A Dream Unfolding

by Karen Baney

  Colter Ranch

  December 25, 1863

  Christmas morning dawned cold and breezy. The snow from yesterday already melted away, leaving a light layer of moisture over the land. Will woke early and silently slipped out of the bunkhouse so as not to disturb the other men. In the stable, Will began brushing down his horse, Jackson, to ready him for an early morning ride. The night herders still covered for the next few hours, so Will took his time. As he cared for his horse, his mind began to reflect on the changes over the last year. For some reason, he always found himself in a pensive mood on this holiday.

  He thought back to last Christmas—the last one with his father. The family gathered in the morning for the reading of the Christmas story. Then Mary and Julia set about the work of preparing a feast. Midday, the cowboys drove the cattle into the corral and joined the family for dinner in the ranch house. It was the only day of the year that the hired hands and the family dined together, breaking down the formality his father carefully maintained throughout the rest of the year. In the evening, father, Julia, Mary, and the children piled into the wagon, while Will and Reuben rode on horseback into town for the Christmas service. Following the service, back at the ranch house, the family gathered around the fireplace and exchanged gifts.

  A wave of homesickness washed over Will as he realized this year would be far different. There would be no church services to attend, no gifts to exchange, no family to share the day. He wondered how Julia was faring under Reuben’s care. Would Reuben even permit the family to attend the church he so despised? As thoughts of his sister filled his mind, Will felt a pang of unexplained guilt. He did not want to leave her behind with Reuben, but what choice did he have? He could not go against his father’s will. Truly, what kind of life would Julia have on Colter Ranch in the middle of the wilderness where they were always under the threat of Indian attacks? No, his father had been right to assign Julia’s care to Reuben.

  Knowing that did not make it any easier to go through the holiday without his family. He and Julia had always been close. And he loved to find ways to surprise her with an unexpected gift for the day. This year, there would be no gifts exchanged. He was not certain she had even received any of his letters, as mail service was mostly non-existent. That would hopefully change with the arrival of the army last week as they established Fort Whipple.

  Sighing, Will decided to make the best he could of the day. Later, when all the men gathered to share their version of a feast, he would read the Christmas story, the only tradition he could continue. For him, the story was not about tradition. He loved reading it and being reminded of God’s amazing miracle, that He sent his only son to the earth as a baby for him, Will Colter. How amazing was his God’s love?

  A shuffling noise sounded behind him. When Will turned, he faced Jed.

  “Boss,” Jed started, “I…um…wanted to ask you something.”

  Calmly Will nodded, encouraging him to continue.

  “Remember back in New Mexico when you said that my family dying wasn’t my fault.”

  “Yeah.”

  “How can you be so sure?”

  Will hesitated. The question deserved an answer, but he had none ready.

  “I mean…” Jed continued, “You said that God doesn’t blame me. How do you know that?”

  Lord, give me wisdom. He swallowed hard, hoping he would say the right thing to help Jed and not turn him away. “It is not His nature to blame us for things beyond our control. You could not have changed anything that happened with your family, no matter how much you want to.”

  Jed kicked at some dirt on the floor. “You seem to know a lot about God,” he muttered. “Could you ask him to let my family know that I—” his voice cracked, “I miss them and I love them.”

  “We could both ask Him now.”

  “Naw. I’m sure he don’t want to hear from some messed up cowboy. It’s better if you just ask.”

  Will laughed. “By your definition, I don’t think I can.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I’m a pretty messed up cowboy, too.”

  Jed’s brow furrowed in confusion and surprise. “Why do you say that, boss? You’re one of the most decent, kindest men I know.”

  “I wasn’t always so decent or kind,” Will confessed. “Much of my life I’ve been ill-tempered, ready to jump into a fight at any moment—especially if it was with my brother. I’ve done a lot of bad things. Things I wish I could take back. Things I wish I hadn’t done.”

  “But, you’re a good man,” Jed defended.

