Saddle Up

by Victoria Vane

  * * *

  Things were strained between them for the rest of the day. Keith drove alone to Butte to rent the post driver and then begged off for supper. The next morning when she rose, he was already gone with the ATV. Although disappointed and hurt, she knew he needed space. He’d implied as much the day before. She was surprised by a knock on the door later in the afternoon. Her heart hammered as she rose to answer.

  “Hi,” she greeted him tentatively. Had he come to say good-bye?

  He returned the greeting with a terse nod. “I reinforced half of the posts and got about a mile of wire strung.”

  “Why didn’t you wait for me this morning? You knew I wanted to help.”

  “I didn’t see much point in both of us freezing our asses off.”

  “But we would have made more progress with two of us working,” she countered.

  “That’s doubtful,” he replied with a hint of a smile. “I know you have good intentions, but you don’t have the body strength or the know-how for this kind of thing. I’ve been pulling fence wire since I was thirteen. I can do it faster alone.”

  “What about just keeping you company?” she asked softly.

  He sighed and tipped his hat back. “I needed time alone to think.”

  “Oh… Did you? Think?” she prompted.

  “Yes. I did. I’m not here just to give you a progress report. I came to apologize.”

  “You did?” She stepped out onto the porch, shutting the door behind her. It was too cold to be without a jacket, but she wasn’t about to let him off the hook now.

  “I didn’t mean to be so abrupt or so hard on you yesterday. You touched a nerve, or maybe a bunch of them. You have to understand that I want to make it work with you, but I don’t know how. I’m not even sure that it can.”

  “Why not? What makes us different from any other two people who want to be together?”

  He scrubbed his face. “The short answer is that I still don’t have my shit together. I’ve been trying really hard for months, and you’ve only given me reason to work at it even harder, but I’m just not there yet. I need you to be patient with me, Aiwattsi.” His black eyes met hers. “I don’t want to let you down.”

  “I don’t know how you could,” she replied, hugging herself. “You came here, didn’t you?”

  “Yeah. I came. I swore I wouldn’t have anything to do with this, but I’m beginning to think even wild horses couldn’t have kept me away from you.”

  He cupped her face and kissed her, softly, sweetly, with toe-curling tenderness. The kind of kiss that hinted at secrets hidden in the heart. He released her slowly. She shivered and chaffed her arms. “It’s getting really cold out here. I need to go back in. Will you join us for supper tonight? Jo-Jo said she was making something especially for you.”

  “She is? What is it?” he asked.

  She grinned. “The Food Network did a segment on fry bread yesterday. They had several different recipes, so she decided to give Indian Tacos a try.”

  He laughed. “Sounds great, but could you ask her to hold off for a bit? There’s still about an hour of daylight left. I was hoping to work with the horse. Did you still want to watch?”

  “Yes, I do! Just give me a minute to grab my camera and a jacket.”

  A few minutes later, Miranda stood outside the corral with her video camera poised as Keith climbed over the panels and into the pen, a coiled rope in hand. He dropped softly to the ground. Fear gripped her as the horse spun to face him, neck arched, teeth bared, and ears pinned.

  “Be careful, Keith!”

  “I’m always careful,” he said.

  “What are you going to do?” she asked.

  “I’m just going to stand here quietly, looking down at the ground. I won’t make a single move as long as he doesn’t. If he’s feeling purely defensive, he should just stand there, watching and waiting on me, but if he makes an aggressive move, I’ll have to counter in the same way. As a stallion, his sole purpose in life was to procreate and to protect. His instincts taught him to fight anyone who threatened his position. It’s not going to be easy to change lifelong behaviors.”

  “How do you go about it?” Miranda asked.

  “With time and patience.” He kept his eyes glued to the horse as he spoke. “He basically has to be reprogrammed, but I can’t even begin the process until he accepts that I’m not a threat to him.” Even while he was speaking, the horse lowered his head, stretched his neck, and charged.

