Your Perfect Life

by Liz Fenton

  “Don’t change the subject. I want to know why you’re not jumping at this New York thing. Is there a chance we’re not going?”

  “Destiny, I promise, we’ll talk later, okay? When does our car leave?”

  Destiny relents and reopens her iPad.

  I grab the latest issue of Us Weekly from the corner of my desk and start casually flipping through it as I think about what I want to ask Melissa during the interview. There’s a spread about the outfits Julia Roberts’ niece, Emma, wore while promoting her latest movie; an article about Giuliana Rancic’s baby news; and a Who Wore It Best? that I almost bypass until I see that the woman being compared to Blake Lively is Casey. It’s the cranberry minidress she wore to the high school reunion. Seeing twenty-something Blake Lively wearing it makes me cringe for Casey. She looks great, but the dress is clearly meant for someone younger. I think of Fiona clawing for her job and can’t blame Casey for trying to compete with women almost half her age.

  Charlie appears in the doorway and gives me an easy smile. “You ready for me to brief you?” He holds up a stack of blue cards and a binder of research and I notice he’s let his stubble return. Yes, you can brief me. You can brief me right on this desk.

  Destiny gives me a pointed look, not missing Charlie’s flirtatious tone. “We’ll need to leave by noon to get up there and have enough time to get you into hair and makeup before we roll tape at four.”

  I look at Charlie. “Is the crew already up there setting up?”

  He nods. “They just arrived. It’s going to be a multicamera shoot and I told them I’m tired of the interviews we do in hotel rooms looking like interviews in hotel rooms, so we’re going to do this one out by the pool.”

  “That’ll be tricky with audio, won’t it?” One of the many things I’ve learned in the past few weeks is that shooting outside is easily complicated by unpredictable things like planes flying overhead and cars driving by; things I wouldn’t have ever noticed until I tried to interviewing Mariska Hargitay after she got her star on Hollywood’s Walk of Fame.

  “The pool area is quiet and removed from the street—you know that. We interviewed Rob Lowe there, remember?”

  “Oh yeah, of course. Ready to go over the questions for Melissa?” I change the subject quickly.

  • • •

  “At the end of the day, I’m just a mom who likes to enjoy a cheeseburger and a beer. I’ll never get used to all this Hollywood stuff,” Melissa McCarthy says with a laugh a few hours later.

  I know exactly what you mean.

  Melissa’s publicist hovers nearby and whispers something to Destiny. The camera is recording the time so I can see that it’s 4:29. I know I need to wrap this up.

  “Thanks so much, Melissa, for taking the time to talk with me. And congratulations again on your Oscar nomination,” I say with a smile before reaching out to shake her hand.

  “You did it again,” Charlie says as the crew packs up the equipment.

  “Thanks. I’m glad you’re happy with it.”

  “You were great. That cheeseburger and beer line is golden. You really have a knack for getting celebrities to talk to you like they’re everyday people.”

  Because I’m an everyday person.

  “Hey, so can I talk to you for a sec?” Charlie lowers his voice.

  “Of course. Everything okay?”

  Charlie motions for me to follow him into the suite Melissa McCarthy and her entourage abandoned twenty minutes ago.

  We walk in and I smile as I look around the room. No bowls full of all-green M&M’s, no vases filled with only white tulips, no humidifier that blows only cold air. Charlie sits on the arm of the couch. “So, I know it might be a risk asking you this because we haven’t been back here since right before . . .”

  Before what?

  Charlie takes off his baseball cap and runs his fingers through his hair before continuing. “I was wondering if you’ll let me take you to dinner at our place up here?”

  “Of course!” I answer brightly.

  “Great,” he says, looking both shocked and relieved as he inhales deeply.

  What happened between them that night?

  Charlie walks over to me and grabs my hand. “Because I think we need to talk about everything. And this time, I’m not going to let you dodge me.”

  CHAPTER 27

  * * *

  casey

  “Rachel, wake up.” John is beside me, his hand gently shaking me awake. I glance at the clock. It’s 3 a.m. “What is it?” I ask, alarmed. “Is it the kids?”

