Bad & Bold - A 7 Book Bad Boy Romance Collection!

by Rhodes, Ashley

  “I don’t think it’s dating they want to see us doing,” Jayce murmured. His eyes were wide as he stared at the screen. He must have found some of the more explicit sex scenes.

  “Ren, come here and make out with me.” Kell reached over Morris and tried to grab at the bassist. “Come prove to everyone I’m sexy.”

  Ren grinned and pretended to reach for him, but Morris elbowed them both in the ribs.

  “At least wait until you’re in private.”

  Kell grumbled as he sat back down.

  “Actually, Kell, there is one thing fans have come up with that you might like.” The other guys would be horrified to find out something like this, but I knew Kell would love it. “There’s a small but hardcore section of fans who like to imagine there’s an identical girl version of you, and the both of you are, as you say, sexing each other up.” After all, the only person who could manage a threesome with Kell and his ego was Kell himself.

  “I’m doing my own female doppelgänger?” Kell looked thoughtful for a moment before a grin spread across his face. “Alright!” He fist pumped in the air. “Twice the Kell for you all to love.”

  “That’s weird, dude,” Morris snorted.

  Ren was nodding his head, but he looked impressed at their fans’ imagination and ingenuity. Jayce still had my tablet and was reading intently.

  “This is too freaking crazy…” he murmured.

  “What was that?” Neil asked from behind the camera, trying to catch his quiet words.

  Jayce thrust the tablet back at me and slouched down into his seat. “Nothing.”

  I was worried for him. I’d seen a totally different side of Jayce. I knew how much effort he put into acting the rock star god. Deep inside though, he was different. More somber. More introverted.

  Well, aside from the times he’d come onto me. He had seemed plenty extroverted then. The memory of his tongue in my mouth, his hands on my skin, ignited an ache between my legs. Definitely not the best time to be thinking of kissing him.

  Jayce had issues that he didn’t seem comfortable sharing with the rest of the band. These people were supposed to be his closest friends and he hadn’t confided in them. Did he have anyone he could lean on? Anyone he could look to for support?

  Maybe I could have been that person if things hadn’t turned out the way they had with Neil.

  WE REACHED THE next city ahead of time, and the guys were talking about taking a break before rehearsal. I waited until they filed out of the bus.

  “Jayce, do you have a minute?”

  It had been a bit awkward having to share the tour bus with Jayce after everything that had happened, but I’d managed to keep my spirits up by interacting with the rest of the band, Kell in particular. He was funny and energetic and always up to answer fan questions. I spent most of my time on the tour bus doing Q&A’s and getting the guys to take selfies for me to post. As long as I was doing my job, Jayce and I got along well.

  It was only when we were alone that things were tense. I didn’t want that. I had to fix things between us.

  Jayce stopped as soon as I called out to him, slowly turning around.

  “Yeah?”

  I hesitated and decided to power through it.

  “I just want to make sure you’re okay.”

  He frowned at me and turned on his heel. “I’m fine.”

  “I don’t mean about us. I’m talking about your…panic attacks,” I said the last two words quietly.

  He whipped his head up, looking around quickly, but there was no one there to overhear, just like I’d planned.

  “I consider you a friend. I just want to make sure you’re alright. It must be hard doing shows every night.”

  Jayce gave me a considering look before his shoulders slumped. He looked up at the ceiling and rubbed at his stubbled jaw. “I’m doing…okay.”

  “You want to talk about it?” I sat down on one of the sofas, leaving room for him to join me. He paused, studying my face intently, but eventually he sat down gingerly next to me. We were both quiet for a moment before he spoke.

  “They’re getting worse.” His voice was low, and he spoke from deep within his chest.

  “How bad?”

  “It’s taking longer and longer to snap out of it. Sometimes I’m worried I’ll pass out because I can’t breathe. I get dizzy. My vision goes blank.”

  I reached out and placed a hand on his arm, but he averted his eyes.

  “Do you think maybe it’s time to talk to someone about this? A doctor?” I didn’t want to say a psychiatrist. I knew of the stigma. I knew some people took badly to that, thinking that you were calling them crazy, even though that was the last thing on my mind. I knew how important it was to take care of your mental health. My best friend had been dealing with bipolar disorder since her early teens.

  “How? When? I’m always on tour, or working on another album, or doing promo events.”

  I wasn’t a professional, but I worried that if Jayce didn’t try to manage his illness, he’d have a real breakdown one day. I thought back to what my best friend had told me worked for her. Bipolar disorder wasn’t the same as anxiety disorder, but panic attacks were sometimes also a symptom.

  “There’s this meditation app I know. It’s supposed to help people with anxiety. Gimme your phone.” A few taps later and I’d downloaded it for him. “One of my friends said it really helped her.”

  “Thanks,” he murmured, looking at the screen and avoiding my eyes.

  “Try it and let me know how it goes.”

  Jayce blew out a frustrated breath. “I just feel like I need to learn to deal with it on my own.”

  “You don’t have to do it alone. If you want, I could stay next to you when you’re having your—” I paused. “Your problems.”

  “I can’t ask you to babysit me after every concert.”

