Your Perfect Life

by Liz Fenton

  “And what? Aren’t you the least bit fazed?”

  “Look around, ladies. Think about what I do for a living. I’ve seen and heard it all. People talking to the dead, being married to the dead, dead people that reincarnate as their former spouse’s pet . . .” She pauses and I can’t help but think what if that happened to me? If I died unexpectedly and came back as John’s pet. The only pet he has is a garden snake that he keeps in one of those tanks at his office. How much would that suck? I didn’t consider until this moment that there could actually be a worse situation than the one I’m in now, a worse body to be in. I think of myself hissing, spitting out my long tongue, hitting it against the glass of the tank, desperately trying to let John know that I’m hungry for my next mouse. I make a sour face imagining it.

  Jordan snaps me back to the moment. “The question is, what do you need from me?”

  “Isn’t it obvious?” Casey asks, not rudely, just more like a person who wants to make sure she gets her money’s worth.

  “I can’t read minds. I can only get what I get when I meditate the night before I see a client. What I write down. What they—”

  “We know. What they want you to know.” I think of the snake again and curtly finish her sentence and then rethink my attitude. “I’m sorry, we’re just frazzled here. We’re looking for answers on how to switch back, get our lives back, be who we were.”

  Jordan frowns. “But they’re telling me you weren’t happy with who you were.”

  I think about John. Our marriage. How our relationship has been strained. When did it start? When did we stop kissing each other good-bye in the morning? Sending playful emails? Sharing a glass of wine at the end of a long day? I think of Casey. I had never stopped to ask myself if she was happy. I had always assumed that she was. The life she lived, the success she has achieved, they were all things our society considers valuable. But I realize now that she’s been living an empty life for years. And I was so caught up with my own crazy world I hadn’t even noticed. She never even mentioned Charlie to me, a relationship that clearly upset her. What does that say about the kind of friend I am?

  Jordan looks at me. “You. You, Rachel, not you, Casey, have a lot of angst inside of you. I wrote this down last night.” She consults her notebook again. “You’re confused about love. And stressed. Look here, I wrote the word stress in all caps. It’s at a higher level than I have seen in most people. I also wrote the name Jack. Does that mean anything to you?”

  My eyes fill with tears. “That’s John, my husband, that’s his nickname. What I used to call him . . .”

  Casey squeezes my hand. “Things haven’t been so great between them.”

  For a moment I think about her and John and I’m panged. I try to erase the visual of them sleeping in the same bed, accidentally brushing up against each other. And I want to snap, But things are going very well between you two lately, right? But I think better of it.

  Jordan gives me an empathetic smile, almost as if she relates, and then she looks at Casey. “And you, Casey, I didn’t get as much for you. It’s almost as if you’re . . .”

  “Empty?” I offer without thinking, looking down to avoid the sharp look Casey throws my way.

  “Yes, empty works,” Jordan says and looks at Casey sympathetically. “Care to talk about it?” she probes gently. “You can’t lock everything you feel down there forever,” she says as she points to Casey’s gut.

  Casey is visibly uncomfortable but holds Jordan’s stare. “I’m okay,” she says simply and Jordan nods, unwilling to push the issue any further.

  I change the subject back to the switch. “Well, if they’re so smart, then ask them how we switch our bodies back, what exactly we should do to reverse this spell.”

  Jordan smiles sincerely. “I’m sorry, I know you guys want me to wave a magic wand, but I don’t have that answer for you.”

  We both remain silent, waiting for her to reveal something, anything.

  “There is something that might help. They are telling me that you already have the answer to switching back and it’s right in front of you. You need to think about why you switched in the first place and that will lead you to how you switch back.”

  “Are they saying anything else? Anything? Do we have to pee in the same fountain? Do we have to drink from the same cup? There has to be something,” I plead.

  Jordan closes her eyes and is silent for almost a full minute before she speaks. “There is something else. They’re saying the word promotion.”

  “As in a promotion at work? Or promoting something, as in publicity? What exactly do they mean?” Casey asks eagerly.

