Out of Time: A Military Romance

by Sienna Mynx

  "I do! I love you more than anything in the world," he said and his eyes teared.

  "Not enough to live for me?"

  "That's why I needed you, I needed this—to give us closure," he reasoned.

  "No! No! That's not closure! It sure as hell isn't love. You're still a coward. I can't believe I trusted you again. You made me fall in love with you again to leave me again! How you could be so cruel!" she wept.

  "Please Asha," he reached for her. She knocked his hand away. She turned and looked at the sheriff. "I want to leave. Now! I want someone to take me home." She went into the bedroom and got her purse and things. She could barely see through her tears. When she came back Ice was standing at the sink. He was staring down in it. She stood there and waited for him to say or do something. He didn't even look her way.

  "Fucking coward!" she yelled at him. Howard went to the door and opened it. Asha shook her head and left.

  Ice’s rage exploded the moment she left. He knocked everything from the counter. Smashed glasses and threw appliances. He walked out of the kitchen, blinded by his despair. He went to the sofa and sat on it. He was a dead man. He had been dead since his mission. And he was selfish. Because part of him only wanted to live when he thought of Asha. None of him wanted to live for him. The transplant had a high success rate, but there was a chance he'd still die. And then what? He'd have hope only to have God deliver the final blow. Why go through that when he'd been living on borrowed time? He put his face in his hands. And now she was gone. For good.

  24.

  "I'm sorry," Howard said. He put his hand on her knee and she knocked it away. Asha couldn't stop crying. She was humiliated. It was like losing her husband all over again. This time it hurt ten times worse. This time she knew he was going to die.

  "He's a fool, Asha. A damn fool."

  "He doesn't love me," she wept. "He never loved me. He doesn't love anything."

  Howard looked over at her. He then returned his gaze to the road. "You know, I could kill him for hurting you. I want to kill him. But I'm not a complete asshole. If you ask me, I think he does love you."

  "What?" She looked over at him.

  "He went through a lot to get you out here. For what? Why? What is it about you two and Christmas?" Howard asked.

  Asha wiped her tears. She sniffed. In the daylight she saw how much the small lighthouse town reminded her of Port Smith. He went through all of this to recreate what they shared.

  "The doctors you spoke to... did they say if it's too late for him to accept the donor?" she asked.

  "Didn't speak to a doctor. Spoke to the Coast Guard. And I didn't ask."

  Asha sat there and cried silently. Howard didn't speak again, and she was grateful. When her tears dried up her anger surfaced. She shook her head. "Howard? I need a favor."

  "Anything, sweetheart."

  "I need you to turn this car around and find me a car rental place."

  "What for?"

  "To rent a car," she said.

  "Asha?"

  "Please just do it! Or put me out of the car and I'll find a cab or something. I need my own car. I need to deal with my husb—with Ice, my way."

  Howard glanced to her. "He doesn't deserve you. Do you know that? Twice he let you go."

  "And twice I ran from him. You can't give up on people you love. I can't do this again. He's not perfect, but he's my husband. I can't do this."

  "Love isn't supposed to hurt, Asha. If the man appreciated you, he wouldn't cause you so much pain."

  Asha wiped her tears. "You don't know Ice. In his head he is thinking he's doing me a favor."

  "You sound like one of those abused women."

  "Go to hell!" Asha snapped.

  Howard cut her a sideways glare. She glared back. "What do you know about it? Ever been in real love? The kind that keeps you up at night. The kind that makes you want to die if you can't be with that person. The kind that you can't stop feeling. Huh?"

  "Yeah, I'm in love with you, Asha. Why the fuck do you think I'm here? Trying so damn hard to get you to open your eyes!"

  "No, you're not."

  "Why? Because I'm not him. Some stubborn jackass that has a second chance with the most special woman in the world and throws it away. I can give you the life you want. I'm not afraid of it. You're young, Asha, talented, beautiful—you're a man's dream. You have to be with someone who appreciates that."

