A Dream Unfolding

by Karen Baney

  Her words caught and she was surprised at how raw the emotion still was. Will reached out and took her hand in his, softly running his thumb over her knuckles.

  Hannah continued, “Then, once I started working at Fort Whipple, just as some of the sadness started to lift, I lost my baby.”

  “I know.”

  How could he know that? “How?” she asked.

  “I was there that day.” He took both her hands in his. “I had just moved into the line in front of you for some dinner, when you collapsed into my arms. I had no idea who you were, but I prayed for you because I knew you would need it.” He paused, his voice growing quiet, “It wasn’t until later, when I met you at the boardinghouse, that I realized it was you.”

  The distant lowing of cattle seemed louder in the lull. Hannah struggled to maintain some composure. How strange that he should have been there that day? And turn out to be the man who caught her. How mysteriously God worked—that he would send this man to pray for her in the midst of a crisis. Had she just glimpsed the Almighty’s plan for her life?

  “I’m sorry, Hannah, that you lost the baby,” his voice was full of sympathy.

  She managed a slight smile as she pulled her hands from his, clasping them around her knees again. She was not done answering his question.

  “After the baby was gone, I could have died inside. But for the grace of God and the kindness of dear friends speaking truth to me, I would have. Working at the boardinghouse was exactly what I needed—days full of work and under the watchful eye of motherly Betty.” She smiled at that.

  “It wasn’t until very recently that I began to dream again. I still long to be a wife and mother. And, even though some part of Drew will always be with me, I am ready to look forward.” With you. Her own thought startled her. Was she really ready to let go? “Some women long for adventure and excitement. In the last year, I’ve had more than I thought I would have in all my life. I want to stay here, marry again, and raise a family in this beautiful land. Nothing more.”

  She glanced over at Will. The expression on his face was one of understanding and longing. She didn’t know why, but she felt drawn to this man. He was noble of character and deep of soul. So different from Drew, but so perfect for her.

  Nervously, she laughed off the heavy feelings stirred by their conversation. Hoping to lighten the mood, she said, “So, tell me about your cattle.”

  For the next fifteen minutes or so, Will explained in great detail the size of his herd, his business strategy, and his plans for the future of his ranch. He spoke with such confidence, definitely very experienced in ranching.

  As the conversation lagged, Hannah stood. She didn’t want this day to end but it must. Will took the cue and stowed the picnic items back in the basket. Throwing the blanket over one shoulder, he carried the basket on one arm, offering the other to Hannah.

  “Thank you so much for showing me your wonderful home. It is so peaceful here,” she said as they neared the house.

  Will left Hannah near the horse and went to deposit the picnic basket and blanket inside the house. When he returned, she thought he was going to help her mount the horse for the ride home, but was caught off guard when he moved closer. His eyes searched hers as if looking for something he lost. She leaned toward him, as he kissed her again. So sweet was the kiss, she lingered in his arms when he pulled away. How could he communicate so much in one action? She wanted to remain here forever.

  But reality must prevail. She stepped back and he helped her mount the mare. They rode in silence back to town, both deep in thought.

  As they neared the boardinghouse, boarders lined out the door, signaling supper was in full swing. Will lifted Hannah down from her horse. Pausing he looked as if he was about to say something, then he stopped and kissed her hand instead. Wishing her a farewell, he mounted his horse and took the reins of her horse. Once at the top of the hill, he turned and waved.

  Hannah waved back, wondering if she might just be falling in love with the quiet rancher.

  Chapter 31

  Prescott

  August 15, 1864

  Today was bittersweet. As much as Hannah tried to forget the date, she could not. Today would have been her third anniversary with Drew and the memories consumed her. A sadness hung around her shoulders and would not lift. Why couldn’t she just forget?

  After snapping at Betty as they washed the breakfast dishes, Hannah mentioned the significance of the day. Then she picked up a basket and walked out the back door. When Paul followed a few steps, she yelled at him and told him she was going to search for wild cherries along the river. He stopped and let her go, despite the risk. A few times on the walk to the creek, she felt like someone was watching her, but when she glanced over her shoulder, no one was there. She knew it was risky—venturing out alone—there was always the threat of Apache attacks.

  Stopping by the creek, she watched as a leaf floated in the gurgling water, carried over rocks and rushed downstream. Was that what life was like? Getting hung up on rocks one moment and then being swept away the next?

  Her memories of Drew were starting to fade. It was over seven months since the tragic accident claimed his life. If their baby had survived, he would be a newborn now—and fatherless.

  The thought was too much. Hannah fell to her knees and sobbed, grieving again for the losses. Lord, when will this grieving end? Months of pain came rushing forth. Minutes rolled by, drowned by her tears. The flood of grief kept swallowing her in its depths, forcing her under. She cried out to God. Help me! I cannot bear this any longer!

  Just when she thought the grief would not let go, she saw an image in her mind of a gentle father, picking her up. Sitting in His lap, she sobbed until there was nothing left. He gently stroked her hair and whispered words of love. Her Heavenly Father cared and held her in His strong embrace—one that could overcome the despair of her heart. She sat there, soaking in His glory, soaking in His healing, until, slowly, she began to feel whole again.

