Don't Stop Believin'

by Olivia Newton-John

  I will forever miss my smart, funny and brave sister. No one is ever prepared to say goodbye, and a sister is irreplaceable. We shared experiences and memories together that only the two of us understood. It’s almost impossible to get used to the idea that I can’t just pick up the phone and tell Rona something about my brother or relatives or someone we’d known forever. I miss the knowing and the laughter.

  I can hear her great laugh now. Our times together might be in the past, but she lives on within me.

  She taught me so much and she will forever be my chaperone.

  Rona’s death put me into a spin for about a year. I didn’t sing for almost eight months afterwards. I wondered if I would ever perform again. I even postponed my Summer Nights residency in Vegas for a year as I tried to deal with the loss.

  Eventually, though, the show went on.

  Going to Vegas for my first residency helped me in an odd way because Rona absolutely loved Vegas. We’d come for fun shopping weekends, see a show and eat in our favourite restaurants. The moment I stepped off the plane in that city, I felt like Rona was with me.

  Time is a wonderful healer, but grief is like an ocean. I found it comes in waves and there are times when you are lost at sea. John was amazing during this time, and music also helped me to get through it. I even wrote a song for Rona and asked Amy Sky to produce it. The idea was to only send it to Rona’s family and friends. After it was finished, Amy and I discussed the fact that there wasn’t any music made specifically for people who are grieving – which is pretty much anyone at different points of life.

  It was one of those lightbulb moments. Maybe there was a real need for this type of music. Rona’s friends and our family certainly thought so, and they kept asking me, ‘Do you have any other music like this?’

  That spurred me on. And I knew that Rona wouldn’t ever want me to stop singing – or trying to help people.

  Singer-songwriter Beth Nielsen Chapman, a two-time cancer survivor, is a dear friend of mine who wrote an unforgettable song called ‘Sand and Water’ after her husband Ernest died of cancer. We asked if she would be interested in joining Amy and me for this project, and a trio was born! We decided to write the album together and it was the most nurturing experience. Amy was also raw after the loss of her beloved mother that year. We understood what it meant to say goodbye and wanted to bring those emotions to the music.

  We wrote most of the Liv On album at my house and recorded it in Vegas. The three of us would sit around in our pyjamas with our notepads and cups of tea and tell stories from our own lives. There was much laughter – and many tears. In lots of ways, it was like a giant group therapy session. The songs these times produced are haunting, beautiful and heartfelt. They are also timeless.

  Loss is loss. It doesn’t change.

  The song ‘Liv On’ is about moving forward through stress and grief to find new life afterwards. I love that the whole album has such a positive message about restoring hope as you carry on.

  I didn’t realise when we were writing the album that the title song would ultimately be a way for me to honour Rona.

  Little did I realise that we were also writing it for me.

  I remember when I discovered I had breast cancer back in 1992. My dear Buddhist friend Jim said to me, ‘Congratulations. Now you will grow.’ At the time, I wasn’t so sure what he meant, but now I know.

  The hard truth is, you don’t grow in life without difficulties. You can make a decision to get angry or bitter when life’s challenges arise, or you can choose to learn and be grateful for the lesson. It’s your choice, and I chose and continue to choose to feel grateful that I was given a second and now third chance at life and love.

  I’m winning for the third time when it comes to cancer. I feel great and positive. And I feel excited about the possibilities that are coming forward with cancer and cannabis, a healing plant that has been much maligned over the last eighty years. For over 3000 years, people from around the world have continuously used it for medicine. I’m so fortunate that my husband is a plant medicine expert and is growing his own medicinal strains for me. This has helped me greatly with pain and sleep.

  In late 2017 John went on a research trip to Israel where he met with top scientists studying cannabis. Their work includes examining the cannabis cannabinoids as well as terpenes, or fragrant oils, which give the plant aromatic diversity. ‘Some smell like citrus, others like skunk. That’s the terpenes,’ John explains. ‘From a therapeutic standpoint these different smells are proving to have their own therapeutic benefit as well as amplifying the benefits of the cannabinoids like THC and CBD.’ John has grown thirty different strains and bred some new genetics as well.

  ‘I believe we’ll see the most benefit from the combination of different strains including dozens of cannabinoids and terpenes in the extracts,’ he says.

  John designed two formulas especially for me and my pain levels immediately dropped dramatically.

  John’s work goes far beyond just reducing or eliminating the pain those with cancer have to deal with. The focus now with this plant is its natural ability to go after cancer on several fronts. The primary focus is on compromising cancer growth by interfering with its life cycle, preventing the cancer from developing its own blood supply by stimulating the natural process of cell suicide known as apoptosis and activating an immune response to kill the cancer. Cannabis works on many levels because it feeds the endocannabinoid system. This system was only recently discovered, in the early nineties, and every human has one. In fact, most animals have cannabinoid receptors on their cells. The endocannabinoid system influences every process – neurological, physiological, immunological response – everything. We have cannabinoid receptor sites in practically every cell in our body.

  Although there is no silver bullet, the compelling data on cannabis is driving an unprecedented amount of attention, as the science continues to show its many benefits.