  "He did once, until he lost his way. And I left him to figure it out alone. He hasn't figured it out yet, Howard. That's on the both of us. He needs me."

  "You need to be free. See it for what it is. He guilted you into this little plot of his. Trapped and isolated you. He set you up."

  Asha thought about the time she shared with him. The words he said. The pain she saw him suffering through. Ice wanted to live. If he didn't, he would have never come for her. It was a test. And she failed it. She walked out.

  "I need a car. I need to go back! Do you hear me! Back to him, alone."

  Howard swerved off the road and stopped. He hit the steering wheel with his fist.

  "If you really love me, Howard, then help me. The only way I can ever be happy is if I can be with him. For whatever time we have."

  Howard sighed. He pushed the button on his steering wheel and his On-Star answered. He asked for a car rental place. He was given the name and the coordinates were sent down to his car.

  "I still say he doesn't deserve you," Howard mumbled.

  Asha ignored him. She sniffed and stared out of the window. She wanted her second chance.

  25.

  Ice hadn't bothered to clean up. After losing his wife again to his stupidity he stumbled about the rest of the afternoon and finally collapsed on the sofa. It was there he slept. When he woke it was dark. He almost called out her name, wishing it was all a dream. But he realized soon after it wasn't.

  After too much time alone, he put on his coat and went outside in the cold. He felt the chill all the way to his bones. And it hurt. But he welcomed the pain. He wanted it. If he dealt with it then he wouldn't be reminded of the pain in his heart. For reasons he would later call destiny or fate, he began to walk over to the lighthouse. He'd told Asha he'd light it for her for Christmas. She was gone. But it was the last promise he made her.

  Asha tried to find her way back to the Keepers House, but darkness made it impossible for her to see. Howard had taken her almost a hundred miles to rent a car. And then she had to deal with them locating a car for her due to the low stock because of the holiday. Time wasted. She would have called Ice, but he didn't have a phone. And that worried her more. She should have never left. Never run away. He needed someone to be strong, and that was her.

  The darkness covered the bay. She couldn't see. She pulled over to the side of the road. "Come on, Asha, think. It was just a straight drive out. It has to be here somewhere."

  The day of frustration came down on her. Ice confused her. He always confused her. When she met him, he said he didn't want any attachments. He wasn't the marrying type. So she set her girlhood fantasies of being his wife aside. And despite his words he called her, came to see her, made her fall in love with him. And then they married and he told her he was tired of the Coast Guard. He wasn't. When she offered to give up her dreams for him, he didn't want her to do it. She filed for divorce and he didn't even pick up the phone to ask her why.

  Now this?

  Asha began to cry. Was she a fool? What was she doing out there in the middle of the night looking for him? Lost again. She wept. They were out of time and she had no way to fix it.

  "Damn it!" she yelled. She started the car again. She was leaving. When she looked up to turn out to the street, she paused. The lighthouse was on. Its beam swung around and swept the sea and land like a beacon of hope for her. He kept his promise. He turned it on. She nearly wept with joy.

  "Thank you God," she said. "Can I ask for one more Christmas wish?" She wiped her running nose with her sleeve. She prayed to God for them both
. She prayed the entire journey back to the lighthouse. When she finally arrived she parked next to his truck. She set aside her anger and disappointment. She'd fought through her pain. And she was committed, more than she had ever been before, to fight for him.

  Asha got out of the car. She walked over to the door and turned the knob. It opened. He really had no need for locking doors out in isolation. He was all alone out there.

  "Ice? Are you here?" she asked.

  She closed the door and looked around. The kitchen was a wreck. Shattered glass and broken appliances were everywhere.

  "Ice?" she said again.

  He didn't answer. She went upstairs and checked the bedroom. He wasn't there. Asha went back to the living room just as he came walking in. Ice stopped when he saw her.

  "You came back?" he said as if he didn't believe his eyes.

  "Of course I came back," she said. "And do you know why?"

  He came inside and closed the door. "Why? Tell me," he said.

