by Lily Evans
"You slept with someone else?"
"What?" I stared at her as she stopped abruptly, turning around to face me. "Sarah!" She really wanted me to tell her about that now?
She shrugged. "You heard the doctor. We're going to be waiting around for hours, Daniel's not here. And God knows, I need something different to think about."
"So do I!" I burst out. "But I can't think about anything else, okay? I can't sleep, I can't eat…"
She frowned. "You're not talking about Mum anymore, are you?"
"For fuck's sake." As I slumped against the wall, burying my face in my hands, I could feel her gazing at me. She was probably trying to decide whether she needed to have me committed, I decided. And I wouldn't blame her. It certainly felt as though I was losing my mind.
"You should've told me before." Though the words were full of reproach, her tone was gentle now.
"Yeah, well." I gave a helpless shrug. "I figured there was enough going on already without me making things even more complicated."
"Does Daniel know?"
"Not yet."
"You're going to tell him?"
"I don't know." I rubbed at my aching temples, closing my eyes. "Maybe."
"What about the other guy? Are you still seeing him?"
Hearing the frank curiosity in Sarah's tone, I couldn't repress a choke of bitter laughter. "No. And I doubt I'll ever see him again. It was just a one night thing."
"When?"
I sighed. So much had happened in the last week it felt like it could've been a year ago. "When I was in Cornwall."
There was a pause. "I'm sorry, what did you say?"
Puzzled she hadn't heard me, I opened my eyes. "In Cornwall. The night before Mum had her heart attack."
There was a rather odd expression on my sister's face. "So let me get this straight," she said slowly. "You slept with another man on the Friday night before Mum had her heart attack?"
"Yes." I stared at her, unable to decipher the strange looks she was giving me.
"The week after you should have got married?"
"Yes!" Dear God, was her brain really that pickled?
"The week after you found out that Daniel had been sleeping with another woman and called off the wedding?"
"Sis, you're scaring me," I muttered uncertainly.
"Not half as much as you're scaring me. Come on." And looking grimly determined, she slid her arm through mine. "We're going to take that walk now and you're going to tell me all about it."
***
Sarah regarded me solemnly over the rim of her polystyrene cup. "You can't be serious? I'm not allowed to know his name?"
I shook my head, the sense of relief at having finally shared my guilty secret almost overwhelming. "No way. I know you. You'll do something stupid like look him up on the internet." And believe me, I'd already thought of doing it.
"Of course!" she exclaimed, clutching my arm, making me slop my own cup of tea. "That's what you should do. You'd probably find him really easily."
"No, Sarah! Just stop it, will you? He made it pretty clear that he wasn't interested in having a relationship. It was just a one night stand."
We were sitting on one of the park benches that lined a quadrangle of grass, buildings surrounding us on all sides, the paths dotted with pots of spring flowers. I don't think either of us had expected to discover such a haven of tranquillity slap bang in the middle of the hospital—we'd taken a wrong turn shortly after visiting the WRVS coffee shop. And given the area was deserted save for us, it seemed no one else knew about it either.
"But what a one night stand." Sarah's eyes looked misty and I hadn't told her even half of what happened. "It sounds so romantic."
I attempted a snort, not wanting to admit that it was. "Your hormones are completely up the spout."
"You should've left him a message at hotel reception. At least given him the choice of getting in touch with you if he wanted to."
"Oh right. And how was I supposed to do that with Daniel right beside me?"
She gave me a withering look. "Like that should've made any difference. You aren't with him anymore, remember? If that'd been me, I'd have rubbed his nose right in it. Let him know that I'd found someone else."
"No, you wouldn't." I swallowed, looking down into my tea. There was a fly in it and it wasn't swimming. "You'd have done exactly what I did. You'd have felt exactly like I did. I couldn't think straight, okay? All I could think about was Mum."
"Okay, okay," Sarah conceded. "Maybe you're right." Her voice softened suddenly. "But you do understand that what you did was completely different to what Daniel did, don't you?"
