Freedom

by KC Kean

My heart rate is already spiking with today’s events, especially with West fucking naked in my bathroom right now, and I don’t need her shit. But what if it’s about my father?

  Fuck.

  Boycotting the voicemail, I hit her name and quickly redial.

  “Do you know how rude it is to not answer your mother’s calls? You’re lucky I’m even answering,” she barks down the phone straight away, and I suppress the eye roll I want to give.

  “What were you calling for, Mother?” I ask calmly, almost crushing my frappuccino in my hand. I place it down quickly, refusing to let her suck all the joy out of my day.

  “I don’t know what you said to Reece, but he’s tried convincing me to let you hear from your father.” My heart stops as I try to take a deep breath, praying my father’s voice will come through the phone, but she just cackles. “Do you really think I’m going to let him speak to you and tell you his location? You are even more stupid than I thought.”

  My eyes squeeze shut as she shatters my heart so easily like she always does.

  “Please, I…”

  “We don’t beg, Jessica Paul,” she grinds out, and I want to scream that I’m not a fucking Paul, but I know she’ll take pleasure in mentally torturing me some more. I remain silent, biting my lip to keep my mouth shut, and she eventually sighs. “I must say, I like that you have grown a connection with Reece, but I won’t have either of you trying to defy me, remember that.”

  Silence greets me as she ends the call, leaving me seething. Grabbing my cold coffee I take a long sip, trying to calm my racing heart.

  It could be freezing cold outside, and I’d still want to drink this heavenly goodness. I might want a hot chocolate afterward to warm me back up again, but it’s just so good.

  My eyes close as I envision a warm summer's day, a caramel Frappuccino in one hand, with my kindle in the other. Sitting on a beach, hearing the waves crash in the distance. Paradise.

  Paradise is anywhere my mother isn’t.

  “What has you smiling?”

  My eyes pop open at the sound of his voice, and I clear my throat, feeling a little embarrassed I was caught daydreaming.

  “I was thinking about how much I love this drink, but how much better it always is in the sun, with a book, and waves crashing nearby.” I instinctively suck my bottom lip into my mouth nervously, but he smiles wide at me.

  “It sounds like the perfect day,” he responds, stepping towards me as he runs a towel through his hair.

  “It is.”

  “I want to figure out how I get to be sitting next to you in this vision.” His eyes stay focused on mine as his voice sounds raw.

  Mother-fucking-swoon.

  Standing before me, the smell of my coconut shower gel mixed with his scent overwhelms me. Stroking a strand of hair behind my ear, my heart flutters in my chest.

  “My mother just called, something about Reece asking her to let me speak to my father, and she refused,” I state, unsure why he would do that.

  “Ah, shit. Rafe is going to kill him.”

  “Rafe?”

  “Yeah, it was his term of agreement when we convinced him to back the fuck off for a few months,” he responds, pulling his phone out and sending a quick message.

  Taking a seat on the sofa, my head in my hands, I hate that she gets under my skin and plays games with my head like that.

  “Hey, sunshine, it’s okay. I wish she didn’t affect you like this.” His hand squeezes my thigh gently, comforting me.

  “Me too,” I sigh, turning to face him with my cheek resting on my hands.

  “Tell me how I get her out of your mind?”

  Taking a sip of my drink, I take another calming breath as I straighten my spine.

  “Tell me what you didn’t before,” I whisper back, and he nods gently, understanding what I mean.

  Lacing his fingers through mine, he offers me a soft smile, and I finally remember the playlist I have playing through the sound system. Andra Day – Rise Up, begins to slowly drift through the speakers, and I get chills at how relevant her words are right now.

  I swallow past the lump forming in my throat as I meet his gaze.

  “After you came back from New York, I kept my distance. I remember something Maverick said made me pause, but every day I pushed myself away from you, the more I craved your light.” Stroking his thumb across my knuckles, I’m entranced by him. “Then, Rafe called, explaining that you were now falling under the Gibbs bloodline, and they wanted to make a new agreement with us.”

  I instinctively try to retract my hand, but he refuses to let go, his eyes pleading with mine for me to not pull away. I force myself to nod for him to continue, biting my lip as I let him continue his story.