  “Not without Jesus, I’m not. I make all kinds of mistakes.” Will felt at a loss to explain things clearly. “It’s just when I was a young man, I didn’t care about anything or anyone. I almost lost my life on a cattle drive. After that, I realized what a fool I was. There was so much more to life than drinking and gambling and… Well, I finally understood what my father had been trying to tell me—that Jesus loved me and that I didn’t have to carry around my guilt anymore.”

  Jed looked at him intensely. “I don’t think he loves me.”

  Will’s heart hurt for the young man, that he would really believe that. “Remember when that rattler almost bit you.”

  Nodding, Jed broke eye contact, suddenly shy.

  “If Hawk hadn’t shot it, it would have bit you on the neck. There would have been nothing that we could have done to save you.”

  Will paused, letting the words sink in. “I think God spared your life. He wasn’t ready for you to die. He spared you because he loves you.”

  “Then he didn’t love my family, because he didn’t spare them!” Anger hardened Jed’s stance.

  Placing his hand on Jed’s shoulder, Will countered his argument, “God loved my father, but he let him die this summer anyway. We all die. We all have a time. Just because God doesn’t act, doesn’t mean he loves someone less. I’m just saying that evidence of his love is shown in your life. He led you to the Star C, gave you a good job, surrounded you with friends that care about you. You’re right, you’ve suffered—more than most. But, he never left you alone. He always was looking out for you. That, to my way of thinking, is what love is all about.”

  Jed seemed to consider Will’s words. For several minutes, both were silent.

  Finally, Jed spoke, “Will you still ask him? Will you ask him to make sure my family knows I love them? I just want them to know that.”

  “They know, son. They know. But, I’ll ask him anyway.”

  A brief smile darted across Jed’s face before being swallowed by sadness. “Thanks, boss,” he added before running from the barn.

  Lord, I promised Jed. Please let his family know that he loved them. Still does. And, Lord, keep working on his heart. Help him to know that you love him.

  Placing the saddle on Jackson’s back, Will cinched up the straps and led the horse outside, his former homesickness vanished. Mounting with ease, Will nudged him into a gentle lope out to where the night herders managed the cattle. Over the past month, the night shift was comprised of the four Mexicans in his employ. Will had not planned it that way, but the men seemed to enjoy the camaraderie and after several days volunteering together, Will gave in.

  “Feliz Navidad, boss,” Pedro greeted when Will pulled up next to him.

  “Feliz Navidad, Pedro,” Will answered. “Any trouble?”

  “No, boss. No sign of any Indian campfires for weeks now. Herd has been peaceful, enjoying their favorite grass.”

  Will chuckled. Pedro often told him how much the longhorns liked the Arizona grass better than the Texas grass. Will wasn’t sure how the vaqueros knew such a thing, but found the idea humorous.

  Will turned his horse back toward the lake, where he stopped and gazed over it. By this time next year, he would have the ranch house up. He longed for some privacy as he was beginning to feel cramped in the bunkhouse. Will knew it was awkward for the men, too. While hanging around the boss on the trail was fine, doing so at home was another mat
ter. Maybe he would get the house built early next year. And this is where it would go. On the slight rise overlooking this glorious lake.

  He liked it here, in his new home, despite the concern of Indians and cattle thieves. The land was so incredible and peaceful. He felt like he belonged here, like he was destined to live here. He knew what his father would say to that. He would say that as long as Will set his heart upon God, He would lead his path. Will believed that was exactly what happened.

  “Awful quiet this morning, Will,” Ben said, pulling Will from his thoughts.

  Will just nodded.

  “Don’t you worry, we’ll get your house built soon,” Ben replied. After working side by side for so many years, Ben easily read him. “When that wagon train gets here, maybe we can hire a few folks to help.”

  When the army arrived last week, Will and Ben made the trek north, about twenty miles, to meet them. They learned that the governor’s party was expected in a few weeks and with them was a wagon train of some fifty or so settlers, or maybe that was the number of wagons. Either way, there would be a large influx of people soon. Ben was right, he could hire a few men to build the house and pay them in beef, which they would likely be eager to receive after months on the trail.