  “No, they’re fine. I think you were having a bad dream. You were whimpering.”

  “Oh,” I say, as the dream comes flooding back to me. I was chasing Brian up the stairs at the hotel again, but this time, my feet felt like cement blocks, each step a monumental effort. I kept calling out for Rachel to help me, but she was nowhere to be found. I finally just gave up and lay down on the cold, unyielding floor.

  “It was odd, you kept calling your own name,” John says before getting up and heading to the bathroom. I reach over and grab a glass of water off the dresser, still trying to understand what happened at the hotel yesterday. Why Rachel chose to take a call from Charlie instead of chasing down the one person who could help us get our respective lives back. Why she’s barely been over here to see the kids. Rachel is the last person I would have pegged to get caught up in the celebrity lifestyle I lead. In fact, she has always been the one person who saved me from completely succumbing to it, her house always feeling like a sanctuary from the craziness of it all. But what bothers me most is that she’s obviously falling for Charlie.

  Charlie, always hoping he’d see that softer side of me again, and Rachel, feeling unappreciated by her own husband and family, being totally vulnerable to someone as caring as him. It’s the perfect storm. It’s ironic how it wasn’t until I found myself neck-deep in Rachel’s life that I could finally see my own clearly. I squeeze my eyes shut, feeling despondent that I might never get the chance to tell Charlie how wrong I was the night we broke up. That it’s taken going to hell and back in my best friend’s body to realize that I haven’t really been living at all.

  I feel the mattress rise and fall as John turns over. I begin to move over to make room but feel his strong arms circle around my waist and pull me against the fold of his body. I lean my head down but don’t pull away, craving the comfort. “You okay?” he whispers, his breath tickling my ear and giving me goose bumps.

  “Yes,” I answer quietly and rub my arm to make them disappear, as if they’re betraying me, betraying Rachel. Whatever’s going on with her and Charlie, I still have no business getting goose bumps from her husband, even if I can’t remember the last time I’ve let someone hold me like this. Either way, I let the rhythm of his warm breath on the back of my neck coax me into a dreamless sleep.

  • • •

  “Is that Tori Spelling?” Audrey cranes her neck to get a better view of the lithe blonde standing at the valet stand, wearing a beautiful canary maxidress, holding a baby in one arm and grasping a small child’s hand in the other.

  “No,” I lie.

  “Are you sure, Mom?” She narrows her eyes and pulls out her phone to take a picture. “I think that’s her.”

  “It’s not,” I say as I put my hand over the phone, thinking about how Tori Spelling deserves her privacy. In this moment she’s just a mother trying to balance her purchases, a cup of coffee, and four small children all at once. Even though I’ve made a living exposing these little nuances in order to prove celebrities are human, just like us, it made me uneasy. “Don’t.”

  “Fine,” she relents before glancing around the room again. “Do you see anyone else? I thought you said we’d definitely see some celebrities here.”

  I look around the Joan’s on Third dining room, recognizing a few industry faces, but no one that a sixteen-year-old would get excited about. “Sorry.”

  “I wish Aunt Casey were here. She would know wh
o everyone is!”

  “Well, she couldn’t make it. I’ll have to do,” I snip, but quickly force a smile when I see Audrey’s confused expression as if asking, Why would Mom be upset that Aunt Casey couldn’t make it? “Something very important came up at work.”

  When Rachel called a few hours ago to cancel, I was livid. Something about Melissa McCarthy and being in Santa Barbara. Charlie and I had some of the best moments of our short relationship there, and the thought of him being there with Rachel breaks my heart. “Audrey’s counting on you,” I told her as I paced the living room, trying to console a teething Charlotte, whose normal easygoing, cheerful disposition had been replaced by a tantrum-throwing, drooling devil baby for the past forty-eight hours.

  “I’m sorry, there’s nothing I can do,” she answered plainly, closing the door on any further discussion. I could hear her fingers typing on her keyboard in the background, and I wondered if she was even listening.

  I was counting on you too, I thought as I hung up the phone and grabbed another teether from the freezer.

