Tremble

by Alison Foster

  He locks his eyes on mine before he nods, knowingly.

  As he heads for the door, I stop him. “I have one question.”

  “Shoot.”

  “Do you know that Lukas thinks my father is alive?”

  It takes him a few seconds to respond. “I do, but listen, Nora, this is a very sensitive, delicate subject. I don’t want to step on any feet.”

  “Do you think my father’s alive?”

  He shrugs. “Honestly, I don’t know. There has been some chatter in the underworld, but less chatter in law enforcement. It could all just be stories, of course, like an urban legend, but Luke believes it. He wants it to be true.”

  “Lukas needs to see a therapist,” I say. “Why don’t you and that big GI Joe friend of yours get him into therapy?”

  “You know we might have done that, but Lukas won’t likely show his head above ground for quite some time, if ever. You should forget the whole sordid affair. I’ve been low, real low, but turned my life around. You’ll find people who believe in you and they’ll help you forget.”

  My head is reeling. Too much information dumped on me in one sitting. There’s no end to my father’s sinister reach.

  Lukas is an ex-Marine who worked for the underworld and now, I don’t know, maybe an investigator or enforcer for hire. No wonder he so easily untangled the ball of yarn that is my life. He probably knows everything about me and everything about my father.

  But not quite everything.

  In the kitchen above the microwave there is a certain something, a secret compartment that leads to a small packet. I sit on the floor to rip apart the packet to get to the phone and charger inside.

  My father gave them to me over two years ago right before he left for a business trip. He said to use the phone should anything happen to him or in any kind of emergency. He didn’t elaborate and I didn’t press him for answers as my father often seemed overly paranoid to me.

  I unplug the toaster to plug in the phone charger instead. I wait for two minutes tapping on the countertop before I get a small charge and can turn the phone on. There’s one saved number and I dial it, feeling my heartbeat beating in my throat.

  One, two, three rings.

  “Hello, sugar pop,” he says, his familiar voice echoing through my soul.

  My throat feels instantly parched. “My god, you are alive,” I say.

  There’s a long pause. I become convinced the first words I heard were only my imagination.

  “Of course, I’m alive, honey pop. You sound surprised. I left you clues. Hundreds of them.”

  “Maybe I didn’t want to see them.” I’m staggered to the core.

  “Well, you did in the end. How’s my little girl?”

  My palm feels clammy holding the phone. “Where are you?”

  “I can’t tell you that. I’m working on an amnesty deal. It won’t be long.”

  “Did you frame your accountant so he did time instead of you?”

  Silence. “What?”

  I repeat the question, this time louder. “Did you frame your own accountant?”

  More silence, longer this time. “This connection is safe but we should not overplay our hand. Only call me in an emergency. I’ll find a way to contact you if need be.”

  “Just answer, Daddy,” I say sternly. “You owe it to me.”

  His answer is a click.

  Chapter 25

  Lukas

  I shove the dumpster lid down with all my force. Metal, plastic and carton crunch against each other as I keep pressing down, using my body weight to close a dumpster that’s way too full.

  “Fucking goddamn hell,” I murmur under my breath when I finally give up, leaving the dumpster half-open. Why not? After all, half my belongings are scattered in the apartment complex dumpsters

  My whole fucking life is in the dumpster.

  Failure stings through my head and chest. I’ve failed everyone—my sister, my mother, my father, Sergeant Hayes—and I’ve failed Nora.

  One last look at the bent leg of a chair hanging outside the dumpster and a pained grin forms on my lips. My life is broken down into pieces of junk.

  I’m distracted enough to be startled by Shane sitting on my couch, his feet up on the coffee table.

  “Door was wide open, bro,” he says, quickly removing his feet from the table as if that was the reason I have a sour expression on my face.

  I close the door behind me with a loud thud, searching for the keys in my back pocket, making sure I didn’t accidentally throw them in the dumpster. Not that I care much but I’d like to be able to return them to the property manager. It’d be the right thing to do, I guess, after so many wrongs.