  “I’m sorry, I don’t know. They just keep saying it over and over. But I don’t know the context. I suppose that’s for you to figure out.”

  Casey’s shoulders slump and I rub my temples.

  “Doesn’t anyone get that we don’t know the answers here? That we’re not going to figure this out?” I say to no one in particular. “Can you at least tell us, or can they tell us if we’ll—”

  Casey finishes my sentence, “—be able to switch back?”

  Jordan closes her eyes for a moment and I hold my breath. This could be it, the moment that changes everything. When she pops them back open a few seconds later, she says apologetically, “When the universe is off balance it always wants to right itself. But whether that happens or not is up to you.”

  CHAPTER 15

  * * *

  casey

  I hang up the phone with the caterer and check one more thing off the list for John’s party. With Destiny helping out with the venue, I’ve been able to handle almost everything else, including getting the invitations out on time. I’ve tried to keep all of our interaction confined to email. Talking to her on the phone, pretending to be Rachel, makes me worry that I’ll slip up and she’ll realize whom she’s really talking to.

  I’m both relieved and concerned that I’ve gotten so comfortable in Rachel’s life so quickly. While it makes the day-to-day much more bearable (I’m no longer asking the kids where everything is, causing them to wonder if early dementia has set in), I worry that the longer we’re in each other’s bodies, the harder it will be to get back to who we were. Although I think I can safely say no matter what happens, I probably won’t ever be the same after this experience.

  I’d stayed up half the night trying to figure out what the word promotion had to do with switching our bodies back. There wasn’t a chance I’d be up for one anytime soon—not with Dean and Fiona constantly bad-mouthing and sabotaging me. And I wasn’t exactly getting any younger. In fact, there was part of me that wondered if I was going to get axed when I turned forty. And Rachel didn’t even have a job. Well, a paying job anyway. Rachel’s kids make my job at GossipTV seem easy. And on top of it all, she’d been working for free for years. Bitch needs a raise!

  I’m still sitting at the kitchen table, lost in thought, when Audrey bounds in the door with a huge smile on her face, Sophie stomping in behind her. Audrey’s always been quiet and sometimes sullen, even as a baby. I remember coming over to John and Rachel’s apartment when she was a newborn, watching Rachel struggle and silently counting the minutes until I could get back to being an irresponsible twenty-two-year-old. Now, having become a pseudo-mom to Charlotte, I feel terrible that I wasn’t helpful. I had no idea what she was going through and never made an effort to understand what it was like to give up everything she’d worked for to raise a family. I see now that she made a sacrifice. My GossipTV life seems so far away to me, and each day I feel a little more detached and find myself caring a little bit less about how long I can stay on top of the dog pile there.

  “Well, someone looks like they had a good day,” I say to Audrey as she grabs a bottle of water from the fridge.

  “I did.” She beams. “Guess what happened?”

  “What?” I ask.

  “Chris McNies asked me out to the movies this weekend.” She does a little twirl in the kitchen. “Mom,
he’s only like the most popular guy in school! And he wants to go out with me!” But then her smile fades. “Not that it matters.”

  “Why?” I’m bewildered at her change of tone. “Why doesn’t it matter?”

  As she has so many times in the past few days, she looks at me like I’m nuts. “Because, Mom, you said I can’t date until I’m seventeen.”

  “Really?” I ask before I can stop myself. “That seems sort of harsh.”

  Audrey’s mouth falls open. “What’s going on with you lately?”

  “Nothing,” I say and try to think quickly. How hypocritical of Rachel and John to impose that rule on Audrey. They started dating when they were freshmen in high school and by the time they were seventeen, they had already had sex more times than they could even count. If they found love that young, why wouldn’t they want the same for their daughter?

  I make a snap decision. “You should go out with him,” I say before I can change my mind.

  Audrey squeals and runs over to give me a hug. “Really? Do you mean it?”

  “Yes,” I say. “I mean, you’re almost seventeen, right?”

  “In eight months.”

  “Oh well, same difference,” I say lightly. “What are you waiting for? You better go call him and tell him you’re available this weekend!”

