Dark Iron King II: Arcadia Falls (Unreal Universe Book 5)

by Lee Bond

  On his shoulder, Miss Bliss stopped dancing, and puffed herself up to full dolly height. She squared off her shoulders, let her arms dangle at her sides, and proceeded to lumber about. Every now and then, she would open her mouth wide as it would go and pretend to scream.

  The playacting quickly reminded Chad of the nature of his dreams, and he shuddered. “Them Gunboys, hey? Wot a bleedin’ nightmare that place was, yeah? All sorts of strange fings as go bump in the night out that way. Honestly. I’m well better off ‘ere than goin’ back, luv, ain’t I?”

  Bliss nodded seriously, her tiny doll eyes widening in commiserate horror.

  “Now why was I dreamin’ o’ those fuckin’ fings? Crikey, but they’d been awful.” Chad tried to recall what he’d been doing out there in Latelyspace and failed. He’d been there for something, he reckoned, as why else … well, why else would he have gone all that way? It were well hard to recall things that’d taken place outside The Dome.

  It seemed Mistress Taint had done more than beat the youth out of him.

  Chad shrugged, dismissing the loss of memory as a good thing. There were little point in remembering the splendor of the outside when he were going to run down the last of his seconds here in Arcade City, now was there?

  Ah well, it were probably time to start working on what would likely be his last evocation of souls. He were old and he were tired and as he’d been tellin’ Taint for what felt a million years, even if he were to hook another one of him, there weren’t goin’ to be no more after that. The once-Universal class assassin quite looked forward to the moment he became useless.

  Tainty would have to set him free, wouldn’t she? Not even dear old Dad would keep him prisoned once he were no longer useful, would he? The man were cruel beyond compare, but only when you were of value.

  Chad started working his way ‘round so he could get a better look at the partially trapped thing inside the Soul Machine; it were just a greasy bit of nothing for the time being and Chad wondered if he’d even succeed in getting’ a tiny sliver more loose before his tired old flesh just gave up the ghost.

  As he moved, fleeting memories of moving like the wind itself filled Chad’s senses and for an all too brief moment, he felt it, felt the swift motion of enhanced muscles ‘neath healthy flesh, but then it were gone, gone the way of all things. Dear Old Taint had beat something vital out of him that last time, hadn’t she just?

  “If,” Chad grunted and had to stop for a moment, halfway turned about, cheek resting on the cold glass of the Machine, “if I didn’t make such a dashing old man, I would be well pissed. Ain’t that right, Miss Bliss? I is a ‘andsome old man?”

  Wee Miss Bliss agreed with a solemn nod, eliciting a weak chuckle from her friend.

  The smirk on Chad’s face betrayed his actual feelings on the matter. He were a wretched old man, and he would be well lucky to survive pulling this last little blob of once-upon-a-time out of the ether.

  Old didn’t get him halfway. Desiccated was a better word. Drained were another.

  One last raspy, rusty heave got Chad all the way around. Pale, nearly colorless eyes gazed in mute reflection at the thing he’d managed to trap after what could only be described as a Herculean attempt; this last soul, it’d fought like the Dickens to remain free, to continue swimming in the impossible ocean of the once-had-beens, but Chad … even depleted, near death, Chad was the master of such things. In the end, he’d won out, but only just. After making certain the soul was well and truly captured and locked inside the copper-and-glass tube half again the height of a tall man, the imprisoned artist had ...

  To put it bluntly, he’d passed out, endurance past taxed.

  Chad doodled on the glass with a gaunt, shriveled finger. The horrible things that digit had done to people over the years. Why, hadn’t he stabbed someone to death with it in that very same arena where them gigantic Gunboy beasts had arrived? He’d been there, too, for some hellaciously important reason…

  At his shoulder, Wee Miss Bliss capered, did a cartwheel, smiled cute ear to adorable ear.

  “What’s with all this ruminatin’, yeah?” Chad pressed a hand flat against the glass this time, wondering listlessly what it would feel like to touch one of his old selves properly. There’d only been the once, so very long ago, and that had ended badly, had resulted in construction of the Soul Machine, had cost him his freedom. “There ain’t no fuckin’ reason for me to be finkin’ about wot ‘appened on the outside. Dollars to donuts, my pretty dolly, says nasty ol’ Taint ‘as got wotever path I took out all blocked up now, yeah? Might as well just sit in ‘ere an’ try to do our best.”