  “Quite a different day than last year, huh?” Will commented.

  “Yup,” Ben responded. “Much has changed, but we’ll make a festive day of it.”

  “You headed out to relieve the four amigos?” Will asked, referring to the group’s new nickname.

  “Yup. Covington, Jed, Hawk, Owens, and me will keep the herd out for a few more hours before we bring ‘em in to corral.”

  Will nodded his approval, then watched as Ben rode off. Feeling the bite of the cold breeze, Will trotted Jackson back to the stable. When he finished rubbing down the stallion, he made his way back to the bunkhouse.

  Snake had somehow enlisted Whitten’s help in preparing the meal. Snake barked out orders, while Whitten jumped to comply. Seeing the two in action, Will wondered how the meal might turn out. Whitten did not impress him as someone skilled in cooking. Hopefully Snake was a good teacher. Either way, it would be tricky pulling off a big meal cooking over the hearth fire. There would be no stove until the ranch house was built. He had ordered it while in Santa Fe and expected it to arrive with the governor’s party.

  Grabbing the coffee pot from the hearth, Will poured himself a cup of lukewarm coffee. Not the best, but it would do. In a few minutes, the four amigos filed into the bunkhouse, speaking rapidly in their native tongue, animated eyes dancing with excitement. Snake looked up glaring at the interruption, but the men didn’t seem to notice. Taking seats around the table, they kept up the lively conversation. Will took a seat in one of the chairs he made, pulling a well worn book from under his bed.

  A few hours later, as promised, Ben returned with Covington, Owens, Jed, and Hawk following closely behind. Clusters of men formed around activities they enjoyed. Owens and Covington taught Jed and Hawk some new card game. Ben grabbed a book and sat in a corner, far from the noise, with a contented look on his face.

  Snake did not stop moving for a second, until he had an amazing spread of food laid out mid-afternoon. There were beef steaks, mashed potatoes instead of the usual fried potatoes, beans, gravy, biscuits, and Will thought he spied some cookies for dessert. The man out did himself. Following grace, the men dug in, passing bowls between dishing out greedy helpings.

  After the meal, Will read the Christmas story. While not all of his men shared his beliefs, they listened respectfully. Jed and Hawk both seemed particularly interested in the story. Will wondered if this was the first time they heard it. Pulling his guitar from its hiding place beneath his bunk, Will opened the case and tuned the instrument. He picked out the notes to his favorite Christmas songs and was pleasantly surprised when most of the men joined in the singing. Pedro, Raul, Diego, and Miguel sang in Spanish while the rest sang in English. It gave Will goose bumps to hear the music this way.

  The evening wore on and the men began to retire for the night. As Will stretched out in his bunk, he thanked God for a wonderful day and for his many blessings.

  Stretching as she rose for Christmas morning, Hannah quickly donned her coat. The chill in the air filtered through the thin canvas walls of their tent. She smiled, relieved to get a break from traveling on this most blessed day. Last night, just before sunset, the wagons set up camp in this rather nondescript unnamed part of the Arizona Territory.

  Exiting the tent she walked the short distance to the blazing fire Paul started. Since leaving Fort Wingate, the landscape became flat again and firewood was scarce. In order to conserve wood, she and Drew were sharing fires with the Lancaster’s.

  After breakfast was served and consumed, the settlers gathered in the center of camp for a Christmas service. Reverend Read led them in the reading of the Christmas story followed by a rather long oration. Someone had a guitar and led the group in singing carol after carol. It was a lovely way to celebrate in the midst of the wilderness with harmonic music floating across the air.

  Following the morning celebration, Hannah and Drew returned to the warmth of their shared fire. Joy filled Hannah. Christmas was her favorite day of the year—the day her savior entered the world. Although spending the day in a chilly wind huddled around a camp fire was so different from past years, nothing dampened her spirits today. Drew was at her side. Friends shared the fire. As much as she would rather be in a cozy home sitting in front of the fireplace, she gave up reminiscing about past Christmases long ago. She determined to take each year as it came. There was too much pain in looking back.