I wanted to. "How was it different? I was going to marry Daniel. How could I do something like that so soon—so soon after we were supposed to get married?"
"Oh honey." She sighed. "That's the thing about falling in love. You can't control it. You can't decide when it's going to happen."
Shocked, I jerked up my head. "Who said anything about falling in love?"
My sister grinned. "You did. Just now. While you were telling me what happened."
I stared at her, aghast. "But I never even mentioned the word 'love'."
"You didn't have to. It's written all over your face. You should have seen the look in your eyes when you were talking about the guy."
"What?" I started to laugh. "Sarah, we spent one night together. One night!"
"Whatever." She gave me a knowing smile then glanced down at her watch, sobering quickly. "I guess we should make our way back upstairs and keep Graham company. We've been here hours."
I let Sarah lead the way, trailing slightly in her wake as I continued to ponder her suggestion I'd fallen in love with Luke. Of course I hadn't. The idea was absurd. I'd fallen in lust, certainly, but not in love. Though there'd been an immediate connection between us, a bond even I couldn't deny. And it'd started the moment he rescued me from the rising tide, the moment I'd clambered up those rocks towards his outstretched arms.
"Oh good, you're back," Graham said, looking mightily relieved to see us as we turned into the relatives' lounge. "I was about to call you. One of the nurses just came to say they're bringing her up right now."
But even as he spoke, I heard movement outside and swinging around to look I saw a throng of people. "Mum?" I gasped, running out into the hall but finding I couldn't see her, the moving trolley surrounded by staff in surgical scrubs. It was only when they reached the entrance to the Cardiac Intensive Care Unit that I finally caught a glimpse and for a moment I couldn't believe it was her.
"Oh God," I breathed, tears filling my eyes as I hurried after them, seeing all the portable machinery surrounding her in the trolley, the bags of fluid hanging above, the tangle of tubes and wires emerging from beneath the sheet that covered her tiny looking body, yet another tube partially obscuring her face. "Oh no. Wait—"
"It's okay, sweetie." I felt a hand on my shoulder and startled, I turned to see that one of the group had dropped back to prevent me from following the small procession through the doors. "You'll be able to see her soon, I promise," she added gently, her Scottish lilt reassuring. "My name's Caitlin. I'm one of the intensive care nurses who'll be looking after her. We just need to get her settled in, all right?"
"Did the operation go well?"
I jumped at the sound of Graham's voice, turning to find him right behind me, Sarah clinging to his hand.
"The surgeon will be up to talk to you soon. He'll be able to take you through what happened and what will happen now, okay?" Caitlin gave us another smile then started moving towards the doors herself. "Shouldn't be too long now."
After she disappeared, I watched as Graham swept his distraught-looking wife into a hug, realising I was trembling. I'd been scared the first time I'd thought my mother was going to die. But when she'd made such good progress, when she'd been on the verge of coming home, I'd dared to believe everything would be all right. Back in the grip of cold fear just ten days later I felt more helpless
then ever.
"Becca!" I swivelled around to see Daniel running towards us, his face taut with concern. "I'm so sorry!" he exclaimed, throwing his arms around me and dragging me tightly against him. "I left my phone at the flat. I didn't see your messages until I got home just now."
"It's okay," I murmured, not fighting the embrace, closing my eyes as I leaned against him. "They just brought her back from theatre. Daniel, you should've s-seen her…"
"Oh Becca." I felt the brush of his mouth against my temple as I broke down into sobs, his arms tightening around me, for once providing the comfort I needed so badly. "I'm so sorry I wasn't here."
"It's okay," I muttered again automatically. "You're h-here now, that's all that matters." But as I clung to him like a life raft, trying to draw strength, I heard Sarah calling my name.
"Mrs Ashmore's family?" a familiar male voice said, the sound coming from right in front of me.
And as my eyes shot open, the breath catching in my throat as I peered over Daniel's shoulder, I found myself staring at the surgeon.
