Falling Into Love

by Selene Chardou

  Her voice gave away what ever she had to confess wasn’t going to be good news. “What’s the matter?”

  She stared at me with wide green eyes. “I’m eight weeks pregnant.”

  I was about to say something but she held up her hand in defeat.

  “I’d have an abortion in a heartbeat but I can’t…and Jaden wants me to have the baby. He said we’ll work it out somehow. I was on birth control…but he made me stop taking the pill and wanted to rely on condoms until his blood work came back clean. I’m not stupid but somehow it happened and with Faith losing her baby, I don’t know. I couldn’t keep it to myself any longer,” she explained as she blew out a breath and looked down at our linked hands.

  “Shit on a stick.” I squeezed our hands together. “We’ll find a way to figure this out. What have you been doing in terms of care?”

  “Well, that is what the tour physician is for and I have been going to see him. He takes me to clinics where he has made deals with to practice. We blame it on my throat. The clinics don’t ask questions and he has performed two exams on me and says the baby is fine and developing perfectly okay.

  “I have never been a big drinker or used drugs very much. Shortly after Seth’s OD, Jaden quit cold turkey and I was with him through all that. Yes, I have seen what Oxy does and it is just as bad as heroin. I was with him through the cold sweats and the puking episodes and the times he couldn’t make it to the bathroom on time. I’ve cleaned up his shit, piss and vomit. It didn’t disgust me because I just wanted him to get straight and he’s okay now. I suppose it happened right before he got clean but the doctor said the baby is fine.”

  “Do you think it’s fair to raise that baby with Seth, knowing what you know about his childhood?”

  She rolled her eyes. “I honestly haven’t thought that far ahead into the future—I take it one day at a time, you know? We can try…and if it doesn’t work out, I’m not giving up my baby. This child is part of me too and I know it is selfish but it’s the part of Jaden I get to keep and I won’t ever regret that because I do love him…just as much as he loves me. I didn’t mean to fall in love with him but I did and I can’t take it back but…I have no choice but to keep moving forward and I refused to get bogged down by the past.”

  “Remember, I am here for you, even after we get back to L.A. Faith is my best friend but now you’re also a close friend and what happened between you and Jaden doesn’t have anything to do with me. You were two consenting adults and you knew what you were doing. I’m certainly not perfect so I have no reason to act self-righteous and absolutely no right to judge you or the decisions you have decided to make.”

  Our hands slipped apart as she pulled back a few strands of her auburn wig before I said, “Don’t ever let Faith find out the truth though. If you’re smart, you’d make sure no one knew and it remained you and Jaden’s secret.”

  “Oh, honey, don’t worry about me. If I am good at anything, it’s keeping secrets.”

  I smiled half-heartedly. “We better make our way back to the hotel. You buying that dress or what?”

  Talia shook her head. “Nope. I don’t think man-stealing whores look very good in beige…now if the dress was scarlet or black…”

  I started laughing out loud before she joined me. “And for the record, you didn’t ‘steal’ anyone. Jaden and Faith’s relationship has been unconventional from the start. I have never seen him as happy as he is when he’s with you.”

  “Yeah, that’s great but the chances of him leaving her aren’t even worth betting on. I’m just trying to keep my head above water.”

  “Go get dressed so we can get the hell out of here.”

  She stood and disappeared behind the dressing curtain as I sat on the comfortably cushioned bench and nursed a splitting headache. Between Faith’s news earlier that day and Talia’s unexpected disclosure to me, I seriously felt like I was the one who was being pulled under.

  I WALKED BACK to the suite I shared with Kaz followed by a bell boy who had all my purchases in his hands. Once I opened the door, I gave him a hundred in Australian dollars for his trouble before I watched him leave and closed the door behind him.

  As soon as he was gone, I walked over and poured myself a Macallan and washed down a two milligram tablet of Xanax. I had been so proud when I no longer needed the drug but being on tour had been more stressful than I expected. With Kaz’s urging, I had gotten back on the drug to prevent the horrific panic attacks that had started up once we hit Dubai.

  Our tour physician not only could write prescriptions but he also stocked up on his own stash of certain pharmaceuticals before we’d left for the Middle East and therefore I’d received the thirty day supply from him. I waited for it to take effect as I opened my Kindle Fire and began to read one of my more sinfully pleasing novels, also about rock stars but it seemed to calm me down and make me feel like the endless hotels and change of locations wasn’t so strange if one was part of the industry.

  Before long, I was completely immersed in my book and don’t notice Kaz until he stood there right in front of me. His blue-green eyes were unreadable and although he doesn’t seem like he was in a bad mood, he sure as shit wasn’t in a good one either.

  I closed my Kindle and set it on the coffee table. “Hey, sweetie. I didn’t hear you come in.” I stood and wrapped my arms around his neck before I kissed him quickly on the lips. “Baby, what’s wrong? How was your day with Jaden?”

