Rock Candy

by Giselle Fox

  Candy nodded.

  “So how about after art school, what did you do then?”

  Candy pursed her lips. “I helped my mom take care of my father,” she looked up at me and I could see the sadness in her eyes.

  “I’m sorry. Did he...?”

  “He died last year. He had ALS.”

  “Oh my God, I’m so sorry,” I said. I felt like an ass for bringing it up.

  “It’s okay. It was hard but... it made me realize some valuable things. My father was going to retire early when he got diagnosed. He never got to do any of the things he planned to since he’d spent his life building up somebody else’s corporation. In the end, all his work sort of meant nothing.”

  I exhaled. “That’s so... brutal.”

  “It is. So, the lesson? Live while you can and don’t put things off. That’s why I have my bucket list and that’s why I’m serious about it.”

  “It makes perfect sense,” I said. “I’m so sorry, really.”

  “It sucks. But that’s life, right? The bad comes with the good.”

  “How’s your mom handling it?”

  “She’s okay. She’s heartbroken but she’s got lots of friends. She’s been burying herself in charity work and that’s helped to keep her on track and appreciating what she has. It’s too easy to get lost in grief otherwise.”

  I shook my head and thought briefly to the last six months of my life. It had been nothing compared to losing a father or a husband.

  “Sorry to bring the mood down,” she said softly.

  “No, please. Thanks for telling me. I was just trying to imagine how that must have been for you and your mum.”

  “It makes you see things differently,” she said. “I don’t want to be afraid of life and not do things because I’m afraid or think it’s not the right time or that I’m not worthy. I want to grab life by the tits, you know? I don’t want to put things off. I’m not going to stop myself from doing something because I’m worried about what people will think or say.” She looked up at me and held my gaze. “What about you, Rocky? Do you feel like you’ve lived your life on your own terms?”

  I rested my head on the bench behind me. “Yeah,” I said. “I mean, more vacations would have been nice. But I love my work. I love where I’ve been. I have regrets but…”

  “You’re in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.”

  “Well, one of my posters is,” I said.

  “Same thing,” Candy smiled.

  “I wasted some years, for sure. I got lazy, I guess. Maybe age does that.”

  “Laziness is a universal affliction,” she laughed. “I have a question.”

  “Go ahead,” I said.

  “Are you single?”

  I chuckled. “Wow.”

  “I’m attracted to you and I’d like to know. I’m assuming you are since we’re having what I think is a date. But maybe I’m wrong.”

  “I’m single,” I said. “Very single.”

  Candy smiled again.

  “I had an ugly break up a while back that I’m trying hard to forget.”

  “How’s that going?”

  “It would go a lot better if my ex would stop dropping in on me,” I laughed.

  “Do you love her still?” she asked seriously.

  “No. I think I hate her actually. I’m trying to feel nothing, one way or the other.”

  “She must have hurt you,” she said softly.

  “Yes. Yes, she did.”

  “Well, looks like we’ve both had some heartache. Aren’t we human.” She took a sip of water and then smiled. “So enough with the depressing stuff. Tell me about that drawing on your desk. Where’d you get the inspiration for that?” She had a cheeky look on her face.

  “Alright, you caught me,” I said and shook my head. “I just think you have a great look.”

  “Thank you,” she said. “It’s actually kind of an honor to be sketched twice by the legendary Rocky Hayes.”

  I thought back to what Shep had said.

  “If you want me to pose for you, I’d be willing anytime,” she said and laughed.

  “Uh...”

  “You’re blushing.”

  “Yeah, I can feel it.” I held my hands over my cheeks. “Candy?”

  “Yes, Rocky?”

  “You’re really attractive.”

  “Thank you, so are you.”

  “About that paint on your boot,” I said slowly.

  Candy looked at me squarely and grinned.

  “It’s just that I may have something that’ll take it off.”

  “Really?” she said slowly.

