucking know you like to eat!” He patted her stomach. “We’ve gotta get those few pounds back on you!”
“I don’t know about that. I kinda like the extra pounds gone.”
“NO, you don’t. You were fucking perfect before. I like curves, remember?”
“What makes you think you get to tell me what to do about my own body?” He knew the old Chandler was back when she jumped at the opportunity to defend her independence.
“Like hell I’m trying to tell you what to do. I’m just saying, you’re too damned thin now Chan, and I don’t want you getting sick. Your body has had a hell of a lot of stress, which can also make you sick. So, please try to eat so you can get all of your beautiful curves back. Curves are fucking sexier than sharp angles any day of the week.” He gave her a look that practically melted the panties right off her.
“I’m starving right now, so let me get back to you on that. Tonight I might just pig out!” Maybe she would reconsider the weight since he put it that way.
They took a cab to a kick ass restaurant that Cash recommended close to the venue, since neither of them had ever been to Reno. After getting her fill for the first time in days, Chandler yawned again and he realized they were both exhausted. Tomorrow would be another long day for them but at least they would be doing what they loved.
Arriving back at the bus, she changed in the bathroom and started getting things arranged in her bunk. “I was hoping you would sleep with me again tonight. I like having you next to me, Chan.” Wrapping his arms around her from behind, and she leaned into him inhaling the woodsy scent he always seemed to wear.
“Won’t the others be upset about this thing between us, especially if we start to share a bed now that the tour is back on?”
“Personally, I don’t give a flying fuck what they think. What we do in our private lives is really none of their damn business. As long as it doesn’t affect the band, they have no say. This is between us, and if we’re good with it, they can just deal with it. I want you in my damn bed any way I can have you. We don’t have to do anything. But I realize that I fucked up the last time we got close, and I’m not about to let that happen again. We never had a chance to talk about me be such a dick before. But I wanted to tell you I am so damn sorry for how I acted. I know you won’t believe me but I was trying to do the right thing.”
“The right thing? I don’t understand.” He pulled her to the bedroom and closed the door. She climbed on the bed but didn’t lie down.
“Look Chandler, I totally fucked up. After that smokin’ hot night we shared, I stayed awake half the damn night thinking about it. I didn’t want to push you into shit you weren’t ready to deal with. How many relationships have you had, anyway?”
He thought he knew what the answer would be but wanted to make sure he hadn’t imagined the intensity of her reactions that he had replayed so many times in his mind. Every time he allowed his mind to drift back to that night, he would get instantly aroused. While she might not have any experience, she was so responsive to him that he hadn’t been able to stop himself.
“Well, I had a boyfriend of sorts in high school, but I was busy getting through my classes so I could move on to Juilliard so a real relationship was impossible. Also, my parents never allowed me to actually date. My dad was so protective over who was allowed in our home that I rarely ever had friends over.”
“Yeah, and then you end up in bed with this sorry son of a bitch. Me, Chan, the Tin Man with no heart, the guy who’s fucked any willing girl. I was definitely the typical horny teenage boy, and now I’m just a horny grown man. I never want you to feel like you have to do anything you don’t want to do. I sure as hell don’t think I’m good enough for you, but if you’re willing, we’ll take this slow and see where you want to go with it.”
“The Tin Man, huh? I think you are mistaken there. You’ve got a big heart. Maybe you just haven’t had a reason to show it to anyone yet.” She gave him a brief hug with her comment.
When she pulled back and looked at him, he said, “You’ll have all of the damn power, Chandler. Of course, some of those hot looks you give me makes me want to push you up against the nearest wall and fuck you until neither of us can remember our names, but that’s sure as hell not going to happen unless that’s what you want. You have to know holding off on sex is uncharted territory for me but I promise not to be a dick and push you on this.”
Chandler was shocked by his admissions, but was happy he was willing to try going at a pace she set. “I’m so tired tonight. Could we just sleep on it and not worry about any of this right now?” she said, and he laughed out loud.
“Abso-fucking-lutely. I’m just glad you are willing to let me get close to you at all at this point. I wasn’t sure you would give me another chance.” When she lay down, he pulled her back and spooned up close to her body, burying his nose in the beautiful scent of lavender in her hair, and the feel of her soft skin on her stomach. “This feels so right.” She simply nodded her head in agreement unable to fight off the bone-deep exhaustion she’d carried with her for days.
Chapter Thirteen
The whole group was more than ready to rock the show the following night in Reno and they were more than pumped to get back on stage before Frission. Chandler let Peri choose her stage clothes and she knew she looked lusciously hot walking out on stage in a black leather bustier dress that felt like it barely covered her ass and a pair of four-inch over-the-knee-boots with rhinestone-encrusted heels. Camille had changed her makeup to complement the clothes and added a lot of silver and black leather wrap bracelets. Around her neck hung a large natural aquamarine stone the color of Chandler’s eyes made in a Kendra Scott design. It looked amazing on her. When she exited her dressing room and headed toward the stage, the guys from Frission were coming down the hallway to prepare for their set.
“My, my,
my! Who do we have here, boys? Honey, please tell me they let your sweet little ass backstage early to have some fun before we go on stage. ‘Cause if so, I want you signed on for the rest of the tour,” said the lead singer.
Before a stunned Chandler could respond, all the members of AD stepped out of their dressing room just as he backed her up against the wall, and placed his hands on either side of her shoulders, and leaned in barely running his nose up her skin, sniffing from her shoulder to her neck and then her ear, trapping her as Chandler’s eyes went wide in complete terror.
KeeMac was on them in two seconds and put his arm between the front man and Chandler and ducked his face in and yelled, “What the fuck, man? She’s our keyboard player! So back the fuck off.”
He looked at KeeMac and threw his hands up and backing away with an immediate apology, “Sorry man, I didn’t know she was spoken for.” Turning to Chandler, he apologized. “I’m not really a prick all the time. I had no idea you were with the band. Please accept my apologies.” The rest of Frission was full out laughing. It was unlike their lead singer to grovel to a woman.
“Uh, well. You didn’t know. I guess I haven’t met any of you guys yet.” While KeeMac looked like he was ready to start a beat down on this bunch, Chandler was quick to forgive the terror he stirred within her. He looked at her like she was crazy, and made a mental note to lecture her on some safety rules while on the road when they got back to the bus later.
“Let me introduce you then,” he gave her a big smile, stiffly pointing out each member of the band by name. KeeMac still maintained his glare while Chandler seemed in awe of them. The guys were not a lot older than the members of AD but Frission was already the headliner for this huge tour. She prayed that AD was able to rise to their level of stardom in as short of time.
“It was great to meet you all. I’m sure we’ll see each other again. But we’re up next, so we better get going,” Chandler took steps toward the stage.