  “Fucked in the worst way,” he replied before he pressed his forehead against mine. “We drank too much and I don’t know if I can continue this tour because I seriously can’t stand the pressure of performing anymore. I was fine until I had to hear about Faith losing her baby, Misty being frog-marched back to Reno by Quinn and Ronan, and of course the pièce de résistance: Talia being knocked up by my brother.”

  I coaxed him down on the sofa and turned toward him. His hands covered his face and he breathed in and out with slow, steady breaths. “Listen to me, you can and you will finish this tour because if you don’t then you will be letting a lot of people down not to mention you’ll be in breach of contract with Introspect Records. I know you feel like you are at the end of the rope because all this shit is going on around us but we have to remember why we are here and keep our eyes on the prize. The concerts and the music and the fans—those are your priorities, you got that?

  “What ever is going on with Jaden or Misty’s life is none of your business and they are both over twenty-one. They can take care of themselves and they don’t need you worrying about them. You’ll end up having a nervous breakdown and would you truly feel any better bailing on this tour? If I let you do that, you would regret it for the rest of your life,” I explained in a calm and soothing tone.

  “You’re right.” Kaz stared into my eyes, his blue-green irises bright with emotion and disappointment. “It’s all about the music and I just want to crawl into a corner and pass out.”

  “We both know you can’t do that so fucking man up and stop feeling sorry for yourself.” I stood suddenly and began to pace. “Stop feeling like you carry the weight of the world on your shoulders. I knew everything you told me except the whole part about Misty—for that I am sorry but I also know how strong she is and she isn’t going to be the same woman that left.

  “You have one job and one job only. That is to put on the best show you can here in Sydney, Melbourne and Brisbane. After that, we have two concerts in Auckland and we’re out. Back home, back to L.A. where you will have all the time in the world to catch up on what’s going with your family. And for your information, both Jaden and Talia are very happy about this baby so it really isn’t a concern.”

  My lover looked at me with determined eyes. “Yes, I know. He told her she didn’t have to worry about birth control because he wanted to wear condoms until he was declared to be clean by the tour doctor. Jaden never had anything. He liked condoms because he was poking holes in them when ever they had sex.”

  I
laughed out loud. “Why doesn’t that surprise me?” I stopped pacing and knelt in front of Kaz as my hands gripped his strong thighs though there was nothing remotely sexual about my actions. “I know you can’t always be strong enough for both of us and that is what I’m here for because that’s what love is about. It isn’t about Swiss chocolate and silk sheets, unbelievable trips to Paris and pink hearts. It’s about this…now and what we have together. We stand with one another when times are tough and when I’m weak, you’re strong for the both of us. It goes both ways: when you sink so low, you feel like you can’t go on, I’m going to be strong for you because nothing and no one will ever tear us apart. Is that understood?”

  He leaned over and kissed me softly on the mouth, his own tasting of fine liquor and even finer marijuana. “Yeah, I got it babe.”

  The vein in the middle of his forehead bulged and he covered his eyes as he began to sob.

  I had finally broken through.

  I stood and wrapped my arms around my man as he cried manly tears of pain and frustration. I didn’t care; we were all human and it didn’t make him weak and he certainly was still an alpha male. I always wanted to make sure that when the time came, it was my arms he fell into when he needed to be weak.

  A bitch would have to fight me to get close to Kaz because I’d firmly staked my claim.

  This man was mine and eventually, he would be my fiancé and then my husband.

  I bet money on that because there was nothing in life I wanted I hadn’t gotten yet and now I wanted everything with Kaz and I would do anything in my power to make it a reality.

  Chapter Fifteen

  An Argument & A Proposal

  KAZ COULDN’T BELIEVE the person Sydney had become but he was hardly surprised by her transformation. She’d survived almost six months on tour and all the trips they’d taken around the country before their tour began.

  Syd would never be described as a weak human being but she was stronger now than he’d ever seen her and he knew then she was the one.

  It was stupid because he always thought it was pretty much bullshit. There wasn’t a perfect person for anyone. You ingratiated yourself in someone’s life and eventually, like would turn into lust and lust would turn into love if there was the right chemistry.

  He’d felt it with Keren and he’d certainly had it with Damira. He could admit he loved both women even now. He was no longer sexually attracted to them and did not want them as anything other than friends but he had felt that way about them once and he still had an immense amount of respect for them.

  Syd broke the mold.

  She was his perfect opposite but unlike there being a problem with compatibility, they fit each other like two puzzle pieces tailor made for one another.

  Although he knew a part of him should be ashamed for breaking down in front of her, he wasn’t. She made him feel like a man as she stroked his hair and kissed him gently against his forehead. The tears eventually ceased and dried on his cheeks but he would never forget her and what she had done for him. Without her, he truly would have been lost.

  His whole world seemed to fall apart around him and he couldn’t stop the events if he wanted to because they were all so beyond his control.