  “All my life, I’d been set to have an arranged marriage, but that day I saw you on the grass, laying on the blanket reading your book, tipped my world upside down. Then to see you in Luna’s room a few days later, I was drawn to you.” Rubbing the back of his neck, he pauses, trying to find the right words. “I knew we could be magic, sunshine, and at the time, I was the one blocking it. But how I felt for you, even at the beginning, was more than I had ever felt for anyone else.”

  “You could have told me,” I murmur, still frustrated by his secret.

  “I know that and keeping it a secret will always be my greatest shame, but there is a certain feeling you get when something is arranged. A pit in your stomach that takes the magic away, or it did for me, at least, with Luna. But that’s likely because I have never felt anything in that way for her.”

  Cupping my hands between both of his, he leans forward, bringing his eyes to mine.

  “I never wanted that for you, Jess. I want the magic, the butterflies, the desire. And if you really didn’t see this going anywhere with me, I would have found a way to end the agreement.”

  His eyes search mine, looking for a clue to how I feel as he waits for me to speak. I take a moment to process his words, on top of everything both Maverick and Aiden have said today.

  I want this, with him, with them. But I can’t stand any more secrets. I can already feel in my soul that my mother will make sure this never happens. It’s ridiculous of me to pretend I won’t die on the inside, pushing them away.

  I’ve never known heartache until I tried to force myself to stop loving them.

  Taking a deep breath, I straighten my spine, sitting taller as I ready my next words.

  “I need the level of respect that means you don’t keep things from me. I’ve spent too long being everyone else’s little ragdoll. But both Luna and Maverick have said things that make me believe there is a small chance we could beat my mother. I can’t focus on that and worry you’re holding details back at the same time.”

  His hand instantly rises to my cheek, tilting my face back as he strokes his finger down the side of my face.

  “Never again, sunshine. If you give me a chance, I’ll make it right. I swear.”

  Closing my eyes, I take a deep breath, letting the weight of the conversation lift from my shoulders. I trust him, I always have, but my history tells me I should be skeptical.

  “I’m going to New York with Luna for Christmas. I think I need that time to think, and then when I get back, we can go from there.”

  I can see the pain and disappointment in his eyes, but I promised myself, after begging Maverick to fuck me on his desk, that I would take my time.

  Everything has been so rushed and secretive between us. I deserve a minute to process what I’ve been through.

  “Whatever you need, Jess. I’ll be right here waiting.”

  Jess

  Running my fingers over the material of my brand-new coat, I wordlessly take the steps up to the private jet. I’m so fucking overwhelmed right now it’s not even funny.

  If I thought Juliana was bad, I had no idea what I was in store for with Maverick, West, and Aiden. The Moncler armoire coat I’m currently wearing, which I know cost over two-thousand dollars, proves it.

&n
bsp; Luna showed up with it this morning. Apparently, they made her give it to me because they knew I wouldn’t say no to her. And they were right. After I’d told West I was going to New York with Luna, they had arranged it. Knowing it will be even colder up there.

  We are going to have to talk about this when I get back, though. Originally being in Diamond meant your bloodline has money, but I never saw any of it. Fashion is life, but I’ve never been able to buy anything designer.

  This coat is to die for, made entirely of dreams and unicorn fluff, and I’ll be eternally grateful, but I feel completely out of my element and scared shitless I’ll rip it.

  Stepping inside the aircraft, I see Juliana instantly. My love has only grown for her since our TVD binge session, and even though Luna won’t admit it, she is definitely into it.

  The luxury in this thing is crazy. There are four rows of seats, with an aisle down the middle and four seats on each row. Until you get further to the back, and the seats are more like sofas facing each other.

  The last time we were on here was when we were returning from New York. God, how much my life has changed since then.

  “Bagsy sitting with Luna,” Oscar calls out from behind me, and I hear the other Aces scoff at him.

  “You know she’s going to sit with Jess, man,” Parker responds, but I instantly shake my head.