  “My aren’t you glowing today,” Betty commented as Hannah joined her.

  “I’m happy,” Hannah replied, nearly giddy.

  “In just a few more weeks, we should arrive in our new home. I can hardly wait. Can you imagine what it will look like?” Betty asked.

  “You don’t think it will be flat and endless like here?”

  “Oh, no, dear. I know for sure there are mountains and valleys,” Betty replied. “All of the mining is being done in the creeks and rivers in the area. I bet it is just beautiful.”

  Hannah thought it would be beautiful simply because they would never have to leave again. “I’ll be happy to have a home and not have to ride in a wagon for hours on end every day.”

  “Oh, and to have a place dedicated for washing and cooking. Won’t that just be grand?”

  “And some privacy, not that I don’t enjoy good neighbors,” Hannah said laying a hand on Betty’s arm.

  “I completely understand, dear.”

  The conversation lagged and Hannah gazed into the fire. They were so close. Soon, very soon, they would be in their new home and this difficult journey would come to a close. Drew would be back in his own clinic, and she would eagerly fall into the routine of assisting him. She sighed. She longed to be there already.

  As Hannah’s gaze lifted from the fire, Drew motioned for her to join him in the wagon. Saying her goodbyes to Betty, she followed quickly.

  “Is something wrong?” concerned filled her voice at his unusual behavior.

  Instead of answering he pulled her to him and kissed her passionately, holding her close. She melted into his arms and responded in kind. After a moment, Drew pulled away leaving Hannah breathless.

  Confused by his spontaneity, she asked, “What was that for?”

  “Because I love you so much, Mrs. Anderson,” he said with a twinkle in his eye and half a smile on his lips. “And I thought you might need some warming up on this cold Christmas Day.”

  “Drew!” she feigned shock, swatting him with her hand.

  The smile faded from his lips, his face grew serious, and his voice husky. “Hannah, I love you so much. I don’t know what I would do without you.”

  The sudden change in his demeanor set her on edge, causing her to wonder, yet again, what was wrong.

  Drew held her gaze for the longest time, running hi
s fingers through her hair, knocking the pins loose. He made no further move as she thought he might. Instead, he looked deep into her eyes, almost as if it were the last time he would see her.

  “What’s wrong?” she pleaded as her fear returned. He was acting so strangely.

  Drew hesitated before answering, “I am not certain.” He glanced away, studying the canvas of the wagon as it protected them from the cold. “I have been rather unsettled the last few days, making me rather protective of you right now.”

  Hannah was reminded of her nightmares. Maybe he had a similar dream about her. But it was just a dream, wasn’t it? Nothing more. Fear began choking her heart. Needing reassurance, Hannah pressed her lips to his, kissing him softly.

  Drew pulled away again, breaking the sweetness of the moment.

  “I could not bear to lose you, Hannah,” he said as he rested his forehead against hers.

  Fear overwhelmed her, keeping words from forming. She could not bear to live without him either. She lost so many that were dear to her—and Drew was the dearest of all.

  Chapter 19

  Navajo Springs, Arizona Territory

  December 29, 1863

  A few days after Christmas, the governor’s party arrived at the designated watering hole called Navajo Springs. The weather grew unpleasant, with cold blowing snow swirling about them. While Hannah wished they would press on, the government officials decided to stop and hold a brief inauguration ceremony. Huddled in a blanket, she stood close to Drew for warmth. Each breath of chilly air pricked her lungs.

  “Just think,” Drew whispered in her ear, “we are here for the inauguration of the first government officials of the territory. Look around. There are only a few of us that will ever know this story first hand.”

  His eyes glowed with excitement. She wished she was as excited as he. Instead, she shivered and longed for the shelter of the wagon.

  “Memorize every detail, Hannah, so we can tell our children.”