  My dream is that it won’t be long before everyone has access to this healing medicine.

  Going through cancer again, I’ve had wonderful support from so many. My darling Chloe has been right by my side. It takes me back to that beautiful six-year-old running home from school and saying, ‘Why didn’t you tell me, Mummy? I would have taken care of you.’

  This time I told her – and she did.

  She has been taking care of me with so much love and grace. I have never been as proud of her as I am now.

  ‘Nothing can stand in your way, Mum,’ my daughter tells me. She even told the world on her social media, ‘My mom and best friend is going to be fine! My mom is so powerful and she will beat this in no time. Cancer is the disease of our generation and it is part of me and my mother’s quest to beat this.’

  My happiest moments have been Chloe coming home to check on Mum and just sit and talk. My daughter is a courageous, strong, compassionate and kind person who makes the world a better place. Her heart is endless and her story is fascinating – and one day I hope she shares it as it is hers to tell.

  And did I mention how gorgeous and talented she is? She has one of the most beautiful singing voices, writes powerful songs and is a wonderful actress. She and I acted in a couple of TV movies together and had the first mother–daughter number one song in Billboard history with a remake of ‘Magic’ that we called ‘Got to Believe’, released in 2015.

  Darling, my dream is for your dreams to come true.

  One of the other best medicines is having love in my life. John is the most loving husband and is extremely knowledgeable about herbs, plant medicine, healing and the human body. Every single day he makes sure that I get the right nutrients and healing herbs. He’s constantly researching to find out the latest natural healers and therapies. He’s my rock.

  He’s also the most even-keeled, mellow, kind and loving person, with a great sense of humour. He makes me laugh so much.

  It has been so important for me to get away from the cycle of numbers and statistics. When I
found out I had cancer for the third time, a very well-meaning woman wrote to me on Facebook and gave me the likelihood of death from my type of cancer. This was not what I needed to hear. I’m not upset about it – the intentions were probably good – but the execution was a bit questionable.

  I’d rather think about a day long ago when I went out with my mum for my birthday lunch to a restaurant outside of Melbourne. At one point, I went to the bathroom and a woman recognised me. (I meet all the best people in bathrooms!)

  ‘Oh, Olivia, love,’ she said. ‘I read you that you had breast cancer. Well, I had it twenty years ago, and I’m fine.’

  This was a lightbulb moment – and fantastic to hear.

  She was the age I am now, telling me she had it so long ago when the treatments weren’t even as good.

  It was inspiring to me, and now I hope to inspire others.

  One of my favourite healing messages from long ago was from Tom Hayden, once married to Jane Fonda, who during my first bout simply wrote, Thinking of you.

  With this third diagnosis, my first step was to deal with the pain in my lower back, which was becoming debilitating. We decided to mix natural therapies with conventional (intravenous herbal medicine and some photon radiation therapy).

  I believe in exploring all the healing options and choosing the best for me. My first go around with cancer, I had chemotherapy, but I also worked to get my body and mind back in balance with herbs, massage, acupuncture, meditation and constructive positive thinking. These became the building blocks for my wellness centre so many years later.

  The second time, I used oestrogen-blocker medicine, but it affected my moods and made me depressed, so I had to stop. This time, I did herbal IV treatments at a clinic in Georgia to boost my immune system, and then some photon radiation. Every step was a positive one, and with every step I consulted with my doctors at the ONJ Centre in Melbourne.

  During all of my treatments, I kept envisioning all the good cells in my body. I would think and even say aloud, ‘Cancer cells, it’s time to allow the good, healthy cells to take your place.’

  This wasn’t a war, but more of a moving over. I felt that if I tried to fight the cancer cells, they would fight back equally hard. Moving them over and winning over them seemed like a far more peaceful solution.

  Of course, I’m as guilty as anyone when it comes to allowing a little negative thinking to slip in sometimes. But John is always happy to wake me up and remind me, ‘Be careful of what’s in your head. Your body hears you.’

  A week into my herbal IV treatments, the pain level went down dramatically and I could begin to walk properly again. I spent the majority of the summer healing, knowing that soon we would take another MRI of my lower back to check on the tumour.

  It was a cool autumn day when I went for that second, post-treatment MRI. I went into the test knowing that this MRI would be a long process. I really had to meditate and put myself into a healing place, but it’s hard to stay focused with the hammering sounds of that tunnel-like medical machine.

  One of my favourite expressions has always been: this too shall pass. I wanted it to be over, but we needed to be sure, so they did a brain scan, a spine scan and then a scan of my sacrum area to see if there was any change in the tumour.

  Of course, it was extremely nerve-wracking, although a little voice of reason inside shouted that it must be better because the pain level was so good. But there is always a certain level of fear when you put yourself through medical tests because there’s always the possibility that something could be there.

  I dismissed those self-defeating thoughts as I lay in that MRI machine. Yes, they would float into my head. I’m human. But I kept reminding myself that I didn’t know anything and wouldn’t until the doctor called the next day.

  By morning light, the phone was ringing.