  She throws her arms around my neck before grabbing her phone off the counter and heading to her room to spread the news. “Thanks so much, Mom. This is the nicest thing you’ve ever done for me.”

  Although I highly doubt that’s true, it feels good to have made Audrey so happy. And I’m sure Rachel won’t mind too much. I know they’ve always been a bit overprotective of Audrey, their firstborn. Maybe they just needed a little shove in the right direction to give her a little more room to breathe.

  “Dad’s going to freak out when he hears what you just did.” I turn and see Sophie standing in the doorway, arms crossed.

  Whoops. I hadn’t really thought about that. “Maybe we don’t have to tell him?” I give her my sweetest smile. “It could just be our little secret?”

  “The problem is, secrets always have a way of coming out, Mom,” she says wisely. Then she smiles. “You are so dead.”

  • • •

  “What are you acting so nervous about?” Rachel pulls me aside later in the kitchen. She’s joined us for dinner again so she can see John and the kids. Normally I would welcome her with open arms, but all I can think of is that she’s going to discover that I went behind her and John’s back and gave Audrey permission to go out with Mr. Super Stud.

  “Nothing,” I lie as I hand her the mashed potatoes that I slaved over earlier that day. I was proud to say that my food was becoming a bit more edible. What was becoming of me?

  “Sophie! Audrey! Dinner!” John calls as he joins us at the table. The girls come bounding down the stairs, Audrey, with that huge giddy smile still glued to her face and Sophie, wearing a smug one, as if she couldn’t wait for the fireworks to begin.

  Sophie starts in immediately. “So, Audrey, how was your day?” she asks, reaching for the salad.

  I interrupt before Audrey can answer. “I was actually hoping we could hear about Aunt Casey’s day first.” I nod at Rachel.

  But she shakes her head. “No, I’d rather hear about how the girls are doing.” She smiles at Audrey.

  I sink down in my seat.

  Audrey can barely contain herself. “Today was the best day ever, Aunt Casey!”

  “Wow, really? What happened?” Rachel looks over at me and I look away and scoop some corn onto my plate.

  “Chris McNies asked me out!”

  John, having barely uttered a word since he got home, perks up. “The star quarterback? That Chris McNies?” I can tell he’s impressed.

  “Yes!” Audrey exclaims.

  “That’s fantastic news!” Rachel interjects, and for a minute I think I might be okay. But then she adds, “It’s too bad you’ll have to turn him down. I know your mom and dad have a very strict policy about dating before you’re seventeen.” She looks over at me pointedly.

  “That’s the best part, Aunt Casey! Mom said I could go! We’re going out this weekend!”

  “What?” Rachel and John yell out at the same time. I sink even lower in my seat, trying to disappear.

  “Rachel, how could you tell her that? That’s a decision we made together! You can’t just change the rules whenever you feel like it,” John says, his face reddening.

  “Yeah,” Rachel chimes in. “What were you thinking?” John looks over, clearly surprised Casey would take his side.

  Audrey’s eyes fill with tears. “What are you saying? I can’t go? Everyone at school will laugh at me if I have to say no now. Everyone else is dating. Why do you guys still treat me like I’m a baby?”

  “Hold on a second.” My voice is shaking. “That’s not what we’re saying.”

  “Yes, it is,” Rachel says firmly and John gives her an annoyed look, probably wondering why Casey is taking such a vested interest in his children all of a sudden.

  I look at the tears streaming down Audrey’s face and my heart breaks for her. I know I have one chance to make this right. “Listen, everyone calm down. John, I’m truly sorry. I was wrong to make this decision without you.”

  He seems shocked by my apology. “Thank you for saying that.” The frown on his face softens.

  “But here’s the thing,” I continue. “When we made that decision Audrey was only . . .” I pause, unsure.

  “Eleven.” Audrey fills in the blank for me.

  “Right, she was eleven. We had no idea the mature, responsible woman she would be at sixteen.” I smile at her and she wipes another tear away and smiles back, a look of pride washing over her face. “So who says we can’t reevaluate? She’s right, all the other girls her age are dating.”