  Wee Miss Bliss stuck her tongue out at Chad. Then, because the adorable motion got him snickering at her cuteness, she crossed her arms and stamped her feet.

  The flashing smidgeon of bright light flexed and strained against the unbreakable inner surface of glass, flashes of mottled red bursting through the normally much more peaceful blues and whites.

  Chad grimaced. He reckoned he well knew how the him inside felt. He were trapped, too, in his ivory tower. The artist tugged on one pale earlobe, unable to rid himself of the nagging, incessant tatters of the dream he’d been having.

  Well, he knew it weren’t really a dream. It were from his past, true enough, but … it all felt like a dream. He’d gone to Latelyspace to do … what? Chad pursed his lips. In front of him, the incarcerated soul of a once-living Chadsik al-Taryin continued hammering away at the glass, more and more ferociously, colors flashing darker and darker red the longer it tried to break it’s way free.

  “Well,” Chad said aloud, drawing Bliss into the conversation properly, “I is … were an assassin of the highest order, right? I was killin’ fings as wot people was sayin’ weren’t even killable, so it is only makin’ sense, my beautiful girl, that I was goin’ to that ‘orrid place wiv the tall people who were bein’ ginormous twats to do for some fella.”

  Bliss nodded encouragingly, bright button eyes shining with joy.

  Fingers tracing the scars on his chest once more, Chad continued, not noticing halfway through the rumination that those same withered fingers stopped caressing fresh wounds to instead following the path of large, circular groove. “Is I rememberin’ bein’ well impressed by the bloke I was out there do for? Is that right? I fink, yeah. ‘e was bein’ a right proper Job, weren’t ‘e just. All sorts of tough, him.”

  Miss Bliss nodded reassuringly. She looked over towards the windows that looked out onto Arcadia. Light was beginning to bloom there. She grabbed hold of Chad’s earlobe and started pulling on it, pointing excitedly at the shining dawn.

  “Wot’s this, hey? Wot’s this? You is wantin’ to get up and go for a stroll about the workshop? For wot? To look at the sun risin’?” Chad shook his head. “I is depleted, my bonny love. Too weak to go wanderin’ about. Besides all that, if I move to far away, yeah, old Nanny Taint, she’ll show right up, I reckon, beat me about the ears and all. Bloody undignified, that.”

  Bliss pouted.

  Chad thought about the last time he’d looked out the window. It seemed like it’d been forever ago, and if he were honest with himself, he hadn’t much liked looking down below to Arcadia; so much of the place he’d loved was gone, destroyed either by Dear Old Kingly Daddy having himself a proper tantrum, or by the Platinum King that’d been left in his wake. There was nowt out there for him any longer, no there weren’t. All he’d loved and known had gone the way of everything ‘neath The Dome.

  That light, though, how it shone! He couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt life-giving warmth on his old, weary skin.

  Wouldn’t it be worth it? One last grand adventure?

  Then he thought about the journey from where he was now, pressed up against the cool, slick surface of the Soul Machine, all the way to them windows, and about his weary old bones. It were an effort just to get up the strength to put his hands on the glass.

  “I is well sorry, Miss, but … I is too old a man
now to be galllivantin’ about the fuckin’ place.” Chad turned his attention back to the captured essence in its shiny bright bottle. It was still trying to hammer its way out. “No, no, best to be about this last bit of work. That’s what’s right. Always be proud of your work, me Dad used to say, be proud of it, and work ‘til its done proper.”

  Miss Bliss stamped her feet, but Chad was lost in reverie once more.

  The ex-assassin –a man who’d once climbed a fourteen thousand foot mountain barehanded to kill some holy man as had been muckin’ about with the happiness of the people living down below- whispered softly, his voice a threadbare version of its former self. “Y’know, Miss Bliss, I is barely recallin’ anyfing at all about that last Job, hey? An’ that are a right proper pain in me bum. I is findin’ it quite upsetting. I remember them Gunboys in all their soldierly might. Christ,” Here, Chad looked slyly about the room, ensuring that Taint weren’t in the room to take offense at the curse, “I should be rememberin’ them, hey? I ever tell you wot ‘appened wiv them bastard fings?”

  Bliss shook her head prettily, curly hair splaying about behind her.