  Our apathetic server, most likely killing time in between auditions, slaps the bill down on the table and I hand her two twenties before she can escape again. “Ready?” I ask Audrey as I stand up and begin digging through my purse for my valet ticket.

  “Need some help?” I hear a familiar voice and look up. “Destiny!” I’m so happy to see her that I throw my arms around her, getting her long curls caught in the strap of my canvas tote bag.

  “Nice to see you too, Rachel,” she says, laughing as she detangles herself from my bag. She turns to Audrey. “And you must be the lovely Audrey. I’ve heard so much about you from your aunt.”

  “Nice to meet you.” Audrey blushes and looks around Destiny. “Is Aunt Casey here too?”

  “No,” she says quickly. “But I’ve been given strict instructions to make sure you find the most fabulous dress ever.” She reaches into her purse and pulls out my American Express Black Card. “It’s all on your Aunt Casey.”

  Audrey jumps up and down, squealing. I put my arm around her shoulder and lead her toward the door. I look back at Destiny. “Where to?” I ask, already knowing the answer.

  “Where else? Saks!”

  • • •

  Once the personal shopper has been given explicit instructions on what Audrey’s allowed to wear (no plunging neckline or superminis), Destiny and I settle in and wait for Audrey to model her favorites. “So how’s Casey doing?” I try to sound breezy. Destiny was always too intuitive for her own good.

  “Good,” she says casually and I realize I’m going to have to do better than that.

  “She’s been talking about a guy at work a lot lately, what’s his name again? Chuck?” I ask innocently, trying to play it cool. I had never mentioned Charlie to Rachel when I was dating him and Destiny only knew because, well, it was almost impossible to hide things from the person who practically ran your life. In fact, I went out of my way to act like it was business as usual for me, murmuring my agreement when Rachel would make a joke about the latest twenty-something I had probably hooked up with. My relationship with Charlie both intrigued and terrified me, and I had been determined to handle it as if it were a fragile, irreplaceable keepsake, until I freaked out that night, throwing it on the ground and stomping it into a million pieces.

  “Charlie?” She looks up from her BlackBerry.

  “That’s right! Charlie. How are things going with them?”

  “Fine, I guess,” she says, her voice steady and guarded, and I fight the urge to hug her for being so loyal. She knew that I hadn’t confided in Rachel about Charlie and even though she didn’t say it, I could always tell by the disapproving look in her eyes that she thought that was a mistake. And now, looking back, I wonder if she was right. Rachel knew me better than I knew myself. She knew everything—every quirk, every secret, and especially every lie I told myself. She would’ve known just the right combination of words to keep me in the relationship. To talk me off the ledge that night I melted down and destroyed everything. But maybe that’s what frightened me. And maybe that’s exactly why I didn’t call her.

  “It’s okay. She finally told me about him . . .” I hesitate, looking for the right word. Are they just flirting? Or could it be more, could they be falling for each other? I look down at Rachel’s wedding ring on my finger and remember Charlie’s words. I would marry you.

  “Where’d you go?” Destiny snaps her fingers in front of me, her acrylic nails catching the light.

  “Sorry. I was going to say Casey told me all about their relationship, that they’re getting close.” I decide I can handle it if they’re physical. It’s the emotional part that I’m not sure I can stomach. “Do you like him?” I add, desperately wanting Destiny’s perspective.

  Destiny sets her phone on her purse and I finally have her attention. “I love Charlie. He’s the nicest guy ever. I just don’t know if Casey realizes what she’s getting herself into.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Well, she already screwed it up once. And up until a few weeks ago, I would have bet you a million dollars that she’d never date him again. She was just so closed about the whole thing. Almost traumatized.”

  “Traumatized?” I repeat, thinking back to that night. Destiny was right, I had been. I had stumbled home, crawling into a ball with my favorite chenille blanket wrapped around me, and I’d bawled until my eyes were swollen. I’d cried, not just about Charlie, but about where I was in my life—wondering again if I’d made different decisions twenty years ago, what my life would look like. Would it have been better? And when Destiny showed up at my door I wouldn’t tell her what had really happened, just that things with Charlie and me were over for good. I think that even then, I knew I had messed up the best thing that had ever happened to me.