Staring straight into the piercing blue eyes of Luke Foster.
Chapter 7
"My name's Luke Foster," he said without smiling, holding my gaze across Daniel's shoulder for one more second before turning abruptly to my sister. "I'm one of the consultant cardiothoracic surgeons here and I performed Gillian Ashmore's surgery. And you are?"
"I'm her daughter, Sarah. And this is Graham, my husband. And that's Rebecca, my sister. With her—with—erm—"
But even as she struggled to find the right descriptive noun, Daniel let go of me, pushing me aside as he turned. "You?" he exclaimed, glaring angrily at Luke.
I watched in bewilderment as Luke stared back, catching just the merest flicker of shock in his eyes. And then it vanished. "Daniel," he said coolly before immediately returning his attention to Sarah. "Well, first of all, let me assure you that the operation went very well. I realise it must've been alarming to hear that something had gone wrong during the procedure this morning. Statistically, only about one in a—"
"You?" Daniel burst out again, seeming quite unable to contain himself. "They let a scumbag like you become a consultant?"
"Daniel!" It was Sarah's turn to look shocked. "Please, I don't know how you two know each other, but—"
"Oh, you'd like to know how I know him, would you?" Daniel's face had flushed to the roots of his blond hair, his body tensing. "Would you like to know what he did?"
"Daniel!" Graham's tone was sharp. "Whatever history there might be between the two of you, this isn't the time or the place to be discussing it, okay? This man," he gestured towards Luke, "whether you like it or not, has just saved my mother-in-law's life. And if you don't think you can keep it buttoned while he tells us about how Gillie's doing, then maybe you'd better go somewhere else. Okay?"
Baffled, I found myself gazing at them each in turn, at Graham who'd provided the voice of reason, at Daniel as he struggled to compose himself then at Luke, his face impassive. Had it not been for those breathtakingly familiar blue eyes I knew I would've struggled to recognise him, clad as he was in green surgical scrubs, a matching cap completely covering his hair. And though it was slowly dawning on me I could've guessed there was a remote possibility Luke worked in a hospital in my home city, I still couldn't figure out how on earth he and Daniel knew each other.
Daniel gave a brief nod but was clearly simmering with rage, standing with legs astride, his arms hanging loosely by his sides as if readying himself for a fist fight.
"As I was saying…" Luke went on quietly, continuing to focus on Sarah—why wouldn't he look at me? "It's very unusual for patients to have complications during angioplasty. But the one good thing about that is that if there are complications, we're in a good position to take action straightaway."
Feeling increasingly as though I was in the middle of an extremely bad dream, complete with a cast of characters that had no business being together in the same scene, I listened as he told us he'd carried out a triple coronary artery bypass graft operation, patiently describing what that had entailed. Something about re-plumbing Mum's heart by using an artery from inside her chest and a vein from her leg. It sounded incredibly complicated, no, make that horrific, and I found my eyes filling with tears again as he went on to explain a machine was doing my mother's breathing for her in order to reduce the workload on her newly-repaired heart.
"We'll keep her asleep through the night," he continued. "But provided she does well, and at the moment, I have no reason to suspect that she won't, we'll wake her up tomorrow morning and work towards getting her off the breathing machine." He hesitated. "Though I should make it clear that the next few hours are critical and although I don't anticipate any problems, I really can't make any promises at this stage. There are always risks with major surgery and your mother's condition is serious at the moment."
There was a pause while we all digested this news, Sarah the first one to speak. "Can we see her now?" she asked, the quiver in her voice betraying just how close she was to tears herself.
Luke nodded. "I'll go and see how they're getting on," he said, reaching out to touch her upper arm, the sight of the reassuring gesture making me ache with envy. I was growing desperate for him to look at me, to make some indication he was aware of my presence. But without so much as a glance in my direction, he gave Sarah another smile and headed for the double doors.
"I don't believe it," Daniel muttered furiously, the moment he was gone. "I don't fucking believe it."
