A Dream Unfolding

by Karen Baney

  When the brief celebration concluded, Joshua found a flat area to set up the tent for Hannah. The cavalry, of which he was still a member, was stationed here and here he would have to remain. And he wanted to keep Hannah close. He and Mrs. Lancaster heatedly discussed what to do with Hannah this morning. While Mrs. Lancaster thought Hannah would be better off working with her at the boardinghouse, Joshua disagreed. He thought Hannah should remain with him, where he could offer her protection. Hannah said nothing, resigned to let others decide her fate. In the end, Paul suggested to his mother that they get the boardinghouse set up first and let Joshua care for Hannah. Then, perhaps once they were settled, they would see if Hannah wished to join them.

  After depositing Hannah with her belongings in her tent, Joshua sought out the supply officer. Hannah would have no use for either her husband’s medical supplies or the wagon and team. With her current state of mind, he saw no reason to involve her in disposing of these things. The supply officer eagerly purchased the medical supplies, wagon, and team for the army. Pocketing the cash, Joshua headed towards the mess hall.

  Upon nearing the mess tent, he saw the long line of hungry men waiting for their turn to be served. Skipping ahead to peer into the tent, he saw there were but two lonely Mexican women frantically dishing up food for the hungry crowd. He spoke with the man in charge of the kitchen to secure a position for Hannah. She would probably not be pleased, but he also did not think she would refuse the position. Deciding dried beef and leftover bread would be meal enough, he left.

  After checking in with the major, Joshua walked back towards Hannah’s tent. As he suspected, the major ordered him to report back to his post with the cavalry tomorrow morning. Good thing he already made arrangements for Hannah’s supplies and secured her a position as cook, for he would have limited time to care for her after today.

  “Hannah,” Joshua called to announce his presence outside her tent. With her acknowledgement, he entered, briefly realizing the impropriety of a single man entering a now single woman’s tent. He tied back one side at the entrance leaving it open. With some embarrassment, it dawned on him how many of his actions in taking over her care slightly crossed the lines of proper society.

  Having pondered what he was about to say for days, did not make the task any easier. Joshua nervously shifted his feet, kicking up little puffs of dust. The hollow look in her eyes furthered his resolve to say what he came to say. “I would like to discuss your future.” When she parted her lips he stopped her before she could protest. “Wait, hear me out.”

  Hannah nodded and Joshua continued, “I know that you are still grieving your husband’s death and what I am about to ask is unusual, but I think it is for the best. I would like you to marry me,” he stated with the precision and authority he used to command his troops.

  Seeing her brows furrow, Joshua realized he was making a mess of this. Of course she was not one of his men he could order around. He quickly softened his approach. “Would you like to marry me? I could provide safety for you and your child. I cannot promise to replace the husband you loved dearly, but I can promise to see to your needs. I would always treat you with the respect you deserve and I would care for your child as my own.”

  He swallowed as the silence stretched, wondering if he just made a grave error.

  ---

  The words hung between them. Hannah was stunned and mortified. Did she hear the lieutenant correctly? Did he just ask her to marry him? Had he taken leave of his senses? Anger at the preposterous nature of his request rose from within her. She tamped it down, not wanting to disrespect him for an obviously difficult gesture.

  Not knowing what else to say, Hannah said, “But I don’t even know your first name.” She needed some time to think this through.

  “Joshua,” he replied, as if that would somehow make his request less absurd.

  As the shock wore off, Hannah knew she could not possibly accept his proposal. Drew had been gone but a few weeks. Her heart was still broken. She could not be with another man, even in name only. She would do what she needed to do to care for her child alone. Quietly, calmly she answered, “I cannot marry you.”

  “But you need someone who can care for you. Your child will need a father,” Lieutenant Harrison responded with reason.

  His persistence pulled Hannah from the numb stated she lived in for weeks, stirring the raw mix of emotions to boiling.