  “It’s not babysitting,” I insisted. “It’s one friend looking out for another.”

  “That’s the problem. I don’t want to be friends.” His eyes burned into mine and he shifted on the sofa, lightning fast, taking my face into his hands. “I want to be more than friends. Every time I’m next to you I can’t help but think about that night. All I want to do is kiss you again. Touch you again.” He groaned and leaned forward, resting his forehead against mine. “I’d give anything to taste you one more time.”

  I froze, torn between kissing him and pulling away.

  Jayce made the first move and let me go, sighing in defeat. He slumped down on the couch and rested an arm across his eyes as if he couldn’t even look at me.

  “I still want you, but I know I can’t have you. Do you have any idea what that feels like?”

  I fidgeted with my hands, pressing them against my thighs “…Yes. I know exactly what that feels like.”

  Jayce removed his arm from his eyes and stared at me. “We both know why this wouldn’t work.”

  I nodded, looking down at my hands.

  Jayce stood up. “I managed before you showed up. I’ll be fine. You don’t need to worry.” He strode out of the bus, leaving me alone.

  We had both discussed at length why there could be nothing between us. Now there was a new complication. Aside from the same reasons as before, I was trying to make something work with Neil. I wasn’t free to date whomever I wanted.

  I couldn’t help but wonder, though, if his relationship with his fans his only reason. Upsetting a few people wouldn’t be the end of the world, would it? It wasn’t like every single fan would care if he started dating someone.

  Was there another reason Jayce was always pulling away?

  CHAPTER 14

  NEIL MESSAGED ME that morning and said he had some free time that afternoon to get together. He suggested we go out and get lunch somewhere away from the concert venue and the tour buses, just the two of us. I gladly agreed.

  I waited in the hotel lobby for him at our agreed meeting time, but he wasn’t there. I turned on my phone to check the time. I wasn�
�t early. I was just on time. Maybe he’d just got caught up with some last minute work.

  If there was one thing I hated, it was being late, and I hated being made to wait almost as much. I was usually understanding about these things, but it had been so long since our last date. The longer I waited, the more impatient I became. I stood there for twenty minutes before giving up and messaging him.

  @AudioAiley Hey, you on your way?

  I didn’t get a message back for several long minutes. I almost gave up and flagged down a taxi to take me to the concert venue to get a head start on the night’s work. Finally, my phoned pinged.

  Sorry, something came up. Want to meet me at the hotel bar again? I can’t be away for long.

  Sure. I’ll meet you there.

  Even though Neil had been the one to choose the location, I still had to wait for thirty minutes before he arrived. I watched the ice in my drink slowly melt and tried not to check my phone for the time more than once every minute or so. He looked frazzled when he arrived, hair sticking up even more than usual, a pinched expression on his face.

  “Sorry,” he said briskly. “One of our cameras got busted and I needed to find a replacement, stat. This town is so small, there’s no way we can just buy one locally. We’ll have to get one shipped to us, but we’re in a different location every day.” He blew out a sigh and rubbed the bridge of his nose.

  “Don’t you have a director of photography for that?”

  “Well—” He looked taken aback. “We do, but I needed to make sure we got the right camera.”

  “Isn’t that his job?”

  Neil gave me a bemused smile. “I just needed to make sure they did it right, that’s all.”

  I decided to drop it. “It’s good to have some time alone, isn’t it?”

  “Yeah. It’s been pretty crazy lately, hasn’t it?”

  Maybe for Neil, the workaholic.

  “I actually think things have gotten a lot less hectic. We’re hitting our stride. You still seem pretty busy, though.” I took a sip and eyed him over the rim of my glass.

  Neil grimaced and ran a hand through his hair, messing it up even further. “Yeah, sorry.” I expected him to make more excuses, but he didn’t continue.

  I put my glass down. I had made sure to schedule my social media posts ahead of time so the content would still go out while I was on the date. If I could make time for us, why couldn’t Neil?

  “So, how is your work going?” he asked. “Any good news online?”

  “Yeah, there’s been a lot of chatter about the tour. People are getting excited about the new album.

  “That’s great.”

  “I don’t want to talk about work, though,” I added. He readily agreed and changed the topic to a new movie coming out soon, some artsy piece he said he wanted to take me to. It sounded like fun. We were in the middle of making plans when his phone pinged. He checked it and frowned.

  “Sorry, I have to respond to this.” He typed furiously as I suppressed a sigh. And people said I was addicted to my phone.

  After a few moments, he looked up and gave me an apologetic smile. “So, where we were?”

  “We were trying to decide when to check out that new movie. It’s probably only showing in big cities. We’ll have to wait at least until next week. We’re scheduled for smaller shows for the next five or six days.”

  “I might be able to get a preview copy from one of my friends. We could watch it together on my laptop by ourselves cuddled up on my hotel room bed.”

  “Sounds romantic.” I smiled.

  His phone pinged again and he groaned as he checked it.

  “I’m so sorry. Things are blowing up back at the concert hall. Do you mind if we cut this short?”