  “Yeah. I’ve trashed so many pairs of shoes over the years, I finally came up with my own toxic cocktail.”

  Candy moved her leg to the side of the table so we could both see it. She looked down at her toe and then back up to me. “What kind of friend are you, Rocky?”

  My heart stopped. Okay, it was already obvious it had been Candy but there it was right in front of us. Her eyebrow arched as she waited for me to respond.

  I leaned forward in my seat and looked into her eyes. “The kind that wants to take you home after class tonight,” I said.

  She nodded and looked out into the restaurant.

  “How did you know?” I asked.

  “I was sitting out on my balcony. I saw you leave the building with Skip, so I followed you.”

  “You followed me?”

  “Yes.”

  “And you just happened to bring a can of pink spray paint?”

  “No,” she laughed. “I went back for that after I saw what you were up to.”

  We stared at each other a while longer.

  “I like sitting here with you, Rocky. Having lunch, drinking green tea on a cool fall day. I like sitting across from you and imagining.”

  “Imagining what?” I asked.

  “What it’s going to be like when we finally get together.”

  I didn’t know how to respond to that so I didn’t say anything.

  Candy sat forward with her elbows on the table and looked me in the eye. “I guess when we leave here we could hold hands since we’ve already admitted on a brick wall that we’re interested in each other. Or, why bother waiting? I could just reach across the table right now and grab your hand and maybe that will get us to the kissing part faster. Or maybe, we should just kiss right now, and then you can skip work for the rest of the afternoon so we can go home together because we both know that’s exactly where we want to be.”

  I swallowed.

  “You’re trying really hard not to give in for some reason.”

  “You’re young,” I said.

  “I’m not that young.”

  “How old are you? Honestly.”

  “I’m 30.”

  “No,” I shook my head.

  “Okay 29, I’ll be 30 in January.”

  “I’m 46.”

  “No, you’re not, you’re 45. You’ll be 46 in February.”

  “Same thing. I’m older than you by a lot of years.”

  “Technically, yes. But I don’t care if you don’t.”

  I laughed. “I can’t help but care. It’s a big gap. I didn’t have my head on right until I was in my thirties.”

  “So you’re saying you have your head on right now?”

  “Well, mostly.”

  “Really? You feel like you know everything there is to know? That’s it?”

  “No, I mean… I have more to learn, sure, but…”

  Candy grinned. “You’re an expert in women maybe?”

  “Uh no, I definitely have a lot to learn there,” I said.

  Candy leaned across the table. “Maybe I can teach you a few things.”

  I tried to keep myself from grinning.

  She grinned back at me. “So, should we kiss now? Or wait until after class tonight?”

  “Candy.”

  “Maybe you’re worried that you’ll be taking advantage of me because I’m younger. Do you think I’m inexperienced?
”

  “No. I’m sure you’re experienced. You’re very...”

  “Hmm?”

  “Sexual, sensual, bold, seductive, enticing, tempting. All of those things,” I sighed.

  Candy grinned again. “I’m glad you think so.”

  “It’s making me crazy, actually,” I said as I shifted in my seat.

  “Good, I want to see you blow,” she said wickedly. I had to laugh.

  “I’m serious. I’m not the sweet and tender, let’s hold hands and court forever kind of girl, and neither are you.”

  “Except I’m not a girl anymore.”

  “Really? You could’ve fooled me with your vintage bike and your jeans and tattoos and your big attitude and jet black hair and midnight graffiti sessions. You’re the same woman you’ve always been. You’re just 45.”

  “Just...”

  “If you want to feel old, fine, but maybe this will change your mind. When you’re back at work this afternoon, I’m going to go home and pour myself a nice, deep bath and then I’m going to think about your magical hands while hundreds of tiny little soap bubbles pop all over my nipples.”

  My eyes shot down to her chest in reflex.

  “That’s right, Rocky. Those nipples,” she purred.

  Heads turned from the tables around us. My eyes shot up again and Candy was smiling.