  “And now it’s on her Facebook page.” Destiny sighs and I know it’s because she feels protective of me. “Have you seen it?” she asks.

  “I haven’t been on Facebook,” I say, lying. In truth, I’d been stalking my own Facebook and Twitter pages to the point of obsession, getting up at all hours of the night to find out what people were saying about me and what Rachel was saying about me. But I’d finally forced myself to stop after John caught me in the middle of the night hunched over my cell phone on the edge of the bathtub scrutinizing yet another TwitPic of Charlie and Rachel together.

  “Her fans are going crazy over her relationship with Charlie. There’s even a poll, and people are voting on whether or not they should be dating.”

  “Oh? And what is the poll showing?” I try to sound nonchalant as I lean in closer and breathe in Destiny’s signature Chanel scent, strong and sultry at the same time, just like her.

  “It’s neck and neck,” Destiny replies casually.

  “What would your vote be?” I ask quietly, Destiny’s opinion suddenly meaning more to me than I realized.

  “The jury’s still out for me because of how things ended last time. But I will say that there’s something different about her lately. She seems so open and warm and relaxed, not only with Charlie, but with all the celebrities she’s been interviewing. You should’ve seen her with Melissa McCarthy.”

  I feel a twinge in my stomach. Maybe it’s time I face the fact that Rachel is a better version of me. “You don’t think she was any of those things before?” I brace myself for her answer, knowing that she has every right to say I wasn’t putting in my best work in the last several months, phoning in many of my interviews, asking predictable, boilerplate questions, especially right after Charlie and I broke up.

  “Of course she was,” she says slowly, like she’s talking to a child, and I feel the tension in my shoulders release, surprised by how much I still need that validation. “You of all people saw that side of her. But I used to think that you and I were the only ones who would ever see how warm and caring she really is, and now she’s showing that real side of herself to everyone.”

  “I under
stand,” I say, remembering the night after Charlie and I first kissed, how he’d pulled back and seen the frightened expression on my face. He’d brushed a strand of hair away from my eyes and as if he’d read my mind, he’d told me not to worry, that this would be our little secret and that no one at work would have to know. I’d hated that I didn’t correct him, that I didn’t say, “It’s okay, I’m falling for you and I don’t care who knows.” But I couldn’t say that because I did care. I cared too much.

  “And that’s why all the doors are opening for her now.”

  “What?” I say as I grab her arm. “What doors?”

  Destiny’s eyes dart back and forth and she knows she’s said too much. “Nothing,” she backtracks. “It was just a figure of speech.” But the right side of her mouth tilts up to the side, a sure sign she’s lying. “Look!” she points to the doorway and Audrey floats out in a black organza halter dress with soft flowing ruffles that cascade toward the floor. She twirls around to reveal an open back and I mentally calculate how much of Audrey’s exposed skin John will be able to tolerate. I think of Chris McNies setting his hand on the small of her naked back and get a sick feeling that I try to push away.

  “What do you think?” she asks, beaming from ear to ear.

  “It’s gorgeous,” I say. “And so are you.”

  Destiny holds her phone up to snap a picture. “Fabulous!” she cries as she hits a few buttons. “Just sending it off to your aunt.”

  “Where is she?” Audrey sighs, her tear-filled eyes meeting mine in the mirror. I’m suddenly struck by how hard it must be for Rachel to watch her daughter wanting someone else to be there for her more than her own mother.

  I glance at the text message from Rachel saying again how sorry she is that she isn’t here. As I watch Audrey turning in front of the three-way mirror observing her body from all angles, a shy smile forming on her lips as she falls in love with the Michael Kors dress, I wonder why Rachel doesn’t seem to realize what she’s missing. I know she and Audrey have struggled this past year, but it’s missed moments like these that Rachel won’t be able to get back. Doesn’t she understand that a blurry picture on a BlackBerry isn’t going to properly capture the dress, let alone the moment? I shake my head, wondering how many of these moments in my own life I’ve missed.