"What?" Graham demanded, turning to confront him. "For heaven's sake, Dan, what the hell was all that about?"
"What was all that about?" Daniel gave a bitter snort. "I'll tell you what that was about, shall I? That was about Chloe."
"Chloe?" I gasped, startled. "What about Chloe?"
"Luke Foster." He stabbed a finger in the direction of the double doors. "He was the one, okay? He was the one!"
"The one—what?" Sarah asked, seeming bemused. "Daniel, you're not making any sense."
But he was.
And as I realised exactly what it was that linked Daniel and Luke, I went cold with shock. "Oh God," I breathed, my legs suddenly feeling rather weak. "Chloe's baby."
Sarah gave Daniel an incredulous look. "You're not serious?" she said, narrowing her gaze. She already knew the story. We all did. "He was the one that got Chloe pregnant? He's the one that—"
"—made her lose the baby?" Daniel finished grimly. "Yep. He's the one. Of course he is. How do you think he knew my name?"
I gazed back towards the double doors, aware of how heavily my heart was thudding in my chest. This couldn't be happening, I thought. It couldn't be real. I had to be dreaming.
Because it didn't equate to what I knew about Luke, at least, not the Luke I'd met ten days previously. The Luke I'd met had been capable and caring, tender and warm. Arrogant at times, certainly, but that probably went with the territory in his profession. But I found it hard to imagine he could ever have treated anyone as callously—as heartlessly—as he'd allegedly treated Chloe.
Though most of the pieces of the puzzle seemed to fit. When I'd asked Luke who'd damaged him so badly, when I'd asked him what she'd done, he'd said it wasn't so much what she'd done, it was what he'd done. He'd openly admitted to hurting her. But not physically. That piece of the puzzle didn't seem to fit at all.
"Dan, it was years ago," Graham said quietly. "You need to let it rest—no listen," he added, putting up his hand as Daniel gave another snort. "I'm being serious. Chloe's put it behind her and so must you."
"Yeah, right." Daniel blew out an exasperated sigh. "He's a surgeon, for fuck's sake. With responsibility for people's lives."
"What, you don't think anyone should have a second chance?" Sarah said, frowning at him. "That if you make a mistake, you should never be allowed to forget it? Remember, you don't even know for sure what happened that day."
"Are you saying my sister wasn't telling the truth?"<
br />
"No." Sarah shook her head. "I'm just pointing out that you only ever heard her side of the story and you acted on it. And quite frankly, I've always thought what you and your mates did to him was almost as bad as what he was supposed to have done to Chloe. Two wrongs don't make a right, Daniel."
Daniel looked ready to explode. "Sarah, you don't have—"
"Shut up!" I hissed, seeing the doors to the intensive care unit swing open again. But it wasn't Luke. Two members of staff emerged pushing a now empty trolley, followed closely by Caitlin, the nurse who'd stopped to speak to me when they'd first brought my mother back from theatre.
"Hi there," she said with another warm smile as the staff with the trolley headed off down the hall. "You can come through to see her for a few minutes. But after that, I'll have to ask you to limit it to two visitors at a time, please. With all the equipment at the bedspace I'm afraid there's not really enough room for all of you at once."
We trooped after her along a short corridor, obediently washing our hands when requested to reduce the risk of introducing infection before following her into the ward. It seemed frantically busy after the relative calm of the general medical ward, several people clustered around the nurses' station, still others working between the row of five beds on the opposite wall. I'd found the technology on the coronary care unit overwhelming enough but the sight of all the monitors and machines surrounding each one of the seriously ill patients was shocking, the noise equally disconcerting, a cacophony of bleeps and alarms.
"Here we are," Caitlin said brightly, much to my relief leading us away from the bustle of the main ward into a side room. "As I said, it's a bit of a squeeze."
Squeeze was the right word. There was barely enough room for us to huddle around the bed, our collective eyes zooming to its occupant.