  My shoulders slumped in disappointment. Was this how it was going to be? Always fighting to make time to see each other and being interrupted in the few small pockets of time when we did? I eyed Neil. He looked disappointed, too, but not enough to stay and finish the date.

  “Neil…” I started, trailing off.

  “Yeah?”

  “Look, it’s fine if you can’t make time for me. Your work is important. You just need to come out and tell me and not string me along.”

  “Ailey, c’mon, that’s not—”

  I looked down at my glass. “Maybe it’s better if you don’t have any distractions.”

  Neil froze. “What are you saying?”

  “I don’t know. I’m just saying that maybe things were better when we were just flirting over messages.”

  “…Do you want to break up?”

  I gave him a sad smile. “You can’t break up with someone if you weren’t together in the first place.”

  Neil looked pained.

  “We tried, Neil, but maybe it’s for the best. We’re both busy people. We’re here to work, after all. Maybe we should have waited until summer was over.”

  “When I first asked you out, before we even met in person, I meant it. I really did. I’m sorry if it seems like I don’t want this.”

  “Neil, it’s okay. We never made any promises. We just wanted to see if there was any chemistry between us, remember?”

  “Are you telling me there’s no chemistry?” He took my hand and slowly stroked my palm, running his fingers up and down the skin of my wrist, sending shivers through my spine. I pulled my hand away.

  “Sometimes chemistry isn’t enough.”

  Neil opened his mouth as if he wanted to protest, but no words came out. He looked frustrated, like he was looking for the perfect words to make me stay.

  I stood up and gave his hand a squeeze. “It’s fine, Neil. We can still be friends. I guess we just weren’t meant to be anything more. Not yet, anyway.”

  He looked up at me as I laid down a bill to pay for my drink. I think he wanted to stand up and tell me not to go, but he knew the words I’d spoken were true.

  “See you around, Neil.”

  CHAPTER 15

  IT HAD BEEN hard enough working with Jayce when things were awkward between us, but now I had to see Neil every day, too. What a ridiculous soap opera situation I had found myself in.

  I thought everything would come to a head when Neil announced he needed to work with Jayce one-on-one without the other band members.

  “We need to take solo shots of you on stage. It’s hard to get the right angles during a real concert. Just pretend you’re performing.”

  “Do I have to pretend? Can’t I just play?”

  “Yeah, sure, if that makes it easier for you.”

  I held my breath, but that seemed to be the end of the conversation. There was no posturing or glaring or growling. It was a relief.

  Various members of the film crew told Jayce to pose this way and that, turning his body toward and away from the camera depending on what type of shot they were going for. Neil wasn’t directing the action, but he did have a large hand in blocking out what scenes he wanted to see. Every so often he would call out a request to Jayce, who would nod and do his best to give them the look they wanted.

  The afternoon went smoothly considering the tension that had been simmering between the two of them. As long as they were both working, it seemed like they got along quite well on a professional level. They were both dedicated to their jobs. I wondered, if things were different, would Jayce and Neil have become at least friendly acquaintances if not actual friends?

  “Ailey, can I talk to you for a moment? Alone?”

  Deena appeared at my side, ever-present headset over her ears and clipboard in her hands. Deena rarely needed to speak to me alone. I was mostly left to my own devices. I began to feel nervous. Had I done something wrong? I thought back, but couldn’t think of anything I’d posted recently that would have caused trouble.

  “Is something wrong?”

  “Let’s go speak somewhere privately.”

  I followed behind her, feeling more worried with every step. Maybe it wasn’t about my job. Maybe it was about my personal life. Had sh
e found out about me and Jayce? Did she disapprove? Even worse, did she think I was also screwing around with Neil on the side? Everyone had seen that kiss. I felt sick to my stomach—was I going to lose this internship? Was this the end of my career in the music industry?

  Deena led me to a private office backstage and sat me down. She perched her hip on the corner of a desk.

  “What are your plans for the future, Ailey?”

  I was taken aback, not expecting that kind of question. “Uh. Well. After this internship is over, I’m going back to college to finish my last year. Of course, I’m going to continue being active online, reviewing music.”

  Deena nodded, encouraging me to continue.

  “After I finish my business degree, I want to try getting into the music industry for real. I’d love to do music promotion. The same kind of thing I’m doing now, I guess.”

  “What if you don’t have to wait until you’re done college?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Ailey, your work here has been outstanding. You have an excellent understanding of online fandom, and you seem to know exactly the kind of content to post to make fans swoon. Online chatter has been through the roof and all of our concerts have been completely packed. To be honest, when I first thought about hiring an intern, I just needed someone who knew how to work the camera on their phone and post pictures online. You’ve exceeded all my expectations.”

  “Th-thank you!” I stuttered. “I’ve just been trying to do the best I can.” Having Deena’s approval meant everything to me. I’d never had such praise heaped upon me before. Sure, a lot of people followed me online, but that never really meant anything to me. Half a million people followed some cat that got famous online for looking grouchy.

  “I’ve been thinking that if this is the kind of work you can do while working out of a tour bus with only a phone and tablet, I can’t imagine what you’d be able to do with proper support.” She gave me a considering look. “How would you like to stay on with us after the tour is over and work at Dark Sound Studios?”