  Miranda cried out, but Keith darted out of its path and threw the looped end of his lasso at the horse, startling him into turning away. Blue Eye circled him several times, plunging and kicking, but Keith stood his ground, using the rope to keep the animal at a safe distance.

  “If I back down or retreat, he wins,” he explained. “And that’s what he’ll remember the next time.” After a minute or two, the horse snorted and withdrew to the far end of the pen, still watching Keith with a wary glare until Keith lowered the rope and climbed back over the panel.

  “That’s it? That’s all you’re going to do?” Miranda asked, befuddled.

  “Yup. My only goal was to show him he can’t intimidate me, so I’d call that one a win.”

  “It looked a lot more like a draw to me,” Miranda said dryly.

  “In reality, there was no winner or loser, but I achieved what I wanted. I didn’t let him exert dominance. Once he backed off, I rewarded him by removing the pressure. This isn’t going to be about coaxing, cooing, and trying to woo him. That kind of courtship approach already failed with this horse. The next time I go in there, we’ll see who can move whom. Herding is how horses exert dominance over one another. If I win, we can move forward.”

  “And if you don’t?” she asked. “What if he runs through that rope of yours? What if he hurts you?”

  “Then I’d have a real tough decision to make. An aggressive horse is as dangerous as a rabid dog. I won’t keep an animal that I can’t turn my back on.”

  “Are you saying you’d euthanize him?”

  He nodded. “But only as the last resort. It’s still way too early to judge.”

  Watching Keith with a horse was an almost magical experience. It was uncanny how well he read and understood them. “I just don’t understand why you aren’t doing this full-time,” she said. “You have such a talent. It seems such a waste not to use it.”

  “I’ve already told you why I can’t.”

  “But your reasons are nonsensical,” she protested. “Why can’t you at least give it a chance? I really think this could be a good thing for all of us. I don’t understand why you don’t see it, too. Whether you want me to be part of it or not, you still need to move forward with your life, Keith. You can’t let the past keep clouding your future.”

  “My future?” He shook his head. “This is not my future, Miranda, or my dream. It’s yours.”

  Her lips quivered. “I thought… I hoped…that maybe it could become ours together.”

  He tossed his rope down with a shake of his head. “I’m sorry to disappoint you, but you thought wrong. I’m not one of your mustangs. I don’t need saving.”

  “Don’t you?” she asked softly. “It’s not a weakness or a character flaw. It’s human nature to need someone. We all do. You need this, Keith. These horses need you. And I need you.”

  * * *

  I need you. His chest tightened. When had anyone ever said that to him before? He gazed sightlessly out at the mountains, digesting her words. For the second time, it was as if she’d reached out and touched that aching place in his soul.

  “You’re asking too much,” he said with a jerk of his head. “I told you I’m not here for the horses. I’m here for you. I came here to help you. Damn it, Miranda! Why can’t that be enough?”

  She stood with hands on hips, her gaze meeting his squarely. “Because you’re too obstinate to recognize what would truly fulfill you.”

  “Look, Miranda, there are two kinds of people in this world,
sequoias and tumbleweeds. You’re the sequoia. Your convictions are strong, and your roots run deep. I’m the tumbleweed. All my life, I’ve taken a day at a time. I’ve never had a serious relationship or any real responsibilities. I’ve never even stayed in one place for more than a few months at a time. And that kind of life suited me just fine.”

  “Does it still?” she asked. “Is that the kind of life you want?”

  “No,” he said. “It’s not what I want anymore, but staying here with you is asking for commitments I’m not sure I can make. I don’t know if I even have it in me.” He gripped her shoulders. “Can you understand that? I don’t know if I can change. And I don’t want to hurt you if I can’t.”

  She tore her gaze away and looked into the distance. “Are you saying you think you’d just pick up and disappear one day?”

  “Maybe.” He released her to answer with a single shoulder shrug. “I’ve done it before. If the mood struck me. I might do it again. It’s how I’ve always been.”