  “I don’t mean to be the bearer of bad news, but it looks like somebody helped himself in here while you were out,” Shane says. “Your kitchen table is gone and so is your TV and god knows what else.”

  Is he fucking with me? I don’t have time for a sense of humor. “I’m moving out,” I tell him with an exhausted sigh.

  He notices my lack of social energy. He should not be surprised I’m moving. It’s part of my MO. Never stay at the same place for long, never get too close to anyone, never show any vulnerability.

  “You can’t run away this time, Luke,” Shane says. “It’s too late for that.”

  I’m gearing up to bark at him to mind his own goddamn business when I notice the edge of the deep scar that starts at his collarbone and goes all the way down to his ribs. He was hit by a shell while we were fighting side by side during an ambush in an Afghan town. Ghazni.

  These two assholes, Tanner and Shane, ought to be proclaimed saints. I can’t be mad at fucking Shane who never puts himself first. If I ever had one, he’s my best friend and there’s not much I wouldn’t do for the guy.

  “I screwed up, man, you know that. I tried to play with other people’s lives.” I pause, trying to choose my next sentence. “The hatred in her eyes, Shane. I don’t know. I need to get out of town.”

  He glances over at the fresh bruises forming on my right arm, the result of my fight with the dumpsters. He stands up and walks up to me. “A man needs a unit. It’s a lonely fucking world. I wish you’d have come to me.”

  There’s an underlying guilt in his voice that unnerves me. This was my mess and mine alone. “You think you could have stopped me?”

  “I’d have sure as hell fixed your method. That’s for damn sure.”

  I smack the back of his head. “Delusions of grandeur, son. Not even Sarge could have done that. Water under the bridge anyhow.”

  He tilts his head to the side. “If you say so.”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?” I say with sudden menace.

  “You ain’t a fucking android, bro. There’s feelings involved.”

  “I’d rather handle hand grenades.”

  Shane laughs. “I know, right? Except the pin has already been pulled on those feelings.”

  I forgot that Shane has a bad habit of being right just when you don’t want him to be. “It has. And the damage has been done.”

  Shane shakes his head. He knows I’m a dead end. And, besides, he has his own issues. There’s this girl back home in Boulder, Colorado he won’t talk about much. The only time I ever heard about her was late in the night outside Kabul with the stars sparkling above. We were on watch. I don’t know what triggered it, but he told me about his childhood, about an old crush and how it had shaped his entire life. He told me how he still had dreams of her, how he could never commit to another woman, how he never moved on. When I asked why he didn’t go back for her, he shrugged and said no more about it.

  Shane locks his hands behind his head. “Listen, I’m the last soul on Earth to speak on this subject. But time is a motherfucker.”

  He gets up to go, walks to the door and opens it.

  “I’ll be in touch once I get to where I’m going,” I say.

  He turns around. “She doesn’t hate you.”

  A hostile impulse erupts in m
y heart. “How would you know that? What’s that look in your eyes? Did you talk to her? Did you talk to Nora?”

  He hesitates to respond before he taps his forehead as if he just arrived at an epiphany. “Has she gone to the cops yet?”

  “No. I checked on that before coming back here.”

  “And why do you think you came back here? To turn in your keys? You know why you came back. Luke, I bet you a dollar she would understand what you’ve been through. Maybe not at first, but eventually.”

  This whole turn in the conversation puzzles me. I know he’s all Mr. Positive Thinking today of all fucking days, but that’s some serious reaching on his part. “You seem confident,” I say, looking him up and down.

  He shrugs now, avoids my eyes.

  “Shane, fucking hell, you saw her. What gives you the right?”

  He fidgets and shakes his head. “She doesn’t hate you, dude. You listening? Don’t matter about what I did. This is between you and her.”

  “Fucking right about that, so stay clear. You went too far.”

  “Listen to what I’m saying. That’s all you got to do.”