  Chad licked his lips and laughed. “Blew me right up, they did.” When Miss Bliss’ dollish countenance went wide in shock and disbelief, he laughed again, a thin, narrow squeak. “Aye, an’ no lies about it, my love, my doll. I was flyin’ about, I was, doin’ my terrible best to … well, I do fink I was tryin’ to protect the Job, I was, which is well odd … yeah, I were flyin’ about, which is a fing I can do outside, right, and these gigantic robo-soldiers, all wiv their bellowin’ and screamin’ and hollerin’ and all manner of sorrowful sounds, well, they shot at me wiv lasers and rockets and fings and, well, they blew me right the fuck up, they did. Me old body turned itself right into a coffin and your old friend Chadsik al-Taryin flew through the sky like a bloody damned falling star, didn’t I just?”

  Bliss applauded at the story, eventually tilting her head to one side as if to ask why he’d bother protecting a man he’d been hired to assassinate from certain death at the hands of such gigantic soldiers made of metal.

  Chad pushed himself up further against the Soul Machine so his posture were better; he’d been half-laying, half-leaning against the thing for a while now and he’d got himself a true crick in the back. “Well, the Job, see, right, well, he were special, Miss Bliss. One in a berjillion or so. Never seen nuffink like him in me entire life. He turned hisself into a living hollergram, ‘e did, right before these very eyes. Called hisself Harry Bosch. Oh, it were glorious, my love, wot we did that night. For the first time, yeah, though don’t tell no one, I was one of the good guys, though probably only technically. But he and me, we fought together, side by each, proper adventurin’ gentlemen!”

  Miss Bliss looked out the window. The light of the rising dawn was growing brighter by the minute. She smiled a secretive little smile that her one true love missed, wrapped as he was in the strength of one that moment. She motioned hurriedly for Chad to continue on.

  Chad took a deep breath and exhaled slowly, a faint smile of happiness on his weary old face. Something rattled loose as the last of the air squeezed out of his ancient lungs and the ex-assassin spent a good while coughing before he was able to speak. When he did so, he missed something that caused Bliss to smile once more, ear to ear.

  “Cor … cough … argh. Bleedin’ hell. That were awful.” Chad rolled his shoulders about, feeling his old bones pop and twist as they hadn’t for a long time. Deciding he well deserved a proper stretch after being laid out on the floor for so long, the pale ex-assassin rose to his feet smoothly and languidly, though he, of course, was still missing the obvious. “Christ but a fella could do for a ciggy.”

  Bliss tapped Chadsik on the earlobe until he turned his head to the side. When he was paying proper attention, the wee dolly pulled a cigarette free from inside her pretty patterned dolly dress.

  “Bleedin’ hell, that is just the sort of fing as makes me love you even more, my precious little Miss Bliss.” Chad accepted the proffered ciggy, patted about his pockets for a lighter, bowing deeply and gracefully court-style when that same beautiful little dolly produced his shining silver Zippo lighter out of thin air, just like one of them magicians.

  As Chad lit his cigarette and enjoyed the delicious taste, Miss Bliss stole another peek out the windows. Dawn had almost come.

  Chad puffed out a series of complicated smoke shapes. Bliss’ eyes widened in amazement. “All in the cybernetics, love. I is doin’ all sorts of amazing fings. Crikey, but this fag is brilliant. Now, right. I was sayin’ as ‘ow I was technically a good guy that night, weren’t I? Now, the guy as I was ‘ired to do for, right, ‘e is a proper super hero fella. The whole place we was in was captured by this mental nutter who wanted to do for a whole bleedin’ arena full of people, right, an’ we is talkin’ we little babbies and boys and girls and fings, and we is all knowin’ I ain’t never done for no kid in me entire life. That ain’t on, no matter wot the little kid’s done. Kids is kids.

  So, there ‘e is, my Job, Garth N’Chalez, yeah, just sort of … bein’ a fuckin’ moron. Runnin’ around fightin’ these gi-fuckin-gantic super soldiers as are completely fuckin’ right off the chart in terms of mental themselves. I reckon them God soldiers would make a four ‘undred year old gearhead shit ‘is pants. Now I is a professional, yeah? You is ‘irin’ me to do for a person, place or fing, and I is doin’ for ‘em on me own, so I rise up, right, and I, right…” Chad shook his head, laughing so hard that the hilarity bounced off the walls of his prison, “I starts fightin’ alongside the man! It were well wicked and brilliant and some of the most fun I is ever ‘avin’ in me life. I were well and truly a proper hero. Me and my Job, love, we saved thousands of people that night. Never did nuffink like that before. Felt … good, is what I suppose I mean to say.”