  My doctor had looked at the results. In fact, she’d also sent them out to three different oncologists. My brain was clear; my spine was clear; my sacrum tumour was the same. ‘It’s hard to tell if it’s active or inactive,’ the doctor said. ‘The way we tell is your pain level.’ And my pain was almost gone.

  This was really happy news.

  Since then I’ve continued with my regime of herbs and immune building supplements and I have regular meetings with my oncologist and bone specialists in Los Angeles.

  I’m very aware of the healing power of food. My friend Irina created the company Catalyst Cuisine, an organic, anti-inflammatory food line that is delivered nationwide. This has been great when I’ve been on the road because she sends food to me.

  I spent time last summer in Cancun, Mexico, at an incredible healing clinic called Hope 4 Cancer. Their treatments are natural, non-toxic and use the latest protocols from around the world. Dr Tony Jiminez and his inspired wife, Marcie, travel the globe to discover the latest healing modalities. I did an intense daily program for three weeks to heal the body and the mind while boosting the immune system to help destroy the cancer cells.

  Cancer is something I will need to stay on top of for the rest of my long life. It’s up to me to manage my stress, to eat and rest well and to continue with the healing protocols. As for working hard, I enjoy it.

  Each time my cancer has occurred has been after a stressful time in my life, which shows me, as Louise Hay said, that emotional stress can be a large factor in triggering illness. This is something Hope 4 Cancer and astute doctors around the world are now recognising. Addressing your emotional health is a major part of your healing.

  On the road to wellness, I decided to participate in the Healing Diva Retreat in Cancun, which is also how I discovered Hope 4 Cancer. The retreat was small, just five women, with Dr Veronique Desaulniers, who calls herself ‘Dr V, Breast Cancer Conqueror’. Dr V is an incredible woman who used natural treatments after she was diagnosed with breast cancer. Her experience led her down a path of research, discovery and personal transformation. Dr V even said that she ‘came to appreciate that cancer was a message of love’. I was drawn to Dr V because her work is evidence based.

  ‘My body was trying to communicate with me and get my attention,’ she said. ‘It was saying, “If you keep doing things you have always done, you are going to get the same results.”’ She changed her emotional patterns, learning to manage stress, set boundaries and love herself, imperfections and all. I loved how she calls them ‘my perfect imperfections’.

  The lovely Dr V turned this into a very special time for our group, which included three women dealing with breast cancer, one with ovarian cancer and myself. Cancer is cancer. However it manifests, the fundamental principles of healing your body are the same.

  Just spending this time with these strong, amazing women left me feeling so empowered. Women reinforcing women is a powerful healing tool. During our time together, we also worked on emotional healing of our traumas and unexpressed emotions. I think it is very common among women to take care of everyone else first and ourselves last. It’s a hard trait to recognise and it’s even tougher to change as we are nurturers by nature.

  I thought I had dealt with my issues. I didn’t realise that I was still so disconnected from certain feelings and had buried other traumas. Once I expressed them, my tears sprang from nowhere and I could feel the healing begin.

  I loved my experience with Veronique and this group of new friends. The power of women is outstanding. We were able to share with each other very easily in our circle of trust.

  It was like my experience in Vegas. Whatever happened in Cancun will stay there forever.

  I feel so good now, which is a gift and a relief. Basically, I was in a cocoon of healing for the last part of 2017. I spent that time out of the limelight and at home.

  Everyone has to find their own journey to ultimate wellness. My choice is learning about all available options and then doing what feels right to me. Whatever I choose, I believe in and commit to doing. I’ve continued to receive my healthy anti-inflammatory IV treatments as inflammation is a major
factor of many illnesses. The IVs and supplements I take boost my immune system and help eliminate cancer cells from my body. So many healers have crossed my path and I’m grateful for their many innovative protocols that I’ve been exposed to on my journey.

  As autumn of 2017 wound to a close, though, I began to fulfil the tour dates I had cancelled earlier in the year.

  The show went on!

  Prior to stepping on stage again, I was nervous because I didn’t know how my back would hold up. And I wondered if it would be an emotional experience. Would I be able to sing? But another part of me vowed, ‘It’s okay no matter what happens. It’s real. It’s the truth. Just go out there and show the audience what you’re feeling.’

  My first show back was in Evansville, Indiana with my terrific, supportive band who had been with me for so long. They had my back, of course, and the audience gave me a standing ovation when I walked on stage. It was hard to hold back the happy tears.

  The goodwill came at me in waves.

  All of this comes together because I have the best team. Dana has been with me for over forty-one years and is the most loyal, trustworthy, loving, professional woman, and I’m lucky enough to have her as my personal assistant. Then there is my talented and hilarious publicist, Michael Caprio, who has been with me for eighteen years.

  I met Mark Hartley, my clever and wonderful manager, in Nashville some twenty-one years ago. I appreciate his honesty and his experience over so many years. He has managed acts such as The Jacksons, Toto, Glenn Frey, Brad Paisley and Vince Gill, among many others.

  Figure I would be a breeze!

  They’re more than just my team. They’re my friends.

  As for the longevity of our relationships . . . I guess you get a life sentence with me!

  I truly believe this will be my final round with cancer. I truly believe it will be like last time and I will go on with my life. (Remember that we create what we believe.)