  “No, no, she isn’t. I am going to be an awful travel buddy right now. I finally have my reading head on again, and I need to make a serious dent in my TBR,” I say with a pointed look, but the Aces all stare at me in confusion.

  “She means her ‘to be read’ list. You know, because she’s a book whore,” Luna says, nudging my arm with hers, and I grin.

  “I think you’ll find I prefer the term ‘smut slut,’ thank you.”

  Luna rolls her eyes at me as I see Kai grin. Oscar pulls his face, covering his ears like a child walking in on his parents fucking, and I giggle. Roman puts his arm around my shoulder and guides me towards Juliana, Rafe, Bryce, and Mia, Kai’s sister.

  I’m passed from person to person as they squeeze me tight, including Mia, which is strange since we haven’t spent much time together, but it’s nice all the same. After Rafe has wrapped me tightly in a bear hug, I’m close to passing out, so I’m grateful when Kai steers me away from them.

  While everyone but Kai, Mia, and me sit on the sofas facing each other, Kai plants me in a two-seater a few rows away so I can have some peace and quiet to read, and I’ve never been more grateful.

  The third book in the All-Stars series has finally been released, and I need their crazy right now. I hate that I haven’t been able to read for the past week, especially since it wasn’t because of a book hangover. My mind was stuck on Frankie and my mother, but when Maverick said he was gone, I felt like I gained a piece of myself back again.

  I can’t bring myself to take my coat off as I take my seat and buckle myself in quickly. It’s crazy, but I feel closer to my WAM sandwich wearing it. I know I need this time to figure myself out and not make completely rash decisions like cutting them off without an explanation, but I miss them already. Knowing they’re going to be further away than usual dampens my mood.

  We’ll only be here for five days, Christmas Eve is tomorrow, and I promised Luna we would go shopping when we arrive in New York, so I know I’ll be busy.

  My phone buzzes in my pocket, and my heart swells when I see the notifications on my phone.

  AIDEN INVITED YOU TO A GROUP CHAT

  AIDEN ADDED MAVERICK TO A GROUP CHAT

  AIDEN ADDED WEST TO A GROUP CHAT

  AIDEN RENAMED THE GROUP CHAT JESS’S SUCKERS

  What even is that group chat name? I do love seeing their proper names on my phone, though. Since it’s not a secret anymore, it only felt right to change them back.

  Aiden: Hi, beautiful. I miss you already. Have the most amazing time in New York.

  Aiden: I decided a group chat would make it easier to stay in contact together.

  I smile at my phone. Not even mad I now have another group chat to deal with. This one’s totally worth it. Before I can respond, another message comes through.

  West: Have a fantastic time, sunshine. I can’t wait to see you. Luna may have snuck a photo of you in your coat. You look stunning. Miss you.

  Why are they all so sweet to me? They prove me wrong time and time again. Although, I give Luna a little glare to the back of her head for secretly getting a picture of me.

  My phone buzzes again, and all I can do is gape at the screen.

  Maverick: I miss you more than these assholes, petal. When you touch yourself, think of me. Don’t ruin your vision with these idiots.

  Only Maverick could say that. His open desire for me makes me blush. I decide to respond before the others encourage him anymore.

  Me: Thank you again for my coat, it’s amazing, but we’re going to have to talk about how much you spent on it!

  Me: Also, what’s with the name? Suckers?

  Maverick: There is nothing to discuss. We wanted to get you a coat, so we got you one. Say, thank you Maverick. (I’ll pass your thanks on to the others eventually).

  Aiden: Yeah, Maverick. Why are we suckers?

  I can feel their playfulness in the messages, and I can’t fight the smile on my face. Glancing out of the window, I panic that I’ve made a silly mistake leaving over Christmas, but hearing Luna’s laughter reminds me I’m still somewhere I want to be.

  West: Maverick said we’re the Jonas Brothers. Maverick is Kevin, I’m Joe, and Aiden is Nick (in age order of course).

  Aiden: And he said it’s because we’re all suckers for you, ya know, after the song.

  Oh. My. Fucking. God.

  Maverick: I still can’t believe you know all their names. Dipshit.

  Me: But you’re my WAM sandwich?