  Miss Bliss cheered silently, applauding with tiny little doll hands.

  Chad flicked the cigarette butt to the ground and pulled another one from behind his ear. He lit it up, inhaled smoke deeply, and sighed once more. He were feelin’ well better now. “Now,” he looked at Miss Bliss, who was drinking this story in as deeply as any he’d ever told, “naturally, I isn’t bein’ dead just then, right? Like, when them Gunboys was killin’ me? Not properly dead. I got better, like I is always doin’. Found me fella, N’Chalez, oh, and love, we did righteous battle, we did, cos even though we had that spot of fun, I was ‘ired to do for ‘im. And that fella, that great man himself? Well. He knew I were comin’, he did, and he did the proper thing and waited! Didn’t run, didn’t hide, didn’t do nuffink of the sort! Never seen that, neither. And then we went at it, Miss Bliss, as you read in the storybooks. Up on the rooftop, in the middle of the night, moon ‘angin’ fat and full in the sky. Two wicked gentlemen. Back an’ forth, back and forth, swords and guns flashing like dreams. I swear, my luv, it were well perfect. My most perfect night. Oh and I almost ‘ad ‘im, but ‘e did this fing wiv ‘is finger and blew a hole right through me chest. Right ‘ere’.” Chad showed Bliss the circular scar that was all that remained of the Kin’kithal’s devastating extra-dimensional energy blast.

  “An’ after that?” Chad looked over at the windows. Cor, it were well bright outside, brighter than he remembered it ever being. Well, since he’d come back to the shithole that Arcade City was, anyways. Maybe they were rebuilding outside? Chad had honestly lost count of the days he’d been trapped in his ivory tower. Maybe that was why Miss Bliss wanted him to take a peek outside; he’d complained often enough to Taint, so mayhap she were doin’ him a kindness after all.

  Miss Bliss blinked slowly, pretending for all the world that she was just a doll.

  Chad flicked ash on the Soul Machine, nodded farewell to the shabby essence within, and started making the journey across the shop floor. As he walked, he talked. “Well, I was gettin’ involved with them CyberPriests for a bit, which were well and truly fuckin’ stupid. They wanted me to be some sort of Christ figu
re or wotever, right? Wanted me to do for the whole Universe or some such fing, and I is tellin’ them to fuck right off. After that, oh, love, I was ‘avin’ the best of times, I was. Met up wiv a man who was askin’ me to rescue my Job from some kind of prison ‘e were in. I was like ‘no fuckin’ way’ and ‘e was all ‘you gotta do this, mate, or the Universe is dyin’’ and suchlike, an’ well, when it comes to that sort of fing, who the bloody hell am I to say no? Though I did act like it weren’t summat I was up for, hey? Got to keep me mystique, yeah? Oh! An’ there were an Enforcer around too.”

  Miss Bliss capered on Chad’s, silently humming the ‘Ring around the Rosey’.

  The windows to the outside world grew ever closer. Chad could feel Taint coming for him, rising up from wherever she hid when she wasn’t being a proper bitch, but he didn’t care. If they were rebuilding Arcadia, he wanted to see with his own two eyes. He were feeling well better now, and if his home city was being given a fresh paint job … he had to see that before Taint did for him properly.

  Chad flicked the spent cigarette across the shop, sparks flaring in the dimly lit workspace like tiny novas. He pulled yet another one from behind his ear, lit it up and nodded. “Yep. There were me, Huey the AI, and the Enforcer Gwyleh Ronn, my love, my perfect and bestest of friends, and we were proper adventurin’ gentlemen for a time before we was makin’ it to Latelyspace to save Garth N’Chalez from ‘is own stupid trap. Why, this one time…”

  “Chadsik al-Taryin!” Mistress Taint’s mechanized fury blew through the room like an out of control steam engine, setting all the tools and everything to rattling in place. There was a great, horrendous crash as one whole wall of antiquated machinery fell to the ground with a terrific clatter. “You should be at your post! Digging through the veil in search of yourselves.”

  Chad made to turn around, to confront the hideous beast that’d kept him all but chained to the damnable machine. Wee Miss Bliss tugged on his earlobe and pointed nervously to the brightly lit windows, but all Chad did was wink.