  “My child has a father and he is dead! You cannot replace Drew. No one can fill the emptiness I feel. You have no right to come in here and start ordering me around like one of your men.” She stood, moving closer to the lieutenant. Poking her finger into his chest, she confronted him with full force of the rage churning within her. “You have taken control of my life since the moment my husband was buried on that mountain. You have ushered me from place to place like cattle, telling me when I should do what.”

  “Hannah, I am not suggesting you marry me so I can command you,” he answered calmly, appearing unaffected by her tirade. “I just think life is going to be difficult for you here on your own. I wanted to offer you protection.”

  “Why would you want to take on such a responsibility that is not yours to bear?”

  “Because, God asks us to care for the widows and orphans, Hannah. I have the means to do that for you.”

  “I do not care what God asks you to do,” her voice rose in anger. “He has abandoned me. If he wanted to care for me, he would not have taken Drew!”

  He took her shaky hands in his. The kind act deflated her gusto and she slumped her shoulders forward, barely holding the tears at bay.

  “God has not abandoned you, Hannah,” the lieutenant’s voice softened as he spoke. “He brought Mrs. Lancaster and me alongside you when you were consumed with grief. He cares for you and he will never leave you.”

  Hannah refused to believe what he was saying was true. God took Drew away. How could He love her?

  Lieutenant Harrison knelt before her, still holding her hands. “If you do not want to marry me, Hannah, you do not have to. I simply wanted to make the offer to relieve some of the burden you will face.”

  She probably should accept his offer. What would happen to her, a single woman on her own? How would she provide for herself, for her unborn child? When her father died and she needed to decide what to do with the farm, her aunt reminded her that men were better at reasoning through an emotional situation. Her uncle had made the best decision for her then. Perhaps Lieutenant Harrison was seeing this situation rationally. Perhaps she should listen to him.

  Yet, the grief was too new, too raw. Drew had only been gone a few weeks. How could she possibly commit her life to someone else? And only to satisfy her need for security. It was not fair to her, her unborn child, or to the lieutenant.

  Withdrawing her hands from his, she clasped them in front of her. Squaring her shoulders, she replied, “I can’t. I just can’t.”

  Lieutenant Harrison rose. His stoic face revealed nothing. He reached into his pocket and handed her some money. “This was from the sale of the medical supplies, wagon, and team. I was able to get a fair price from the supply officer.”

  “Thank you,” she whispered, shamed by her earlier anger in the light of his compassion.

  “I also spoke with the head man in charge of the mess tent. He is in need of another cook and you may have the job in exchange for free meals and a meager wage. He could use your help as early as tomorrow morning.” After giving her directions on where to report, he strode over to the tent entrance.

  “If you change your mind, Hannah, the offer still stands.”

  “Thank you, Lieutenant. I am grateful for a friend such as you.”

  Nodding, he left, leaving Hannah to wonder if she made the right decision.

  Chop the onions. Cube the beef. Prepare a stew to feed nearly a hundred hungry men. Add some salt. Lift the heavy pot over the fire. Stir. Don’t think about anything other than the task at hand. If you think, you will remember you
are alone.

  Stir. Watch the swirls of savory stew circle round the pot.

  With deliberate thought, Hannah focused on her new job at the mess tent. She repeated the mantra of intentional thought daily. And for the past two weeks, it served her well, allowing her to get through the days without thinking of Drew and without crying. Only in the stillness of the late evening did she think of him, her love. Then, she cried until exhaustion swept her under its warm embrace.

  No, she was doing it again. Letting her mind drift back to him. His blue eyes. His long gentle fingers.

  Stop!

  Get the coffee beans. Grind the coffee beans. Start the coffee. Keep thinking about the little things, the mundane.

  Hannah looked up from the third pot of coffee she started as the men filed in to the mess tent for their midday meal. The meals quickly became her favorite part of the day. It was much easier to keep her thoughts and emotions under control when she was serving the men.