  Dots continue to line up at the bottom of the screen before disappearing again until someone finally responds.

  West: Wait, like a BLT but not…?

  Me: Yes!

  Maverick: Of course Aiden’s in the middle. He fucking loves it.

  A laugh bursts from my lips uncontrollably, and I sink further into my seat so no one can see me.

  Aiden: You know I’ll go in the middle if Jess is there too! Whatever my beautiful desires.

  The captain comes over the PA system, advising us we’re ready to begin takeoff, and I know I should put my phone away.

  Me: We’re about to take off. I’ll speak to you soon.

  Me: I miss you all too.

  My heart beats wildly in my chest as I hit send, letting them know I do feel what they feel no matter how much I try to pretend I don’t. And just as I’m about to put my phone away, it buzzes again.

  MAVERICK RENAMED THE GROUP CHAT TO JESS’S WAM SANDWICH

  I can’t keep the small smile off my face as hope blossoms in my stomach. I just have to pray a happy ending is in sight.

  New York at Christmas is like nothing I have ever seen before. The hustle and bustle, everyone wrapped up tightly, and the magic in the air fills me with excitement. But I know something is missing, or more specifically, someone’s, that aren’t here.

  I texted the newly titled WAM group chat when I arrived, instantly feeling the distance as we landed, but Luna has tried to keep me occupied with Juliana as we go from store to store.

  Juliana handed me a credit card before we left her apartment, and after we bickered over it for a while, she won, and I now have to spend the money on it, or she’ll get “mad.” I don’t want them to think any of this is about money, but the look in her eyes tells me she knows it isn’t.

  Stepping into Macy’s, I feel everyone give us space as we walk side by side, with six bodyguards flanking us. I don’t understand, the bodyguards attract more attention, but Bryce insisted on our safety. They’re also useful for taking the bags off us too.

  The gift basket I’ve had made for the Aces has me giddy because I seem to think I’m hilarious. While the gifts I’ve had mad
e for Juliana, Bryce, and Rafe are much more personalized.

  I had no idea what to get Luna for Christmas, so I’ve opted for a completely different route for her, but I know she’ll like it.

  Luna loops her arm through mine, pulling me towards a lingerie section, and I can’t help but run my fingers over a black lace set that just screams sexy. My obsession with these hasn’t stopped. If anything, I’m even worse.

  I love the feel of the rich material beneath my clothes, pressing against my skin, and the way the garter rubs against my thighs. I would love to wear something like this and have the guys see it.

  I refuse to spend Juliana’s money on this right now, though, and pull Luna away from the section. I have no idea what we are doing here anyway, Luna hates shopping, and we’re pretty much done for the day with buying gifts.

  I couldn’t stop myself from buying matching gifts for Aiden, Maverick, and West. They’re on my mind so much, and I wanted to get them something, even if I can’t give it to them until I return to Featherstone.

  They’ve all stayed on campus, the Byrnes have a party to organize for those that have stayed, and West said his family was coming to visit him. Maverick didn’t mention anything about his family at all, and I didn’t want to push.

  “Look at these dresses, Red, they’re so you,” Luna points out, showing me the cutest long-sleeved winter-knit dresses. She’s right. They really are, and like an obsessive child, I run my fingers over the material like always.

  “So cute, maybe another time, though,” I murmur, glancing at Juliana, who’s on the other side of the rack, giving me a pointed look. “I swear, we can always come back before we leave. I just don’t want to go crazy yet.”

  Juliana smiles softly at me, a slight shake to her head as she walks around to me. “Okay. I’m not trying to overwhelm you, hun. I just want you to know you can have these things, and I want to buy you whatever you need, alright?”

  “Thanks, Ju-Ju,” I respond, pulling her in for a side hug before moving away from the clothes. “Who else do we need to buy for?” I ask, looking between them both as we think over what we’ve bought already.

  “I think we’re done. Your personalized gifts for Maverick, Aiden, and West are going to be delivered tomorrow, and so is Oscar’s present. I only came in here for you to do some personal shopping, but if you’d rather head back?” Luna asks, and I nod in agreement.