  “You’re a god-damned hypocrite. You’re afraid to go back to your own home town because you won’t fight for your own shit.” I feel like I’m ready to pounce. “What kind of expert are you?”

  “No kind of expert,” he says, “but I have a PHD in making mistakes.”

  My hand balls up in a fist. Shane notices. “Well, thank you, Doctor Asshole. How much do I owe for the house call?”

  He laughs, a little sadly. “I tried,” he says.

  “Try in your own damn life.”

  He nods and decides to end it there. “Safe travels,” he says and walks through the door.

  I wait, holding the open door. I feel the distance growing as Shane disappears down the stairs and moves ever farther away. Eventually, I slam the door and rest my forehead against it with my eyes closed.

  Chapter 26

  Nora

  “It’s all gone,” I tell Jules, holding my head with both hands to suppress the growing tension headache across my forehead and temples. “Lukas, the inheritance, all gone. The only thing left intact is my utter stupidity.”

  Curled up on the couch, still in my jammies from last night, I try to produce a smile for Jules’s sake. She doesn’t buy it.

  “Honey, I can’t even…” She pauses to take my hand. “I know I cautioned you but what you’ve just told me is so out there, so senseless it’s beyond comprehension. I mean, he kidnapped you and chained you to a bed. I’ll kill him if I ever see him again. I dated a guy, a cop. We could go to him.”

  “No police,” I say.

  “Okay, fine,” she says. “I’m so sorry for you. I know you have strong feelings for him. I’m just fucking furious.”

  “Jules, I’m not in love with him,” I say, mortified that my best friend would think I’m capable of wanting a lunatic. “Did you hear anything I said?”

  She shakes her head as sadness sinks into her features. “I heard everything but I feel so useless. Nora, just tell me what I can do.”

  I sit up, feet on the floor. “Just because I liked him when I thought he was a normal human being doesn’t mean I feel anything for him now. That would make me insane, you realize that, right?”

  Jules raises her hands in surrender. “I just want you to know you don’t have to hold anything back when you talk to me.”

  “Thanks, Jules,” I say, staring at my feet. My big toenail is chipped. A pedicure might not be a bad idea. I need some pampering.

  Jules clears her throat. “You told me your father ruined Lukas’s life. That’s something, right? He’s evil and all but circumstances played their part. And the fact he let you go, that wouldn’t always happen in these cases.”

  I lock my eyes on hers. “You’re walking a thin line here, Jules. I know you like bad boys, but this is way beyond that. And yeah, I hate my father, but I hate Lukas, too. This guy doesn’t have a heart of gold. He’s fucking Dexter. He’s obsessed, he’s criminally methodical, there is nothing he won’t do. It’s sick.”

  “Totally sick.”

  “And so I need you to forget about his miserable ass, Jules. I’m trying to forget him as fast as I can. Priority number one.”

  She nods. “We’ll forget him, honey. Sure we will,” she says with a smile as sweet as honey. “There’s still the matter of the money. Nobody knows your father is alive. You could marry someone else.”

  I can’t believe what I’m hearing. “Are you for real? After everything that’s happened, you think I’ll be looking for another fake husband anytime soon?”

  She shakes her head. “That’s for you to decide. It doesn’t have to be fake this time. You could meet someone for real. I mean, why not? And if it doesn’t happen now, the money is legally yours in three years, husband or not.”

  I stay silent, considering her words. “No,” I say.

  “No what?”

  “I can’t have that money, Jules. Not now, not ever. I don’t want it. I don’t want to have anything to do with it. My father used money to hurt people like the Dupree family and who knows how many others. He used money to build himself up while tearing others down. I’m done. It’s time I build my own life. It will have more meaning when I do. The minute I inherit that money, you’ll help me donate every single penny to worthy causes. That way some people might actually benefit from my father’s accumulated wealth.”

  Jules stares at me quietly, a proud look forming on her glowing face. “And that’s my big-hearted friend. You are an awesome little monkey,” she says with a grin as big as her own huge heart. “You’re not going to be consumed with feelings of hatred for long.”