  ***

  It was no use. I couldn’t concentrate on anything that afternoon. All I could see in my head was Candy soaking in the Peterson’s claw foot tub with thousands of rainbow colored bubbles floating and popping around her gorgeously fleshy breasts. I closed my eyes and tried to think of something less tantalizing, like taxes or corrective eye surgery, but the image just kept coming back. I leaned back in my chair with the headphones on and moaned.

  There was the tub, except now it was clear and the water around her was pale blue. Her pink flesh was warm and supple in the water. The curve of her calf swept up into her knee. Her knee splayed outward and rested against the side of the tub. The swell and curve of her round bottom floated just above the base of the tub. And then her breasts, God almighty, her breasts! Suspended in the water, nipples aimed toward the ceiling, pert and puckered from the chill of the cool air, cresting out of the water with sprightly cascades of tiny bubbles crackling around her euphoric face as she imagined… my hands on her. I groaned again and opened my eyes.

  “Fuck it!”

  I began to frantically scribble the image in front of my eyes, every curve of her beautiful body because I needed to see it if I couldn’t be there. Just once, I told myself. Her face became clear, then her shoulders and back and then her hips and thighs. I licked my lips as I thought of those gorgeous thighs. Then the tub and the water and the bubbles popping around her. I worked as fast as I could because I’d gone mad. Then finally, I hurled my pencil onto my desk, slammed the book down, and shouted, “there! Are you satisfied?!”

  I had no idea who I was yelling at. Myself? My conscience? My office door flew open and Shep burst in looking bewildered.

  “Are you okay...?” he said. I could barely hear him over the music in my head. His eyes glanced down to the drawing in front of me. His hand shot up to his mouth. “Oh jeez!” he said and started to laugh.

  I threw off my headphones. “It’s not what it looks like!”

  “Oh really? It looks like Candy in a bathtub!”

  “No!” I flipped the pad over.

  “Come on, show me. I’ve already seen most of it.”

  “It’s too realistic,” I said. “It’s not right. I’ve… I’ve crossed the line.”

  Shep leaned against the door frame. “I take it your lunch date went well?”

  “She wants me.”

  “No shit!”

  “What am I going to do?”

  Shep opened his eyes wide and stuffed his hands in his pockets. “You want me to give you a lesson? You know what to do.”

  “But... isn’t it kind of gross?”

  He frowned. “I don’t understand the question.”

  “I just mean the age difference. I feel like a chicken hawk.”

  Shep waved his hand. “Whatever.”

  “I want to, but...”

  “Fine... maybe you’re right. Just keep drawing naked pictures of her then. There’s nothing gross about that,” he said and left the room.

  “You’re no help,” I called.

  “You don’t need help,” he called back.

  Skip looked up at me and groaned.

  “What?” I said to him.

  He barked back. Never question a border collie, they tell it like it is.

  “Am I going to have to teach the class tonight?” Shep called from across the hall.

  “No... yes... no, I can do it. I’ll get my shit together.”

  Shep appeared in the doorway again. “Okay, level with me. What are you worried about?”

  “She’s into me now, but she’ll get tired of me and move on.”

  “You’re worried about getting hurt?”

  “No. I mean, I’ve got this thing in the back of my head, that this is the girl I’ve been dreaming about. I can’t explain it. It feels like her. It’s got to be her.”

  “Okay,” Shep said slowly.

  “So yeah, I’d really like to sleep with her, but in the back of my head it’s like… we’ve already done all this, and where we’re headed is somewhere bigger. Does that make sense?”

  “No.”

  “Fuck.... I know it doesn’t. I’m losing my mind.”

  “You need to get laid.”

  “Shep!”

  “Seriously. Who doesn’t need a shag every now and then? It’s been ages since you’ve been with anyone. And the last one was...”

  I held up my hand. “Don’t say it! I’ve already talked about she-who-shall-not-be-named today.”