  "Because I'm your wife, for better or for worse, in sickness and health, till death do us part. I forgot those vows once when you needed me the most. And you forgot them when I needed you. I'm not going to make that mistake again."

  Ice smiled. He looked tired. Defeated. He took a step toward her.

  "Wait." She put out her hand.

  He stopped.

  "I made the vows to you, now make yours to me. Right now. Say them, Ice. The words. All of them."

  He nodded. "I'm your husband, for better or worse, in sickness and health, till death do us part."

  Asha went to him and hugged him. "You will not give up on us, you hear me? I don't care what it takes, you owe me. You promise me."

  "I'm sorry, babe. I'll do it. I promise. I'll do whatever you want. I love you."

  She looked up at him. "Do you? Because now it’s time for you to prove it."

  "I know. I thought about it when you left. The things you said. Your friend Howard was right. I brought you here to say goodbye. I never thought that I'd even get this far with you after all that I've done to let you down. Now I realize that I want to live. Not just for you, but for me. I'm not going to go out like some punk."

  Asha laughed softly. She took off his coat. "It's cold out. What about a warm bath? I have some Epsom salt too, out in the rental car, to relax your muscles. And I can fix you something to eat."

  "I just want to sleep."

  "Okay, that's fine too," she smiled.

  He leaned in and kissed her. She kissed him back. "You are still my hero. You know that?" she asked.

  "No. You're my hero, my shero," he said.

  She smiled and helped him back to the bedroom. Not that he had trouble walking, but because she didn't want to let him go. And inside she took off his boots. She helped him undress. She understood fatigue was part of it. And he had exhausted himself pretending to be so strong. She cut off the lights and locked up the place. When she came back to him, he was asleep. She got the quilt from the bunk bed to cover him. She wanted as much heat as possible. She eased under the covers with him and her heart stopped racing. She could finally feel herself relax. She was so grateful.

  "Merry Christmas Ice," she said and kissed his jaw.

  "Merry Christmas,” he said.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Future - 3:12 P.M. January 29, 2017

  Johns Hopkins Hospital - Baltimore, MD

  Asha sat in the designated family room in the Hematology/Oncology section of the hospital. She had Ice's rosary wrapped around her hand and said silent prayers between kisses to the cross. When that didn't calm her enough, she sucked on her butterscotch candy. She'd almost eaten an entire bag. Across from her was her sister Amy. She read a magazine. And Ice's mother Deloris was there as well. The three of them all waited. His brother had to fly back home as soon as he recovered from his procedure. Amy kept calling home to give her other sisters updates. Ice's mother did the same.

  It wasn't something she could do. They'd been through the donor procedure. Ice had passed all his tests. Today was the day he received an Allogeneic Stem Cell transplant. The stems cells that were collected from his brother were to be transplanted into Ice's bone marrow to restore his immune system.

  Before the transplant he had to undergo a conditioning that was pretty brutal on him. High doses of chemotherapy and radioactive chemo therapy were given to him to kill as much of the cancer as they could. Ice suffered. And she was by his side. After the chemotherapy he received the stem cells intravenously.

  "It's been an hour. They said we should be able to see him in an hour," Ice’s mother said.

  "You want me to check with one of the nurses?" Amy asked.

  "No. Let's give it a little longer. They will come to tell us." Asha stood, her hand to her belly as she paced.

  "Why do you do that?" Amy asked.

  "Do what?" Asha answered, lost in thought.

  "Lately, whenever you pace or stop to think you have your hand on her belly." Amy said.

  Asha looked down to see that it was true. Deloris and her sister both stared at her for an answer. She was waiting until Ice was well to share the news. But she figured she'd tell them. "I'm pregnant."

  "What?" Deloris gasped.

  "Are you sure?" Amy asked.

  Asha nodded.

  "Does Ice know?" Amy asked.

  Deloris got up and came over and hugged her. She hugged her back. Asha started to cry, tears of both happiness and sadness. "I couldn't tell him. He's going through so much."

  "You have to tell him!" Amy said.