  “Not all of them,” Rachel chimes in.

  “All of them,” I push back. I look over at John, surprised to see him intently listening. “What if we set some strict ground rules and give her a chance? If she breaks our trust, then we can take away the privilege.” And I save my strongest argument for last. “After all, John, you and I started dating in high school.”

  Rachel refuses to make eye contact with me. “Yes, and look at you guys now,” she says so quietly I can barely hear her. But I know I’ve got her thinking.

  “Please, Dad!” Audrey pleads. “Any ground rules you want.”

  John stares me down before answering. “Okay,” he says and Audrey and I cheer. Rachel’s face is impassive. “But with major ground rules.”

  “Thank you, thank you, thank you!” Audrey jumps up from the table and hugs him tightly. I catch Sophie rolling her eyes.

  “Thank you,” I mouth to him when he looks over at me. Then lean in toward Rachel, lost in thought. “Sorry.”

  She whispers back through a clinched smile, “I’m going to kick your ass later. You know that, right?”

  “I do,” I say, hoping she’ll go easy on me. But, no matter how angry she is at me, the look on Audrey’s face tells me it was worth it.

  CHAPTER 16

  * * *

  rachel

  Audrey dating. Audrey in the backseat of the star quarterback’s car. Audrey losing her virginity. Audrey dropping out of high school because she’s pregnant.

  As I lie in Casey’s silky sheets, my mind is racing, one horrible thought replacing the last with an even worse one.

  My eyes are heavy and I have to blink a few times to read the clock on Casey’s bedside table. It’s 5:30 a.m. In just an hour, I need to be sitting in hair and makeup at the studio. I’ve hardly slept all night thinking about last night’s dinner topic; my sixteen-year-old daughter’s dating life, which went from nonexistent to active in the span of five minutes.

  I’m in no mood to face the makeup artist after the snide comments I overheard her make yesterday to her assistant about the dark circles under my eyes. I’d frozen behind the audio room door as I’d listene
d to her bitch about how she’d better win an Emmy this year after all the work she has to do to make me look pretty—especially now that we shoot the show in high definition. I haven’t slept much since Casey and I switched and it’s taken a serious toll on my, or should I say Casey’s, face. After I’d heard her remarks, I’d wanted to punch her in the face as I stared at her in the dressing room mirror, the hot lights betraying every blotch, pimple, and line on my face. I’d felt an ache in my chest for Casey and wondered if she was always treated more like an object than a human being.

  Looking around Casey’s bedroom, I’m almost shocked at how impersonal it is. How, if I saw a picture of it, and didn’t know any better, I could easily mistake it for a hotel room. A five-star hotel room, but a hotel room all the same. The walls are painted a shade of light gray. The furniture is expensive but not lived in. Not comfortable. It’s the kind you buy and arrange exactly as you see it in a catalog. The kind you buy when you don’t have to think about what the kids are going to do to it.

  The pictures on her walls are of places, not people. In fact, she has hardly any photographs of friends or family anywhere. The other night, I had to search her entire apartment until I finally found a picture of her and me. It sat on a shelf toward the bottom of a bookcase in her office. It was one of us in college, our arms draped around each other’s padded shoulders. Red cups in hand, we wore matching half-drunk smiles and high-waisted jeans.

  I’d sunk down on her dark hardwood floor and cried, wishing more than anything we could be back there again. I missed those college girls who didn’t have a care in the world, our whole lives ahead of us, our bright broadcasting futures just around the corner. But that was before an unplanned pregnancy changed everything, for the better and for the worse. And I’d made another promise to God. Once I got back into my own body, I vowed to be fun again.

  I drag myself out of Casey’s bed, my body aching, my heart aching, as I think again of last night. Of John and Casey. How in sync they were as they handled Audrey. How they seemed more like a married couple than John and I had been in forever. How Casey knew exactly what to say to keep Audrey calm, something I haven’t been able to do in I don’t even know how long. I’d watched my life playing out before me and I’d felt rage and sadness and even contentment as I’d seen how blissful my daughter looked. I couldn’t remember the last time she’d been that happy.