  Syd made him realize this and so he let it all go with those bitter, angry tears he shed and when he finished, he felt like a new person.

  The first concert at the Sydney Super Dome was one of the best concerts he’d ever performed. His voice was perfect and the band seemed in sync with one another. The crowd loved Winter’s Regret and by the time Scarlet Fever played, people began to faint from being overwhelmed. It was intense and scary at the same time.

  His beautiful goddess met him after the show and smiled before she wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed his lips. “Didn’t I tell you anything was possible? That was one of the best shows you’ve done on this tour and honey, you don’t do mediocre performances.”

  “You made it easier for me, knowing you were there and I could count on your support. Baby, I’m so sorry I doubted you before now. You are one amazing woman and I am lucky to have you.”

  Their foreheads touched as he leaned down to her and she smiled. “I am lucky to have you. Now all we have to do is cure you of this ‘no marriage’ rule. What the hell is that about? You’re not in an MC and I don’t intend to be your old lady with nothing on my hand to show for all the hard work and effort it has been to keep you in line.”

  “Believe it or not, I am changing my mind about that but give me some time, okay?”

  Syd’s gorgeous steel blue eyes were soft yet determined. “You have until the end of the tour. Think about that. You are in love with me and I am in love with you. I won’t tolerate merely being your girlfriend. Marry me or we part while we’re still friends and can be civil to one another.”

  She knew how much it drove him crazy when he was given an ultimatum because Kaz hated to be pushed into a corner. He didn’t like the feeling of not having any options and she was essentially shutting him down.

  There was an uncomfortable silence between them on the way back to the hotel but unfortunately, they were both too strong-willed to break the impasse.

  As soon as they were comfortably situated in their hotel suite, all hell broke loose.

  “What the fuck brought this on?” he inquired after he grabbed a bottle of Macallan 30 and drank straight from the bottle. “Why is it so important I marry you? You wanted me to love you and I do. Then you wanted me to be in love with you and I am. Marriage means nothing, Sydney. I was married and look how that turned out—”

  “You were married to Damira, not me and don’t you ever compare me to that conniving, back-stabbing cunt!” She grabbed the bottle of scotch from his hand and swigged from him. “I get why you’re scared and why marriage freaks you out but I am young and I want a commitment, a real one this time. I want you to be willing to say you’ll stay with me till ‘death do us part’. I wear your tattoo, don’t I? But it’s not enough when Keren still has hers and I don’t have a ring on my finger, goddamn it!”

  Women, Kaz thought moodily, I will never fucking understand them.

  “What do you want from me, Syd?” he asked before he collapsed on the sofa. “The ring has been bought and I was waiting for the right time to approach you but you have ruined a perfectly good surprise.”

  Her face changed from stoic to surprised. “If you were planning to ask me in the first place then why all the cloak and dagger bullshit? You know I would have said yes.”

  “I know…but this isn’t about you. It’s about me and the shit I have to deal with in my fucked up head. I can’t have you doing this to me. The old Sydney can never come back because I will not have some spoiled rich bitch as my wife. I don’t owe you shit and you don’t owe me a goddamn thing! We are in love with one another but the moment we start counting wrongs and rights with each other is the day we will ruin what we have between us.”

  “Fine. It’s obvious you need some time to yourself.”

  Syd grabbed her hobo bag and walked out of the hotel suite, leaving him alone with only his conflicted thoughts for comfort.

  That woman would be the death of him but she was worth it.

  Kaz breathed deeply before he began to swig from the bottle of Macallan 30. He sat on the sofa and drank, thought about his life and drank some more.

  The last coherent thought he had was lifting the bottle to his lips to find it was empty and he angrily threw the empty bottle against the wall where it shattered.

  In a drunken haze, he peeled off his clothes, walked to the bathroom and pissed in the toilet before he knelt down and rested his head against the cool porcelain. His head was spinning and not in a good way. He knew what he had to do but he hated vomiting more than he despised anything else in the world.

  His body was in a serious state of alcohol poisoning and if he passed out, there was no guarantee he would wake up. That scared him straight before he shoved his index and middle fingers down h
is throat until the rings he wore touched his tonsils; his stomach rebelled in anger and he puked up booze and remnants of his last meal. He heaved several times uncontrollably before his fingers found the flush and pushed it down.

  The toilet worked and he collapsed on the floor next to the toilet bowl.

  Sydney walked in and she knelt down next to him. Funny, all he could smell was her delicious scent and the softness of her hair as she helped him to his feet.

  “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have left you like this. I was pissed off at you and I needed to get away but that’s no excuse.”

  Kaz tried to steady his body and not lean too much of his weight on her but she handled herself beautifully.

  He fell on the bed and she helped get him under the covers before she took off her own clothes and laid beside him.

  Her warm body, spooned with his, created the perfect cocoon of warmth and care he needed to fall into a deep sleep.