  "Yes, sweetheart. It'll make all the difference," said Deloris.

  "How far along are you?" Amy asked.

  "About four or five weeks," she said.

  "But Ice has been so sick," Deloris frowned. "I don't... I don't understand."

  Asha smiled. "It happened on Christmas Eve. When we reconnected, and then everything else moved so fast with him having... cancer."

  "I'm so happy, sis!" Amy came over and hugged her.

  "Don't say anything. I need to be the first to tell him. Let me tell him before everyone else in the family finds out."

  The women agreed. A nurse arrived. "Ms. Quinn, you can see him now."

  "Do you want to come too?" Asha asked his mother.

  "No. I think you two have some talking to do. I'll wait my turn," Deloris said.

  Asha smiled and went with the nurse. She entered the room and found Ice sitting up in bed. He looked pale, gaunt. The chemo had taken his hair and his eyebrows. But his eyes were still magnetic, and so beautiful.

  "There's my girl," he said.

  "How do you feel?" she asked.

  "Better," he smiled.

  "Liar, you feel bad, don't you?"

  "I can handle it," he said.

  She walked over and kissed him. "The doctors said it will take us months to find out if your body's immune system is responding."

  "Yeah, they told me."

  She walked away from the bed and put her hand to her belly. She realized what she was doing and stopped herself. She turned and looked at him. "I have something to tell you."

  Ice eyes narrowed on her. "Okay?"

  "It's, um, it's good news, I think. It sure wasn't planned. But I don't know. It's kind of how life with us goes, huh? Never planned. Always happening."

  "What is it, babe? Say it."

  "So in a couple of months you'll be on your feet and cancer-free. I claimed it." She pointed at him with a grin. He winked. "And that's good, because I'm going to need you to look after me and the baby."

  Ice eyes stretched. "Baby?"

  "Yeah, you remember that little reunion you planned at the lighthouse? Looks like you gave me something special for Christmas."

  "Are you sure?" he asked.

  "I went to the doctor last week. Remember when I said my breasts were hurting? You said it was because they missed you sucking them."

  Ice managed a weak smile. Asha smiled with him. "Turns out I'm about four to five weeks."


  "How?" he asked.

  "When we were married I stayed on the pill. But when we got divorced, I didn't need the pill anymore. That whole wait for marriage until sex thing."

  "That's not what Howard thought."

  "Now you're going to be punished for saying the 'H' word."

  Ice laughed. He winced.

  "Hey, chill, okay?" Asha said. Ice lifted his hand to tell her to come to him. Asha went to her husband. He smiled for her and she knew he was in pain. But he touched her stomach.

  "I want a girl," he said.

  "You do?"

  "Yes. And I want her to look just like you."

  "So this is a good thing?" she asked.

  "It's the best thing. And as soon as I'm out of here we are getting married. Before the baby comes."

  "I'd like that, Ice," she said and kissed him. "But let's get you well first."

  Chapter Fourteen

  Future - 11:30 A.M. June 13, 2017

  Fisher Creek - Wisconsin

  Ice opened his eyes. He took in a deep breath. When he turned over he expected to find Asha in bed with him. Instead he felt the empty space. He lifted his wrist and checked the time. It was half past eleven. How could he sleep so long? He pulled back the covers and sat up. He reached for his cane. It was needed for balance, nothing more. He felt stronger; in fact, he was beginning to believe he didn't need it. Asha, however, wouldn't let him move around without it.

  Today was the day, and he knew she was nervous. He stood and went into the bathroom. He pissed, brushed his teeth, and washed his hands before he left. When he came out of the bathroom he walked toward the door. He paused. Their wedding photo that was taken in February in Fisher Creek had been framed. She'd put it on the dresser.

  He smiled. He was in his dress uniform and she was in a blue long-sleeve dress that flowed from her hips and revealed just a hint of her belly. He had to take the picture in his wheelchair. But that day he had no pride or ego. That day he was just happy to be alive, to be given a second chance.