  Standing, Hannah wiped her eyes with her handkerchief. Breathing deeply of the fresh pine, she let the Father’s peace settle around her heart.

  Not ready to be in the company of others, Hannah moved further upstream until she found the wild cherries. Dropping them slowly into her basket, her mind moved on to other thoughts.

  Several weeks passed since she visited Will’s ranch. Her face flushed as she thought of the kisses they shared. Strange how one moment she could grieve her dead husband then the next think of the new man in her life. And this new man was affecting her like no other. Something deep inside her longed for his presence. While she loved Drew dearly and shared a good life with him, something about Will made her feel at home. She could never explain it. Somehow, she managed to fall in love with the handsome rancher from Texas. He eased his way into her heart when she was not looking. She missed him and wished she knew when he would be in town again.

  Picking up the full basket, she found Paul nearby, keeping watch over her unannounced. When she moved forward, he fell into step beside her silently, rifle at the ready.

  They headed back to the boardinghouse where Betty waited in the doorway. Taking the basket of cherries from Hannah, she told her that Lieutenant Harrison was waiting for her out front.

  Squaring her shoulders, Hannah walked around front, not really wanting a surprise visit from Joshua today.

  “Lieutenant, this is a surprise,” Hannah greeted, knowing her smile must have looked forced.

  “Hannah,” Joshua wasted no time getting to the point, “would you walk with me for a few minutes?”

  Nodding, they strolled toward the town square, but not before Hannah noted he came to town alone. She hoped everything was fine with her friend.

  “Hannah, I have some news,” he said flatly.

  “Yes?”

  “I have been promoted to Captain,” Joshua said.

  Surely that was good news. She was happy for him. “That’s wonderful.”

  When she tu
rned to look at him, his face did not share the same joy. There was something more, something troubling him.

  “What is it?” Hannah asked.

  Turning toward her, he took her hands in his. “I’m leaving. With the promotion, I am being reassigned to the southern end of the territory.”

  “When do you leave?” she asked.

  “Tomorrow morning.”

  “So soon?” She would miss his friendship.

  “Yes. Hannah,” he paused. “There’s something I’ve been meaning to say to you for some time.” He barely took a breath, blurting out, “I love you, Hannah. I have loved you since we came to Fort Whipple. Maybe even before then, I don’t know.”

  Hannah’s heart lodged in her throat. This could not be happening. Not today. Not with him.

  “What I’m trying to say is that I can’t see my life without you in it. Hannah,” he stopped short, moving toward her.

  He was going to kiss her! As he closed the distance, she hesitated only a moment before taking a large step backwards. Joshua was obviously not expecting that, for he dropped his hands to his side. His expression was stunned. She felt terrible for him, but was certain she had done nothing to encourage such thoughts.

  Growing nervous, Joshua said, “I was hoping you would agree to become my wife.”

  His eyes pleaded with her, finally unveiling the depth of love he kept hidden from her before. That made this so much more difficult. “I can’t marry you, Joshua.”

  “I know you don’t love me the way you did Drew, but our friendship could grow to love in time.”

  Her heart ached for him. “Captain,” she said, choosing the formality to help emphasize her point. “While I treasure your friendship and will forever be in your debt for your kindness, I cannot marry you. I am sorry, but I do not love you, nor do I believe that our friendship would ever be more. You are a good man and you deserve someone that will love you in return. I am not that woman.”

  He stared into her eyes looking for confirmation that her words were true. His pain was evident. He was dumbfounded and could not speak. After a few moments, his shoulders slumped forward in resignation. Finally, with great sadness he said, “Goodbye, Hannah.” Then Captain Harrison walked away.

  “Go with God, my friend,” she whispered as she watched him ride out of her life, sorry for the pain she inflicted with her refusal, though not regretting her decision.

  Gathering her wits, she straightened her back and returned to the boardinghouse. It was time to start the evening meal. Rubbing her fingers on her temples, she walked through the back door. She stopped suddenly when she saw the shelves fully stocked with Colter beef. Her questioning gaze was quickly answered by Betty.

  “Will was here. He stopped by with more smoked beef.”

  Her heart dropped to the floor. “He was here? Did he ask for me?”

  Betty looked away, and Hannah knew the answer before she spoke. “I’m sorry dear, he did not.”

  Hannah wanted to run away and cry. Instead, she picked up pots and pans slamming them about on the stove to soothe her frustration. What was happening? Why did Will leave without speaking with her at least for a minute? She thought they were growing close. She thought he cared for her. Had she completely mistaken the message behind those kisses?

  Is this awful feeling the same thing she just caused Joshua to feel?

  Will was excited to see Hannah today. He knew she wasn’t expecting him, but he wanted to surprise her. He needed to deliver more beef and pick up a few supplies. He also hoped to have some mail from his sister Julia in Texas, now that there was regular mail service to points east. But what he really wanted was to see Hannah. Will had not stopped thinking of her since she visited the ranch. She obviously admired the magnificent piece of land that was now his home. And he thought of those kisses often. She was so sweet to the taste. Her skin was so soft to his touch. He was definitely falling for her. There was a small part of him that felt complete in her presence. Who was he kidding? He was in love with Hannah Anderson!