  She pasted on a smile that she did not feel, before taking her place behind the large pot of hearty stew. Hannah smiled at the first young man in line as she took his plate. She mindlessly asked how he was doing and listened to his chatter until the man behind him thrust forth his plate. Most of the men talked to her as she dished up their food, most likely eager for attention from a woman.

  Within days of being at the fort, Hannah understood why these men longed for female attention. There simply were very few women around. Besides herself, there was the post doctor’s wife, the two Mexican women working in the mess tent, and a laundress. Five women versus nearly a hundred men. And from what she heard of town, Betty Lancaster was the only woman there.

  So at each meal, whether or not Hannah felt like smiling, she did. In some strange way, just listening to these men helped heal some of her loneliness. They told stories of family back home, for many left their families in California. Others told stories of loved ones lost along the way. Some even tried to propose to Hannah once they found out she was a widow—at least until Lieutenant Harrison stepped in. She was not sure exactly how he did it, but one day the proposals just stopped.

  Lieutenant Harrison. Since his awkward proposal, Hannah saw him but once in the past two weeks. Either he gave up eating altogether, or he was away from the fort. Though she wished he would have said something, she knew he owed her no explanation of his whereabouts. He offered his protection through marriage, and she refused him. She had no right to place any demands on him.

  Yet, it would have helped her loneliness to know she had at least one friend here.

  But, his absence doubled her doubt about her refusal. Perhaps Lieutenant Harrison was right. How could she care for a baby and work long hours at the mess tent? She barely had energy to care for herself at the end of each day. How could she care for a child, too?

  Several times Hannah considered running to the lieutenant begging for his forgiveness, hoping to see if he would still have her. Then a memory of Drew would sear her heart and strengthen her resolve. It would be foolish to rush into anything now. Perhaps, in time, she would figure out what was truly best for her and her child.

  Colter Ranch

  February 22, 1864

  Will woke to the aroma of bacon already being fried. Stretching out his sore muscles, he took his time getting out of bed. Yesterday, he and several of the men finished a small cabin for his new cook, Rosa. He put off hiring someone to cook and do laundry for several months now. He finally hired the young half-Mexican half-Apache woman when Snake could no longer juggle cowboy duties with cooking duties. He really needed the man working with the cattle and managing the butchering.

  At the beginning of the month, Will hired several men from the recently arrived wagon train to help build the ranch house. Most of the men agreed to work in exchange for fresh beef, which Will readily supplied. With so many men working together, the ranch house was completed in two days. He moved in immediately, more than ready for the solitude of his own house.

  Sitting down at the table, alone, he lowered his head to say grace. When he finished, Rosa shoved the full plate in front of him with a curt, “Eat.” Her three favorite words were eat, sit, and shoo. When she was satisfied he did not need anything else, she carried the prepared food across the lawn to the bunkhouse.

  The first weeks in his house were wonderful. Peaceful quiet surrounded him each day. He was not on guard, constantly concerned for the image he projected to his men. Instead he could truly relax. Back in Texas, he craved the hour of solitude in his room before retiring each night. It never seemed long enough. But here, day after day, hour after endless hour of complete silence, Will felt lonely.

  At first he tried to fill the silence with music from his guitar. Then he would read his Bible or another book. Then he would write letters to his sister. But after a few nights of the same, he grew bored. He added small chores to the routine, like fixing bridles and saddles. But nothing staved off the loneliness.

  The sound of shuffling feet drew his attention to the doorway.

  “Who do you want to ride into Fort Whipple with you this morning?” Ben asked.

  Will finished his last bite before answering, “I’ll take Jed and Covington.”

  “I’ll have ‘em bring Jackson up in a few minutes then.”

  As Will took one last chug of his coffee, he pushed away from the table, trying to push away the loneliness as well.

  The men were waiting for him out front as promised. Mounting his steed, Will led the way north to Fort Whipple. Last month, shortly after Governor Goodwin arrived, Will met with the supply officer at the fort to see if they would be interested in purchasing some beef cattle from Colter Ranch. He took a few head to show the supply officer the quality and the officer purchased them on the spot. He asked Will to come back in a few weeks to discuss a contract.