  “Maybe that’s how you were, but I don’t believe for a minute that you would. You’re one of the most responsible people I know. You’ve worked for Mitch for months, under really tough conditions, and you never let him down, even when you hated it. You don’t hate it here, do you?” she asked.

  “No, I don’t hate it.”

  “Do you think maybe you could grow to like it?”

  “Maybe I could,” he said, adding pointedly, “I have good reason to. That’s the only part of all this that I’m certain about.”

  “What part is that?” she asked.

  “You, Aiwattsi. I meant it when I said I’ve never wanted anyone like I want you.”

  She broke eye contact again. “Didn’t I already prove you can have me just about any way you like?”

  Her flippant answer told him she was afraid to take his remark to heart.

  “That’s not what I meant,” he said. “I need you to understand that it’s never been anything more than sex for me before you. This is different between you and me. It’s more.”

  “What do you mean more?” she asked, warily. “How much more?”

  “I don’t know the answer.”

  “Then I have to ask if you want to know.”

  “I do.”

  “Then stay with me, Keith. Let’s just give us some time to figure it all out. It’s the only way we’ll ever know. You don’t have to work for Jo-Jo and me, if that’s what bothers you. Maybe you could just lease the facilities from us and train some of the horses. Give the throwaways another chance. I’m certain the BLM would support you. Maybe they’d even give you a contract, like they’ve done with the prisons. At least think about it, will you?” Her eyes pleaded.

  She’d waged a hard campaign, chipping away at him piece by piece with her determined persistence. He’d balked and bucked from the very start, but she was wearing him down. He had little fight left in him when she looked at him like that.

  He doffed his hat and raked his hair with a sigh of defeat. “All right. You win. I’ll stay on until spring. If I think by then that I can do anything with these horses, I’ll talk to the BLM.”

  The words were barely out of his mouth before she flung her arms around him with a squeal. “You will? I’m so happy, Keith! I can’t even tell you how happy I am.”

  He flashed a lecherous grin. “Then maybe you can show me instead?”

  Chapter 26

  The next two weeks passed quickly as Miranda and Keith fell into an easy routine of rising early to care for the horses, then riding out to work on the fence. Although she hardly knew the front end of a hammer from the back, she loved helping him, even if she wasn’t actually a whole lot of help. Keith was patient and took the time to show her how to pull wire. Working together, they managed to complete the work on the south pasture just barely ahead of the first big snowfall.

  On the days they finished before dark, Keith made slow but steady progress with Blue Eye. They were still more or less at a standoff, as the horse still hadn’t approached or let Keith near him, but at least the stallion’s aggression had diminished. Keith marked it as a baby step, but progress nonetheless.

  With the long hours they’d put in, they hadn’t had any trouble keeping their promise to be discreet. In truth, they hadn’t had any energy to do anything besides work, eat, and sleep. But now homebound by the snowfall, Miranda was secretly thrilled for the chance to spend some time relaxing together. When he didn’t come to the house for breakfast, she decided to bring it to him…in bed.

  She opened the door when he didn’t answer her knock and caught him just stepping out of the shower, wrapped in only a towel. “You didn’t show up for breakfast.”

  “Wasn’t real hungry.”

  “I brought you some anyway.” She set it down on the counter. Her gaze roved appreciatively over his flexing muscles as he toweled his head dry. “I’m really disappointed that I’m too late to scrub your back.”

  “I’m all clean, but I sure wouldn’t mind getting really messy,” he replied with a grin that heated her insides.

  “Are you letting your hair grow back?” she asked. She hadn’t noticed before how long it was getting, since he always wore a hat. It had grown a couple of inches in the months since she’d they met in Nevada, and now almost touched his shoulders.

  “Yeah.” He smiled self-consciously. “I’ve felt really naked without it.”