  Since that day at the ranch, Will did everything with a new perspective. He hummed as he worked with the horses. When riding he sat taller in the saddle. He was happy, even joyful. Ben noticed the change and questioned him about it. Will told his old friend everything, how he was in love with Hannah, how he wanted to make her his wife.

  And he knew the exact moment he was sure he loved her. He asked her the simple question of what her dreams were. He was surprised when it affected her so. When she said she longed to be a wife and mother, that’s when he knew. He knew he wanted to be the man of her dreams. He was going to ask Hannah to marry him, but he had to come up with something special.

  For days, he thought of how he would propose. Today, he would ask her if she would have dinner with him at the hotel in two days. Then, he would come back to town with flowers on that day. He would take her to dinner, asking for a quiet table where they could talk. Then he would ask her. It was a good plan and he was sure it would work.

  Whitten pulled the wagon to a stop in front of the boardinghouse. Will grabbed the first crate of meat and carried it into the dining hall. Hannah was not there, but Betty was. No matter, he was not leaving town without asking Hannah to dinner. He chatted with Betty for a minute while she emptied the crates. Hannah still wasn’t back from whatever chore she was working on, so he decided he would come back after they loaded supplies from Don Manuel’s store.

  As he lifted a crate of flour into the wagon, Will saw Hannah walking in the town square. His heart leapt at the sight of her—before he noticed she was not alone. Dropping the crate into the wagon, Will watched the scene unfold. Hannah was walking next to Lieutenant Harrison, the two talking with rather serious expressions. She stopped and turned towards him. Then Harrison paused, turning toward Hannah. Will’s heart pounded loudly in his chest as Harrison took Hannah’s hands in his. Will’s jaw tensed and his eyes narrowed. What exactly was going on? Then, Harrison moved forward to kiss Hannah.

  Will could not watch the rest of the act of betrayal. He turned away, his heart shattering. Betty was wrong. Hannah did not love him, she loved Harrison. She made her choice.

  Anger boiled to the surface as the truth sank in. Hoisting another crate he shoved it into the wagon. How could he have been so foolish? Was she just toying with him that day at the ranch? How could he have been so wrong?

  Lifting another crate from the stack to be loaded, Will shoved it into the wagon bed with such force, the wagon rocked forward. Crate after crate suffered a similar fate, until the wagon was loaded. Task completed, Will mounted his horse and mumbled something to Whitten.

  Pointing Jackson toward home, Will resisted the temptation to glance back at Hannah. Strong determination and a severely broken heart forbade it.

  Will was in a foul mood all day, well actually for two days, ever since he saw Hannah with that lieutenant. Today was supposed to be the day Will would ask her to be his wife. Instead, she had picked the military man. Dropping the saddle onto Jackson’s back with thud, he felt a little remorse. It wasn’t his horse’s fault that Hannah was a shrew. Maybe that was being a bit harsh, but it made him feel a little better.

  Jackson wasn’t the only one who suffered his wrath. Last night, Jed said something that set Will off. He didn’t even remember what it was. All he remembered was that he nearly decked the young man—poor Jed. Ben’s warning glare was the only thing stopping him from making a complete fool of himself. Then, this morning, the kitchen filled with tension after Will barked at Rosa for not making his eggs scrambled. In truth, he hadn’t asked her to make them that way and he had treated her unfairly. He was acting boorish. And all over a woman.

  Growling in frustration at himself, Will mounted Jackson and turned him eastward. Covington reported this morning that he saw some signs of an abandoned camp at the far end of Will’s property. He was going out to see if the camp was from Apaches, Mexican cattle thieves, or someone else.

  Dad-blame it. He sighed. There
was another thought of Hannah. Why couldn’t he just get her out of his mind? How could she have affected him so deeply and so quickly?

  Unlike many men he knew, Will had never found love in Texas. He hadn’t missed it then either. He loved working with the cattle, rounding up the strays, branding the calves, and driving the herd to market. He never had time for love. He didn’t have time to be lonely. But, now he was lonely—lonelier now for having loved Hannah and lost her than he was before he met her. Why did her face haunt his dreams? The laughter, the teasing, the moments of introspection. He wanted it to stop. He wanted to forget her and have the pain go away. But he couldn’t.

  Getting impatient with his lovesick thoughts, he forced his mind to other things. There were still no letters from his sister Julia. He sent a letter from Santa Fe over nine months ago. And he sent letters in the spring through the military post. He was sure she received at least one of them. Why hadn’t Julia sent any letters back? Was Reuben being ruthless with her, not letting her send anything out of his hatred for Will? A pang of guilt pierced his already broken heart. He should have brought Julia, even though it was against his father’s last wishes.

  Maybe his own pain was shading his thoughts. Perhaps Julia found a handsome rancher to court. More realistically, Reuben would be the one to find her a wealthy rancher with no concern for age or looks or character. Still, Julia was strong willed and could stand her own against their brother. He respected her much more than he’d ever respected Will. Will was certain Reuben didn’t love Julia, for the only thing he loved was money. But respect for one’s sibling would take one far enough. At least Will hoped that was true.