  I didn’t tell her everything. I just can’t. I left out the part where I let Lukas seduce me all over again, the part where our sexual attraction turned dark and unfathomable and almost made me hate myself. If I had told her, she would not be so sympathetic to reconciliation with Lukas. She would also lose a lot of respect for me. I don’t think I will ever be ready to tell her that.

  “Let’s never mention his name,” I say. “He doesn’t figure in any of my plans going forward.”

  “Like Voldemort,” she says. “He Who Must Not Be Named.”

  I smile. “You were the biggest Harry Potter groupie.”

  “Guilty,” my little lawyer friend says proudly.

  “And as for the money, who cares. Money is not what we’re about.”

  “Speak for yourself,” Jules says. “I got to get my shop on.”

  “I know your true heart. Stop playing. I’m just going to build my own life, on my own terms, like you do.” As I say the words, I start to believe them. It’s always good to talk to Jules.

  “Amen, sister,” she says, accepting my new perspective. She gets up and walks to the kitchen. When she returns, she holds a bottle of white wine and two glasses. “We should drink to the future,” she says.

  I smile as I bring the glass to my lips, feeling relaxed for the first time in weeks. The wine is an expensive present from my mother, straight from a private collection in the sunny state of Florida. It has a sharp aftertaste of sugar mixed with spices and stings my parched throat a little. It’s what I need.

  “What are your plans for the weekend?” I ask Jules.

  My phone rings before she answers. I answer on the first ring. It’s Charlie Hodges, my “late” father’s attorney and estate executor. I gulp the wine down hard when he asks how I’m doing.

  “I’m fine,” I say in the end, wondering if he knows the truth.

  “There have been some unexpected developments,” he says. The world starts spinning. The wine doesn’t help. “Can you stop by the office?”

  I’m now fully suspicious of him. “When?”

  “As soon as you can, Nora. What about now?”

  I feel it in my bones that I won’t like what he will tell me, but it’s probably a good idea for me to get out. I’ll have to talk to Hodges eventually a
nyway. “I’ll be there in one hour,” I finally agree.

  “Bad news?” Jules says as soon as I hang up.

  “I’m not sure. I have to meet with my father’s attorney.”

  “That sounds ominous,” she says. “Want me to go with you?”

  “No, I have to get back to living a normal life,” I tell her, “but thanks for the offer. I’d love to go for a drink tomorrow.”

  She gives me a big hug before she goes, like she wants to squeeze my bones to pieces. I don’t know what I would do without Jules in my life. Besides my mother, she’s the one person who gives me strength.

  I take a quick shower, the whole time mulling over the possibility of Hodges being in the know about my father. It’s probably true, too. There’s so much arrogance and deceit on his pale face typically. He’s like one of those wax statues at Madame Tussauds.

  Maybe I can get him to reveal more about my father’s latest scheme. I’d be willing to bribe him if it came to that. Like father like daughter.

  I grab my purse off the kitchen table after I put on jeans and a T-shirt. Rushing out the door, I drop my keys. I pick them up and as I search for the right key, my heart stops. I’m shoved forward and grabbed around the waist.

  Before I can scream, a big hand covers my mouth.

  Chapter 27

  Lukas

  I stop halfway down the stairs, having a blackout moment. By the time I make up my mind to answer the ringing phone in my pocket, it stops ringing. I consider it a clear sign that I need to keep moving.

  The car is fully loaded with my junk save for the luggage I’m carrying and the two boxes with books still upstairs in the apartment. I haven’t decided whether I should bother taking them with me all the way to Arizona or drop them at the nearest Goodwill.

  I shut the trunk fast after I shove one of the suitcases in, barely. I open the back door and attempt to shove the second suitcase on top of the pile of stuff already in there. It’s not an easy task. After a couple of failed attempts, I have no option but to rearrange the pile to make enough room for the sizable piece of luggage. When I have everything out on the pavement, the phone rings.