  Pulling into Fort Whipple a few hours later, the three men rounded the steers into a corral. Will left Jed and Covington instructions to stay with the animals until he completed his discussion with the purchaser. The supply officer, glad to see Will, quickly concluded the negotiations. He was pleased the army agreed to purchase one hundred head to be delivered every month. With the army contract and the contract with several establishments in town, Will would not need to drive more than a few hundred longhorns across the Indian infested wilderness to the California market. Perhaps, in time, he would have no need to drive cattle to California at all.

  Gathering his men, they headed to the mess tent to get some food before making the trek back to the ranch. Beans, potatoes, and beef steak were the perfect solution to hungry bellies.

  As they progressed their way through the line Will scanned the tent, a habit from years of scanning the horizon while working with the cattle. His eyes stopped abruptly on the lovely young white woman chatting jovially with an officer as she dished up his food. His heart beat faster at the sight of her. Her hair was the most interesting shade of blonde with touches of red. Even from this distance, he could see her eyes were as blue as the vast Arizona sky. Her ivory skin looked soft. What would it be like to touch her?

  Snickers from Covington and Jed roused Will from his overt interest. Embarrassed for acting like a school boy, Will chided himself, feeling heat rise to his face. It had been a long time since he laid eyes on a young beautiful white woman. That must be why she was affecting him so.

  In a few more steps he and his men would be standing directly in front of her. Though he tried not to stare, he could not help it. Her pert lips stretched thin in a smile that did not quite make it to her eyes. Her voice sounded light and sweet, like an angel. He tried to take in all of her lovely features, but most were blocked by the line of men in front of him.

  Suddenly, the woman yelped in pain. She doubled over clutching her stomach. Will jerked forward slightly, ready to lend aid. In a moment the pain subsided and she stood straight again, her face still rather pale. His eyes moved to where one hand lingered over the swell of her stomach. It was then Will noticed she
was with child. He felt twice as foolish for his earlier thoughts, realizing she was probably married to that young officer he saw earlier.

  “Hannah,” the young officer asked, rushing to her side, “are you alright?”

  “I’m fine, Harrison,” she answered with a heavy breath. “I’ll go lie down after I finish serving these men.”

  The man named Harrison hesitated then returned to his half eaten meal.

  Seeing it was his turn to be served, Will held out his plate. “Ma’am,” he said with a nod as she lifted the ladle of beans toward his plate. Before tilting the ladle to the side to deposit food on his plate, her eyes grew wide and she doubled over again. The ladle slipped from her hand landing on the ground with a soft thud. Instinctively, Will let his plate fall to the ground as he caught her around the waist. Covington was right there with him. Jed was about to take off for the post doctor when Harrison took the woman in his arms and ran out—but not before Will noticed the blood staining her dress.

  It was few minutes before the men in the mess tent returned their attention to their meal. Will picked his plate up, dusting off the bits of dirt. One of the Mexican women jumped in to serve the remaining men. As they found their way to a table, Will offered up a brief prayer for the woman, certain she could use it.

  ---

  “Lieutenant Harrison!” exclaimed Hannah as she dished up his dinner.

  His heart leapt as joy lit her eyes. Each day, Joshua looked forward to seeing Hannah and the few minutes of exchanging pleasantries. It was always too brief, as the line of hungry men grew antsy long before he was ready to part from her company.

  Taking a seat nearby, Joshua carefully watched Hannah. She looked a bit peaked today and more tired than normal. He watched as she served the soldiers. Though she smiled kindly to each one, he could not help but notice her reaction to him was unique. And it pleased him greatly.

  Suddenly, she let out a cry and clutched her stomach. Joshua rose, running to her side, his heart pounding. After her brief reassurance that she was fine, he stood nearby, watching her. Once he was convinced she was fine he took his seat again.