  “It’s time for you to build new sex memories. You had a long time with she-devil and now it’s been a long time with nothing. Just go for it. Have fun. See how it turns out. It might be terrible. Maybe the age difference will be a huge incompatibility. Maybe you’ll find out it’s all in your head.”

  CHAPTER NINE

  “You okay?” Shep asked. He’d been standing at my doorway for more than a few seconds. I was holding my head in my hands with my elbows on my desk trying to get my head on straight about seeing Candy again. I glanced at the clock on my desk again. It was 6:20 pm.

  “I’m fine,” I said and looked up. “Completely fucking fine and normal and not obsessing like a teenager at all.”

  Shep chuckled. “You should be celebrating. You’re going to get laid tonight.”

  I sighed.

  “You’re not going to make it through the class, are you?” he asked.

  I focused on my wall of inspiration. Sometimes it grounded me. I’d forgotten I’d pinned the second drawing I’d done of Candy on the wall. Her eyes looked back at me.

  Shep leaned against my door frame. “I love that point before I have sex with a girl for the first time. When I don’t know anything about how she’s going to move, or sound… or how she’s going to taste...”

  “Stop!” I said and held my hand over my forehead.

  Shep laughed. “You’re going to find out tonight.”

  “Stop!” I said again. “I can’t take it.”

  “I can lead the class if you want. You two can just sit at the back of the room and pant over each other.”

  I figured I should keep my options open and not answer right away. Then I heard the quacker sound at the front. Shep turned and then smiled. “Speak of the devil. She’s in here,” he called to her. Then he smiled at me and went back to his office.

  I heard Candy’s footsteps coming down the hallway. I sat on the edge of my chair gripping the arms as if I would fly off into space. Then at the last minute, the anticipation was so great, I shot out of my seat like someone had pressed an eject button. Candy came around the corner just then and I think my sudden spastic movement scared her. She held her han
d over her chest and laughed.

  “Sorry,” I said. “I’m... I don’t know... jumpy.”

  She looked up at me and smiled. “Hi.”

  I dragged my hand through my hair and tried to get a grip. “Hi. You look...” my eyes roamed helplessly up and down her body. “Amazing,” I breathed finally. I tried to focus on the layers she wore rather than what I envisioned underneath but it was like I suddenly had x-ray vision. I blinked the images from my eyes. “Okay,” I exhaled loudly.

  Candy took off her jacket and slung it over her arm.

  “Here, let me hang that for you,” I offered.

  “It’s a little damp,” she said. “So how was the rest of your afternoon?”

  “Tough,” I said and then laughed. “Busy, I mean.”

  “Well, it’s Friday. You have the whole weekend to relax.” She smiled at me. I couldn’t keep the image of her and I relaxing in a tub together from creeping into my head.

  “I was going to bring my book to show you since you offered to take a look at it. But it was raining so I thought I could just have you over.”

  “That sounds great,” I said.

  “Maybe this weekend?”

  “Okay.”

  “Okay.” She smiled at me and grabbed the bottom of my shirt. “You’re really cute when you’re nervous.”

  “That’s fortunate,” I replied.

  “I’m going to check on my screens. See you in class?”

  “Yes... I’ll be right there,” I stuttered.

  She smiled again and then I watched her walk on down the hall.

  “Do you think she wore that top on purpose?” Shep whispered into my shoulder. I’d been standing at the front of the class watching the group pull ink through their screens but then my eyes focused on the back of the room for a few minutes. Candy was bent over her workstation. Her hair was pinned up but a stray pink strand kept coming loose. The short sleeved top she wore was white and snapped at the front. I could see the faint outlines of pink beneath it. I shook my head and blinked.

  “Huh?” I said to him.

  “You heard me,” he nudged my shoulder and moved on.

  Candy looked up at me and smiled. Then she looked down at herself and then back up at me with a mischievous grin. Caught twice, I thought to myself. I was hopeless and couldn’t do anything about it.