  “Your nakedness is perfectly fine with me,” she replied, stripping off her coat and toeing off her boots. When she looked up again, he’d dropped his towel. She inhaled a sharp breath to see him in his full natural glory. Her insides clenched with desire as he approached. Her gaze dipped and lingered in awe on his manhood: long, thick, purple-headed, and erect. Very erect.

  “Ready so quickly?” she asked.

  “Yes. I’ve been fighting this particular state of ‘readiness’ since the moment I opened my eyes. I was half inclined to take care of it myself.”

  “But that would have been such a waste.” She reached out and wrapped her hand around him. He shut his eyes on a guttural sound as she stroked his hard, hot length. “I’m more than happy to take care of it for you.”

  “I was hoping you’d say that. Two weeks is too damned long just to think about it. My body might be exhausted, but my mind’s been working overtime.”

  “Oh yeah?” She cocked her head. “So what has you so preoccupied?”

  “Do you remember the first time we were together, when you were afraid to let me kiss you ‘down there’?”

  She laughed softly. “Why does that seem like a lifetime ago?”

  “Because you’re no longer the shy girl, Aiwattsi. I’m glad you enjoy what happens between us. I enjoy it all the more because you do. I was wondering if you’d come to me. I was hoping you would. I woke up with my head filled with all the things I still want to do to you.”

  “Really? Do tell.”

  “Tell?” He cupped her face and kissed her deeply, passionately. “How about if I show you instead?”

  * * *

  Miranda opened her eyes, spooned against him in a warm postcoital cocoon. “Jo-Jo asked if you have plans for Thanksgiving. I told her I wasn’t even sure if you celebrated it or not.”

  “It’s not our custom,” he said, “but some of us do. Did you know that Thanksgiving was really an Indian harvest celebration way before the Pilgrims ever landed? There are those who feel the white people hijacked our holiday. A few bands in New England have even gone so far as to designate it as a great day of mourning.”

  She rolled over to face him. “How do you feel about that?”

  “I think the past is the past. We need to let the bitterness go. As far as the holiday is concerned, it’s just another day to me, but I do like turkey.”

  “Were you planning to go and see your grandparents?” She added hopefully, “Or would you like to spend it here with us?”

  “I wasn’t planning to leave, not with the horses arriving so soon.”

 
The frown etching his brow told her it was more than just the horses arriving that kept him from going home. His pain was deep, and a wound she ached to soothe. She hoped that time would bring about a reconciliation with his family.

  “I’m glad you’re staying,” she said. “I just hope you don’t mind my aunt Judith and uncle Robert. They’re coming up from Phoenix tomorrow. When Jo-Jo told them about the mustangs, they booked the first flight to Montana. Jo-Jo said Judith is having a real cow over it.”

  “Why should they care?” Keith asked.

  “Because Judith is a real control freak. She had it all planned out for Jo-Jo to move to Phoenix with them, whether it was what Jo-Jo wanted or not. I just hope they don’t cause any trouble.”

  Keith shrugged. “They might not like it, but there’s not much they can do, given it’s all a done deal.” He fingered one of her curls. “It doesn’t sound like you’re too fond of your aunt.”

  “No, I’m not. She’s a real be-atch. She and Jo-Jo don’t get along very well either. Judith hated the ranch and couldn’t leave soon enough. She went away to nursing school, married an oral surgeon, and never came back. He’s a real asshat too. The man extracts wisdom teeth for a living but acts like it’s neurosurgery.”

  “Have you heard yet when they’ll be bringing the horses?”

  “The guy from the BLM is supposed to come out tomorrow to look things over. If he gives us the final stamp of approval, we can expect them the day after.”

  “Are you nervous about it?” he asked.

  “I guess I am a little nervous. This is a really big commitment. I just hope Jo-Jo never regrets that I talked her into it.”

  “You understand that there’s no turning back once they unload those trailers.”

  “I know. I’m ready. I’m just really glad you’re here with me. I don’t know how I could have done it without you.”

  His brows pulled together. “But you were determined to do it anyway, weren’t you?”